The Beguiled Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Please help me. I have met this woman a year and a half ago. We have been dating each other on and off, or should I say rather continuously. She had been living with her boyfriend in her home for 5 years. She kept telling me that she is dumping him. 2 weeks ago she booted him out. I was hoping that she and I would finally be there exclusively for each other and build a future together. However, wherever we go she flirts with other men. Not in a sexual way but in a friendly way as if to establish relationships. I hate it when she does this. When we go out her attention should be towards me, not other men. In this year and a half I have done a tremendous amount of labor for her. Running errands, helping out around her house. I have even lent her thousands of dollars to get her out of a jam. She would have been sunk if I was not there to save her. She paid me back in full by the way. Now that her boyfriend of 5 years is out, she has established a relationship with a much younger man. She has allowed him to live in her cottage behind her house. He was in a bad jam himself. She keps telling me he is there only temporally. She includes him to go to NYC with her friends once a week. She has never showed me a physical affection. We just hug and kiss on the lips. Big deal. The few times we have gone to bed she does not want me to touch her at all! I have recently brought her to a dance club. I have seen her flirting with another man of course This week she is temporally out of town. I went to the same dance place last night without her. He asked about her. He started asking me questions about the nature of our hers and mine relationship. He said that she said to him that she is free and available!!! And I was thinking that she and I were together!! Why is she doing this to me? Why does she call me and at the same time make an effort on her part to establish relationships with other men? Please advise. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Why don't you just ask her what level does she feel your relationship is on. Ask her if she is dating only you and if she wants to date only you. If she says yes she does ask her why she told that guy she was available and free. If she says No then tell her you have to move on because you want to be more than friends. If you stay around after she says No you are asking for more abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Clearly she doesn't see you two as anything more than friends. A year and a half and no physical affection beyond a hug and a kiss on the lips? Even though you've shared a bed a few times? Nope. Nothing there. I have female friends that I've kissed on the lips and shared a bed with (not while I've been in a relationship with somebody else), but that's all they are -- friends. Not lovers. Your "relationship", if I can even call it that, long ago passed out of the romance zone and into the "friends" zone. How would Quentin Tarantino put it? Your perception of the relationship, and hers, "ain't the same ballpark. It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same f*ckin' sport." She might be guilty of using you a little bit; that's what I though for sure until I read that she's paid you back the money she borrowed. Now it's maybe just a little bit. You need to re-orient your perception. Start treating her as a very good friend, move on, and find a woman that DOES let you touch her when you're in bed together. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I am sorry but you are wasting your time. She sees you as a friend that she can count on in helping her in various ways. She has no romantic feelings for you. She told this guy she was free and availiable. I am sorry but you need a reality check. Move on and find someone who you can have a relationship with. Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head to realize she is not interested in you in a sexual or romantic way and never will be. Enough is enough unless you like being a masochist. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 You are being used and played. Never go all out and do all these favors for a woman until you know her intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 my wife and i have been married 7 months she is a trucker and loves horses as do's her '' farrier'' she went on a trail ride with him and another group the year before we were married when i ask her if i could go on the next one with her she got very hostile also he is a member of one of those mounted shooting clubs he still calls her to go and gets real excited about attending you guessed it when i ask to go she says she needs some time away for a few hours without me recently she moved out but wants to remain married said she needed her space for awhile she refuses to tell me where she is but if i want to talk she would meet me some where last week she came got her horse and '' gave her away'' to her bosses young daughter who has 4 already neat trick there she howled and cried when the horse was hauled away found out her farrier lives about 10 miles away from where the horse is now and she go's to her bosses ad his wifes house several times a week think theres an affair here? she says no what do you think Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 my wife and i have been married 7 months she is a trucker and loves horses as do's her '' farrier'' she went on a trail ride with him and another group the year before we were married when i ask her if i could go on the next one with her she got very hostile also he is a member of one of those mounted shooting clubs he still calls her to go and gets real excited about attending you guessed it when i ask to go she says she needs some time away for a few hours without me recently she moved out but wants to remain married said she needed her space for awhile she refuses to tell me where she is but if i want to talk she would meet me some where last week she came got her horse and '' gave her away'' to her bosses young daughter who has 4 already neat trick there she howled and cried when the horse was hauled away found out her farrier lives about 10 miles away from where the horse is now and she go's to her bosses ad his wifes house several times a week think theres an affair here? she says no what do you think I think you need your own thread on this drama....... I tell ya what I have been in the horse biz for eons (yep old as dirt)..... I have yet to not have a farrier hit on me, hint, chatter, and talk. Honestly I broke up with my farrier when I got engaged to my H. There was always hot chatter.....nothing ever came of it. But it did get out of control, and I know I am not the only one he did this with. You mix a horse, man in chaps, hammer, nail, sweaty brow, and the view of a farrier while holding a horse for him as he trims and shoes.......well kinda asking for trouble if you have a woman who is not getting her needs met. Goodness I think I had my horses hooves trimmed every 4 weeks and all he did was run the file across them twice. Not making fun.... but the farrier affair is not that unusual at all. Something about them that makes them attractive, of course mine was attractive. Anwho you need to start your own thread......... I am wondering if this is not my x-farrier you are posting about. Link to post Share on other sites
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