Admittedly unoriginal

[Darknessvisible]

Hey, new here and seeking input. I'm a 28-year old (read, "theoretically grown-up") man in a relationship, a little over a year old. I do love my girlfriend, but I find myself enamored of a flirtatious friendship with a coworker. She's older than I am by about 15 years and married (I told you this was unoriginal) and has been a good friend for a couple of years, helping me nurse my way through a very painful break-up 2 years ago. Particulalry recently, I find myself thinking more and more about my coworker.

 

I've known that our relationship passes the boundaries that are listed on every website I have checked for workplace friendships (we have gone out for lunch or coffee alone together, find excuses to touch briefly in passing, etc.) I work in an very informal setting, and it's easy to flirt with people without fearing harassment charges and the like, which might open this up more than it otherwise might. She reciprocates the flirtation (though I admit, she does flirt with all the guys at work, and I do feel a little like I delude myself into thinking that I'm somehow more special than they are). We used to exchange emails, but last summer (summer '05, that would be) she approached me at work, asked me to coffee, and told me not to email her anymore, because her husband had opened her email and questioned her about who I was....this led to her telling me, through tears, that she was scared of her husband (though I don't think physically) and that she "knew what [she'd] do if it weren't for her daughter - leave him".

 

I recall being shocked by this and responded by trying to be supportive but not really knowing what to say. In the year or so since then, we've remained friends, and she hasn't brought up any issues with her husband since then, aside from telling me about one argument. I guess I feel like I should be past the generic crush on the older woman being nearly 30 years old, but I have incredibly strong feelings for this coworker that I shouldn't have. I find myelf jealous of her flirting with other guys at work (though oddly not jealous of the fact she goes home to her husband every night, anyone who can explain that would be my hero), and overjoyed when she comes up to me and, for example, asks me as she did last week to accompany her on a walk downtown to drop something off for a friend.

 

And intermingled in all this is that I really do love my girlfriend. Sometimes I feel like I spend all weekend away from work falling in love with my girlfriend, and then I go back to work Monday and see this coworker and fall in love with her by midweek. There's a rational part of me that knows she is likely just a woman who appreciates the attention of men at work, and I'm one of the guys, even if for the last couple of years, I've been her "favorite". I'm not even sure if there's a real friendship there, because of the attraction that's there, at least on my part.

 

I feel guilty (but not as guilty as I know I should) for feeling this way or thinking about this other woman instead of my girlfriend, and I feel guilty for not necessarily being able to just be a friend to this coworker who seems to have a troubled homelife. Am I seeking advice? I guess...but more just some opinions or ideas from anyone who has anything to say about this...it's confusing and upsetting. Thanks for letting me vent this somewhere, and let me know whatever you think.