having a tough time today

[Gunny376]

I realize that your under a lot of stress ~ I know I've been there, and it feels as though your carrying the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.

 

Your DH has a bad case of NN "Numb Nuts" syndrone. Its the male version of FBS ~ Flakey Broad Syndrone.

 

Pick up, pack up, and move, it'll do you good, and you can get a fresh start in a fresh town. Come on down South ~ there's good people down here. Some people up North think we're a little backwards, because we still belive in family values, Christian values, still expect younger people, (I'm talking about people in their 20's and 30's not just little children) to be respectful of their elders and say "Sir" and "Ma'am" to their elders. The cost of living is cheap in rural areas. The law and courts are still honest for the most parts ~ although I've got my doubts about some politicians?

 

Its time, perhaps for the first time in your life to take the helm of your life in hand.

 

The DH's had his chance ~ he needs to quit being so damned selfish and give some other decent guy a chance at making you happy and making your dreams come true.

[Gunny376]

Why is your flakey-ass husband deciding the course of YOUR life???

 

LOL! You must be married to one Hell of a man ~ LJ!

 

Hell, I'd pay good money to see a fight between you and him! That'd be better than wrestling on a Friday night at the Wiregrass Farm Center! :lmao: :lmao:

 

All I would need would be a "Big Gulp" Sweet Ice Tea (The champagne of the "South") and a big bag of boiled green peanuts ~ with extra salt of course ~ Cajun Style!

[brokenhearted29]

Well in two days I graduate! I cant beleive its already here. My husband and I have talked and he has been around for me and the kids alot lately. Things have been almost perfect. I'm waiting for something to happen because something always does. Its okay nothing can mess up this week. This is my week and I plan to enjoy it. I will get back with you and let you know how it goes.

[Gunny376]

Well in two days I graduate! I cant beleive its already here. My husband and I have talked and he has been around for me and the kids alot lately. Things have been almost perfect. I'm waiting for something to happen because something always does. Its okay nothing can mess up this week. This is my week and I plan to enjoy it. I will get back with you and let you know how it goes.

 

Damn right! I want to hear you holler! I wan't to hear you roar! I want to hear you holler, scream and shout, run around in circles!

 

You go Girl! You Go!

[anna13]

wow , so your day to shine has come I hope it was fantastic, but of course it was !congradulations! ... I am sorry about your up and down with your husband but obviously your not alone in this .that is for sure. .

[brokenhearted29]

It felt great to put on my cap and gown and walk down the line. My H was there and he acted like he supported me through all of it. but we all know thats not true. It doesnt matter though because I know that I did it all by myself. After I graduated I took a trip to New Orleans with some of my classmates for a conference. I have now been home for two days and things are really the same. He is around alot more but at night time he is no where to be found. I'm okay with it! I rather him not be here with me at night. I have tried to sit down and talk with him numerous times about our situation and it goes know where. He either changes the subject or leaves. I still have his phone off but he has took it upon to use his daughters phone. And if I bring it up it just starts a big arguement. And its not worth the time. So right now I just let him use it. He will occasionaly ask me when i'm going to get his phone back on. I dont respond to him. Although I still love him I beleive he is selfish and stupid. Well my next step is to find a job even if that means i have to relocate. Then i need to get out of this house! Then we will see where my husband comes into place. Time will only tell.

[anna13]

I think if you get your own place it may be better. it will be your place and you wont feel the burden of all the bad memories that are in the house now. I would just tell him , if he wants his phone on he better get it on , your not his mom LOL. I used to say if marriage is difficult or hard, then people shouldnt be married , now I think marriage is just hard for everyone and sometimes we just have to try to work it out or not. i am soo happy your graduated all that stuff you had to deal with and you still achieved it ! YAY! . Good Luck on the job hunt ! ((((HUGS))))

[azianpride143]

I don't understand how many times does he have to hurt you in order for you to wake up? You know what you have to do but refuse to accept the reality of your situation. I know it's hard but that's life. I too was in a marriage that lasted 14 years. Yeah it's difficult in the beginning. It's hard to accept. But I am so much happier now alone with my kids. It made me realize how lucky I am to be finally be free.

 

You deserve better. Go find yourself a job and get rid of this man. This guy is not worth it. Don't be a doormat. Please....

