Kittiecat Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Hm...I think I've had an epiphany... Maybe it was the cocktails I consumed tonight, but I do think that it's a good thing to accept whatever it is that life throws at you...good or bad. Right now, life is throwing me a lot of loneliness and bordom. Maybe that's OK. Maybe it's OK that I'm not happy all of the time. Maybe these sh*tty times will, in the long run, help me to appreciate the good times all the more. There's a part of me that's accepted that there's a very strong possibility that I am just not lovable to men in general, and that I WILL end up alone. And so what? I can amuse myself. I don't need a man. I don't need anyone. It just would be nice to have someone. That's all. Whine over.
Pyro Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Hm...I think I've had an epiphany... Maybe it was the cocktails I consumed tonight, but I do think that it's a good thing to accept whatever it is that life throws at you...good or bad. Right now, life is throwing me a lot of loneliness and bordom. Maybe that's OK. Maybe it's OK that I'm not happy all of the time. Maybe these sh*tty times will, in the long run, help me to appreciate the good times all the more. There's a part of me that's accepted that there's a very strong possibility that I am just not lovable to men in general, and that I WILL end up alone. And so what? I can amuse myself. I don't need a man. I don't need anyone. It just would be nice to have someone. That's all. Whine over. Poor kittiecat. I am pleased to hear that you don't have to rely on having a relationship, but I can also understand the frustrations with being lonely. Thats where hobbies and activities come into play. You just need to distract yourself from these thoughts. Join a gym, have more girls night out. Have fun with your life. Throw yourself out there more and you never know when you'll meet someone.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 I totally relate to that, KittieCat. Much as it seems, it's not a whine. It's what we know ourselves to be. I've discovered I'm pretty much OK being by myself. This is my singular, non-complicated state of existence and I'm lazily comfortable here. At some point, if someone does come along, I know it will take a lot more than just chemistry or mental connection or even love. It's almost like giving up one half of yourself. But as long as you know you can stand up to that challenge when it comes, you're fine. Until then, enjoy the grass on this side of the fence. You never know what'll happen tomorrow.
maoserr Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Personally, I don't think acceptance is something people do consciously. It's just something that happens in due time through experience and understanding. But then again, mental will can be a strong thing. Hmmm.....
Author Kittiecat Posted October 11, 2006 Author Posted October 11, 2006 Thanks guys! Riddler - I do have fun with my life, generally, and pretty much already do all the things you suggested. However, girls night out gets old and most of the "girls" are now married women with kids. I don't know, sometimes I just feel like my life is stuck in second gear. TTSP - I agree, and that's a very healthy attitude you have.
Ross_K Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 It's the same here Kittykat, I don't even attract women offline. Although I think myself, and most people do need someone to be happy. I can't really imagine anyone being happy with being single or even worse never attracting anyone for the rest of their lives.
Tony T Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 The absolute worst, most severe, most debilitating case of loneliness is not a fraction as bad as being in a bad relationship. Viva aloneness! The reason most people are alone is because of what they keep telling themselves in their head. If the most beautiful, intelligent, desireable lady in the world keeps telling herself that "all the good men are taken" then, absolutely, every man she meets will be married or in a relationship. If a man tells himself that every woman who is available is a bxtch, then sure enough, every woman he meets will be one or soon show that aspect of herself. The first step to finding a soulmate....or a very comfortable relationship...is to believe they exist and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are many wonderful people out there who will want to be with you. And, like magic, they will appear. I promise you. I guarantee. Your only problem then will be deciding which one to pursue...and we will help you with that!!! Your entire life is constructed from your thoughts. Your reality is controlled by your thoughts. Go around thinking trash and that's the kind of life you will have.
