romance novels

[luvstarved]

Definitely a double standard...

[crazy_grl]

First off. Yes i have been very romantic she has told me so. But you know what. It's very hard to be the one who has to do or buy everything and yes she knows how i feel. Mabye just mabye it's because she doesn't have to try. I'm not boasting but she has commented that i fulfill her needs well, that i'm everything she could ever ask for and she is well satisfied in this marrage i fulfill all her needs, I work like hell and i'm a good father. I do anything she asks. I am not a couch potato. Well I think she is just content because i spoil her(with love and by doing anything she wants which is mostly work). I am the one who goes the extra mile. She takes it all in stride she accepts everything willing but never tries to recipicate. She told me once that she might be taking me too much for granted and i said ithat i feel the same way.But did it make her change. I'm afraid not. Buy the way it really sucks to have to ask someone to suprise or to be romanitc. I thought it came naturally. Heck if you guys didn't know i was a man you would think you would think that i was a woman talking about her man(you know like i do everything and he does nothing or that i beg and he don't care). I asked her why she wouldn't go the extra mile for me you know like buying something sexy or go out of her way and she said she just don't know.

 

None of this sounds good. Has your relationship always been so one-sided?

 

I hate to even slightly agree with Flyin in Clouds, because so much of his post disgusted me, but maybe this is a case of you not acting "man enough" and taking control. If your wife is saying you're meeting her needs but she's still acting this way, maybe she just doesn't know what she needs. This is a completely uneducated guess so take it with a grain of salt, but maybe you should start acting more "manly" and worry about your needs since you've made it clear to her that she's not meeting them and she's making no effort to try.

 

But all we can do here is make guesses. I think you really need to start seeing an MC either with or without your wife.

 

I AM NOT USING THIS AS A JUSTIFICATION FOR ME TO LOOK AT PORN PEROID. THE REASON I WANTED THE MAGAZEENE WAS TO SHOW HER WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MODELS WEARING LINGERIE SOMETHING SHE WONT BUY.

 

I get that, but your wife may not. She may think you just want to look at porn. It doesn't matter if we understand what your problem is. What matters is if your wife understands.

[Trimmer]

Honestly, the key difference in my mind between a romance novel and porn is that romance novels are so poorly written, so transparent and silly that they are not titillating at all.

That's the key difference? I thought that's what they had in common.

Well put... I couldn't quite figure out how to word my objection to that statement, but you nailed it here.

 

To be honest with you all sometimes i feel like just leaving.

The two of you have clearly gone around and around on the romance novel/porn issue... Does she have any idea that you have this much ambivalence about the state of your marriage overall? That's what you need to be communicating about. Like crazy_grl said above:

 

What matters is if your wife understands.

[bluetuesday]

If the individuals involved don't wish to engage in the acts they have the power to change their lifestyle. I dunno how much you can object to someone voluntarily objectifying themselves.

 

well, we all engage in acts that can have a negative affect of us we didn't realise at the time we were doing them. you can't police people's choices, i'm just pointing out that not all choices are good for you. we all do things we wish we hadn't.

 

so i believe it is possible for someone to be exploted with their consent, if they don't know the consequences of their actions. i would argue that having sex with lots of strangers on camera could be physically, emotionally and spiritually damaging, even if you don't know it while you're willingly doing it.

 

Read some Tracy Quan. She has an interesting perspective, and if all else fails, she is a good writer.

 

i will.

[tanbark813]

i would argue that having sex with lots of strangers on camera could be physically, emotionally and spiritually damaging, even if you don't know it while you're willingly doing it.

 

I'm guessing porn stars are pretty mentally and emotionally damaged before they make their first film.

[bluetuesday]

I'm guessing porn stars are pretty mentally and emotionally damaged before they make their first film.

 

yeah, could be. which makes getting off to it a tad icky, wouldn't you say?

 

that's if you're into the whole 'not wishing to exploit people by perpetuating the industry that helps them damage themselves and sells videos of it for sexual kicks' thing.

[sumdude]

yeah, could be. which makes getting off to it a tad icky, wouldn't you say?

 

that's if you're into the whole 'not wishing to exploit people by perpetuating the industry that helps them damage themselves and sells videos of it for sexual kicks' thing.

 

Well we've all heard about 'the oldest profession'. Porn is a cousin of prostitution and I seriously doubt it will ever go away. Too much money in it. Lots of demand and plenty of supply. Just basic economics really.IF there wasn't money in it almost no one would be doing it.

 

I've always kinda thought that strip clubs are a total rip off for the customer. You see guys drop tons of money just to see some girls stuff shakin. She goes home with $300 + bucks a night and the guys go home even more frustrated then when they came in.

[husband]

None of this sounds good. Has your relationship always been so one-sided?

