EllieBear Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Okay I have been reading about this NC stuff and that its a good idea and should be done if you want you ex back or to get over them...Well I want my ex back...I am scard that if I keep having NC with him he will forget about me and move on and I don't want that to happen. I want to text him and say hi and see how he is doing since we haven't talked in 11 days. But I also want to be strong and let him come to me. He told me 11 days he would call me in a few days and it's been more then a few! I want him to know that I still care with texting him or maybe calling him...but he hasn't talked to me so that could mean he doesn't want me to call him? NC could be good or bad! I don't know if i should contact and feel bad if he doesn't say anything back but also I am scared that I might lose him for good if i don't contact him....But he could contact me right? if he cares?? So is having NC good for 11 days and now I should think about contacting or no??? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
db75 Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Everyone's situation is a bit different. I wouldn't mind having my ex back either, but I know she doesn't want to be in a relationship at this point in her life, so for me no amount of calling or e-mailing is going to make a difference. That's why I just don't communicate with her any longer....there's simply no point in it. That's what I guess you have to ask yourself ultimately....what would be the point? The fact that he hasn't contacted you could be somewhat telling on its own. I personally don't see anything wrong with contacting someone in the very early days of a break-up, however once you two are totally in agreement that parting ways is the best thing(despite whatever you both may want individually) that's when it's no contact time. Link to post Share on other sites
Confuggled_one Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 no contact FTW! i think no contact is good for a while because it makes your exes realize the times without you.. what they miss.. and it gives you time to think about whether or not YOU want to be in the relationship. just give it time. first few weeks are the toughest.. but you can pull through! but yes every relationship is different. sometimes even if your ex still loves you.. they give you a lame excuse like "I dont see us together now but i see us together later!" if that is the case, i suggest you to def. go on NC. my ex did that to me and i hate her for that. she played so many games with me. at times she wants tto come back, at times she didnt want to. i mean i want her to make up her mind. but i def. say NC for a while, then see how it goes later. good luck bud Link to post Share on other sites
Author EllieBear Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 I broke down and texted him yesterday...No reply or call or anything..as far as i'm concerned I am done trying to reach out..he's the one that broke up with me so why am I caring that he doesn't call...Hope he falls! Link to post Share on other sites
Amour77 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 If he is the one who broke up with you, you should not have contacted him. If you told him you loved him when you broke up, he knows that for a fact. Don't worry though about your text message. From now on, NC and let him come back to you! Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Thing is women can get away with pestering men, it looks cute. You could try showing up where he is.. This next bit is a good idea too but women never pay attention to me See men are VISUAL if you show up somewhere dressed sexy.. with another guy too that helps Women have pulled that on me before I should make a list of all the things that worked on me I have to say N.C. wasnt necessarily one of them.. its just part of a bag of tricks If he told you dont call me anymore oh well if he doesnt say that you could try once a week.. call.. dont text or email trying to show up where he is works even better but u have to make it unexpected and dont get all weird when u see him.. just say hi and act indifferent or turn away etc... Ya Ill think of all the tricks women have pulled and post them sometime Link to post Share on other sites
Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 If I can give you any kind of advise I would say try and go n/c now.. He knows how you feel and he knows you want to work things out.. I myself got dumped and I e-mailed and called my ex, to tell him that I miss him, because I was so scared he was going to forget about me, and I just feel even worse now that I did that.. I would say not to play games and go to his house or work, I just think that you need to let him come to you.. If it was mean to be then you and him will get back together, but if you keep fighting for him and you guys work out you will always want to know if he would ever fight for you.. I know it is hard not talking to someone that you dated for awhile, trust me I know, I myself am sitting here crying about how alone I feel and why my ex does not care for me.. but, this is his problem now, not mine.. I have fought for something that was never meant to be.. he does not care so why should I? You just need to keep telling yourself you did everything you could to make your reationship work, for whatever reason he wants his space.. Let him come to you.. Trust me.. Link to post Share on other sites
