First Post: Third time in eight years!!!!!!!!!!

[1confusedlady]

Okay, I am not really that upset about this, despite the angry face; just confused and annoyed. However, I am not sure where to post this: Friends/Lovers section or the Other Woman section. Well, I think it most fits the Friends/Lovers description, but let me give you all the background, and you all can tell me what you think:

 

I was 14 years old and best friends with a boy that I eventually fell in love (well, I thought it was love anyway...) with; that boy was 18 at the time. He had a girlfriend, and I was also friends with her (we met through him...so I was not friends with her first); she too was 18. Okay, so we are all friends, and then I tell him that I have a crush on him; a slight crush. So, he tells his girlfriend, which is understandable, and she doesn't care; we all stay friends. Anyway, later in the year, he kisses me. First kiss, first love, and later I find out that he "loves" me too. So anyway, he broke up with his girlfriend, and started dating me; she didn't know that we were dating, or that we had kissed before they broke up. The point is, we were together and happy, until my mom found out and decided to end things (as she should have; legally, even though we weren't doing anything other than kissing, it could be considered stagitory rape). Okay, so we don't talk again, he graduates, his ex-girlfriend finds out, and despises me. We don't talk again for three years.

 

Three years later (I am 17): he emails me. He is with a new girl, but he wants us to be friends again (we were really good friends before the whole crushing/dating thing that happened three years ago). So, we start hanging out, I meet his girlfriend whom he started dating after me those three years ago; she seems nice. Well, he tells me he loves me still; his girlfriend was right there. So, she goes off on him like, "She is 17! How can you do this? She isn't even old enough to leave home! Blah, blah, blah." Well, she is now out of the picture, and we start dating again. My mom finds out, and ends it once again.

 

Four years later (I am 21): he calls me. So, we start talking again. He is now married, and she is a really nice girl; really good for him. Anyway, we become friends again, and it is totally plutonic for a year. Then this past week, he calls me drunk telling me how much he is still in love with me and he never stopped loving me, just thought it would never happen, and couldn't wait. Now is is full of regret about getting married. So, he wants to tell her how he feels, but I don't want to ruin his marriage when in the long-run I know we want different things, etc.

 

Okay, I do love him; I too never stopped loving him, but love isn't enough sometimes, you know? I don't know what to do. We are so very different, but we have always been connected somehow. I mean, it is annoying! I can't still be in love with a man who is married, even if he is willing to give it up for me. I don't want to hurt another girl again! I mean, all these girls loved him too, and he just tossed them away for me; I would be pissed if I were any of them, but especially his wife. I mean, I love him so much, and we both always wonder about what would have happened if things had been different. What do I do? I mean, life is short, should I tempt it? Should I ignore him? Drop him as a friend after 8 years? I need your help and advice! Please!

[Guest]

Actually, I am in a similar situation, and would like some advice...so peeps need to start responding! Pleazzzz?!

[Yamaha]

Drop him as a friend after 8 years?

 

Yes. You both are not just friends.

 

Sometimes you need to make a choice and that choice might hurt but it is the only way to stop something that is not good for either one of you. You need to be the strong one here.