what should I do?

[everyone is hurt]

Ok...this is gonna be quite a long one so brace urselfs....argh!

 

Right. I am 17 and have been going out with this wonderfull guy called James for 1 year 6 months. Everything was going fine until we met someone, (this other guy) and I started to have doubts. I fancied him abit but nothing at all like how I like James. Anyways my boyfriend didnt treat me very well (i didnt help matters either with my short temper) he is/was very possessive and jealous. I started talking to this other guy alot, he was really nice to me but he has alot of problems, keeps things bottled up. We conversed on the net and my these feelings for him wouldnt go away, at the same time I felt so guilty to James, he doesnt deserve that. Anyway...this other guy likes me, he told my friend and asked whether he'd ever have a chance with me, and rightly so she said no. I told him that I liked him too but that I wanted to talk to him about it, I was goning to suggest to him we dont talk so much to each other cos I want to sort my relationship out with James, I cant just let that amout of time go to waste. And besides (believe it or not I still love him). I told James all about it, I didnt want him to not know, I like being honest, its the best way to be in a relationship. This guy though has now really pissed me off (sorry for the language) hes walking around as though for certain I'll dump James for him, which I wouldnt do. I was going to talk to him saying that nothing could come of it, not when I still feel like this for James. I told him this the other day online again, I can only speak to him online now, the atmosphere at school is so tense and horrid. This other guy is now really scaring me, he's cut his arms open and he's threatening to do things to himself. Apparently I can just forget about him whereas he cant (I cant just forget about him, hes a good friend) its so confusing. Sorry if this has made no sense. I've just ended up spliting everyone apart, they are all so hurt. Me and my boyfriend are on a split this mommentin time, we want to sort things out. This other guy now walks around tho as tho he can just have me just like that. I've played with everyones feelings, the best thing to do would be if I just left them all.

[Tony T]

You haven't done anything wrong so don't worry about that.

 

This guy who's cutting his arms up over this, just let him cut anything he wants. He's marching around school like he's just stolen you away from your boyfriend. Is he mentally ill??? He's got the mentality and maturity of a very small child and you don't need him in your life. No, I'm sorry kids, very small children don't cut themselves up over people unless it's an accident.

 

And you say he's a good friend...WRONG!!! A good friend wouldn't act like that in his friendship with you.

 

Your boyfriend hasn't been treating you very well. Why do you stay around him? He's very possessive and jealous...very immature and dangerous to have in a boyfriend. Some of these kind end up killing or disfiguring their ladies...what a catch!!!

 

You're very young and no doubt curious about meeting a kind, mature, intelligent, secure, emotionally stable guy...which you don't even have on your radar screen right now.

 

I urgently suggest you give all these guys their walking papers and be a little bit more selective in the men you date in the future. This may just be a function of your age. Young ladies sometimes like the guys who need fixing. If that's it, have at it.

 

But one day this will get very tiring for you and you'll want a MAN who is a MAN. So far, all your experiences have been with children. When you're ready, you'll go for a guy who's got some qualities you can easily live with. Maybe in ten or fifteen years, these guys will grow to be like that...but you can't count on it.

 

Right now, I'd drop both of them like hot potatoes. They aren't caring for you, they are caring ONLY for themselves.

[ok]

some day, sooner than later would be best, you and your "friends" will all learn a bit of maturity.

 

Game playing like this is not healthy.

 

The wisest course for you would be to not chat up other guys, internet or not, if you are in a serious relationship.

 

If you are not in a serious relationship, then make sure the guys you are dating know that your relationship with them is not serious or exclusive.

 

Since you're 17, it probably is not a great strategy to be in a serious relationship. You have far too much growing up and maturing to do for you to be locked in a relationship yet.

 

No matter your dating pattern, honesty and being aboveboard are paramount.