SPLIT BEHAVIOUR

[MILO]

i met this girl about 4 years ago when i was still at high school. we started dating and everything was great for at least 3 years.

 

i guess all hell broke loose when she went out of town to be a bridesmaid at her brothers wedding. stories of a guy who wanted her started making the rounds and when i asked her about it she said i need to trust her andshe has all matters under control and this guy knows that she has a boyfriend although he is still after her. the guy kept on calling on end, and she had this new behaviour that when she is on the phone with anyone i don't know who is a guy, she would go somewhere private and engage into conversation. and sometimes when she does this and i have been visiting her i feel disgusted at the thought of talking to her once she is of the phone and when i ask her about who it was on the phone she throws tantrams.

 

the second situation was when she met this guy from the navy. she all of a sudden wantedto find out info on the navy and wanted to apply to join. when i asked her why she wanted information about the navy she said a friend of hers doesn't work so this would be an opportunity for him.

 

and when ever we would have arguments she would say " i just want to go far from everybody, and i am just going to join the navy". when ever this guy called her she would do the "live the room routine", and she told me many lies about this guy giving him different names such as SKY. i just feel that she hasn't been honest with me and at times i feel that maybe she is cheating on me with this navy guy.

 

i would like her and i to have those memories back and i want her to be as dedicated as she was when we started dating, i want her to srop throwing her at these guys who see her as an easy bird. i need your advice no the above statement and i would like you to give me tips of reigniting that old flame, and maybe i am the one who needs help.

[Tony T]

So your girl is a liar, a sneak and a two-timer. What are you getting out of this relationship?

 

There is no cure or resolution to behavior like hers. If you try to talk about it, she will get defensive. People just don't end behavior that serves them in some way.

 

You need to prepare yourself emotionally and otherwise to be hurt by this lady and to move on to find a nice honey who will be more forthcoming with her feelings and her agenda.

 

The lady you're with now is not a keeper and she will continue to look elsewhere until she finds a keeper for herself. Some people just spend their whole lifetime browsing the candy store, taking samples, but never buying anything.

 

You shouldn't be putting up with what she's doing!!!

[sparkle]

I'm still trying to figure out why you continue to date this girl. Telling stupid lies, throwing tantrums?? How immature can she get???

 

You know, you're making yourself look bad by staying with someone as pathetic and childish as she is. Yes, you've been with her for over 3 years...and that is probably the only reason you continue to remain with her.

 

The only helpful solution to this problem is to break up with her, and start figuring out what qualities you want in a real girlfriend.

[Ed]

If everything is as you have described, it appears you are being slighted and taken advantage of by your girlfriend. Your reaction to her behavior has thrown you into a jealous, possessive and suspicious pattern. Maybe for good reason.

 

Her way of handling these phone calls and her tantrums indicate that she needs to grow up. It is rude, for a person to take lengthy phone calls of a private nature when they have company. If she was not taught this at home or for some other reason does not understand that this is rude and disrespectful, then she needs to go to finishing school or something.

 

The next worse thing to rude behavior is someone else putting up with it. If she can't manage to carry on these phone conversations when you are not there, then you should just leave! That way, at least someone will have some respect for you. If you don't hang around and get upset about her rudeness, then she can't throw a tantrum. Anyway, the tantrums are merely her way of changing the focus away from her rude behavior to something else. Just avoid it.

 

She never will have or regain any respect for you as long as you stay around and obsess about her phone calls, her possible interest in other guys and put up with her rude behavior. Whatever interest she may have in either of these other two guys is, in part, because they are not right there with her all the time.

 

My suggestion is for you to make yourself at bit more unavailable to her. Don't call her or see as much as you used to. Don't try to play games with her. Just resign yourself to the fact that you don't like to be around rude, childish people, especially when one of them is your girlfriend. If she asks you what's wrong and why you aren't like you used to be, tell her why and tell you will be coming around even less if things don't change.

 

I don't know if there is anything you can do to rekindle the old flame. What's going on between you now is enough to extinguish a forest fire. It's pretty hard to even get a spark under these conditions. Fire needs oxygen to burn. The old flame will not have a chance if one of you feels smothered by the other.

 

It sounds like she is confused about what she wants to do with her life. Give her some time and some space to figure it out. In the mean time, find something else to do or someone else to take interest in. If she doesn't seem to care that you are not around as much as you used to be, then that may be your answer you are looking for.