LD breakup - how to get him to see the real me?

[rienderien]

My boyfriend and I were long distance for about 6 months. We dated for about a year and a half (friends for 4). Things went really well at first, but then he got really stressed with starting grad school and kept freaking out on me. He told me long distance relationships never work, they can't work, they'll never work (He'd had two that didn't). Then, when I told him I might be moving out there, he said that he doesn't know if it will work if I do, throws up all kind of bull**** excuses, but really he's just acting afraid and defeated. Finally, two weeks ago he broke up wtih me and said he wanted his life to be simpler and he wanted to date someone that was actually there (enter random girl who comes along and asks him out).

 

I accept that LDR are hard, and it was harder on him than some people, but mostly he failed to communicate his problems with me. Also, I get the feeling that in his head he's making up an image of me that isn't real. He accepts defeat before he starts and it's driving me crazy. I'm going to see him in a few days in person (I have a job interview for my dream job out where he is). I don't know if the other girl is in the picture at this point, but it can't have been for more than a few weeks.

 

I know he loves me and he still really cares about me. When we're together, things are amazing, but the distance eats at us both. I feel it's really a shame to let things fall apart right before we might end up back in the same place. He's said he'd consider getting back together if I move there, but it's just a maybe. I want to know, from people who have been in LDRs, if there is something I can do or say to reassure him more? Do you think just seeing me will make a difference? Or am I chasing ghosts?

[Guest]

My bf moved to CA (im in NY) we spent 6 months everyday togther & then he left for grad school. Of coarse we both knew it was coming & I would move out to him in a heart beat but he also has past long distance failed relationships & didn't want to deal with that especially since he would have so much school work to keep up with. We always call each other best friends but I am terrified that it will fizzel out.

 

However I did stick a note into his suitcase as he was packing- I told him he is my closest friend & if he ever needs anything I am here and always would be and he is basically the only person that I would drop anything for to talk to & even if it the tiniest or the biggest thing I would do what I could for him & also that I want to visit him. I am visisting him at the end of this month as a matter of fact.

 

So I know that the note effected him because he called me often before his classes began- I would just let him know that you care about him (if you do) and that you value what you have with him & are willing to give alittle more in order to make things work. Let him know how you feel- don't over do it though, sometimes boys get scared haha. Just keep it sweet & honest. And please let me know how it goes !!!!