having a tough time today

[brokenhearted29]

Well today my husband was there for me at the funeral and parents house. Now he is at home and I wanted to talk to him but he is tired and wont really respond right now. I really thought this was a good moment to talk to him about everything but I guess not. I'm getting so frustrated becasue everytime I want to talk it never works. Maybe it is meant to be i dont know. Its not time yet I guess. I just need to get this out and to be sure he knows how I feel about all of it. I'm sure he already knows anyways so whats the point. I'm frustrated more becasue I'm not sure if he is done talking to this other girl. She has not called me back so that worries me that they have talked. I think she knew about me all along she was just angry with him so she tells some lies. But I told her that I have had intercourse with him so you think that would piss her off but I guess not. why am I in this situation? This is for teenagers!

[anna13]

hard to say what the deal is here. i know what you mean , it is just so ridiculous that he doesnt admit or say a word about this and just leaves all the burden on you to think about this. I tell you I would just hire an investigator and not a word to him so it will give you a clear picture. If he is still seeing this other woman then go from there. your H is definitly leaving you hanging and it isnt right. meanwhile call me a bit vindictive but put some lipstick on his collar before he goes out ... just to annoy her for now. I know it seems so childish but at the same time , maybe you should start causing some waves between them instead of her causing waves between you and your H . text message him I love you and had a great time last night , cant wait to see you tomoro ~ in the middle of the night when he has an overnighter ~know what i mean . maybe I am just vindictive i dont know . just hoping to make you feel a little better.

[brokenhearted29]

Hi Anna, how are u today. I'm doing pretty good today. Do you know that when I talked to this other girl she had also told me that she had bought him a phone under her name. I'm not sure if he still has it. I have searched his jeans but cant find it. I wonder when he is with her if he has his phone on him. I will have to try doing the text messaging. He will be sure to not let her know. I still have a hard time understand why she would still want to be with him. She is probably wondering the same thing about me. But I'm married to the man and we have been through alot together. But I guess this does not matter. I need to just get over it right.

[anna13]

my day sucks, I have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotions today , but I am glad you are doing pretty good. so does that mean your H has 2 phones? If you can find out his other number ( the one she gave him ) and find her number and call her phone from the phone she gave him and ask for your Husband. I am sure that would make her crazy . and if your H says something to you just tell him , oh you mean the girl your not having an affair with? ... nah just kidding . women who have affairs with Married men have serious self esteem issues. i guess they feel like they arent good enough and they need to feel like they got someone else's guy to feel like they are worth something. they need validation from a man that they are better then someone else. really pathetic if you ask me . the fact that you are married to him and that you and your H have been through alot together is probobly bothering her , how can it not. honestly you have the uppeer hand here . he is more emotionally attatched to you then he is with her believe it or not. you share history and kids . sure you have had your problems but once the initial attraction to this ow wears out and she starts to complain about this or that he will surely have an eye opener. the reason i feel like this is because every thing i have ever heard about affairs is that most of the time men don't leave their wives for OW. If she is stiill with him after she knows you are having sex with your husband still just shows how low her self esteem is. she has no real investment in this man but yet she is trying to keep her grip on him , trying because it isnt working he is at home. he lives with you and your kids not her . I hope your H wakes up soon and realizes that he has a great wife at home . If she isnt calling anymore just tell your H that you are still getting annoying hangup calls but just say you dont know who it is and it is very annoying.

[brokenhearted29]

Hello, Well things are pretty much the same. My H is still at home most of the time. Its hard to tell on the weekends. I work every weekend becasue I go to school during the week and our kids most of the time will go to my parents house. Dont ask me why, I guess he rather be on his own on the weekends. I do know that when these kids get older they will remember who was there and who was not. I think my husband is a good father but he has a lot of work to do. My parents shouldnt have to keep those kids on the weekend they are his responsibility. But my parents love those kids so much that it doesnt bother them. So like I say the kids will remember. But back to what I was saying, Friday night he was by himself and he clamis he was at home. He was here when I got home at 7am but there is no evidence of him sleeping here. So its hard to determine if he was here or not. This week when I am off work if he does not come home at all I'm going to say something to him. Either say something or kick him out.Most of the time he will be here for a few days and then one day out of the week he wont stay here. He says he comes in late and sleeps on the couch. Whatever! This is getting really old quick. I thought about it and I guess I cant truly make him happy or he wont be going else where. And I'm sure a lot of it has to do with sex. He acts like he pleases me each time we have sex. You dont see me running off to another man.

