How would you feel in a sexless marriage?

[Flyin in Clouds]

...The sheer volume of men complaining about how their sex lives dried up to nothing and that their wives turned into sour-faced nags was a shocker to me and I think to many on that board. I'm convinced this is a real, widespread problem.

 

Gee what gave you your first clue???

 

Of the 50% of divorces, I wonder how many are becaue the guy cheated due to no sex, or the guy filed for divorce because of no sex?

[RecordProducer]

James, thanks for the thorough and great answer.

 

Flying, you're so funny.

 

Of the 50% of divorces, I wonder how many are because the guy cheated due to no sex, or the guy filed for divorce because of no sex?

The other 50% is cuz the husband didn't give sex to the wife so SHE cheated!

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

I wouldn't consider leaving or cheating on my wife if I felt she was trying. Because she's not even trying and doesn't even care, I'm considering both.

 

But does she know you are considering both?

[RecordProducer]

But does she know you are considering both?

Why does she have to know? So that she thinks twice next time she says: "I don't feel like giving you a BJ"?

 

Screw her! If she doesn't want him, he shouldn't give her the ultimatum and the pleasure of saying: "There you go, I blew you for 8 minutes on Wednesday!" Or maybe she will get a few books from the library to have something to read while he is doing her!

 

Really, depending on how bitchy her character is, she might tell him "Go find someone else!!" and actually NOT mean it or "OK, I'll try, darlin'..." and actually NOT mean it.

[Flyin in Clouds]

... A man's libido is higher when he is a teenager than when he is 38 and much lower when he is 48 and even lower when he is 58,

 

Huh? my libido, as in desire for women, hasn't changed at all since I was 16.

 

Women still want to f*ck at 38 and 48. It doesn't matter if it's less frequently than when they were 28 or 18. But certainly, generally their desire doesn't come down to once a year. I'll let you know when I am 38, but I highly doubt that my desire will dry out.

 

Tell that to my wife.

[RecordProducer]

Huh? my libido, as in desire for women, hasn't changed at all since I was 16.

And you are now 17?

[Flyin in Clouds]

Is it extra hot knowing that she doesn't really want to have sex?

 

Why would you assume that. ???

 

The whole sex thing boiled down to neither of communicating to the other. She didn't know how important it was to me, nor what effect her lack of interest had on me. I didn't realize how my stopping hugging her because it never lead to anything beyond a hug left her feeling I didn't love her.

 

Now that we straightened that out things are much better. Can that work for everybody? Nope. But if you don't try you'll never know. If you have tried and nothing gets fixed then leave. Or stay and just bitch on line...

[RecordProducer]

The whole sex thing boiled down to neither of communicating to the other.

I thing the whole thing boils down to the lack of communication between the penis and vagina.

 

Hell, the whole thing boils down... there... period.

 

I didn't realize how my stopping hugging her because it never lead to anything beyond a hug left her feeling I didn't love her.

 

Now that we straightened that out things are much better.

You mean now she accepts why you're not hugging her? How is that "better"?

[Flyin in Clouds]

Why does she have to know? So that she thinks twice next time she says: "I don't feel like giving you a BJ"?

 

Screw her! If she doesn't want him, he shouldn't give her the ultimatum and the pleasure of saying: "There you go, I blew you for 8 minutes on Wednesday!" Or maybe she will get a few books from the library to have something to read while he is doing her!

 

Is letting someone know what is going on in your head giving them an ultimatum? How does his wife know what he wants if he doesn't tell her? Is she supposed to read his mind? Know he's unhappy and why?

 

Sometimes (as in my case) a wife just doesn't understand why sex was important to me.

 

She got to the pont of believing that the only reason I wanted to do "it" was for my own selfish reasons. She never believed it was as important for me to please her as to please myself.

 

And I told my wife if she was only going to read books while I did her that, thanks but no thanks, I'll exit stage left... if she wasn't genuinely interested in have sex anymore just let me know and let me go. But if she wanted me to stick around, either we worked to get back to the good old days or she learn to fake it much better.

 

Really, depending on how bitchy her character is, she might tell him "Go find someone else!!" and actually NOT mean it or "OK, I'll try, darlin'..." and actually NOT mean it.

 

Yeah, but the better solution is don't communicate your needs, wants, desires. Don't talk because gee someone might actually change to try to please you because they want to. Far better to suffer in silence, bitch on an forum or run around behind the wife's back...

