Step back or dive in?!

[Neely]

Hi everyone.

 

I'm after a bit of advice on my current relationship. We met over the computer and decided after a while to meet in person. He lives 6 hours drive from where I do so I visited him and we had a wonderful time. I'm now moving to where he lives (for work, it was in the planning stage before we met). I've fallen for him and want to be with him so much. But he's been hurt by everything he has committed himself to in the past and has warned me that it may take some time for him to open up completely and love again. I've made my feelings for him very clear with little response from him at this stage. Should I now step back and give him the time and space he needs or continue to make my feelings clear?

[Rick]

The biggest question is how long have you been seeing him. If you have only seen him this once and now are talking of being where he is and confessing your undying love to him, he might be a little spoofed by it and feel a little pressured.

 

If you have known him for a while and this whole thing isn't new then just because he has been hurt in the past doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be pursued. The best way to make a past wrong right is to prove to that person on a daily basis that you are not capable of doing whatever had been done to him in the past. If he seems distracted, simply be honest with him and ask him how he feels. Communication in any relationship is paramount. Simply withdrawing yourself might just push him away and drive you crazy at the same time.

 

My $.02

[Neely]

Thanks Rick! Advice much appreciated!

 

I have been seeing him for a while now. And I am moving to where he is. But he knows it's been in the planning process for a long time now. And I have never confessed to loving him. It's not something I take lightly. I've been hurt enough in the past myself to be scared of being hurt and find it difficult to tell someone I love them without fear of them running away. I understand he may be scared of me hurting him as he has been hurt in the past. I've done everything to reassure him that I have no intentions of hurting him. But there still seems to be a wall between us suddenly that I don't know how to handle. I've sent him a long letter this morning telling him exactly how I feel and that I don't want to hurt him, but I feel like I'm being left hanging and I need to know one way or another what he is thinking. I know he has trouble opening up to people after what's happened in the past, but he has to learn or I wont be there anymore. Communication is paramount in any relationship. I've been through enough relationships with guys who can't talk to me about their feelings, and I wont do it again.

 

Anyway, enough babbling on. Thanks again... feel free to add anymore advice if you have any!

[happy girl]

Things between the two of you are going to be completly different once you are living in the same town. Just relax and see how he acts after you have been there a while.

Hi everyone. I'm after a bit of advice on my current relationship. We met over the computer and decided after a while to meet in person. He lives 6 hours drive from where I do so I visited him and we had a wonderful time. I'm now moving to where he lives (for work, it was in the planning stage before we met). I've fallen for him and want to be with him so much. But he's been hurt by everything he has committed himself to in the past and has warned me that it may take some time for him to open up completely and love again. I've made my feelings for him very clear with little response from him at this stage. Should I now step back and give him the time and space he needs or continue to make my feelings clear?