[anna13]

put a seductive picture of yourself somewhere this gal might find it .... I dont know , I am getting a bit bitter with you H and this ow . I talked to a lady at the park i didnt know her that well but she was talking to me about her girlfriend who found out about a year ago that her ( the girlfriend's) husband was having an affair. and she said her advise to her friend was that men are stupid and they make mistakes. aparently this girlfriend just kept working on improving her marriage and about a year later , he wasnt seeing the ow anymore. and they were both in counceling and since then they have been very happy according to this lady at the park. the ow is usually jsut a fling . if he is spending 1 night a week with her and is back by 7 am then she must feel like a cheap floozie! him having an affair is by no means normal or even acceptable, but this is your H , and if you do Love him and he Loves you which I am sure he does or he would have stayed away. . then I think it is worth trying to save. Maybe if you can somehow make this woman feel as cheap as posible , she will get lost. and maybe your husband needs to be shown what a classy lady is and what a cheap one is . I think he knows who is the better , you of course. you are his wife , the mother of his children , you have been there for him. plus you dont know what is going on in your H and the OW's world, maybe she can't let go and is threatening to tell you more , maybe she is saying anything to get him to come over , they may not even be having sex. Don't ever put the blame on yourself, it is not you, it is something lacking in him . sometimes the things that go through our heads is worse than what is actually going on . ( sometimes) . just pamper yourself , do your hair everyday , paint your nails , makeup if you wear it , and buy some new clothes. it will make you smile and maybe make him think that he better worry soon because you will be graduating and you will be looking great and that you might meet someone yourself ( not that you are or ever would ) but just wake him up a little. take a family picture at sears or somewhere with just you oand the kids and give him a wallet and a pic for the office and throw some in his car and little places that someone else might find it you know what i mean . .. and if nothing else it will be something you are doing for yourself and your kids . also , kids do know and they do remember what is happening . they are so much smarter then we think sometimes. hang in there .

[brokenhearted29]

I would think this other women would feel like crap about herself or just desperate. She is probably with other men also. She does not concern me anymore. She knows the truth and if she is still with him then thats there problem. Maybe they are meant for each other and I am better off.

Its kind of funny because I just bought myself a new outfit. It was for my grandpa's funeral. And my husband noticed and told me that I look pretty. And it did feel good to buy a new outfit becasue I do not do it very often. I need to but I dont have the money. I think I may start putting up money from each check for myself and buy something at the end of the month. My problem is I always buy for everyone else first. I think most mothers are like that. I always feel like there is something more important that my kids need. Well tonight my husband called me a few times at work and we talked, really about nothing. He told me he was going to help a friend move a washer and dryer.

[brokenhearted29]

My husband seems to be in a good mood lately. He did not come home until 11pm last night and that worries me. I guess I shouldnt worry becasue he came home. Now if he wouldnt of came home things would of been different. The next time he does not come home and I catch him I'm going to say something. Now he wants me to co-sign on a vehicle for him and I'm not sure if I should do it. He makes it seem like everything is great but its not because he has never admitt to anything that happend. Last night I was online and I started chatting with people. A few men that is. It felt good to have someone listen to you and act like they care. Atleast I'm not having sex with these men. I truly dont feel like I am doing anything wrong compared to what he has done. might as well have fun with it.

[anna13]

co sighning the vehicle isnt a good idea. why does he need you to co sign it anyway? usually he just buys the vehicle and then puts your name on it as well , but if he just wants you to co sign for the loan then i would not. Even if you are happily married sometimes you should keep things seperated . home loan isone thing but car loans , that just complicates things if things do not go right. my girlfriend is married and has been for 7 years. her and her usband are very happy but she choses to keep things seperate from her husband such as retirement accounts and loans. I think it is a good idea. she was divorced from someone else before and had a financial nightmare from that one so she is very cautious now. I think it is a good thing. even i opened my own online account and I just kept it as my own nest egg. i have joint accounts with my H too but i do have a savings account that i have him as a beneficiary , but not joint . I feel better doing that . it is just for my own peace of mind because we all know that our spouces can just bail on us when they feel like it . we have to throw caution to the wind so they say .

