SOMEONE gotta any thought on how to regain my sanity!

[Daysha]

Okay so I am a newbie to this site but am devastated after my boyfriend of 10 months just "walked out" one day. Okay, well a little more to the story, its more like we got in a minor fight over somthing silly. So I admit that I am on hormones (only 35) and still trying to find the right levels so I am on edge....anyway, the fight exploded into him saying "its over, I am done"...next day he moves out and does not want to talk to me. Of course i call and call and call, and text and text and cry and beg and do the whole "I've changed" blah, blah blah.

 

So, short version, I had a bf for 11 years that we broke it off, painfully....well, he would call from time to time and I would be civil, not nice, just civil- like 5 minute conversations. We were seriously done and both okay with it. Anyway, I agreed to "not talking" with him at the new bf's request. Numerous times he had asked me to change my phone number (we started living together) but I would never just change my number (guess I thought the 11 yr ex would just go away).....well current bf was tired of it. Anyway, after new bf left I changed my home phone number, put a restraining order on the 11 year ex just to show him that I was serious about wanting to be with him.

 

He is now saying, I "need some time"....I love you and am in love with you I just need to think some things through. I am finding it difficult to give him space and that is pissing him off. In addition, he keeps telling me he hasn't made his "decision yet on if we can get back together" but alludes to seeing me out from time to time, or "he's gonna be alone for a long time" or just little subtle hints that he is done...

 

SO WHY WON'T HE JUST COME OUT AND TELL ME HE'S DONE and save me some much needed stress and allow me to get a good nights sleep!!!! He keeps me hanging on to "I have to think to make a decision".....then he says he will watch my dog for me and help me move stuff out of my garage...sooooo is this a game? Is he done? WHAT THE HECK SHOULD I DO I really am in love with him and want him to give us a second chance......somebody help me regain my sanity I am going NNNUUTTTSSSOOO!!!!

[Cheshire Cat]

put a restraining order on the 11 year ex just to show him that I was serious about wanting to be with him.

 

This is very, very unfair towards your ex. Unless he was stalking or harassing you - you said you were just occasionally having civil 5 minutes long conversations, you repeteadly ask someone not to call you anymore before you put a restraining order on them!

 

 

SO WHY WON'T HE JUST COME OUT AND TELL ME HE'S DONE and save me some much needed stress and allow me to get a good nights sleep!!!!

 

Time to take the decision in your own hands.

 

Tell him you are done because he's keeping you hanging and it's excessively distressful to you.

 

Unfortunately it might be exactly what he is hoping for (some people just don't have the backbone to be the dumper). In which case, would you really want to be with someone who'd leave you hanging when he has already made up his mind and drive you up to a wall with his apparent inability to say things clearly?

 

If he is just unsure and he realizes he would actually like to get back together with you, he'll certainly let you know.

[Daysha]

This is very, very unfair towards your ex. Unless he was stalking or harassing you - you said you were just occasionally having civil 5 minutes long conversations, you repeteadly ask someone not to call you anymore before you put a restraining order on them!

 

 

 

 

Time to take the decision in your own hands.

 

Tell him you are done because he's keeping you hanging and it's excessively distressful to you.

 

Unfortunately it might be exactly what he is hoping for (some people just don't have the backbone to be the dumper). In which case, would you really want to be with someone who'd leave you hanging when he has already made up his mind and drive you up to a wall with his apparent inability to say things clearly?

 

If he is just unsure and he realizes he would actually like to get back together with you, he'll certainly let you know.

 

I agree...he will call me like once a day, usually in the morning and we will talk "nice" and w/o discussing the relationship for 5 minutes or so then pooooof he's gone again. If I call him, which I am trying to go NC but am struggling and find myself calling him once a day but not leaving message. But do you think he calls me back..NOPE not until HE'S ready, cause its all about "him having space to think"......he says I love you at the end of the conversation and even calls me baby. Its really starting to piss me off and make me feel like I am just being played with. Wish I knew when is the appropriate amount of "time to give someone who is looking for some space".....doesn't seem like I have any answers and GOD forbid me ask him!!!

[D-Lish]

You have to move into NC mode. You have to.

It's the only way you'll get him back.

If your contacting him annoying him- then you are ruining your chances here.

I think there is hope for your relationship. But he can't miss you when you call him after he's asked for space. Everytime you call, you are disrupting the chances of getting him to miss you.

 

Read the COMPLIATION OF THE BEST WAYS TO GET THEM BACK, by The Khris on the breaking up forum.... it will take you through the reasons why you need to stick to no contact. It's enlightening.

 

Just read that post- it helped me to see what I was doing wrong in the break up. Our first inclination is to reach out to someone- making the incorrect assumption that we must remain high profile in our exes life to keep them interested. But the truth is that we have to be absent to make them miss us. I think you can still salvage this if you start pulling back right now and give him space. he'll appreciate it.

