totally disatified with life

[psycho]

what do you do when you no longer feel happy with your life, your relationship, your job, your kids, your family, like just everything? i'm really bored with my routine life, i am tired of the same ole thing day in and day out, nothing changes everything stay the same, there has to be moer to life then this, right? i am not interested in furthering my education either,i don't know what i want to do career wise, i'm tired of my job, but i don't know what else to do there. i feel this overwhelming need to just get in my car and drive, drive, drive until i can't drive anymore just to get away from rut of my life.

 

i just don't know if i could take the pain of leaving everything and everyone behind, that would be the worst thing i would have to deal with.

 

last night we came home from a restaurant and he sat in his chair and i on the couch, how exciting, that is the way it always is. we pulled up to the house and i was looking at it and thinking about spending the rest of my life with this guy, sometimes loveing him, sometimes hateing him, somethings just not so sure whati feel for him.

 

then i thought about doing this same damm thing for the rest of my life with him and felt really empty.

 

not to mention that the things he wants to do i'm just not interested in doing anyway.

 

i enjoy yardsales in the summer but he has made me feel cheap and dirty for going to them and buying other peoples bugs, lice, diseases, so that is something i lost now to do that i enjoyed.

 

he on the other hand has also lost alot of things he enjoyed doing, he gave alot of things when we got together, like his golfing, friends, concerts, trips.

 

now i don't want to go to these things and he wont go without me, so we stay stuck in this stupid routine.

 

we have both given up things we enjoyed at one time. if he were to go back and do the things he use to do that would not change our relationship or if i went back and did things i enjyed doing either that would not change things either.

 

i think the problem is from within me and just being disatisfied with my life.

 

then i see old people on t.v. together and i think i don't want to grow old alone, then i see single people out doing what they want to do and i then i want to be single, i just can't seem to make up my mind, what i have left of it anyway.

 

well that sums it up in a nutshell i think. any ideas on what to do when you just don't know what to do?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "what do you do when you no longer feel happy with your life, your relationship, your job, your kids, your family, like just everything?"

 

When I start feeling like that, I think of blind people; deaf people; people in hospitals in comas not expected to live; people who can't walk, people confined to nursing home beds; people in other countries without food; people in other countries who have to worry about dodging bullets, bombs, and terrorists; children who are beaten hourly by abusive parents; people awaiting execution in state prisons; families of people killed in war, the World Trade Center, plane crashes, etc.; men who are impotent or who have been castrated or otherwise can't get an erection; people who are paralyzed and have to depend on others for their every need...and so on.

 

I always feel better after that.

 

You sound like you're depressed. Maybe a visit to the doctor is in order.

 

Life is basically what you make it. If you're healthy, have a job, nice friends, are able to pay your bills, etc., stop your fricken whining. This is as good as it gets. Now you have to make yourself as good as you can get!!!

[Tony T]

You are the ONLY architect of your life. If you're in situations that you don't like or with people you aren't happy with, change those things. Do it now.

 

And stop focusing so much on yourself. Go out and do volunteer work. Help people who's lives will always be pathetic because they have no choice.

 

You have a choice. You can change everything about your life, inside your mind and outside your body.

 

Don't look to anybody in the universe to do those things for you. Only YOU can change the course of your life.

[psycho]

excellent points to ponder, now can you answer this for me, do you think you should have to tell your partner if you change jobs, before or after or not at all really?

You are the ONLY architect of your life. If you're in situations that you don't like or with people you aren't happy with, change those things. Do it now. And stop focusing so much on yourself. Go out and do volunteer work. Help people who's lives will always be pathetic because they have no choice.

 

You have a choice. You can change everything about your life, inside your mind and outside your body. Don't look to anybody in the universe to do those things for you. Only YOU can change the course of your life.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "do you think you should have to tell your partner if you change jobs, before or after or not at all really?"

 

I think that would be nice. If you have any kind of decent relationship at all, discussing things like this with your partner should be something you would defintely want to do.

 

If you have the slightest urge to keep this sort of thing a secret from your special other, then you're definitely WITH the wrong person or you're definitely THE wrong person!

