I need some help!

[Confused]

Six mths ago my bf of six yrs broke up with me and moved out because he needed space. We have sort of been on and off in that time and I know I love him but he is unsure and scared about trying again. Last night he was over for about an 1hr and got really tense and said that he really needed to just go and have time to think. I told him I would leave it up to him to call me.

 

I still live in the same house that we shared and I am wondering whether this could be making a difference to how he feels ( all of the memories here)? I have been to his house and he is much more relaxed and happy to see me.

 

I really want us to have another go at the relationship but should I just get on with things and let go even if he wants me back?

[Tony T]

Your guy does not exhibit signs of being in love with you. Guys who are crazy about their lady do not need to move away from them to get space. That excuse is pretty lame. Guys who are in love with a lady don't get tensed up and have to go away and think when they come over for an hour.

 

Guys who are in love long to be with the object of their affection. After six years, they still enjoy being with their beloved and don't seek respite away from them for extended periods of time.

 

You ought to prepare yourself that this relationship is over. There are no positive signs here. If he does come back, don't count on it being permanent.

 

However, if he does come back and you want to get your relationship back on track, you're going to have to do things differently. Maybe you ought to get counselling. Maybe he's just not the right guy. Either way, you've got a lot of work cut out for you to get this back together and you may not be successful. You can work on anything but if his feelings aren't there...they aren't there.

 

Something wasn't going right here for him to want to move out. And something is really very wrong if he gets tensed up after being around you for an hour's visit.

 

Is there something about all this that you haven't told us?

 

This is NOT a keeper as it stands now.

[roger]

You know what. I am in the same boat. I wrote a column here not long ago explaining my situation which was....my wife of 6 years wanted space to sort out her emotions. It had been a tough couple of months and we just pissed each other off but nothing major or that couldn't be repaired.

 

Anyway, she was saying all sorts of irrational things which I am trying to understand.

 

She wants me to move back in with her but at a later stage to give it another go.

 

Anyway, there are some similarities here but also some differences.

 

The big warning sign here in a relationship is that he wants space..

 

You mentioned you broke up so he sounds like he wants to hang out with the lads for a while. People can change in 6 years.

 

Try laying low for a while. Let him chase if he wants you back, but in the meantime yes, go for it and move on.

 

I know it's hard, but cut your contact otherwise you will not get over him.

 

Good luck

[Confused]

Hi Tony,

 

We had been sitting in my room and a few nights before we left we had a huge fight and he pushed me into the door which left a hole in my wall. I have not had it repaired yet and every time he comes over and sees it it is like a really bad memory. It was an abusive relationship for many years but for the last year it stopped. When he moved out he said he just couldn't be with me and hurt me all the time.

 

Also when we were together he used to work really huge hours and so any spare time he had was spent with me - and I think he resented me for this.

Your guy does not exhibit signs of being in love with you. Guys who are crazy about their lady do not need to move away from them to get space. That excuse is pretty lame. Guys who are in love with a lady don't get tensed up and have to go away and think when they come over for an hour. Guys who are in love long to be with the object of their affection. After six years, they still enjoy being with their beloved and don't seek respite away from them for extended periods of time. You ought to prepare yourself that this relationship is over. There are no positive signs here. If he does come back, don't count on it being permanent.

 

However, if he does come back and you want to get your relationship back on track, you're going to have to do things differently. Maybe you ought to get counselling. Maybe he's just not the right guy. Either way, you've got a lot of work cut out for you to get this back together and you may not be successful. You can work on anything but if his feelings aren't there...they aren't there. Something wasn't going right here for him to want to move out. And something is really very wrong if he gets tensed up after being around you for an hour's visit. Is there something about all this that you haven't told us? This is NOT a keeper as it stands now.