 

Let him come back to you.

D

[SurvivingHB]

I hate to say this, but he is just that into you. It happened to me, too. He would tell me that he loved me and wanted to start a family with me, but he kept on saying that he needed his space and time. After 1 1/2 years, he told me that he never loved me. I know everyone's case is different, but it is better for you to start loving yourself and take the control back.

 

Live your life to the fullest everyday and be happy with or without him. I am still very hurt, but I am getting lots of help, including see my psych every week. You will feel a lot better after taking control back.

[ImInPain]

D-lish is right... I was chasing and crying and pleading and it just pushed her away. NC will help you gain your sanity. It is not easy and it takes time but if he really loved you he will wonder where you went.

[Rooster_DAR]

D-lish is right... I was chasing and crying and pleading and it just pushed her away. NC will help you gain your sanity. It is not easy and it takes time but if he really loved you he will wonder where you went.

 

There is a good chance that N/C will not work either. But there is a better chance than holding on and bugging them.

 

Regards,

[dr strangelove]

Just a very abstract thought here.

 

Maybe you should get yourself under control before you worry about wheter he is with you or not, and perhaps reflect upon the things that puched him away and change them..

 

Just a thought...

[Island Girl]

Time to take the decision in your own hands.

 

Tell him you are done because he's keeping you hanging and it's excessively distressful to you.

 

Unfortunately it might be exactly what he is hoping for (some people just don't have the backbone to be the dumper). In which case, would you really want to be with someone who'd leave you hanging when he has already made up his mind and drive you up to a wall with his apparent inability to say things clearly?

 

If he is just unsure and he realizes he would actually like to get back together with you, he'll certainly let you know.

 

Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Follow this advice. Please!

 

And regain some control over yourself! Stop calling and calling and texting and texting.

 

Just stop it. Stop doing it.

 

Tell him that since he hasn't given you any way to proceed - i.e. working on trust or whatever. you are taking a step back.

 

Don't talk on the phone anymore. Go NC and get a hold of yourself. You are way off balance and realing into the desperation abyss.

 

If you don't get some perspective and you keep the type of contact you are having with him, even talking to him the way you are feeling - you are prolonging getting back together or worse - driving him away.

 

No one wants to be with someone who is desperate, clingy, and needy.

 

So DON'T BE THAT GIRL.

[Daysha]

Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Follow this advice. Please!

 

And regain some control over yourself! Stop calling and calling and texting and texting.

 

Just stop it. Stop doing it.

 

Tell him that since he hasn't given you any way to proceed - i.e. working on trust or whatever. you are taking a step back.

 

Don't talk on the phone anymore. Go NC and get a hold of yourself. You are way off balance and realing into the desperation abyss.

 

If you don't get some perspective and you keep the type of contact you are having with him, even talking to him the way you are feeling - you are prolonging getting back together or worse - driving him away.

 

No one wants to be with someone who is desperate, clingy, and needy.

 

So DON'T BE THAT GIRL.

 

 

WELL Its happened, my closest friend apparantly "chatted with him" behind my back and he indicated that indeed it was "over" and that he was planning on telling me to my face. Of course I had no idea that she had spokent o him and he had made indications either when he called me that afternoon to say hello. He again told me he missed me and loved me and we were scheduled to talk. However, something just finally broke me when she finally told me what he had said..I feel like a damn fool.

 

GETS WORSE!!!! So I go over to his house at 7:00ish in the evening w/ his last bit of clothes he had at my apartment and proceeded to ring the doorbell...wake him up (oops) and hand him his clothes. He was mad nevertheless and said "this couldn't have waiting until tomorrow I was asleep and you woke me up for this I thought we were gonna talk tomorrow"......well my pissed off self...told him there was no need to talk that Donna had shared with me his intentions....he got mad and said...ITS OVER, GOODBYE, ITS OVER and shut the door in my face. I left and haven't talked or txt'd since.. course that was last night. What a fool I've been to think he REALLY lvoed me and had a shot to reconcile, he had no intentions of changing his mind...ever.

 

My GF told me I should go NC for at least a week and let him cool down...but I don't think it will matter. I think its totally over. What are your thougths? Can someone make that type of statement.....and I to said YOUR RIGHT IT IS OVER....and still have hope or am I shooting in the dark hoping that love with prevail?

[Island Girl]

GAWD he sounds like a jerk. What is he doing talking to your friends when you aren't around?

 

If you have any hope it is going to be from living the rules posted on Getting Some1 Back by thekris here on LS. Read it. Study it. Do it to the "t".

 

If you have a shot it will work. If he is over the edge it will help YOU.

 

And don't repeat the mistakes if someone new comes along.

 

Good luck.