Childhood crush calls me

[brown]

Here's the situation...this might be long winded...so thanks in advance to anyone who reads this and replies.

 

There is this guy, Brian, that I've always liked and had major crushes on since the 6th grade. He's like the perfect guy for me. When I was 13, I convinced him that we should go out (which was code for afternoon makeout sessions). Love really had nothing to do with it back then. I've just always admired him tremendously, even though I don't think he always had the same amount of admiration for me. After 6th grade was over, my family moved to a new town and I attended a new school.

 

Since our schools played each other in sports, I'd always go to the games in which he was playing. I was borderline stalkerish! He was a basketball player and star football player for his school. There were some really tough days at school when random people would bring up his name and talk about how good of an athlete he was. I wasn't that popular in high school and if I told anyone that I used to "go out" with him they wouldn't believe me anyways.

 

He went on to play big time college football, moved far way after he graduated and I haven't seen him since 1998. I never attended college, stayed in my hometown, and worked odd jobs.

 

Then I met Jeffrey in 1999...who is 4 years older than me...and is now my husband. When I met him I was at a sort of crossroads in my life. Some people might have called it "going nowhere fast". (I've always been an optimistic person/glass half full gal, so I always just hoped for the best). Anyways, Jeffrey had a steady job as a laborer working for a logging company and wanted to have a wife. I always wanted to be married and I loved him a lot. We were married in 2000...and in 2002 we welcomed our first daughter, Alix.

 

Things have always been "just fine" in our marriage...we don't make a lot of money...but we've always held it together. But, there have been times when I've been less than happy with Jeff.

 

Then...some very odd happened earlier this week. I got a call from Brian out of nowhere. I don't know how he got our home phone number to begin with (since my last name changed when I got married). He called on a Sunday, when Jeff wasn't home, and we talked about where we've been and how our lives have turned out. Immediately I was thrown back to 1993 and started getting that feeling in my gut about him as soon as I hung up the phone. It was absolutely insane.

 

We exchanged email addresses in a non-flirtatious, friendly manner and we told eachother we'd keep in touch.

 

About a day later he sent me an email, along with a recent photo of himself. He turned out to be an absolutely stunning man, he's 27 but he looks about 21. His email seemed a little flirtatious, stating that he wants to see me in person sometime when he comes back into the area to visit his parents next month.

 

I will not lie to you...all this week I've been on cloud nine thinking about him, fantasizing about being in his arms, etc.

 

Brian is so different from my husband. He works in a city environment for a technology company, he's polished, borderline metro-sexual, and very smart. My husband is a rugged, drinking beers-with-buddies, heavy machinery guy. I love both styles of men, but you have to remember that Brian is someone I've had deep rooted feelings for since I was a little kid.

 

I'm really confused. This is the first time in my marriage that I've felt a urge to do something that really wasn't right. If I was ever to have an affair this would be definitely the guy I would have it with...and I've always wondered what happened to him during the past decade. I just don't know what's going to happen if we meet face to face.

 

Any advice is appreciated...

[whichwayisup]

Go read some threads in the OW/OM section, read about the women and men who suffer through the pain and heartache. Then go read the threads in the infidelity section about the betrayed spouses learning about their partner's cheating, and dealing with pain, losing all faith and trust...

 

Then, take the time for yourself to figure out WHO you want to be with. If you don't love your husband anymore, get a divorce THEN go be with the OM. But please, don't go cheat on him because of some long lost crush from many years ago...Think of your daughter, think of your husband. DO you want to give up your life as you know it now, the house, your marriage, your whole family JUST to be with a man who you really don't know anymore so you can have some fun sex on the side?? That's just selfish...

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but you need a reality kick.

[Sal Paradise]

If you meet this guy you will probably cheat on your husband. 95% chance. It's as simple as that. Why would you cheat? Because the grass is always greener on the otherside.

 

Actually one could argue that if you even go meet this guy you're cheating on your husband. You acknowledge that you don't know what will happen if you meet him, you acknowledge that even hearing from him has confused your feelings. To go see this man under those conditions is in itself a betrayl of your husbands trust and love. It's emotional infidelity.

 

I would strongly advise to go no contact with this friend before you do something you will really regret. Think about your child, how much she loves her dad. Going down this road could take her away from dad (or you away from her).

 

Don't think for an instance that you will simply go meet him and see what happens. One thing never leads to another. This can be killed right now if you stop it. If you go any further than this than you have no one to blame but yourself. Concentrate on your husband, your love for him and your marriage. Don't talk to this guy anymore. Not online, not on the phone, nothing.

 

If you can't do that then you should divorce your husband now. If you can't put a school girl crush aside for the man you love and is the father of your child then you don't deserve his love.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm trying to wake you up before you make a huge mistake. Don't open up pandora's box. Put it back down on the shelf with the rest of your childhood memories and walk away. Walk toward the future you have with your husband and your child. Because its that future that will be in jeopardy if you continue to contact this other man.

 

Think about that everytime you feel the schoolgirl butterflies in your stomach. Think about the hurt on your husbands face if you pursue this and he finds out, think about not seeing your kid all the time because you share custody. Think about that and replace those butterflies with a feeling of disgust and fear of losing everything you have over a silly schoolgirl crush.

 

You're a grown woman now. Act like it.

 

 

Good luck, I really do mean that

[Sal Paradise]

After reading the last thread this person made in 2004, I think there is a good chance this is troll. In that thread "she" (or he) claimed that they were looking to get in contact with a girl they had a crush on from 4 years prior. And she says he/she had just came out of a 5 year relationship. Here he/she says she has known her husband since 1999.

 

So either he/she is either a troll, a liar, or perhaps both.

[Craig]

From 2004

 

My questions are as follows:

 

1) Should I call this girl?

2) Will she find this strange and say "no"?

3) Do girls dig this type of thing and find it flattering?

From 2006

 

Then I met Jeffrey in 1999...who is 4 years older than me...and is now my husband.

 

Bizarre, I guess this person couldn't sleep either.