Author brokenhearted29 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I am a emotional reck right now! I'm not sure why I am letting my husband get to me tonite. Well to make a long story short my husband and I went to the movies today and had a good morning. Later he must of got into it with the OW he brought some things home and she was calling. They got into it and he was calling her a bitch over the phone. Well he ask me why I dont trust in him and why I beleive what the OW says. I told him I dont beleive either of them and I'm tired of their drama. Then I asked him why did he move his **** back over here when he will be right back with her. I thought all his stuff was home but I guess not. He brought a tool box and some more clothes. So anyways I went to work for 4 hours and and got home at 11pm. He said he was going to the store to get a pop. As soon as he was walking out guess who called my house phone and hung up. I'm sure it was the OW. Well he has been gone for a hour so that tells you where he is right now. I am so PISSED! I am also emotional! not over my H but because of me. Do u think I am stupid? I'm really doubting myself right now. I'm letting this man do this to me over and over again. What type of woman am I? Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 you are a good woman that' s what you are , dont call yourself stupid , this guy is stupid and doesnt deserve you. but you have to give yourself a line , meaning you draw a line , dont tell him what it is , you draw the line , can be a date , and action that he does , whatever make a line and if he crosses it you know you will leave... there is no boundry here. tell yourself if he does this X number of times that is it , or if this doesnt end by after april then it is over no matter what. no matter what he says , what he promises , no matter what , the thing is you have to make that line . dont put yourself down , you shouldnt be ashamed he should be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I know that I am a good woman I just get down on myself sometimes. I think my husband is supicious (dont know how to spell) of me. He was on my computer today checking out my buddies that I IM. And then he called me numerous times while i was at school. And then finally when i called him back he said where the hell are u at? I said where the hell where u last night. He didnt answer. I have draw a line and thats when i graduate in May. It seems so far away and he gets to do what he wants until then. Its just so unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 Hello Everyone, I am just updating my post. Everything is about the same. I have been so busy with school lately that I havent had time to think about it. My husband and I talked the other day for a minute and he was actually talking about our future. He told me that we should sell our house and find something better. I just agreed with him because right now I am just going with the flow. I have two more months of school left and I graduate. Once I graduate my life has to change. It will be time for me to be happy with or without my husband. So I'm not worried at all I am just taking one day at a time. It frustrates me though because it seems like my husband is having a great time. So people ask why dont you leave him now. The only answer I can give is because i'm not ready. I know I can do it without him that is not a question. I just have doubt in myself. Am I going to stand up to him! Or am I going to let him destroy me. I have to be strong for my children but most important myself. Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 you have a good head on your shoulders. So people ask why dont you leave him now. The only answer I can give is because i'm not ready. I completely understand those feelings. it is a fact though that unless you yourself is ready it is difficult to just end . you are fortunate that your H is un- intentionally giving you time to exept what may be the inevitable. it is goog to take things like you are ( go with the flow for now ) that is what i am trying to do . even though somedays i wonder where things are going. I try to think to myself they are either going to go good or the're going to go bad . either way , things will go the way they will and then it is time for the decision, whichever and whatever it will be. you and I have different issues in our relationships but we seem to be going through similar phases. hang in there , your doing what is best for you . Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 Thanks Anna, sometimes I feel like i need a therapist but I'm not sure what they will do for me. I think this website helps me alot. My husband has been gone for 3 days now and I'm not sure where he is. Maybe he will not come back at all. I have called and suspended his phone line. If he comes home I will continue to keep it suspended. He never answers my calls and he has not called me for two days now. I'm tired of his ****! If he wants to live like this then he will live alone. His girlfriend can take care of him becasue i've had it. I try to deal with it but i just cant. He makes me depressed. I still stress myself wondering where he is and why he hasent called. In reality i know where he is I just dont want to beleive it. But he is never going to change. He wants it all and we are letting him have it. Unlike the other woman I'm going to stop this bull****. I may not get a divorce yet but i'm going to suspend his line and he will know where i stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Hello, well he supposely was out of town for the three days and never once called me and told me. So yes I did suspend his phone line and it still is suspended. He found out and called me from his friends phone and I told him that yes I suspended it becasue of the way he treats me. So of course he does not comment on that. I also changed the password so that he can not call and get any information. It was funny! He was freaky out. He said it wasent becasue of the phone but I know it was. He told me it was becasue i dont wear my wedding ring anymore. Why should I! So now he has another phone that he will pay for some how and I will not worry about who he is calling. The last week he has been acting weriod. He has actually been home a few nights but it doesnt matter. A few nights does not count he needs to be here all the time dedicated to his family. Although since I had his phone line suspended my house phone has not rang. I sure thought she would of called. Maybe they are finished, who noes. It still does not make things better becasue i deserve to know the truth out of his mouth. that is the only thing that will make it some what better. So neways i feel good after doing this. I think i am on the right track. My time is coming! Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 It was funny! He was freaky out. He said it wasent becasue of the phone but I know it was. He told me it was becasue i dont wear my wedding ring anymore. I notice that he does this , he throws in little things here and there to make you feel that it is somehow your fault or whatnot , even though I know you dont believe that it is , at the same time when they say little things like that here and there , everytime there is a issue with them , it kinda eats at you slowly and somehow subconciously you will start to believe it . so be aware of what he is doing , and dont let it bother you . be aware of that so that it does not affect you over time. going away for a day without telling you or calling is bad enough but a few days? you dont have to hear me tell you how wrong that is . this is the way I look at it , to give me perspective... how would you feel about this man if this was your friend's husband and he was putting her through this , what would you tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 I would tell her to leave him of course! But as we all know thats not as easy as it sounds. I know that its not right for him to leave out of town for several days without telling me. I'm his damn wife, but that must not mean to much to him! He is doing his thing right now and I am doing mine. I still talk to him everyday when he is in town. He still comes around when he wants to. And a few nights he actually stayed home. I really think i have made provements. I didnt think I would of left his phone off but i stood my ground and did so. So I feel like i'm going some where, I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 definitly leaving him is easier said then done , I just hope he doesn't hurt you more then he has already . you think there isnt more he can do to hurt you but there is , there always is something that tops what he has done before. I am not just talking about your H here, with anyone actually , I have had situations where I knew people ( friends or family) that I thought they are just like that , ect , and i always thought that I had seen the worst of them but I was wrong , they can hurt you more , I learned that the hard way , I have terminated alot of toxic relationships because I just was tired of being hurt by people. and I dont miss them now because after they were gone my life was alot lighter and happier , some people are just toxic , I am not saying your H is but you have to be aware that anything can be worse then it is now . just dont let it blindside you . you are doing what is right for you , you cant let go yet , that is what it is . I know how you feel to a certain extent . just remember you teach people how to treat you . Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 Hello. Well i wish I had good news but I dont. Things have actually got worse. My H hardly ever comes around anymore for me or the kids. He is usually gone for several days and then decides to pop up. He doesnt call us either. His kids have been on spring break and he couldnt even spend some time with them while i'm in school. His phone is still suspended. And Monday I'm taking him off my car insurance. I talked to him about this several days ago and he said that he will work out something so that he could help pay it. Forget it! I'm taking him off so my premium will be less. I'm also going to talk to a lawyer Monday or Tuesday. I need to know the best way of doing this. Becasue once he knows the locks have been changed he will react. Today I have actually shed a tear or two. I'm not sure why. I get to thinking about him and her and the fact that he is still with her. So basically he chose her and that still hurts. It makes you feel less than a woman. April 1st, 2006 was the day we actually got married in a church and its coming up real soon. I keep thinking about the way it should be. I also try to think about more positive things like I got a son out of all this bull****. I learned to beleive in myself and to trust my first instinct. (dont know how to spell) So this has been a learning experience for me. But its time to move on to the next step in my life. And that is to get a divorce and move on. I think i will be ready before I graduate in May. He has already hurt me so much, so whatelse can he do to me to make my life a living hell. Sorry so long just venting! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Hello. Well i wish I had good news but I dont. Things have actually got worse. My H hardly ever comes around anymore for me or the kids. He is usually gone for several days and then decides to pop up. He doesnt call us either. His kids have been on spring break and he couldnt even spend some time with them while i'm in school. You learned one thing, he is more important in his eyes then his family & thre is nothing you can do about that....I'm really sorry to hear because I know this is not what you wanted but maybe it is what will be best for you down the road. His phone is still suspended. And Monday I'm taking him off my car insurance. I talked to him about this several days ago and he said that he will work out something so that he could help pay it. Forget it! I'm taking him off so my premium will be less. I'm also going to talk to a lawyer Monday or Tuesday. I need to know the best way of doing this. Becasue once he knows the locks have been changed he will react. Today I have actually shed a tear or two. I'm not sure why. I get to thinking about him and her and the fact