[brokenhearted29]

Well he wants this vehicle from his place of employment and it cost 3,000. He doesnt have the full amount so he needs someone to co-sign because his credit is not good. THey would be taking the money right out of his check. He has been buying cars but they seem to always break down on him so thats why he wants to go this route. Our situation worries me becasue of all are problems. What it something else happens and I finally say I'm done.

[brokenhearted29]

Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving! Well a update on my situation. I need help! THe other day my husband and I were sitting on the couch together and i felt his phone vibrate. He did not take his phone out the pocket he just hit the button so it would stop. So I asked him why he didnt look to see who it was. He told me it was his alarm that he has set for 6 o'clock. I looked at the time and seen it was right at 6 but i'm not sure if I beleive him. So I mentioned it again to him and he said he didnt want to start things bad. I told him all he had to do was take the phone out of his pocket and show me. Well he said he shouldnt have to do that I should trust him. Can you beleive that? I should trust him after everything we have been through. Is he right should I trust him? I left it alone after he tells me that. I didnt bring it back up. So a few days later he goes to clean my car (very dirty) he found men clothing (boxers) in the back seat. Well I'm most sure that these are his. How they got there I'm not for sure. I thought I seen them on him before, I could be mistaken I guess. Well now he is asking me who have I been with. And the awful truth is I havent been with anyone. Somedays I wish I had. So now he is accusing me of cheating. Oh one more thing, Wednesday night I went with a friend and had a few drinks (which i have not done for along time) well he called me a few times while i was out. Then he called me at 10pm to make sure I was home. So i am guessing that he really beleives that I'm cheating. I dont like to be accused of something that I am not doing, but at the same time I'm laughing becasue he gets to feel like I have for the past few months. So I will let him feel that way as long as he wants. I almost feel like he is making things up so that we can split again. If thats the case he should just tell me instead of stressing himself out. Although I'm not up for spliting again I think I will just end it. I know that I am better off by myself then dealing with this crap. I just love this man so much and want to save my marriage. Only time will tell I guess.

[anna13]

wow , him not showing you the phone , that would sooo anger me , I am suprised you restrained from knocking him over the head and grabbing that phone LOL... but of course that is what we would like to do in our dreams but anyway not reality .. i would say no you don't have to trust him , just tell him you do . and dont let him read LS again ever ! .... next time he takes a shower , get his phone and check the outgoing calls and incoming calls . if he deleted all of those then he has something to hide. Now he thinks your cheating? well I guess he would think that. well just tell him what he tells you , nothing is going on and he should trust you . I mean that isnt a lie. that is funny how did boxers get in your car? lol .. anyway , that isnt your fault that he is now getting paranoid. I am glad you had a good time with your friend . you deserve a good time . we all do .like i said before you have time and like you said time will tell. You just sit back and watch him run around like a chicken without a head trying to hide something ( if he is) ... then you will be able to see clearly what he is about. then you can take action if you need to. just dont give him any info about you not trusting him or your going to give him so much time to do this or that. he doesnt need to know this because if he isnt doing anything things will work out anyway . but if something wrong is going on and he is up to no good , you will find out and he will have to deal with the concecuences of his actions. hang in there .

[brokenhearted29]

Well things have really been the same for me. My husband is still living at home so I guess thats good. Last night my husband was in the bedroom and I was in another room becasue i was doing homework. I heard his cell phone ring more than once. He eventually turned it off becasue it was ringing continusly. Then the house phone ringed more than once and he took it off the hook. I'm not sure what to think about this. I guess if he was still talking to this other women he would of atleast sneaked and said something to her. other than that things are going good. I have found him looking around for things (to catch me doing something). He was checking my cell phone the other day. I told him he should trust me. I felt like saying do you see how it feels. It does not bother me anymore that he doesnt trust me. I'm glad he feels the way he does. I want him to think about it more than once like I have.

[brokenhearted29]

Well tonight everything was going great. We spent time together doing things. Well at 9pm he decided to make a run and when he was leaving i told him not to be coming in after 11pm. maybe i shouldnt of said that but thats what happend before. well guess what its 1am and no sign of him. This is crazy and u know what the craziest thing is that he has my car. i'm so fed up with this. Why does he keep doing this to me. I know he stayed gone all night becasue i said something to him about it. I should of kept my mouth shut but i couldnt. when i see him i'm going to tell him to choose what he wants. Its not going to be easy to keep us. I'm so upset right now.