[psycho]

it's not that i'm trying to keep it a secret, it's just that i want to change jobs and i don't want to rock the boat in any way, he has a negative attitude about changing jobs, yet he does all kinds of things without cluing me in, like classes, seminars, meetings, appts, they are work related, doesnt he have some obligation to clue me in on his days befire and not the day off or after the fact? i just dont want to get chastised for doing this if i decide doing this but once it's done and over with he can't really complain can he?

YOU ASK: "do you think you should have to tell your partner if you change jobs, before or after or not at all really?" I think that would be nice. If you have any kind of decent relationship at all, discussing things like this with your partner should be something you would defintely want to do. If you have the slightest urge to keep this sort of thing a secret from your special other, then you're definitely WITH the wrong person or you're definitely THE wrong person!

[psycho]

this is an example of what i'm tired of in my life, feeling like i can't do anything that i want to do without asking permission or feeling guilty if i do it anyway, like even taking a day off work.

it's not that i'm trying to keep it a secret, it's just that i want to change jobs and i don't want to rock the boat in any way, he has a negative attitude about changing jobs, yet he does all kinds of things without cluing me in, like classes, seminars, meetings, appts, they are work related, doesnt he have some obligation to clue me in on his days befire and not the day off or after the fact? i just dont want to get chastised for doing this if i decide doing this but once it's done and over with he can't really complain can he?

 

[Tony T]

Your guy should be very happy to share his work experiences with you. For a man, that's an important part of his life and if he's got a nice lady willing to listen that's a blessing.

 

You should feel comfortable discussing anything you want in the context of your relationship. If you don't there is a terrible communications problem that will haunt you all the days of its life.

 

The two of you need to have a nice long talk, clear the air, and open up some channels of sharing. Sharing is what relationships are all about. If you're going to live two separate lives and keep stuff from each other then there's no reason for being together.

 

Now, if one or the other says they really aren't interested in hearing about certain things, respect that. If they say they aren't interested in hearing anything about the other person, the relationship is over.

 

Get this straightened out as soon as possible. The two of you have to start sharing information on important parts of your lives...or there is really no reason to be together.

[Ed]

The way you describe your life sounds depressing and hopeless. You need some relief! You very well may be suffering from depression, but I am not a doctor or in any way trained to recognize the symptoms of depression or any related problems.

 

My first recommendation is that you make an appointment with a doctor of any kind and describe your symptoms. Depending on the doctor diagnosis, you may be prescribed medication. This probably does not sound very appealing to you. You may not want to go to a doctor because you don't think there is anything wrong with you, that the problem is with everything and everybody else around you. Maybe you're right. I don't know, but a lot of times when people are stuck in a rut and feel hopeless, as you describe, the urge is to get out of the rut by changing their surroundings, not by changing the way they think. That leads me to my next recommendation...

 

You have to change the way you see the world around you and the people in it. Getting up and leaving everything behind will definitely make the world around you look different and will put you in the company of people you have never seen before, but, this is an act of desperation. It will not completely solve the problem at hand. You'll still think the same way you did before. You'll just be thinking that way in a different environment. It could possibly provide you with temporary relief, however, more times than not the hopeless and desperate feelings return, calling for another change, and so on, and so on......

 

I also suggest that you make an appointment with a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. One of these professionals may be able to help you rationally sort through what is happening in your life at this time. I think it is better to try to deal with the feelings you are having while you are around people you know and people who care. After you have spent some time honestly sorting through your feelings, your life and the people in it, you may still decide you want to leave everything behind. That's fine. It is your life and you can live it wherever and with whomever you choose, but keep in mind that every choice you made in the past was not a bad choice, possibly, only some of them. I just don't think it is a good idea to make choices out of desperation without looking into the possible cause or source of the desperate feelings.

 

It's hard for me to believe that your life is really as pathetic as you describe, but I certainly do believe you see it that way. Right now you are completely focused on yourself and how unhappy you are. You have to change this focus, somehow, away from all that, onto the good things that exist around you....and there are some. I may not make any difference to now, but there are a lot of people in the World that would die for just the chance to have what seemingly little you have. Think about that! It's true! Don't throw away what you have now for some unknown life. Do make some changes.

