loud meatheads give me a rash, ie I'm a jealous idiot

[jealousIdiot]

So I recently met this girl through a mutual friend. My only previous experience with her was negative, but that was more than 2 years ago. Regardless, I spent the evening just trying to ingratiate myself for having been a jerk in the past and had no motives other than to be cool with her. At the end of the night we were all back at her place and sat down next to me. Before I knew it, she was all over me. I ended up staying in her bed with some intense kissing and we spent hours together talking the next morning.

 

I told her I didn't know if I could see her again because my recent experience with phone tag after just meeting a girl has been bad. (I recently decided I'd have to know a girl before getting involved with her) She gave me her number anyway and I called her the Wednesday after our first encounter Saturday. She told me she wasn't feeling well but to call her over the weekend or sometime the next week. I figured I had just gotten blown off and while I wanted to call her I just didn't want to deal with the mental anguish of when to call and how she would react. I never called her back, but two weeks after our first encounter we find ourselves in the same situation with the same friends.

 

She tells me she had gotten strep, which I apparently gave her and is asking why I didn't call. She's flirting with me again and we end up in bed together where she takes both of our clothes off and we have unprotected, ill-advised drunken sex (which she claims to have been blacked out for). We spent the next morning cuddling and talking and she just opened up to me, telling me that she probably wouldn't be able to call me cause she'd be insecure and might not pick up if I call. I've spoken to our mutual friend since who has told me that she is kinda reclusive like that and really prefers texting to stay in contact.

 

I called her the following Wednesday and she didn't pick up but texted me that she couldn't chill because she was helping her brother with something. She texted me the next day (Thurs) to say that the strep had come back and I called her to ask how she was feeling and to see if I could do anything for her, but she didn't pick up or call back. She then texted me that Saturday (2 days later) to say that she was still sick but we should hang out the following weekend, which brings us to this past Saturday.

 

We decided to try to see each other Saturday. She said her friend was in town and they wanted to go out. I took my buddy with me to try to make things more social. There were weird vibes from the start. I had two tickets to a concert that I initially wanted to just take her to (before I found out her friend was in the mix). We all went hoping to get a couple more tickets, but it was sold out. The girl I dig said my friend and I should go in together and let the girls hang at the bar. My buddy tactlessly accepted that offer. We went in and she texted me a few minutes later to say that they had also gotten in somehow.

 

I left my buddy and found her. They didn't seem to be having a good time and wanted to leave. I said that was fine with me too and told my buddy that we were leaving but that he could stay and meet up later if he wanted. He stayed and we went to a bar across town and did some shots and were having a pretty good time. Suddenly we're with this big loud meathead jock that my date has known for a long time and seems to adore. I was buying beers for the three of us and when I came back, there he is. I handed her a beer and he took it from her and took a swig. This was all funny and cool with them, but it just totally rubbed me the wrong way and I just turned and watched the band.

 

I'm 6' 160 and this guy is 6'4" 220-230 so I couldn't very well punch him in the face even if it was the right thing to do (I know, I know it's not.) She came over to see if I was pissed and told me that this guy was her old friend that she was trying to match her friend up with him. Now it's the 4 of us going back to her place. I end up in her bed again and it's very intense. After a lot of kissing and some intense conversation in which she's telling me that she likes me so much it scares her considering how she doesn't know me well, there's a noise in the kitchen.

 

Seems the meathead is trying and failing to make frozen pizza. She goes out to help him and never comes back. I wake up at 8 am to loud music and them talking outside the room. I'm hung over and pissed and getting jealous so I just got dressed and walked out of there. She caught me at the elevator and asked me if I'd call her. I asked "should I?" and she said that she really liked me a lot and it would be really bad for her if I didn't.

I went home and got some sleep and she called me at 1pm to ask me to come over. I said "I'll see what I can do", she called again and said she wouldn't call me anymore but she'd be upset and I said "I'll see what I can do."

 

By the time I was out of bed and showered and less hungover I was pretty much over it and wanted to see her but I found a text saying "Don't come today. Do call soon" So I texted her asking if I could still see her that evening. Then I called and left a message asking her to dinner. I got no response to either. I then called her again that night (Sunday) about 5 hours later and she didn't pick up nor did I leave a message. So those were my efforts to nip this weirdness in the bud and get past it.

 

There's been no contact since then (it's now Tuesday), and I really want to see her again and feel like an idiot for losing my cool just cause that dude was rubbing me the wrong way. At this point it seems that things are way blown out of proportion, but I guess I'm hoping it's because we have strong feelings for each other that neither of us can seem to get a handle on or want to acknowledge. Either that, or I totally screwed up and it's through.

 

What do I do now?

[Guest]

whoa buddy that was kind of long..

um i don't know what to tell you. seems like you guys are kind of nervous around eachother . and you just met so its going to be weird. why does she think she likes you so much even if she doesn't know you? could it just be lust?

and what did she do with the guy that she never came back to bed with you for? perhaps its not that important because you guys aren't even dating exclusively, right?

i don't know. its up to you. you were obviously hot and bothered by the guy and she could tell but its not like she didn't want to see you again. you guys obviously want to see eachother so i guess get over these weird feelings and hang out with her. this time, take her out for a game of bowling or something where you guys can talk. just the two of you though. no interruptions. and then figure out what you want to do from there..

 

a little note though, in my experience, it seems like having sex before you really create a relationship with them always ends bad. but you never know.

 

i guess you should ask yourself

what do you have to lose? just feel things out for now.

[jealousIdiot]

I know, way too long. I tend to overthink this stuff. I feel like I made a further mistake of texting her 4-5 messages yesterday trying to clear things up. I just told her that the guy was pissing me off and I couldn't deal with it that morning, and that I hope we're still cool. This is after she wouldn't pick up the phone and I didn't want to leave a message.

 

I'm pretty positive they were just talking all night, so I'm sure I overreacted... and a low key date was my next move, if I get the chance.