[anna13]

I a sorry you are going through this ,Donn't blae yourself for his actionns ,,,, he didnt stay out latee because you said that... I know, I blame myself sometimes when my H says he will call me "later" I wonder did I say something?but we have to stop doing this to ourselves. It isnt us, the H's are doing what they want to do , and it isnt because of us.

when he wasnt answering his phone when it was ringing alot , and then the house phone and he didnt answer , it sounds like he is tryinng to ennd it with this OW . I am wondering what is going on , If he went out late to see her I just have to wonder why . because it seems that he has been wanting to be with you , I am wondering if this OW has something on him ? something she is golding over his head. maybe if you tell him calmly that If he is having an affair and if there is trouble you will understand and he can talk to you about it if he wants to ( Just to see if he opens up about it ) The worst thing for you I know is just the not knowing for sure .. he might be he might not be ,. I know it seems really obvious to you that he is having an Affair , but you have that "what if he isn't factor" and that is messing with you , and it is making your decisions harder. Your H is so self absorbed , but I think alot of men can be ( not all ) .I would considrer a private investigator myself, If you see pictures of him with this other W and see if he is showing affection to this women or if he is arguing it might give you a better idea of where things stand. I am just worried that there is something more going on then an affair. i dont know of course. If he isnt opening up I would hire a PI , . try not to yell at him , although you have every right too. you have to find out what is going on with this OW. dont let him know if you are going to get a PI. that isnt the only options but it is the fastest most direct way to get facts. to me it just sounds like something more , like he is trying to end it with her but there is an x factor that she has on him . that is if he is having an Affair. I really feel your frustrations, don't come down on yourself at all for your H 's behavior , nothing he is doing is because of you . no it isnt. Hang in there , I really hope that your H just wakes up and tells you everything. hang in there. whatever happens I can tell you that you know you tried very hard to save your marriage, you are a good person , a smart person , and loving person and you definitly deserve better than this guessing game your H is making you play. hold your head up and hang in there .

[brokenhearted29]

Well yesterday in the car on the way to work i wanted to say something to my husband but I just couldnt. I'm not sure why. I have had a really hard time talking to him. I need to get this out but I'm not sure how. I cant write a letter because he doesnt take those seriously. Last night after getting off work he called me several times and said he would be home shortly. Well he did not show up until 430am. I dont get him. If he was ready to leave her alone and come home why is he doing the same stuff. He has to tell me about her. That is the only way we can move on. The only reason he hasent said anthing is because he is still having a affair with her. I am very tired of playing this guessing game with him. I was going over the situation in my head and thought i'm not letting him do this to me because i enjoy it, its because i feel trapped. We share a long history and i'm not sure how to let go. Maybe i need counseling but im not sure i can afford it. I have to stop waiting for him to change otherwise i could wait a lifetime. I'm not sure what to think about this OW. She has to know he is coming here. It was 4am, i dont think he would be coming here for his kids at 4am. Do u know that when i talked to her she said this has been going on almost for a year. You cant tell me she hasent known about me for a whole year. She is just a sorry excuse for a woman. And he is too. I am the only one that can put a stop to this. I need to do it but how? I wish that somone could do it for me but they cant.

[anna13]