 

Branch out, investigate some of these and other options. Do something to make your life better. Just don't leave everything and everybody behind until you are sure it and they are truly not worth having around.

 

Best Wishes

[psycho]

ED, thank you so much for that long and well thought out post, it was very helpful because i've never looked at things that way. some of what you said and what tony said made so much sense that i was thinking about it all day at work and came to the conclusion that life really isn't as bad as i made it out to be. at times it is but i guess every one's could be.

 

so i got to thinking why my life just feels so empty and i thought maybe it's time to get some relligion, so i stopped at a book store and bought a book called "my utmost for his highest" it is a daily inspirational book, then i bought another one about co-dependency.

 

so now i will have alot of good reading to do.

 

i dont think i am really depressed, i think i am burnt out on things and really need a change in my life.

 

it has become so boring and routine so hopefully this will help alot or even a little.

 

as for what tony said about helping others and not thinking about myself that has held true for me all day while at work, i kept that in my mind and it made me be a much friendly person at least for the day and i am going to carry that over tomorrow as well and one day at a time.

 

thank you for your post, i throughly enjoyed it.

The way you describe your life sounds depressing and hopeless. You need some relief! You very well may be suffering from depression, but I am not a doctor or in any way trained to recognize the symptoms of depression or any related problems.

 

My first recommendation is that you make an appointment with a doctor of any kind and describe your symptoms. Depending on the doctor diagnosis, you may be prescribed medication. This probably does not sound very appealing to you. You may not want to go to a doctor because you don't think there is anything wrong with you, that the problem is with everything and everybody else around you. Maybe you're right. I don't know, but a lot of times when people are stuck in a rut and feel hopeless, as you describe, the urge is to get out of the rut by changing their surroundings, not by changing the way they think. That leads me to my next recommendation... You have to change the way you see the world around you and the people in it. Getting up and leaving everything behind will definitely make the world around you look different and will put you in the company of people you have never seen before, but, this is an act of desperation. It will not completely solve the problem at hand. You'll still think the same way you did before. You'll just be thinking that way in a different environment. It could possibly provide you with temporary relief, however, more times than not the hopeless and desperate feelings return, calling for another change, and so on, and so on......

 

I also suggest that you make an appointment with a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. One of these professionals may be able to help you rationally sort through what is happening in your life at this time. I think it is better to try to deal with the feelings you are having while you are around people you know and people who care. After you have spent some time honestly sorting through your feelings, your life and the people in it, you may still decide you want to leave everything behind. That's fine. It is your life and you can live it wherever and with whomever you choose, but keep in mind that every choice you made in the past was not a bad choice, possibly, only some of them. I just don't think it is a good idea to make choices out of desperation without looking into the possible cause or source of the desperate feelings. It's hard for me to believe that your life is really as pathetic as you describe, but I certainly do believe you see it that way. Right now you are completely focused on yourself and how unhappy you are. You have to change this focus, somehow, away from all that, onto the good things that exist around you....and there are some. I may not make any difference to now, but there are a lot of people in the World that would die for just the chance to have what seemingly little you have. Think about that! It's true! Don't throw away what you have now for some unknown life. Do make some changes. Branch out, investigate some of these and other options. Do something to make your life better. Just don't leave everything and everybody behind until you are sure it and they are truly not worth having around. Best Wishes

[psycho]

to tony: i copied and pasted certain parts of your message to make the below message.

 

maybe you don't it when people actually take your advice and you've really helped someone, so i thought you should know.

 

today your post made a difference in my life. i thought about all the unfortunate people, all the people that come in to my life at work that i can be extra friendly to and maybe make their day a little easier, so i did just that.

 

i stopped focusing so much on my self and my seemingly hopeless feeling life, and focused instead on those around me and it was nice to have that break from myself.

 

i have hung up the following in my office and have read it several times today to keep me inspired and motivated.

 

i also posted to ED who has some excellent advice along with yours but did not see his until a short while ago and he offers some wonderful advice along with yours that is going to stick me for a long time, i can feel it.

