hes flying home for a second chance

[LittleNikki20]

if you have read any of my previous threads, my ex and i broke up and he flew to thailand with his friend for three months. hes been there for about 3 weeks this coming saturday. i heard from him the first week he was there, recieved some texts saying he knows hes made a mistake and he wants me back basicly. i told him i didnt know what i want because he hurt me.

 

the texts continued but only a few every few days until he phoned me the other night saying he is changing his flight he wants to come home to see me. he said if i just get half an hour with you and you tell me where to go il do it il fly home for that. he said his friend is due home the end of the month but he will be flying back in 8 days and his friend understands that its something he has to do.

 

Problem is im not sure what i want, i was devastated when we split, i love this guy so much, more than iv ever loved anything or anyone but he broke my heart big time. i feel like i should be jumping for joy that he wants me back but i cant help but feel mixed up. I met another guy since we split we went on a few dates but decided to remain friends as i wasnt ready and my ex told me that he met another girl before he went away but only met up with her once and they just kissed.

 

Im just not sure i can get passed whats happened, i love him and those feelings have never changed but my trust for him has and im not sure right now il get that back. i want to but im just scared too much has happened. He said he thinks things will be better this time becuase he realised what he has lost but im not sure they would be no matter how much id like to think so.

 

I have agreed to meet with him to talk when he gets home but im worried im not going to make my mind up on where we will go after that.

 

Thanks for reading, any advice i would be very grateful for.

[Guest]

Hey there I read your post and um. Why did he leave to thailand. That is way out there. I know he misses you because he would not call or want to come home to you. But you need to do what your mind and heart say. do not give in when you feel sorry or in doubt. Be sure and be upfront when talking to him. If this is what he wants to be with you then all his answers need to be upfront and honest. By the way who is his friend? By experience I am going through something right now. I feel everyone deserves a second chance. only a second chance. In one condition. Everything is to be layed on the table. If two people truley love eachother and want to committe no words should be left with a question pending. Both hearts have to be sure 110% and minds as well. Remember that time is precious and that pain will remain if not handled in the right way. So if you want this make sure of it and make sure he wants this. If not let your tears heal on there own and move on. One day you will wake up 10 yrs later and hopefully have someone next to you that you know is your soul mate for life.

[daphne]

Nikki,

 

Can I ask how old your ex is? It doesn't matter much but it may explain his arrogance. Honestly, your situation sounds a lot like mine. And they both sounded pretty cocky when they thought they were leaving and able to forget us.

 

I don't think the relationship was great to start off with if he was disrespecting you behind your back to begin with. You were hurt and wanted him to stay. Now he's hurt and he wants you back. He sounds pretty selfish. Why should he be rewarded for acting like a jackass?

 

Regardless, I don't think I'd be able to trust my ex. I know he realizes he screwed up. I just don't want someone that is that messed up that he doesn't know what he wants and is arrogant when he thinks he has the upper hand.

 

At the very least, it's your ex's turn to sweat it out. Personally, I doubt I'd take your ex back after the way he's acted. But you have to do what feels right for you.

[LittleNikki20]

My ex is 22, he left for thailand becuase his dad lives out there i have been myself, i flew over to see him whilst he was there last year, which is somethig i have never doen for anyone before. at 20 yrs old flying accross the world on my own to see someone was a big deal to me.

I agree thats hes been very selfish. iv got mixed emotions right now, on one hand i feel he thought it was his way out him and his friend can have a few months over here together and hes gne and realised whats hes lost and that going there was the worst thing he could do to me yet the best way of me moving on.

 

At the moment i have alot of doubt for us, i do want to hear what he has to say but i feel hurt and angry still, wether that will change once seeing him and hearing what he was to say who knows.

A big worry is that my family and friends wont agree with me and him even meeting for a chat, let alone giving it a second chance.

I feel like maybe my feelings have changed but im not sure if thats coming with feeling angry. i just feel mixed up.

I dont want to hurt again, not when iv come this far.

[Guest]

Hey girlie look. I am going to lay it on the line. Your young and yes your hurting. Your confused and feel upset at the moment. Do not get back with this dude. Reason because being upset and hurt and angry will not let your heart or mind think what your really feeling but upset. You can visit with him if you like, but remember just coming back and him telling you he loves you and wants you back is nothing. He needs to prove it and by proving it means to show you everyday of his life if that is what he really wants.

 

A man who loves a woman and feels he is a changed man will be. No one will interfere with that. So just take a deep breathe and think. You need to be in control of your life. Like the person that posted earlier said, life is precious and also time waisted is heartbreaking especially if someone tells you they want to be with you then lies to you again. Your young you have lots of life left to enjoy yourself and never cut yourself short on anything not even love. you seem to know what you need to do. good luck

[daphne]

Nikki,

 

I know that it's tempting because there's a part of you that needs to feel validated. However, in my experience people do not change. I know this guy is young, and maybe he'll learn for this experience. But I doubt he'll change for you. He'll have to lose something due to his own arrogance before he can man up and do it right next time. When someone is willing to leave like that, the way he did, it's very very telling to the selfishness of that person.

 

At a certain point you have to be selfish too. Life is too short to settle for someone that doesn't feel you are important enough to stick around for. You won't be able to forget that any time soon, even if you do get back together. If you take him back, I can almost guarantee you that he won't necessarily ever realize he screwed up big time because he'll have gotten his way. Loss is how we grow. He hasn't really lost anything yet as it's only been a few months.

 

When my girlfriend asked me why I totally shut the door when my ex let me know he was leaving for good (after chasing me liek a madman to get me back), I told her she wouldn't understand. Her fiancé was moving to my city to follow her for her job. He would never have left her in the first place. I don't want anything less than that. ANd someone who can leave because he feels he can live without me is way less.

 

And finally, you really have to ask yourself how much his realization comes from him realizing he doesn't want to be in Thailand, and how much he really wants you back. I doubt if things over there were hwo he imagined that he'd come crawling back like this.