I think your gut is telling you that enough is enough already , even I was giving him the benefit of the doubt , thought that maybe he is really wanting to do good by you , but now I can see especially when he tells you he will be home soon and then doesnt come home till 4 am ! He must just think he is the head honcho of the world. you did it before , you became angry and you were ready to move on . because he is back in the house I know it is different we think of our kids, our family , but we dont think of ourselves. But I think that sometimes we just have to think about ourselves. this women is pathetic and your H sounds like he is having his cake and eating it too ( i hope i got that saying correct?) that is just so disrespectfull for him to tell you he will be home soona nd stay out all night , that is teenage behavior, I guess he wants to feel young again . sometimes it is better to let them have what they want. that is the only way to make them see. Ithink it might just be time for you to move him out or you can move out , and just move forward as if he is never coming back . I sooo know that this is easier said then done. but it doesnt mean divorse it just means your tired of the emotional roller coaster. and yes it could lead to divorce but look at what you are going through, I mean if he wants a divorce you will know he never really commited to saving your marriage .If he is really commited he would show more of an effort. Dont let him say that you are not trying you are doing this to "us" you know he is full of it , you are not the one having an affair , you are not the one lying about coming home . he doesnt seem to have any concern about breaking your heart over and over again . you dont have to say anything to him . just kick him out , if he asks why , tell him your not stupid and if he wants to be with this other women he need to just go be with her. I know it is tough . I just dont like him hurting you like this. I thought that maybe they had broken up ( the other woman ) but i think somehow she got her claws into him and he seems to not be able to let go of her. I dont know what is going on with that but I know that you are going to be finishing school first and i think you need to let go of this and then celebrate your achievement. Sure you love him , and he may love you but it may not be enough if he cant seem to be honest with you and I personally dont like the idea that a H would put anyone ahead of their wife and mother of their child. I know I said to stick it out and make her squirm but that was when i think i thought that you H is done with her . but looks like he is just stuck in his habit. I just hope that this OW isnt pregnant or anything like that , but see , we know he is having an affair cause this lady talked to you . and he is lying about when he is coming home , what if he is cheating on her too with someone else? I dont want to make it worse than it is but sooo many things could be going on and your H not opening up to you about anything. If you are thinking about seperating again , I would start to write down the steps you need to take. you have no control over the current situation so you need to take control of it . for yourself and your kids. I know you know this already. your H is extrememly unresonable and seems arrogant. if you throw him out , then this other women will see if he wants to be with you or not. let her worry , he is probobly telling her that he is just going home for a place to sleep and to see his kids when they wake up . you are not doing this to get at her or him , ifyou are going to do this you are doing this for yourself and for your kids. just remember that . remember brad pitt having an affair with angelina jolie and then just leaving his wife in the dust. She hurt ( jennifer anniston) badly , but now she is so much happier, and brad pitt well he has to deal with the reality that he is with a women that is not there for him like his own wife was. and your H will have to deal with the fact that he lost a great woman because of his own dumb immaturity . believe it or not you are in complete control of this situation , your H is living there because you want him too, he has the freedom to go back and forth because he knows you want to save the marriage, you really have the power to not only pop his little happy bubble but the OW's too . I am sure all she is doing is trying to be better then you and be compared to you . so if you are not in the picture she will just have to be herself and herself is not that great. I know my post is getting really long so i better end it now. there is just so much to say . You deserve better then to be treated this way , history is one thing but look at how he is now, what he is doing now , and how he is treating you now, ask yourself , if you met a man like this would you marry him, no way . you are just giving him a judgement break because you know how things were before . but try to live in the now . hang in there.

[brokenhearted29]

Well last night I had to work (3rd shift) my husband was out in about for alittle while before he had to watch the kids. Well something happened! He called me at work to tell me that he ran into this other women and they got into it. So she was calling his phone and our house. She also called my cell phone private 6 different times. I was at work so I didnt get the call. So I'm not sure what has happened. He said that these girls are just trying to mess up what hes got. So they try to cause problems. I figured that if she really had somthing to tell me she would call me today but she hasent yet. And she probably wont. I am sooo tired of this drama.

[anna13]

my goodness, I am so sorry you have to deal with that , take the higher road and dont get involved with all the drama. maybe there is something she knows that he doesnt want you to know. I would say just hang in there and see if she gets in touch with you . that is definitly drama you don't need. he said "these girls" ? as in plural? I dont know what to say other than give him some space , and give yourself space away from him. He is clearly confused. This is something he has to put a stop to and not you . so dont fall into this drama. have you thought about calling her back? just to say what the hec is it ? and there is such a thing as leaving a message. this is good evidence of adultery if things do not work out . I wish there was a way I could just take you and your kids away from all that . just hang in there . you got us here on LS.