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

 

You mean now she accepts why you're not hugging her? How is that "better"?

 

No, I hug her now and she understand that sometimes that leads to -- well a certain thing rising.

 

And she's either learned to fake it much better or she really is enjoying it again.

 

BTW, we are both mid 50s and married 32 years.

[justagirliegirl]

Supposedly your spouse is temporarily or permanently incapable to give you sex... how would you feel if they would refuse to even give you a hand job? They certainly wouldn't care about it and would feel it like a huge sacrifice. So who should sacrifice?

 

Don't you feel that you should've left earlier, that you wasted many years of your life on the wrong man?

 

I did what I felt was right at the time.

[Guest]

To the OP, it seems you are living in a sexless marriage, hence the need to know about sexless marriages. Everyone is different. If you really are not getting any, please go out and get fulfilled. There someone told you it was ok, you are now justified.

[Scrivdog]

A wife or husband who does not give his or her partner sex...and is fully capable of doing so... is just as guilty of causing the affair as the person who actually commits the affair. Period. Based on that, he or she must keep the sex life going so that the partner stays in love.

 

YES! You'll get flamed by the feminazis for this, but this is 100% correct.

[PandorasBox]

I'm coming into this a little late. But I have a friend who says she bascially lives in a sexless marriage, and that her and her husband are pretty fine with it. Well, according to her, she is more fine with it than her husband.

 

She says he can be mean to her with his words, and has man handled her before, like pushing her etc. He shouts at her, calls her names etc. No its not all the time but has happened right often. Shes not going anywhere and he knows this, he hes not going anywhere either, so they remain in this mess. I guess she acceppts this is her life and he accepts the fact that becasue of his actions thats why she "withholds" sex from him. Hell she doesn't feel close to him at all. Personally I think she needs to get out of the situation but doubt it will happen. They might have sex once in a blue moon, she has held out from giving him sex for 4-5 months at a time when he acts mean to her. I guess thats his punishment from her.

 

Anyway, she also says when they do have sex most of the time its not real lovin and he just tries to get a nut, most of time not caring about wheather she does or not. Its what she calls, real quick sex. She also says that he can go long periods of time without it, he was used to it, and that he doesn't masterbate at all nor is he out getting it elsewhere. Maybe he is decensitized from the lack of sex he does get, that he just could careless? Is that possible, especially for a man? LOL.

[RecordProducer]

To the OP, it seems you are living in a sexless marriage, hence the need to know about sexless marriages. Everyone is different. If you really are not getting any, please go out and get fulfilled. There someone told you it was ok, you are now justified.

I am not living in a sexless marriage. However currently I am getting less than I want to, but it's only TEMPORARY. There are some medically justified reasons for this, but it's not health reasons - it's rather HIS fault.

I expect things to improve soon. If not, I couldn't be content with the marriage.

 

This situation has put me in a position to view sexless marriages from a different perspective. Being put in these people's shoes made me comprehend their frustration, lack of connection with their partners, obsession with sex, and even their infidelity. I would only consider divorce, never cheating. Cheating in my book is wasting your time with two men.

 

I either love or don't love. If I love someone, I can't cheat on him or leave him. If I don't love him then what's the point of staying (and cheating)?

[carmaenforcer]

I am not living in a sexless marriage. However currently I am getting less than I want to, but it's only TEMPORARY. There are some medically justified reasons for this, but it's not health reasons - it's rather HIS fault.

I expect things to improve soon. If not, I couldn't be content with the marriage.

 

This situation has put me in a position to view sexless marriages from a different perspective. Being put in these people's shoes made me comprehend their frustration, lack of connection with their partners, obsession with sex, and even their infidelity. I would only consider divorce, never cheating. Cheating in my book is wasting your time with two men.

 

I either love or don't love. If I love someone, I can't cheat on him or leave him. If I don't love him then what's the point of staying (and cheating)?

 

That's the very reason I haven't cheated yet. Not that she has a good reason for her part in making our sex life so bad but the fact that I love her and so am dealing with that conflict. I however, since I'm a guy, do not tie sex and love into one emotion/feeling. I can have sex with someone I don't love and enjoy it for what it is, just sex, and I can love someone with out having to have sex with them or if the sex is bad.