 

Pretty much so. I just might see a MC. I told her that i was going to get a Magnazeene. She got pissed and said that it would be a long time before she will be with me(you know punnishment). I said fine. All the while i was thinking good because i did all the pleasing anyway. I always think of her first when it comes to sex. She just accepts it and says how great i am

[Flyin in Clouds]

If she pulls the "you're cut off" gambit, tell her not only are there magazeens, but Sally down the street is ready to take care of you.

 

Is marriage slavery for you, but freedom for her?

[whichwayisup]

Mabye just mabye it's because she doesn't have to try.

 

She should be trying. Marriage is a two-way street and efforts for both people is a must if the relationship is going to stay healthy and happy. Tell her that she needs to give 100% too, not just 50%. Most say it's 100%-100% of BOTH giving to eachother.

 

To be honest with you all sometimes i feel like just leaving.

 

Then tell her this. Maybe her hearing those words will be a wake-up call for her! Maybe she'll realize HOW unhappy you are that she's not putting much effort in the relationship and not doing the little extra nice things couples do for eachother.

[whichwayisup]

None of this sounds good. Has your relationship always been so one-sided?

 

Pretty much so. I just might see a MC. I told her that i was going to get a Magnazeene. She got pissed and said that it would be a long time before she will be with me(you know punnishment). I said fine. All the while i was thinking good because i did all the pleasing anyway. I always think of her first when it comes to sex. She just accepts it and says how great i am

 

It's obvious to me that she is happy the way life is. Not great, but not too bad either...Day in and day out...That's not healthy for a marriage!

 

She's scared of change, like all of us are, but she better realize her acting immature by "punishing" you, withholding sex, is really stupid.

 

Trust me, she's just as unhappy as you are, she's just scared to talk about because then life will change. I commend you for trying, and don't give up! Go to marriage counselling and ask her to come with you. If she refuses, then let her know that the marriage will suffer more and more until she decides to put in more effort and make life good again.

[Guest]

See, I don't view porn this way. IMO everyone is informed (for the most part, I'm not talking about fetishistic porn here) -- and are choosing to engage in that act publiclyfor whatever reason.

 

Whatever reason being the cash, of course.

 

I remember seeing a show a little while back it reminded me of the porn industry. It was a show about getting homeless people to fight each other (all the while getting pretty badly injured and bloodied) for an amount of cash. I think they called it "Bum Fights" as a street name of sorts.

 

Basicly when someone needs the money bad enough they'll do anything for it, even endure abuse (Porn/Stripping pays enough to be financially stable and still have time for the kids?)

 

You people out there who think the porn industry is girls "working their way through college" or people who "Enjoy it"... sure.. maybe a small percent of them do. Many many women in porn are just the like the homeless guys engaging in "Bum Fights". They may not want anal, but this porn company won't take them otherwise. So they do it. They may not be attracted to women, or like bondage but thats what men keep clicking on in the internet sites.

 

The more you click on the "Teen Sex" and "Rape/Bondage" or "Violent/Anal" the more women you are forcing to continue to endure pain as a form of income, and younger then legal people from ruining their lives before they have a steady head on their shoulders. Its the porn buyers that are keeping this vicious cycle going, everytime you hear about mistreated women in porn don't you feel *some* need to clean it up a bit?

[blind_otter]

Its the porn buyers that are keeping this vicious cycle going, everytime you hear about mistreated women in porn don't you feel *some* need to clean it up a bit?

 

If the "actors" are being taken advantage of, the only person taking advantage of them is themselves.

 

I see no need to babysit full grown adults, Outcast. The more you babysit people, the less accountable they become for their own actions. What a terrible world that would be.

 

A bunch of people running around doing random acts without any PERSONAL accountability, relying on the government or society to regulate their own PERSONAL behavior choices?

[Guest]

I see no need to babysit full grown adults, Outcast. The more you babysit people, the less accountable they become for their own actions. What a terrible world that would be.

 

I see where you are coming from, for sure. I think this debate could go on forever if two people were commited to the conversation enough.

 

I just can't look away, much less encourage, taking advantage of people who are in a tough situation in life. You highlight that its them that take advantage of themselves, but in my opinion if we have a sick n twisted society enough to want to create a market for abuse for sale and make the pay 3 times (even more) that of *any* job these women can get, alot of the time its etheir that or Government Assistance because they can't afford 40 hours on a minimum wage job while still paying daycare or babysitters costs.

 

I'm not against porn in general. I'm against the emotionally hurtful, painful and life-damaging (spiritually) porn. Unfortunately I am hard pressed to find anything (at least online, but even when I wanted tp rent a movie I was hard pressed to find anything with just 2 people in it.)

 

Oh, and I'm not an Outcast. Though demeaning me as such probably added a bit of validity to your post. I am just too embaressed to post as my screen name on such topics. I may have strong feelings on the subject, but god knows I could never hold up such "taboo" ideals to a world who loves their abuse-for-sale.