[brokenhearted29]

Well on Sunday my husband decided to take my car to a friends house. He clamied he was watching football. So I try to put my trust in him and I let him. Well shortley that afternoon she called me and we talked. I will try to make this short. She said he was over at her house and she saw that he had my car. She questioned him about it and of course he lied. Well they got in to it and he ran off with her cell phone. Well she calls the police whom never does anything about it. She told me that she just wanted him to leave her alone. She wanted him to take his vows seriously if thats what he wanted. She basically said she was getting tired of this back and forth. And he has lied to her about the same things as me. She was very nice to me. And she said that he told her that I knew about this affair going on and I was okay with it. See this tells me that she has known about me but still chose to be with him. Well he brought my car back and I did not say anything to him. The kids were around so i didnt want to get started. I had to work last night so nothing was said. Well today i go get him from work and he decides he is leaving with the car to watch football. I told him that I didnt think it was a good ideal becasue too much drama happens. He left anyways. THis clearly shows me that he really doesnt care about me or my feelings. I need to get away from this man. I wish he would do as before and just leave. I want out of this marriage I just cant do it. Why is this so hard for me to stick up for myself and tell him to leave. Why do I let him do what he pleases. I dont know how to change. Yeah everyone can say you need to do this and that. Well its easier said than done. I cant seem to stand up to this man. But yet, every moment he gets a chance he tells me he loves me. I'm soo tired and I'm not sure how much more i can take.

[anna13]

She said he was over at her house and she saw that he had my car. She questioned him about it and of course he lied. Well they got in to it and he ran off with her cell phone.

She told me that she just wanted him to leave her alone.

that is just insane , ... I don't know what to say about that but the first thing that comes to mind is that you do deserve better than this . he is being extrememly immature about all of this, like he is a teenager sneaking around . and what does she mean she just wants him to leave her alone, why doesnt she stop calling him then . what a nut case she sounds like.

THis clearly shows me that he really doesnt care about me or my feelings. I need to get away from this man.

I think so , at least he doesnt see that it is hurting you as much as it is.

Why is this so hard for me to stick up for myself and tell him to leave. Why do I let him do what he pleases. I dont know how to change. Yeah everyone can say you need to do this and that. Well its easier said than done. I cant seem to stand up to this man. But yet, every moment he gets a chance he tells me he loves me. I'm soo tired and I'm not sure how much more i can take.

I know it is harder said then done , your brain is telling you to do one thing but your feelings are telling you another, it is quite the struggle. All I know is that you will stand by him till you can't anymore, right now you are still in shock , i mean things have just roller coastered out of control from thinking he might be having an affair to the OW calling you and him running off with her phone.. that is alot to take in . I think you are in shock still. your heart just hasnt caught up with your head yet. if this drama continues you will eventually just become angry and that anger will become your strength . you think you know a person till they do a 180 on you , then it is hard to adjust to this new person your discovering him to be. It might take time , but if he continues this behavior you will be angry and his I Love You's wont mean anything to you anymore. If he continues on as he has , the day will come , and that will be the end of his parade. I think it is hard for you to tell him to leave because it involves more then just yourself and there is a goal to be together and work things out and you just dont want to be the one to say I quit , you want him to make the decision so you dont feel the guilt that maybe you gave up and it might have worked. none of this is your doing , this affair is no way because of anything you did , or did not do . I am not going to tell you what to do , there are so many things to consider in marriage dinamics but like I said his current behavior is just so unacceptable,so much so that even you are tired and sick of it as much as you want it to work you still know this is wrong. If you are thinking of ending it with him , you have to first mourn the death of your relationship , then step by step , talk to an attorney for options. I know the first time when he left, you were very hurt , but you mourned the death of the relationship and was almost ready to move on , then it came back to life when he moved back in , and now you dont want to do it again . like i said I think it will just be a matter of time, if he does not change his behavior , that you will become angry and one day , when he looks into your eyes , he won't know the perrson looking back at him . write everything down on paper , somewhere he wont find , write down , two colums, one colum write the benefits of staying with him , in the second right the benefits to you if you are not with him . . on another area write 2 colums , one write down the down side of staying married to him and the 2nd one write the down side to leaving him . this will put your thoughts all in front of you and will help you see things from a distance. It will help guide your decision. I know how it feels to want to keep someone. you want to overlook all the negative and just move forward with whatever is left. I know it is hard. just take things one day at a time. that is all you can do for now. It just gets me that he is supposed to be the one trying to win you back , but he has somehow managed to make you feel like you have to work for him. I would completely ignore him , let him leave whenever he wants , dont complain , dont have relations with him at all . just keep conversations short for a while and see if he makes any effort and not just I love you comments. maybe even tell this woman she can have him if she wants, maybe that will change the motion of this current. If you want to see where his feelings are. It must be so hard with the kids around. he isnt only hurting you he is hurting the kids, and he knows it but it isnt enough to stop him . just think about your kids, that will probobly give you the strength if you want to leave him. I dont know what this OW 's motives are ,so I would be cautious about all the things she says. maybe just talk to an attorney to see your options , this has nothing to do with if you will stay with your H or not , it will just give you options. so that if the time comes you will be prepared . sorry my post is so long , just so much to say.