[brokenhearted29]

Hello, Well I have been on the look for a house. I am alittle frustrated with it all but I know in time it will pay off. As far as my husband goes its the same crap just another day. I will keep u posted. have a good week.

[anna13]

I dont know how to expalin the way some men act. I think it is just plain selfishness. you know they wouldnt talk to another person like the way they talk to us sometimes because someone would just knock them out ! .. i wonder why we tolerate so much , for the kids? for appearences? for Love? i hate that young girls are made to believe that one of our top goals in life is to be some man's women . I am so getting over this marriage crap. I , like you want deep in my heart, that our marriages work out and last , but deep inside i think we know that we would be better off without the husbands sometimes. i am as frazzled as you are with this. hang in there . time will tell.

[brokenhearted29]

I'm still trying to figure out why I tolerated it so much.It was partly because of the kids. I didnt want to put my kids through drama becasue that is what he will do. I dont think it had much to do with love. I will always love him but I dont love him the same way I use to. I belevie for me it was more of a change. I'm not good with change! I think i'm just so scared of being alone and the reality is i'm alone now becasue he is never with me. I know that there is no turning back and I have to go through with this divorce. I have to take control of my life for once and stop letting him control me. Today is my 2 year anniversary and I talked to my husband a few times today. He was suppose to come over but never did. I'm glad he didnt show up becasue it made me realize more that I need to get a divorce. There are days that i feel so worthless but i know in time i will feel good about myself. I need to let go of the past and concentrate on my future. Concentrate on my kids! Tks for listening. i will keep you posted.

[azianpride143]

Get yourself in IC and it will help a lot. Start focusing on yourself and mentally picturing a chance to turn your life around. The difference is that now your on the driver's seat and no more stupid back seat driver is telling you what to do. Your in control.

 

You have to accept some of the blame for the failed marriage but it's not all your fault. You take your mistakes, acknowledge them, and learn not to repeat it again. This is your opportunity to make a difference. A second chance in life. It may be a difficult journey in the beggining. But that's how life is.

[anna13]

hey BH , it is tormenting isnt it , i swear divorce , seperation or even thoughts of especially with children involved is the hardest thing i know i have ever had to deal with . you have done all you can with your marriage it is his turn to give some . seems like he wants to meet his quoto and then he is back to old habits . just like my man , does a few good deeds and feels like he has made his quota and on with his life. I agree with azianpride , we all have a part of how are marriage turns out , and it isnt always one persons fault but i think that in our case BH29 , our husbands are causing more damage to our marriages then we are. anyway , thats my two cents. you hang in there as well , thanks for the kinds words. I have been just trying to take the time to think about what i want out of life and how to get there. that helps me stay focused.

[Gunny376]

I agree with AP, get into IC!

 

I've always thought of myself as the kind of adapt and overcome, and I've only realized 17 years after my divorce that I've got a "seperation anxiety" problem stemming from my Mom leaving me with my grandparents when I was six and moving to TX while leaving me in AL.

 

In a way it made me strong because you have to adapt and overcome, but it come to sneak up and bite you in the azz ~ as it did when the XW and I split many, many years later.

 

Recognizing the source and the orgin of the emotion ~ I can cope and deal with it ~ now!

 

And having spoke with my Mom, I now understand why she was forced to make the choices and decisions that she had to make ~ but damn the years in between.

 

I understand now that the reason I had such a hard problem with the XW leaving was because it triggered emotions back to when I was a six year old little boy?!

 

I never went to more than six IC sessions ~ different place ~ different time. Most of what I've had to discover, learn and understand I had to get there on my own over the last seventeen years. Being a Marine and seeing a psych or a counselor ~ wasn't cool And, back in the day, could cost you your job and carrer as a Marine. The mentality back when I was in was ~ lose and arm, a leg, suck it up! Its only a flesh wound ~ keep fighting damn it!

 

I came out of 20 years in the Marines with all kinds of f**ked up s**t. Instionalized? Delayed Stress Syndrone, Hyper-attentiveness! Things they're still aren't addressing today for those coming back from Iraq and Afgansitan!

 

To this day, the last thing I do before I "lay myself down to sleep" aside from saying my prayer for my dear children and GS, is to make sure I've "locked and cocked" my 9mm pistol! And, that's really ****** up living in America!