Ross_K Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 The first step to finding a soulmate....or a very comfortable relationship...is to believe they exist and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are many wonderful people out there who will want to be with you. And, like magic, they will appear. I promise you. I guarantee. Your only problem then will be deciding which one to pursue...and we will help you with that!!! I used to believe that women offline would find me attractive, but not one has ever shown me interest. Then again maybe I just thought that logically since I think I do look attractive in the mirror, that women must find me attractive, but maybe I didn't really believe it deep down. Your entire life is constructed from your thoughts. Your reality is controlled by your thoughts. Go around thinking trash and that's the kind of life you will have. I have heard of this before, I'm not really sure whether to believe it's true or not though.
luvtoto Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Kitcat, how much effort are you putting into finding him?
Pyro Posted October 11, 2006 Posted October 11, 2006 Thanks guys! Riddler - I do have fun with my life, generally, and pretty much already do all the things you suggested. However, girls night out gets old and most of the "girls" are now married women with kids. I don't know, sometimes I just feel like my life is stuck in second gear. The way that it has always worked out for me is that I have always met the best people (ex GF's and current GF) when I was least expecting it and not thinking about it, like you are doing. One day it will happen, just be patient.
Author Kittiecat Posted October 11, 2006 Author Posted October 11, 2006 The first step to finding a soulmate....or a very comfortable relationship...is to believe they exist and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are many wonderful people out there who will want to be with you. And, like magic, they will appear. I promise you. I guarantee. Your only problem then will be deciding which one to pursue...and we will help you with that!!! That's like believing in Santa Claus. I did once upon a time. But I do see your point. Kitcat, how much effort are you putting into finding him? Probably not enough. I make it a point to attend every freakin' social function/girls night I am invited to, even though my first instinct is to pass on said social event for an evening alone on my couch. Pretty counterproductive, huh? Even the mods think I'll spend "a lifetime alone." Didja see how they changed the subject line? If nothing else, I've gotta laugh.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Probably not enough. I make it a point to attend every freakin' social function/girls night I am invited to, even though my first instinct is to pass on said social event for an evening alone on my couch. Pretty counterproductive, huh? Ah - sounds familiar. Me attending "social" events was a rarity in any case, and I always felt like a clam whose shell is forcibly taken away Btw, now I just follow my instinct. Even the mods think I'll spend "a lifetime alone." Didja see how they changed the subject line? If nothing else, I've gotta laugh.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Hm...I think I've had an epiphany... Maybe it was the cocktails I consumed tonight, but I do think that it's a good thing to accept whatever it is that life throws at you...good or bad. Right now, life is throwing me a lot of loneliness and bordom. Maybe that's OK. Maybe it's OK that I'm not happy all of the time. Maybe these sh*tty times will, in the long run, help me to appreciate the good times all the more. There's a part of me that's accepted that there's a very strong possibility that I am just not lovable to men in general, and that I WILL end up alone. And so what? I can amuse myself. I don't need a man. I don't need anyone. It just would be nice to have someone. That's all. Whine over. We all dwell on these thoughts at some point, and it's natural to feel this considering the circumstances that have surrounded us. If we truly get to the point that we don't have to feel like were going to be alone, but instead are happy that we are alone, then I believe we have just discovered who we are and are happy with that person. After that self discovery the doors really open, we will then attract more people, and at the same time understand who is good for us and who is not. Plus being alone and being happy with who we are removes any co-depency issues thay may linger. Regards,
Island Girl Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I went through a period that is similar. It wasn't that no men ever loved me. I didn't love them. Either way it ends the same and as I got older the guilt that came from hurting them was horrible. I ended up moving and taking some time for myself - no relationship. I had come to the conclusion that if I wasn't able to love someone I needed to not suck them in either. It was about a year. I never felt better than at the end of that. At first it was weird but then I got to the point where I really enjoyed being able to go to Linens 'n' Things or some other store and browsing all afternoon if I wanted. Without somewhere to be or someone pulling at me to go somewhere else, etc. During that time, well, I got my head on straight I guess. I learned so much about myself. And the very next man I met, I fell completely in love with. My first love I guess. That's funny, my first love at over 30! 6 years later and we're happily married now. You never know where life will take you. For me, I know it was that time alone that gave me acceptance of myself and my circumstance that led to my absolute happiness.