[brokenhearted29]

Hey Anna,

yesterday I tried to talk to my husband and tell him things are not good. I told him there is way too much drama going on. He tells me that there is nothing going on. Its not what I think it is. And then he walks away from me. He will not talk about it. It almost seemed like he was laughing at me. LIke this was all fun and games. I cant wait to see his face when he is all alone. What I was thinking about doing was if I talk to this other chick again I was going to tell her to call me the next time they get together. I want her to tell me where they will be so that I can go for myself and see. I think once I see through my eyes I will be finished for good. I just know things are going to end in a divorce. Something I never wanted but I guess its for the best. He doesnt deserve someone like me and I am too good for him. And he knows this thats why he is hanging on. He knows this other woman has nothing to offer him besides sex and a good time. I have a carrer and goals for myself.

[anna13]

yesterday I tried to talk to my husband and tell him things are not good. I told him there is way too much drama going on. He tells me that there is nothing going on. Its not what I think it is.

that is just so self serving for him to say , so matter of fact , like your the one who is crazy for thinking anything is wrong. If it isnt what you think it is then he should just spill the beans ~ all of them , and tell you exactly what is going on. it isnt even the matter of the affair , it is also the fact that he feels like he doesnt owe you any explanation of his behavior or his actions. It would definitly make me feel as frustrated as you are that is for sure. I think that is a good idea. see if this OW will give you the location of where they are , so you can see for yourself. maybe you may have a friend follow him for you with a camera or video tape. I wouldnt fully trust this OW. she might have her own agenda. I definitly agree that if you can see it with your own eyes, it will make things crystal clear for you. my friend told me once, even though there is alot of pain now , the good thing is life does go on and it does get better no matter what. you are too good of a person to have someone treat you this way , you have been extrememly patient with this whole "maybe" other woman insanity . If he doesnt step up to the plate and put more of an effort into making you happy , then he will lose you and too bad for him then .

[brokenhearted29]

Hello. Well last night he came home from work and tried to get close to me. He said he was going to leave for a bit and he would be back so that we could watch a movie together. I was actually excited to watch a movie with him. Well he did not show up untill 530 am. He did not go to work becasue he was ill from drinking so much. So then while I was at school he called me telling me that he cleaned the house up and did some laundry. So I get home and it seemed like the littlest things were getting to him. And then he made a comment becasue i got my books out studying. he said do you know how u make me feel when you are always in the books. I did not respond back. So he says oh u must not care how I feel. Why should I care how he feels. He doesnt care about me. I cried myself to sleep last night. I promised myself that i wouldnt get like this again and look whats happening to me. I have to get strong again. how could there ever be a chance of us being happy again. I really think its over for good.

[anna13]

sounds like he has guilt and or insecurity about your success. he is so confusing isnt he. he is trying to make you needy for him , he probobly notices that you have withdrawn . If the marriage can be saved it will take your h and you , not just you . He seems like he likes to play head games or something , it is confusing . I think he needs to understand it is hard for you to be near him if you think there is another woman involved with him . and if he doesnt like it , then too bad. you have to feel like all his attention is on you and only you and that is the only way . If he can put you first . but he doesnt and he keeps saying he will do one thing and does another and tells you everything is fine. You are being strong and he is noticing and is trying to reel you back in . the first time you were feeling free of your emotions for him and then all of a sudden he was back in the house. then he goes off to wander "somewhere" and then when he notices you withdrawing he comes back to reel you in again . the only way there is a chance is if he makes much more of an effort and has no contact with this OW . I know you have been making tons of effort to save your marriage, but trying to keep someone who claims he loves you but puts your concerns on the back burner gets old, i know how it is, you hang in there .things will get better no matter what .