 

along with all that i bought some books today on my way home from work, one is about co-dependency and the other a spiritual inspirational daily book.

 

so i wanted to thank you and let you know that you have helped me out and i am very greatful, thank you, you really opened my eyes you and ED.

 

You are the ONLY architect of your life. If you're in situations that you don't like or with people you aren't happy with, change those things. Do it now.

 

And stop focusing so much on yourself. Go out and do volunteer work. Help people who's lives will always be pathetic because they have no choice.

 

You have a choice. You can change everything about your life, inside your mind and outside your body.

 

Don't look to anybody in the universe to do those things for you. Only YOU can change the course of your life.

 

Life is basically what you make it. If you're healthy, have a job, nice friends, are able to pay your bills, etc. This is as good as it gets. Now you have to make yourself as good as you can get!!!

 

You are the ONLY architect of your life. If you're in situations that you don't like or with people you aren't happy with, change those things. Do it now. And stop focusing so much on yourself. Go out and do volunteer work. Help people who's lives will always be pathetic because they have no choice.

 

You have a choice. You can change everything about your life, inside your mind and outside your body. Don't look to anybody in the universe to do those things for you. Only YOU can change the course of your life.

[velvet]

I disagree with Tony, and believe that there is more to life than the same routine. You guys are stuck in the house all the time, or at work. There is no fun in that cycle.

 

If your ready to stir & shake it up a bit, tell him your looking for another job, tell him while hes sleeping in Saturday your going to hit every yard sale in town.

 

Take trips with him. You said you dont like to go on trips with him. Well you have to get over that. I for one, would never pass down a getaway. What sort of trips did he take in the past? For lifes sake set one up!

 

Next time you too are pulling in the drive way and your not ready to go home. Tell him to hit reverse and take that long drive you mentioned to the Grand Canyon, a bed & Breakfast, the movies, whatever.

 

Excitment wont fall in your lap until you get out and spend time together. Go online to find out what & where the best entertainment is in your city.

 

You dont like what he does for fun and he feels the way about your choices in having fun. Try to get out once a week, and make it routine to do so. One week do something he likes, the next do something you like.

 

what do you do when you no longer feel happy with your life, your relationship, your job, your kids, your family, like just everything? i'm really bored with my routine life, i am tired of the same ole thing day in and day out, nothing changes everything stay the same, there has to be moer to life then this, right? i am not interested in furthering my education either,i don't know what i want to do career wise, i'm tired of my job, but i don't know what else to do there. i feel this overwhelming need to just get in my car and drive, drive, drive until i can't drive anymore just to get away from rut of my life.

 

i just don't know if i could take the pain of leaving everything and everyone behind, that would be the worst thing i would have to deal with. last night we came home from a restaurant and he sat in his chair and i on the couch, how exciting, that is the way it always is. we pulled up to the house and i was looking at it and thinking about spending the rest of my life with this guy, sometimes loveing him, sometimes hateing him, somethings just not so sure whati feel for him.

 

then i thought about doing this same damm thing for the rest of my life with him and felt really empty. not to mention that the things he wants to do i'm just not interested in doing anyway. i enjoy yardsales in the summer but he has made me feel cheap and dirty for going to them and buying other peoples bugs, lice, diseases, so that is something i lost now to do that i enjoyed.

 

he on the other hand has also lost alot of things he enjoyed doing, he gave alot of things when we got together, like his golfing, friends, concerts, trips. now i don't want to go to these things and he wont go without me, so we stay stuck in this stupid routine. we have both given up things we enjoyed at one time. if he were to go back and do the things he use to do that would not change our relationship or if i went back and did things i enjyed doing either that would not change things either. i think the problem is from within me and just being disatisfied with my life. then i see old people on t.v. together and i think i don't want to grow old alone, then i see single people out doing what they want to do and i then i want to be single, i just can't seem to make up my mind, what i have left of it anyway. well that sums it up in a nutshell i think. any ideas on what to do when you just don't know what to do?

