Viewpoints on Men's Behavior?

[Mimi]

My ex left me (for the 2nd time) almost 10 months ago. He once again told me how much he loved me and that I was the best girl he ever dated, blah (he continued to tell me this stuff thruout the relationship and his actions also backed this up). Anyway, his two besfriends got engaged and his family then looked to us. Well, he bailed about two weeks after hearing these comments saying he loved me but wasn't ready for a commitment, wanted to be free, etc. WELL...approx. one-two weeks later he meets and begins dating another girl. A girl 7 years younger than me (I'm 31) and 4 years younger than him (he's 28). He is STILL with her!! I just can't fathom how this can be. After all we shared. He had left me once before but didn't date anyone. When he returned, he apologized and admitted his fears saying it wouldn't happen again as he loved me and would stick with me. (whatever!)

 

Just curious on HOW and WHY men can jump so fast into another relationship? My ex pretty much has denied my existence since then and said that anything he said previously he didn't remember so couldn't be held responsible for (I know, what an ass!!). He refuses to even look at me (we've run into each other accidently a few times and he is with her) and once accused me of trying to "ruin" his relationship with his new gf, tho I NEVER contacted him or anything. In fact, he wouldn't admit she was his gf (to me only!) for about 7 months after he began seeing her. I believe it was just his guilt eating him up, but not 100% sure. I also have thought this gf represented freedom, no pressure, like I must have.

 

I guess I just don't understand how men can move on so quickly. I mean, we had future plans and he was excited about them, even our trip to Mexico and then boom....it was sayonra sister and hello dolly! Any men (or women) have any insight into what happened? I mean, I have no way of finding out the answers as I don't have contact with him or his family or friends at all.

 

Thanks, Mimi

[Cici]

I don't understand it myself. I actually asked an ex of mine (who cheated on my with my best friend and then proceeded to date her for a few months) why he did what he did. He said, "it just happened."

 

So my take on the whole men and fickleness thingy is that they are simple creatures who are easily distracted with short attention spans. Ha ha ha. Actually, it depends on the person. Just as some women are very fickle and easily swayed, some men are as well. And you never know until they actually betray you.

 

Every behavior reflects a need. People who hurt others in an inappropriate way, like this, are emotionally stunted. You agree that there is a healthy way to deal with break-ups and relationships, and there in an unhealthy way. Those who are unhealthy in relationships reveal an emotional deficit within themselves, and it's important for us as adults to realize this. I feel sad for my ex because I know he'll never have a truly fulfilling relationship. You should pity your ex as well. He obviously is conflicted but doesn't realize it, and that leads to a general unhappiness in one's life that will never go away.

 

Cici

My ex left me (for the 2nd time) almost 10 months ago. He once again told me how much he loved me and that I was the best girl he ever dated, blah (he continued to tell me this stuff thruout the relationship and his actions also backed this up). Anyway, his two besfriends got engaged and his family then looked to us. Well, he bailed about two weeks after hearing these comments saying he loved me but wasn't ready for a commitment, wanted to be free, etc. WELL...approx. one-two weeks later he meets and begins dating another girl. A girl 7 years younger than me (I'm 31) and 4 years younger than him (he's 28). He is STILL with her!! I just can't fathom how this can be. After all we shared. He had left me once before but didn't date anyone. When he returned, he apologized and admitted his fears saying it wouldn't happen again as he loved me and would stick with me. (whatever!) Just curious on HOW and WHY men can jump so fast into another relationship? My ex pretty much has denied my existence since then and said that anything he said previously he didn't remember so couldn't be held responsible for (I know, what an ass!!). He refuses to even look at me (we've run into each other accidently a few times and he is with her) and once accused me of trying to "ruin" his relationship with his new gf, tho I NEVER contacted him or anything. In fact, he wouldn't admit she was his gf (to me only!) for about 7 months after he began seeing her. I believe it was just his guilt eating him up, but not 100% sure. I also have thought this gf represented freedom, no pressure, like I must have. I guess I just don't understand how men can move on so quickly. I mean, we had future plans and he was excited about them, even our trip to Mexico and then boom....it was sayonra sister and hello dolly! Any men (or women) have any insight into what happened? I mean, I have no way of finding out the answers as I don't have contact with him or his family or friends at all. Thanks, Mimi