vanButterfly Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 NC is good if you find that you have no control over your emotions or what you say when you see or speak to them. It's not the No Contact bit that is good to get your ex back - it's the part where they dont feel pressured by you or feel smothered, and this is the result of no contact. You can also have contact but give them the same feeling if you control how you act. My boyfriend and I were apart for 1.5 months and it felt like forever. He said that the time apart helped let the anger we felt about the issues we had subside and he could think with a clearer mind. Yours needs to work out and think things through. I'm sure 11 days has felt like forever for you. I think that if he really cares he will contact you. It depends on his lifestyle too which would determine when he contacts you - how much you were in his life and what role you played and how much he valued you in his life. Please be strong and leave him alone. Especially since he was the one that left you. I broke up with this same boyfriend a year ago for 2 weeks (we had a lot of issues ). We didnt talk. I was missing him but happy doing my own thing. He emailed me a week later. Things had settled and I was more open to him at that point. What is attractive is when you go out and have a good time. I dont mean intimately. Respect yourself and look after yourself, but have fun and laugh and get out there and do something for yourself. I started dancing and making new friends (at this time my ex and I would speak once a week) and he noticed how happy I was. I always replied to his emails briefly (sometimes didnt reply) and didnt tell too much detail. He asked me HOW could I be so happy and move on with the relationship so fast? (This was when I wanted him back and he didnt want to try again). He asked WHY wasnt I like that when I was with him? He told me he was jealous and then he wanted to talk about the relationship and told me how he felt about me. It didnt work that simply - but what I wanted to say is that if he sees that you are having a fun time without him, he will wonder why...'you should be chasing me!'. It's an ego thing and someone is attractive when they are happy. This is a difficult time but you will get through it. For some reason in life, when you work towards getting away from a relationship, it's the best way to get it back. This is what I think and maybe it is rubbish - but to me you are watching a pot and waiting for it to boil. It will boil faster if you go off and start developing your life without him. Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 i am so glad u posted your comments because you said the one thing that i really think is the bad part of NC. you state that when one person does NC and goes out and starts living their live without the other person and is happy, that is when the other person finds that attractive and decides to end the NC they initated! but you are missing the point - that person is happy without you - they have moved on. why would you feel that someone showing you they are happy without you would mean anything other than they are HAPPY WITHOUT YOU. see, in every case i have witnessed or experienced that 'point in time' - its too late. I don't think people get that. Someone dumps the other, goes intro NC, the other person struggles, gives up, moves on, finds someone else or something to make them happy because it is not the person that is doing the NC [that is what pushes them away] and then the dumper sees the dumpee being happy, different emotions occurr, think they are attarcative again - but the game is over at that point. basically doing that is tellng the other person, hey, when the chips are down i am outta here, but when everything is peachy i'm in! how does that make the other [happy camper] want to be with the dumper? makes absolutely no sense. NC is simply a way to avoid a messy situtaion, control emotions, and end a relationship - i have never seen a couple get back together when NC is used...and the longer it goes on...it is never about hating or emotions such as anger, hurt, etc. The other person has learned to live without you. So, if the dumper is sure that they never want to be with the dumpee again - yes - NC is the way to go. I've already reached my limit and have given my weeks notice at the ol' powerplant. And I can do so because hey, when you get to that point you truly are able to take it or leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
vanButterfly Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 If someone goes out and starts enjoying themselves instead of pining over their ex, it doesnt mean that they are over them. Deep down you are still hurt, but you are on your way to move on and can go out and enjoy yourself. If I had a child and they died, I could laugh at one thing within the month of that happening, but it doesnt mean that I am over the death. I went out and was happy without my ex, but I preferred to have him in my life. It's good if you can be happy when not with your partner. It's healthy. Doesnt mean you dont love them or do not want to be with them. YOu are supposed to complement each other. I used to not be this way. I used to only want to be with my partner and everything else could go get stuffed. I agree that No contact doesnt help the situation. Everyone can learn to live without someone. THis is why you should stay in contact, but start to do things that make you happy so you are not dependent on them making you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EllieBear Posted October 15, 2006 Author Share Posted October 15, 2006 I called him yesterday at 1pm and left a message and friendly message saying to call me back...and 20 some hours later...no call...So I guess he doesn't want to talk to me Last time we talked we left on good terms...he said he would call me in a few days...and didn't so I called and got nothing...nothing nothing NOTHING! Why isn't he calling me or returning my call...I'm not calling all the time calling yesterday was the first time I called in 14 days. It's killing me to know why he doesn't want to talk to me. Our breakup wasn't a bad one...it was just that he felt unhappy b/c he couldn't do all his activites all the time...Guess I will never know not until he calls... Thanks for everyone that posted...Looks like all hope in getting him back is gone... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 ellie, You need to start looking out for yourself from this point on. I am glad you made a last ditch attempt to contact him yet his actions are evident. At this point his mind is telling him that he is better off without you in his life and there is nothing you can do or say to make him feel otherwise. You need to start thinking about why it is that you would want someone in your life that would treat you in this manner? That is the first place to start and then start identifying traits that you would treasure in a potential guy for the future. This ex certainly does not have them and it is only the comfortability you had with him that you are yearning for. I am getting sick of people trying to win back their ex's on this forum.........why should you have to win them back????? they should already value you as much as you do them and if not, find someone that will. That feeling of happiness is well worth the wait I assure you. Don't make the mistake of contacting him again....as each time you do you will be brought back to stage one in the greiving process. No matter how long it takes, prove to yourself that you are capable of living a complete life on your own two feet. You did before you met him and you will in the future as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer2000 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Honey I am in the same boat as you, I sent my ex a e-mail telling him how I missed and everything.. He gave me a response that was almost worse then not getting a response.. He told me to smile and I will be okay.. So I am done, you too need to get control over your life.. If this guy does not want you, it is someone else's gain.. Trust me.. I know you are hurting now, but the more you contact him the more he will hurt you.. And when he does call, please do not run for the phone, he broke up with you, he knows you love him and he knows you want to get back with him.. He broke your heart, so you should not have to chase him and win his love back.. Girl, really try and be strong, he knows where you are at, but you have to make him work to get you back, if you come running back to him and you guys get back together you will always want to know if he would ever fight for your heart as you did his.. Trust me.. I feel your pain sweetie, I really do.. Summer Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 He broke your heart, so you should not have to chase him and win his love back.. Good post Summer.. It is so true.. after the smoke signals and the few emails it is best to just move on.. it is their loss.. I have embarassed myself before blowing smoke signals to no avail.. it never works They do know how you feel.. they know how much you love them and how much you want them back..yet they do nothing That is why when someone goes dark the healthiest thing you can do is just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 ahhhhhhh...see NC works really well for the one that starts it...the other person is kept in the dark...what a horrible power game and a lousy way to end a relationship...how does that show respect and honour the relationship? why would you start feeling 'better' about someone who has basically decided to raise the iron curtain? that is brutal stuff. i will never use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 what a horrible power game and a lousy way to end a relationship Yes it is ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EllieBear Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 Why isn't he calling me back??? He said he wanted to be friends and I called on Sat and he didn't call me back. I know he is avoiding me? But why???? Why isn't he calling me back? We didn't leave on bad terms...I sent him a letter 2 wednesdays ago...and heard nothing...Do you think the letter made him mad? Or what? I know I'm better off because if he is going to treat me like this who needs him...But I just wonder why he isnt calling me??? Like I want to call and ask him but he wont answer...which i shouldnt care..but I do...He was suppose to care about me...Ya right!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tryingtoforgethim Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 i had been in your shoes and you shouldnt contact him becoz he was the one who broke up with you. He doesnt want you anymore and he told you to be friends is just to make it sounds less harsh. The main point is he doesnt want you to love him and he doesnt want you anymore . Full stop. all your efforts to contact him is only make him look down on you . Girl, your relationship is over. I know it is not nice to hear , i know how it feels .. But for your own good and your pride, you shouldnt never call him, nor miscall.. or whatever.. he will know that is you. just forget him.. make your self busy, do other things.. there are a lot other things in life that awaits you... Link to post Share on other sites
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