[Angel]

If you feel you will be chastised for doing what you want, then don't tell him. JUST DO IT. If he chastises you, ignore him. Do what you have to do. MEN do this all the time (you said he did it)and have no remorse or afterthought. This is a classic case of what's good for the goose---don't do it to be mean--do it for your mental health. Feel good about doing it and if he see's that his chastising has absolutely no effect on you---he will stop. Life is too short to always be under someone's thumb. You have to change, he doesn't. You are unhapy, he's not. Gee, it is so liberating to do what you damn well feel like doing. Just watch the men. It is so liberating to do what you want to do the way they do (as long as it's not illegal or immoral). I've learned more about liberation from men--not women. We are brainwashed to think the way we do. WATCH THE MEN. (I know this will be difficult for some men to read but this is my sincere opinion.)

Your guy should be very happy to share his work experiences with you. For a man, that's an important part of his life and if he's got a nice lady willing to listen that's a blessing. You should feel comfortable discussing anything you want in the context of your relationship. If you don't there is a terrible communications problem that will haunt you all the days of its life. The two of you need to have a nice long talk, clear the air, and open up some channels of sharing. Sharing is what relationships are all about. If you're going to live two separate lives and keep stuff from each other then there's no reason for being together. Now, if one or the other says they really aren't interested in hearing about certain things, respect that. If they say they aren't interested in hearing anything about the other person, the relationship is over. Get this straightened out as soon as possible. The two of you have to start sharing information on important parts of your lives...or there is really no reason to be together.

[Tony T]

It certainly makes me feel great when I know I have made a difference in someone's life. Thank you for posting your response. Good luck to you and happiness always.

[psycho]

velvet, i agree with tony and i also agree with you, i guess i'm just an agreeable person

 

i did take your suggestion to, i TOLD him i am going to some yard sales saturday, he kinda just chuckled and said you like that dont you? i said yes i do, and he just smiled at me, i must of caught him in one of his good moods cause that is NOT a normal response, but i was thankful for it anyway. i also know that come saturday his opinion may change but i wont even care cause i wont be around to listen to him put me down or the art of sales down either, so pooey on him, thanks for some enlightening advice.

I disagree with Tony, and believe that there is more to life than the same routine. You guys are stuck in the house all the time, or at work. There is no fun in that cycle. If your ready to stir & shake it up a bit, tell him your looking for another job, tell him while hes sleeping in Saturday your going to hit every yard sale in town. Take trips with him. You said you dont like to go on trips with him. Well you have to get over that. I for one, would never pass down a getaway. What sort of trips did he take in the past? For lifes sake set one up! Next time you too are pulling in the drive way and your not ready to go home. Tell him to hit reverse and take that long drive you mentioned to the Grand Canyon, a bed & Breakfast, the movies, whatever. Excitment wont fall in your lap until you get out and spend time together. Go online to find out what & where the best entertainment is in your city. You dont like what he does for fun and he feels the way about your choices in having fun. Try to get out once a week, and make it routine to do so. One week do something he likes, the next do something you like.

[psycho]

i am going to start watching the men, i work with enough of them. he does do what he wants and doesnt care if i approve or not, so i think maybe i should just do the same thing to, why not, right? it seems by the time i follow every one's advise i will be a totally changed woman, and i like that, been needing a change for a while now and i've surely gotten enough suggestions from this post and i am putting them to use all day and i will incorporate them in my daily undertakings as much as i can, i just hope i can remember them all! thanks for the great advise.

If you feel you will be chastised for doing what you want, then don't tell him. JUST DO IT. If he chastises you, ignore him. Do what you have to do. MEN do this all the time (you said he did it)and have no remorse or afterthought. This is a classic case of what's good for the goose---don't do it to be mean--do it for your mental health. Feel good about doing it and if he see's that his chastising has absolutely no effect on you---he will stop. Life is too short to always be under someone's thumb. You have to change, he doesn't. You are unhapy, he's not. Gee, it is so liberating to do what you damn well feel like doing. Just watch the men. It is so liberating to do what you want to do the way they do (as long as it's not illegal or immoral). I've learned more about liberation from men--not women. We are brainwashed to think the way we do. WATCH THE MEN. (I know this will be difficult for some men to read but this is my sincere opinion.)