that he is still with her. So basically he chose her and that still hurts. It makes you feel less than a woman. Please don't get down on yourself because you have done what you can do & you can't take the blame for what he has decided to do, specially when he isn't welling to work on the 100% that he needs to. April 1st, 2006 was the day we actually got married in a church and its coming up real soon. I keep thinking about the way it should be. I also try to think about more positive things like I got a son out of all this bull****. I learned to beleive in myself and to trust my first instinct. (dont know how to spell) So this has been a learning experience for me. But its time to move on to the next step in my life. And that is to get a divorce and move on. I think i will be ready before I graduate in May. He has already hurt me so much, so whatelse can he do to me to make my life a living hell. Sorry so long just venting! Keep moving forward & looking out for yourself & your kids. It's nice to hear you are still the adult & want to make sure that your kids are taking care of. My hat is off to you & I wish you the best. I just hope we can hear from you in a few months & you can tell us how happy you are not having to worry about a dead beat... Link to post Share on other sites
mum2three Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 (((Big hugs))) to you. You really did try to save this M. You need to heal emotionally. See a therapist for what it's worth. Maybe your children can benefit. It's ok to be pissed. But we have seen you struggle with this man and he has really hurt you to the core. I hope you find happiness soon. Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Hello BH2, ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) . I am so sorry that you are hurt and that you are hurting . the way you can help yourself get through this is to think of how he is hurting your childrens feelings.that helps me alot to regain focus. try not to focus on this OW she isnt winning the lottery with that jerk that's for sure. I know it is hard , especially with your anniversary coming soon . just remember this man that you will be divorsing is not the man you married . the guy you married has been gone for a long time. this guy is a jerk and good ridence. I know easier said then done but even with me , my H has moved back in and he is definitly not the man I married. I almost see it like my husband has been gone for a long time and this is the guy I am currently seeing. that is how i deal with it at least. so if we dont work out i dont dwell on the past because i know in my heart that the past is gone. I know it sounds bizarre but that is how I help myself. so what if you shed a tear. you should shed a tear , why not , we need to be sad when we feel sad. it is a step toward healing. cry if you need to . your not crying for him anyway , your crying for yourself , the disapointment , the anger you have. I still cry when I need too. this is a step forward and it isnt the end . it is the beggining of your new future. the one guarantee we have is that life does move on . once you close this door another will open . hang in there, I have been thinking of you , glad I checked in . stay strong , you are a strong wonderfull woman , your husband just lost. your kids love you dearly , no matter what you will survive this. Link to post Share on other sites
wife_left_me Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 BH2, I am so sorry your feeling so badly. You probably know deep down your are better off without this loser but you just need time to see the light. Reading some books really help "Life after divorce: Create a new beginning" or maybe "Letting go: A 12-week personal action program to overcome a broken heart". Hang in there is the long run you will be happier without him, it does get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted April 6, 2007 Author Share Posted April 6, 2007 Thank you so much guys!! It really helps to know that someone really cares. I beleive that everday i am getting stronger. Although I have known for sometime that my marriage could be over it still hurts. The other day I was in the car listening to a cd and a song that my husband and I liked came on and I got emotional. I know that he is a dead beat and that i am not missing out. But I just think about all thoses years that we were together and he threw it away for some fling. I talked to my husband the other day. He acutally came home! Me and the kids did our thing and he got pissed because we acted like we didnt miss him or wanted to spend anytime with him. I asked him why should we spend time with him? He dosesnt want to spend time with us on our time. And that we are use to him not being here. I told him he did that not us! So he ended up staying with us all night. I guess i should feel good about that but i dont because he has been gone for 3 days now. I have cancelled his car insurance and i'm ready to talk to a lawyr. I might as well get this over with. He shouldnt seem so suprised when he finds out. Maybe this is what he wants all along he is just waiting for me to do it. I'm not worried anymore! I have to stay strong for my kids because i am all theyve got. I will keep you posted. thank you so much for your input! Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted April 6, 2007 Share Posted April 6, 2007 Thank you so much guys!! It really helps to know that someone really cares. I beleive that everday i am getting stronger. Although I have known for sometime that my marriage could be over it still hurts. The other day I was in the car listening to a cd and a song that my husband and I liked came on and I got emotional. I know that he is a dead beat and that i am not missing out. But I just think about all thoses years that we were together and he threw it away for some fling. I talked to my husband the other day. He acutally came home! Me and the kids did our thing and he got pissed because we acted like we didnt miss him or wanted to spend anytime with him. I asked him why should we spend time with him? He dosesnt want to spend time with us on our time. And that we are use to him not being here. I told him he did that not us! So he ended up staying with us all night. I guess i should feel good about that but i dont because he has been gone for 3 days now. I have cancelled his car insurance and i'm ready to talk to a lawyr. I might as well get this over with. He shouldnt seem so suprised when he finds out. Maybe this is what he wants all along he is just waiting for me to do it. I'm not worried anymore! I have to stay strong for my kids because i am all theyve got. I will keep you posted. thank you so much for your input! You really sound like you are gaining so much strength... awesome Keep it up:D As for listening to music... and getting side swiped with emotion.. here is my cure all... listen to the news/talk radio stations... Hey it works for me... and you learn so much too... I have avoided listening to music for ...hmmm well... since May 06... Your doing great...:bunny: ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
AHIWON Posted April 6, 2007 Share Posted April 6, 2007 You are doing great BH29! Speaking of music, I got the song "Won't be fooled again" by The Who stuck in my head. Might have to unpack my CD's and listen to it. Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Hi BH29 ... your doing a great job hanging in there ! i am very proud of you . you know my H has moved back in but it hasnt been a picnic for me emotionally.it has been good till tonight (my post) sometimes I do wonder if I would have been happier going the other direction toward permanent seperation. I am still trying but just think , your almost there , the beggining of your new life . sometimes I think about how nice that would be to move on like that , and not to be stuck, like i am in a cycle of stress and worry . well your strength is so obvious. keep looking ahead and like in the movie Finding Nemo ~ keep on swimming , swimming , swimming . Link to post Share on other sites
PPwdPeteX Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Seems I'm the first man answering here? Sorry about all your emotional experience. But did you ever recognize that man are just simple? Deep inside you may love this guy. Did you really? Come on girl, there are millions out there, just waiting for a girl like you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted April 9, 2007 Author Share Posted April 9, 2007 Honestly, I did love this man and would of did anything for him. I realize their are plenty out there but I couldnt imagine myself without him. I think that when you are with someone for so long its just hard to let go. They are all we know. The last few days my husband has been around some what and we have talked. He tells me that he is ready to come home now and leave all this other bull behind. What he does not realize is that I cant move on untill he is honest with me about her and everything else. And he will never be honest about any of it so theres no reason to bring it up. So I usually just let him do the talking and I listen. It usually goes in one ear and out the other. He has let me down so much that I dont beleive anything he says. He says he has a few more things to do and then in a week he should be home for good. I dont beleive any of it! I'm just concentrating on my school work. 5 more weeks!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 my friend once told me that whats worse then a guy who just leaves you , is a guy who cant make up his mind and is too much of a coward to just say , hey it's over. It is good that you are taking what he says with a grain of salt. you would be foolish not to . wow 5 more weeks! great job! wow you managed to do all your work and stuff even with all the garbage you had to deal with . that really takes a strong will . keep up the good work ! and look forward to you completing your goal . Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 Hello everyone, Well remember when I said my H is suppose to be coming home to me (once again). Well he did! It was great! He spent time with us which was amazing and he was actually at home during the night. He got his phone turned back on. (this is a long story but to make it short he called and cursed at them and they turned it back on when I told them not to give him any information) Neways, everthing was good for three days and then he went back to normal. He came around when he wanted to and he did not stay at home during the night. He once again has excuses and tells me he is at his brothers house. I really did not think things were going to change but it was nice while it lasted. It was nice to feel wanted! So I have called my cell phone company and told them a piece of my mind and got his phone shut back off. I have 3 more weeks of school and I graduate! My time is coming real soon. I plan to never hurt again over this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted29 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 Well alot has happend since we last talked. My H and I have got in a few arguments causing the cops to get involved. We have sat down and talked some and he asked me if I wanted a divorce. I told him I dont think there is any other choice. He tells me that we are not getting a divorce. Why cant he just admit to it that its the best thing? He says that he thinks we should relocate. He wants to start over and make it better. I'm not sure if this is such a good ideal. Once I graduate I thought about relocating but i'm scared too. I have lived here my whole life and i'm scared of change. But I think its the best thing for me right now is to get away from here. I'm not so sure if taking my husband with is the next best thing. I could possibly have my family back or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Well alot has happend since we last talked. My H and I have got in a few arguments causing the cops to get involved. We have sat down and talked some and he asked me if I wanted a divorce. I told him I dont think there is any other choice. He tells me that we are not getting a divorce. Why is your flakey-ass husband deciding the course of YOUR life??? Link to post Share on other sites
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