In love with W AND OW?

[lighthouse]

I am back after a long break..Our son was in the hospital for 10 days, so I've been busy with that...Yes, my H did buy his OW a condo, but I am not sure how he worked it out...Whether it was a no interest loan...etc..There is even the possibility that his Grandfather, who died around the time the affair began, left it to him. He did the exact same thing as my H did to his W...I will never know exactly where that money went, as tax records, etc., all look legit to me. He is in the financial industry, and there are all sorts of ways to hide money...Mabey he had some money that he set aside that was totally separate from our money...Short of hiring a PI, which I do not have the money to do right now, there is no way for me to know exactly what went on...He could have also used reward points/airline vouchers/companion pass and business travel to feed the A's...Re: My Mom..He has always resented having to help her, and this will never change. I hide the fact that I help her b/c it is one of the few things that still causes much strife and anger between us...I hope I've helped clear some of these things up. I am happy to be back and hope to start posting more now that our son is back home and doing well...Thanks for your concern...

 

OoD I am sorry about your son but so glad to hear that he is OK.

I really think that you should talk to the MC about the way he treats your mom.

I understand about the financial industry because my ex-boyfriend is in that industry as well but there is always a paper trail.

LJ made a post somewhere (I think it was LJ) about a BS that got a court order to get money back from the OW after the affair ended. I am glad that you are trying to work things out but please please please protect yourself.

It really bothers me the way that your H handles the situation with your mom. Please be careful.

Good luck with your son.

lighthouse

[outofdarkness]

Thanks for your concern and thoughts. Rest assured, I am on top of things...I now handle all of the money...His paychecks and bonuses are directly deposited into our joint account from which I write all bills and decide in which accounts to deposit what is left over. Yes, I am embarrased to say that I was one of those Ws that let the H handle all money and totally trusted him. One of the things that attracted me to him, if you can call it that as young as we were, was what appeared to be a very strong work ethic and the fact that I thought he was extremely financially resposible. My Dad was the opposite, so I was really looking for someone who was the opposite of him. Turns out, all of those people that say you marry your Dad...were right! The cheating, finances, etc...JUST like my DAD...I couldn't see it at all until D day and I realized that he was leading a complete double life...I prided myself on the fact that he was so opposite from my Dad...As far as the past...I don't think there is much I can or want to do to recover any money spent on his OWs...I have made the decision to stay with him and have to try to concentrate on the present and future, so that we can rebuild our lives including finances...I have always worked so the concept of handling my finances is not foreign to me, but it has taken some getting used to handling the FAMILY finances; ie., investing, etc...I have even gone so far as to have him bring me all receipts and compare them to any cash that I have given him...I know, I know, it's not a pleasant way to live, but it is what it is right now, and I have accepted it for now. We'll see what happens...As far as my Mom, It's always been this way, and I am working on this as well. He knows it is NOT acceptable to treat anyone in my family this way, and that there are consequences to his behavior, whether it's work, personal life, etc...These things take time, and I am willing for now to give it my all...I am NOT totally hooked on the idea of staying in this M just because it's comfortable...I have been through enough therapy to know that I am worth much more then this, and I care much too much about my kids to make any long term decisions regarding my M right now. Sooo...We will see! Thanks again for the thoughts...