johan Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Hang in there, Kittiecat! Just feel good about yourself and learn to like yourself. Just remember: when you stop looking, that's when love will come find you! So here's how to do it: take lots of hallucinogenic drugs, get a lobotomy and gouge your eyes out. Then you'll feel good, won't care and won't be looking much. Then some great guy will fall for you for sure, while you're raving like a lunatic and bumping into things. If that's too much then just read my first paragraph several times until you vomit. I always feel better after I have a good puke.
pricillia Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 K-kat I was just trying to list the Dylan Thomas Poem Don't Go Gentle Into That Good Night. I know that it applies to dying, however when I am feeling down I read it and try to apply it to other areas of my life. I tried to copy and paste but hello did not work.
Author Kittiecat Posted October 12, 2006 Author Posted October 12, 2006 Hang in there, Kittiecat! Just feel good about yourself and learn to like yourself. Just remember: when you stop looking, that's when love will come find you! So here's how to do it: take lots of hallucinogenic drugs, get a lobotomy and gouge your eyes out. Then you'll feel good, won't care and won't be looking much. Then some great guy will fall for you for sure, while you're raving like a lunatic and bumping into things. If that's too much then just read my first paragraph several times until you vomit. I always feel better after I have a good puke. Yes but what if I'm paranoid and expect that great love of my life to be stalking me right now as we speak? I tell ya, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder.
Author Kittiecat Posted October 12, 2006 Author Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks everyone. I'm pretty sure this whole "acceptance" thing is a self-defense mechanism. I of course hope I'm wrong and that I won't spend "a lifetime alone," but it's much easier to prepare myself and make the most of my blessings. And in a way, it's put a lot of things in perspective. I'm tired of running around constantly keeping an eye out for some idiot at the bar who may or may not think I'm cute, or buy me a drink, or ask me for my number, or call, etc. etc. The truth is, there ARE people in this world who never find that "special someone." Hell, there are people in this world who never get a good meal, let alone a good mate. I don't have it so bad.
alphamale Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 my take on this is basically that everyone goes to life alone and by themselves. you can have many friends and relatives and lovers and still be alone. no one can get inside your head and no one can know 100% of you. everyone has parts of their lives that are lonlier than others. I think living in the US doesn't help much either. We are not a very friendly and supportive people.
johan Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 We are not a very friendly and supportive people. No ****, Sherlock.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I think living in the US doesn't help much either. We are not a very friendly and supportive people.Yes, there 's a lot of truth to that. Living here is South Florida one always hears immigrants complaining about how America has corrupted their families. It's that emphasis on independence over family that I think is central to this. J illustrated it better than I could
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 my take on this is basically that everyone goes to life alone and by themselves. you can have many friends and relatives and lovers and still be alone. no one can get inside your head and no one can know 100% of you. everyone has parts of their lives that are lonlier than others. I think living in the US doesn't help much either. We are not a very friendly and supportive people. C'est Vrai. If you can pardon Johan's French, you can pardon mine, too.
Pyro Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 my take on this is basically that everyone goes to life alone and by themselves. you can have many friends and relatives and lovers and still be alone. no one can get inside your head and no one can know 100% of you. everyone has parts of their lives that are lonlier than others. I don't feel alone.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks everyone. I'm pretty sure this whole "acceptance" thing is a self-defense mechanism. I of course hope I'm wrong and that I won't spend "a lifetime alone," but it's much easier to prepare myself and make the most of my blessings. And in a way, it's put a lot of things in perspective. I'm tired of running around constantly keeping an eye out for some idiot at the bar who may or may not think I'm cute, or buy me a drink, or ask me for my number, or call, etc. etc. The truth is, there ARE people in this world who never find that "special someone." Hell, there are people in this world who never get a good meal, let alone a good mate. I don't have it so bad. Yep. I call it self-preservance, though. If that's what sustains, why not? Besides, why spend time and precious energy frenziedly trying to find a partner, when most of the time it's just a carrot-and-stick phenomenon?
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I don't feel alone. That's coz you live in New York.
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