The ideal would be to have a great sex life with the person you love, but hey what are the odds.

[Great Gazoo]

Ok seeing its friday and to lighten up before half the married people start loading their guns how about a joke.

 

A married man comes home with some flowers, he knows the kids are out. His wife meets him at the door, wow she says, flowers, whats that for? Well he says, seeing the kids are gone maybe we could go into the bedroom. No not tonight she says. Ok hes is upset some but ok.

 

The next night he comes home with a big box of sweets, again knowing the kids are out. Again his wife meets him and says wow, sweets how nice, whats that for. Well he says seing the kids are out how about going in the bedroom. No, not tonight, don't feel like it. Ok, so the guy is alittle pissed.

 

The next night he comes home and he has 6 kittens. She meets him at the door and says 6 kittens, what the hell is that for? He tells her, They are pall-bearers for a dead pussy

 

 

 

This is a joke, I am sure somebody has a good one about men, please no need to shoot the messanger That is all.

[Guest]

Married 9 1/2 years - no sex for 9 years. I am a FEMALE in my late 30's and for some reason my libido has kicked into overdrive. I love my husband, I';ve tried to get him to go to the doctor, get counseling, etc. When Viagra didn't work all those years ago, and he would not consider alternatives. I gave up.

 

While it is comforting to know I am not the only one in a sexless marriage - after 9 years I am almost tired of waiting. I don't want to leave - but dammit I want sex!

[JackJack]

I'm coming into this a little late. But I have a friend who says she bascially lives in a sexless marriage, and that her and her husband are pretty fine with it. Well, according to her, she is more fine with it than her husband.

 

She says he can be mean to her with his words, and has man handled her before, like pushing her etc. He shouts at her, calls her names etc. No its not all the time but has happened right often. Shes not going anywhere and he knows this, he hes not going anywhere either, so they remain in this mess. I guess she acceppts this is her life and he accepts the fact that becasue of his actions thats why she "withholds" sex from him. Hell she doesn't feel close to him at all. Personally I think she needs to get out of the situation but doubt it will happen. They might have sex once in a blue moon, she has held out from giving him sex for 4-5 months at a time when he acts mean to her. I guess thats his punishment from her.

 

Anyway, she also says when they do have sex most of the time its not real lovin and he just tries to get a nut, most of time not caring about wheather she does or not. Its what she calls, real quick sex. She also says that he can go long periods of time without it, he was used to it, and that he doesn't masterbate at all nor is he out getting it elsewhere. Maybe he is decensitized from the lack of sex he does get, that he just could careless? Is that possible, especially for a man? LOL.

 

 

Possibly it could be one of three things. one, either he has gotten so used to the fact he doesn't get it alot that he no longer cares, and maybe is greatful for when he does. Two, he lies to her about not masterbating, or three he is getting it elsewhere.

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

The ideal would be to have a great sex life with the person you love, but hey what are the odds.

 

what ever you make 'em.

[stoopid_guy]

The ideal would be to have a great sex life with the person you love, but hey what are the odds.

what ever you make 'em.

Hmmm... Begs the question: Is it easier to fall in love with a great lover, or convince/teach the person you love become a great lover?

[whichwayisup]

Which is worse? Not the greatest sex life yet the marriage is really good, or have mindblowing sex and a not so good relationship?

 

I've had both in my life, great - no - f'ing AMAZING hot sex but the relationship as a whole SUCKED. I stayed for 4 years....lol Another one was 7 months long, no sex, fooling around was OK yet the guy treated me like a queen and was so romantic, I just wasn't attracted to him sexually, though I had deep feelings for him.

 

I'm lucky now, sex is pretty good most of the time and we have a good relationship. Very normal and healthy, which is important if you want to stay happy in life.

[jackderby52]

married with no sex sucks big time.. had i known what i know now, i never would have done it.. and it just keeps getting harder and harder not to resent her..

[stoopid_guy]

married with no sex sucks big time.. had i known what i know now, i never would have done it.. and it just keeps getting harder and harder not to resent her..

Kids? How close are you two tied besides "romantically?"

[harvester76]

once a week ain't cutting it for me. Actually it is probably less than that. So I get by with pictures and my right hand. Of course women get upset when they find out, but what do they expect us to do? We can tell them again and again it ain't happening often enough. At best it is a short term improvement. So, here I am, once again, getting angry.