[brokenhearted29]

Thanks to everyone for your input. This may be a stupid question but what does IC stand for. Well my husband talked to me the other day and told me he is not happy and he has had thoughts of suiside. He says he knows that he has messed up big time and he wants to be with us. To make a long story short i didnt let it get to my head becasue I dont need him breaking my heart again. I listened to what he had to say and watched his behavior afterwards. He was great for one day and then back to the same man. But I'm okay!!

[anna13]

Thanks to everyone for your input. This may be a stupid question but what does IC stand for. Well my husband talked to me the other day and told me he is not happy and he has had thoughts of suiside. He says he knows that he has messed up big time and he wants to be with us. To make a long story short i didnt let it get to my head becasue I dont need him breaking my heart again. I listened to what he had to say and watched his behavior afterwards. He was great for one day and then back to the same man. But I'm okay!!

 

That is such a scary thing , I mean I dont really get your H , I dont know if he is really suicidal or if he is just saying that to get you back in if you know what i mean . he is just so manipulative . maybe you should as him if he would be willing to see a psychologist? see what he says. i do find it hard to believe that he is suicidal from the way I have read from you the way he behaves , but i dont know him so better to be safe .

[Gunny376]

IC = Individual couseling. If you don't have the medical insurance to cover it ~ then I would really recommend hitting the local library and start reading self help books.

 

A word of caution ~ you might have to shop around for the right one that "fits" and so you might have to try eveyone in the phonebook.

 

Talking about suiciding yourself is nothing more than being manipulative, he's still trying to push your buttons. People that are truly sucidial don't talk ~ that do! Some that talk about being suicdial ~ actually follow through with it ~ but for most it comes out of "no-where" Most people that talk the "talk" don't walk tha' "walk" ~ but as a disclaimer? You never know?

 

With that said, there's not a snowball's chance in Hell that I would let him be off alone with any children of mine. We just had a guy at the state capatal go by pickup his kids for his weekly visitation, and he took all three of them off, killed them and himself. (Goggle Montgomery Advertiser for the story)

 

Meanwhile "back at the ranch ~ where Grandma was fighting off the Injuins" ~ I'd be telling this clown that he's not wanted, needed, nor allowed on the permises until he's got his head and azz wired backed together, and has a clean bill of health from no less than three mental health professionals.

 

Most definately time to call in the legal professionals and get at the very least a temp RO (Restraining Order) and Supervised Visitation.

 

Why?

 

Because he's mentioned the "S" word ~ and as Crying Cunuk and ilmw will tell you as professional carrer law enforcement officials will tell you ~ if they're sucidial ~ they're homocidal.

 

You can't get rid of this guy fast enough. The sooner your "foot-free" and clear of this guy the better!

 

You've got your hard earned degree now, you can support yourself ~ you don't need a man for spit. Its just a matter of getting from where you were to where you need to be! Its only a matter of adapting, improvising, and over-coming from what you're accoustmed to ~ to where you want and need to be in life.

 

As a woman you've acheived a significant milestone and redletter date in your life ~ your dependent free. Now? You can pick and choose, you don't need a man to keep a roof over your head, food in your mouth, clothes on your back (Surprise! You never did!)

 

Give this clown a map to Key West! And when he gets there with instructions how to go pound sand in his azz!

[Gunny376]

Good God!

 

I've really have got to start using my spell-checker! LOL!

[anna13]

sometimes we focus on having the perfect life , no divorse , being married and such . I have always known the focus should not be on being married to a man , it should be to have a happy life . that is what i have been focusing on and debating with myself. Is staying in my marriage supporting my happy life or is it destroying it . that is the key right there. like someone said once in a quote " I have better things to do then be some man's woman ".

[brokenhearted29]

Hello everyone,

I didnt forget about you just been really busy. I got a second job now! I wish I can tell you good news that I'm divorced but i cant. For alittle while he was home every night with me. We did things together and it was great. Some time after that he went back to his old ways. I dont feel anything right now when he doesnt come home. I feel numb. I am starting to fix my house up and then maybe move out on my own. So right now things are pretty much the same just another day. I will keep u posted.

