samsungxoxo Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Ok let's say that partner A cheats on partner B. Partner B forgives A and stays with him/her, but later on or even years later, then it's partner B who cheats on partner A. Then wouldn't partner A (the one who first cheated) be force to forgive partner B as well. Isn't that the rule, whoever were to cheat first would then have to forgive the other partner, they did the same thing and were forgiven, thus they would have hardly anything to complain about either. Link to post Share on other sites
Darknessvisible Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I think you are right for the most part...I'm not sure partner A is required to forgive partner B, but partner B would have every right to say, "You did it, why shouldn't I?" or some such reasoning. One could certainly think to oneself, "If I go through with this, am I condoning this action by my partner..." It sure does seem that way... Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Ok let's say that partner A cheats on partner B. Partner B forgives A and stays with him/her, but later on or even years later, then it's partner B who cheats on partner A. Then wouldn't partner A (the one who first cheated) be force to forgive partner B as well. Isn't that the rule, whoever were to cheat first would then have to forgive the other partner, they did the same thing and were forgiven, thus they would have hardly anything to complain about either. Seems reasonable to me. In fact I recommend that B have their own fling. That way they level the playing field, so to speak. Neither is morally superior to the other, and neither is sexually inferior to the other. Both know they can have other lovers and both know they choose to stay with their original partner even after their affair. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I think this is wrong. If you decide to forgive someone then you have no right to dig up the past and rub it in thier face. It is up to them if they decied to forgive you for cheating regardless of what thier past is. It is more likely though that a partner who has cheated in the past maybe more willing to forgive. The idea of eye for an eye does not work in a relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
pray1 Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Ok let's say that partner A cheats on partner B. Partner B forgives A and stays with him/her, but later on or even years later, then it's partner B who cheats on partner A. Then wouldn't partner A (the one who first cheated) be force to forgive partner B as well. Isn't that the rule, whoever were to cheat first would then have to forgive the other partner, they did the same thing and were forgiven, thus they would have hardly anything to complain about either. Just my thoughts , i think once cheating enters the picture there is really no relationship at all . Neither one would ever be able to trust the other completelyagain ! peace Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Ok let's say that partner A cheats on partner B. Partner B forgives A and stays with him/her, but later on or even years later, then it's partner B who cheats on partner A. Then wouldn't partner A (the one who first cheated) be force to forgive partner B as well. Isn't that the rule, whoever were to cheat first would then have to forgive the other partner, they did the same thing and were forgiven, thus they would have hardly anything to complain about either. Right. And if I would forgive an affair I would feel entitled to have one of my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Cheshire Cat Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Since when two wrongs make a right? If you decide to forgive an affair your partner has had, you shouldn't use it as a "get out of jail free" card. In my opinion. Also, if partner A *must* forgive partner B when he (or she) has an affair in turn, what about all the post-affair ass-kissing partner A has hopefully done? Is he entitled to get the same amount of it, too? I should also hope he kept track of the number of offensive words he sucked up, since he should be entitled to call his partner the very same number of bad names. If you feel it's okay for you to cheat, possibly after a few years, not only you didn't really forgive your WS, but you are looking for an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Ok let's say that partner A cheats on partner B. Partner B forgives A and stays with him/her, but later on or even years later, then it's partner B who cheats on partner A. Then wouldn't partner A (the one who first cheated) be force to forgive partner B as well. Isn't that the rule, whoever were to cheat first would then have to forgive the other partner, they did the same thing and were forgiven, thus they would have hardly anything to complain about either. I'd advise partner A and partner B to go their separate ways. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 The idea of eye for an eye does not work in a relationship... It sure doesn't. They should just go their seperate ways if they're just going to keep cheating on each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 Since when two wrongs make a right? If you decide to forgive an affair your partner has had, you shouldn't use it as a "get out of jail free" card. In my opinion. Also, if partner A *must* forgive partner B when he (or she) has an affair in turn, what about all the post-affair ass-kissing partner A has hopefully done? Is he entitled to get the same amount of it, too? I should also hope he kept track of the number of offensive words he sucked up, since he should be entitled to call his partner the very same number of bad names. If you feel it's okay for you to cheat, possibly after a few years, not only you didn't really forgive your WS, but you are looking for an excuse. I'm not talking about me, I was mentioning this in general. If partner A cheated first on partner B, then partner B in turns cheats later on, then partner A would have nothing to complain about, he/she would have little rights to be mad when they did the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I'm not talking about me, I was mentioning this in general. If partner A cheated first on partner B, then partner B in turns cheats later on, then partner A would have nothing to complain about, he/she would have little rights to be mad when they did the same thing. I think it means this relationship is over. They should've probably seperated due to the first act but since they didn't, they should break up after it was done again. Doesn't matter who did it. That's just childish. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 The way I see it, there are no "rights" in a relationship (a good one, anyway) that approve cheating. And if you exercise your (much-malformed) idea -thinking it's your "right" to cheat (because he/she did) -then I'd suggest you might need to look at what your ideas of a relationship really are. (Remember the story about the tar-rabbit? Cheating because someone else did is a lot like that.) Still, having cheated is forgivable -under the right circumstances. And if you've truly confronted it, and handled it properly, it should never crop up again as an issue that you use in a game of "One-up" (e.g. having an affair because you think you have to make things "even".) If *you* are the one who winds up cheating years down the road, after having dealt with all that pain when your partner cheated -it should only bring you to a place of greater understanding that (if you are genuinely regretful of your present actions) you will wish you'd had when dealing with the episode of cheating, earlier, by your partner. I will warn you, though, if your partner does not act as compassionately in forgiving *you* as you did with him/her -don't be surprised- it's a pretty common thing to have happen. Here's where he/she is coming from: Being the first to cheat, feeling the regret for all the pain and massive damage you've caused -and actually live through the episode- is like being the first guy/gal to receive a great big scarlet letter of some sort and feel like you've never quite been able to scrape it off your forehead. So even though you both may have reconciled the emotional pain and damage, gotten your life back on track, and lived together for years with the rebuilt trust between you, it becomes a case of horrific disbelief and nearly incomprehensible shock when the one you've had to prove *your reliability to*, has an affair. Those circumstances make it *more* difficult to repair the damage. In a lot of cases, it just doesn't happen. For the one who cheated in the second episode -she/he can beg, plead, cry, promise, and do everything their partner *tried* to do to reconcile during their own battle after the affair -but as much as this new cheating episode seems the same- it's all different, and carries much more weight in regards to the damage done. And that's about the time that the emotions change and get stuck in one gear: anger -and the whole relationship is at risk for heading to the point of no return. It's a case of both partners standing there with that big scarlet letter stuck to them, reminding each other of their weakness, and failure. Unless there's a radical and phenomenal change of heart in the one with the most difficulty in finding the courage to forgive, and a receptive and repentive partner at the other end, I wouldn't bet a nickel on the relationship surviving. But marriage counseling is always available -and it's there to be sought after in just these kinds of situations. Take care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Cheating is wrong, period. Anyone who tries to 'rationalise' it with ANY sort of 'excuses' is seriously delusional. Link to post Share on other sites
pray1 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Cheating is wrong, period. Anyone who tries to 'rationalise' it with ANY sort of 'excuses' is seriously delusional. Couldnt have said it better . Peace Link to post Share on other sites
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