[brokenhearted29]

Well I have some really bad news. I found out that i'm pregnant. Me and my husband never had sex becasue when I was sobber I would refuse. But one night I was not sobber and he was home and one thing lead to another. Stupid move I know! But now I am pregnant. I'm happy to have another baby but already feel so alone. But I knew this from the begginning. If only I would of just left him a long time ago this would of not happened. Things happen for a reason and I'm not sure what this reason is. Maybe this will help us reconnect, probably no chance of that. My husband is very excited about the news or he seems to be. So i dont know what to say about it. I'm still in shock.

[angel v]

hi bh29, i have just found your thread & read it thru (i'm new to this forum & relieved to find others going thru this stuff).

 

i really really feel for you. I've been struggling with relationship difficulties since my 2nd bubs birth, and now my partner's saying he's found someone else & is not coming back. I'ts been a really challenging time having a 2nd bub on my own.

 

do you have any support from other friends/family - practical help, emotional, etc?

do you definitely feel you want to continue the pregnancy?

 

i love my baby to bits, but i do wish i had looked more clearly and not continued with the pregnancy. i feel he, my older child, and i have suffered from coming at such a turbulent time. and i could have dealt with things much better without a newborn to look after at the same time, and still had time for another child later - once i'd worked out our family situation. i never dreamed i'd feel that way, but i do.

 

that's just where i'm at.

 

you say there's probably no chance of this helping you two reconnect? i agree with that, based on your posts over the past year. he didn't show any real signs of willingness to give you the support you needed, or your children.

 

keep talking here, & as the shock wears off you can begin to make a plan. pregnancy is a big instigator of change, and you seem to want to make some changes.

[justfine]

Brokenhearted and Angel...

 

 

I can only begin to imagine the difficult times both of you are going thru. I'm not a parent and so I can only imagine the bond that you have with your children. Given all the finacial and relationship problems you share, perhaps you should start to think in terms of what's best for the children. I sometimes hear of young women who put their children up for adoption so that may be raised by loving, well to do couples, who can provide the children with greater opportunities in life.

 

Please don't be upset with me; it is not my intention to insult you in any way, or suggest you can't provide for your children. I only put this suggestion out there because maybe, it would ease your burden, perhaps give the children more opportunities, and allow you ladies the chance to rebuild your lives without so much pressure and stress.

 

Best of luck.

[brokenhearted29]

Hello, Well I have thought about my situation and its very difficult. I have two kids already and no i dont want to give my child up. I can finically afford another child, well some what. I couldnt afford any of them, but I took it day by day and I was blessed and we are so happy. THey have everything they need. Besides my kids and the rest of the family already know about the pregnancy. My husband is real excited about the baby he just needs to change his ways and stick to it. I know he hasent changed his ways in the last year and that should be a hint for me. But if perhaps he knows that being with his family is the right thing to do and thats why he hasent left. Hes very secertive about things and his phone. But for the most part hes here with us. I guess I bitch too much. Who would blame him for leaving. The nights that I'm home he has been here with me. Hes so hard to figure out sometimes. This baby is a blessing and I will take it as that. Hopefully it can help him change his ways or not.

[kobegirl]

I read your posts on here , and i read that he wanted you to have a baby for a while now even though he treats you badly. I agree with one of the replies that it is his way of getting a hold of you and it seemed to have worked. pregnancy is preventable. maybe you wanted to have a baby with him to pull him back in . but i am sure you know by now it doesnt help and unfortunately i have to say it will make things worse for you . if there is a divorce later down the line , you will most likely be caring for all three kids yourself while he goes off with other women . your his security blanket, you take care of things for him like his personal assistant . you have heartache and struggle while he lives his life the way he wants.

 

you cant turn back time now ... but you have to take control of your life here. you have a new job with your new degree and now because of this man you have took a thousand steps back to improving you life. i have to say , leave him , get child support from him and move on !!!!!!!

 

how long will you let this guy controll your life. he wanted you to have another baby , even though he is being a Sh*T and you have one ... what the hec~! . i am sure that he will venture off now with more women because he seems to be VERY SHALLOW , so as you get bigger in pregnancy , he will go have his fun cause he knows you arent going anywhere.

 

what will it take for you to see this guy for what he is .. a jerk, a self centered obnoxious arrogant selfish person . do you reallly want to spend the rest of your days on this planet with this guy ? you have kids with him . so what. get rid of him , he is a piece of you know what. if you dont do anything about this your life belongs to him and he will take anything and everything left in you from you.