need some love tips

[briarmoss]

Ill try and make this quickish, myself and my ex fiancé, (im a guy) were together for 7 years, until she decided to walk out 4 months ago, I must admit 2 being shocked at how completely she had left, but not for the reasons that she gave, which were that I had become snappy and short tempered, just for the record I do feel uncomfy referring to her as she or she, as I believe she deserves more respect than that but it is slightly easier, at this point I feel it necessary to point out that I was aware of issues quite serious 1s that I had to resolve from childhood experiences, but never really did, I don’t feel comfortable in trying to use these as an excuse for my actions, but im trying to paint a picture, also I was for the last 6 months of our relationship under a lot of family and work pressure. For the next 3 months or so she was quite verbally aggressive and nasty, some of which but not all I think was somewhat justified, as I had quashed all her dreams and hopes for the future, her security, and displaying that someone she loved and cared for couldn’t be trusted as entirely as she had hoped and presumed, there was still an amount of contact as there was joint property ownership rights to settle, and indeed there still are, however the ball has been set in motion, and we r just waiting for legal eagles to pull there fingers out. However 3 weeks ago or so she contacted me and was entirely pleasant, back to the person I had spent 7 years with and loved with all my heart, (obviously not enough, or I would have made more of an effort), and still do love so deeply, she asked if we could meet for coffee, when we did she said that we could meet up for coffees etc, and have done plus lots more quite frequently over the past 3 weeks, when I say and more, I mean things like meals out, cinemas picnics soccer matches, concerts, quite nights in but just meet as friends, and see where that leads us. At this point I should point out that although I did attempt, (ok not very hard obviously) to seek professional counseling for my issues, previously, that I decided to stop living and suffering for an era that stopped existing many years ago, and sought help, and badgered harrased and kept knocking on doors until I started to receive help and understanding from professionals, I honestly can say that I would find it very difficult, to not only receive more help, but to put anymore effort in myself, ( I am and always have been doing this for me not my ex,) so we now have more contact, even if it is just on phones, not everyday but several times a week and as I say we meet up few times a week and get on great, when we have met up, she has pointed out that she has seen massive changes in me, (her words not mine) and not only that but she is very impressed by the way I am sticking at things and adjusting, yes I accept we meet and chat very much on her terms, but the courtesy of choice, and independence is something that I believe is the very least I should give her, ( I honestly don’t believe that I would have got so involved in seeking help, nor as really determined had I done it whilst still in the knowledge she was around as my security blanket,)I truly and deeply still love her, in fact as the song goes didn’t know what I had till it was gone, and dint know or accept that love could be so deep or strong, I honestly don’t miss the sex side of things with her, I just miss my bud, my love my soulmate, guess my question is two-fold, is she just missing the habit of us, or may she be having other thoughts, and am I doing right being so laidback whilst allowing her the time and sp-ace to re-establish trust in me, I genuinely am sorry for making the biggest f….k up of my life, I truly love her, but my actions and learning pattern I am genuinely doing to make me a better person, and guy that I hope she may be proud of, as I am proud of her everytime I am with her, I honestly thought we had a great relationship, not great enough obviously, we didn’t just become lovers we became best mates, though I realize its not right for me to decide for her those thoughts, please I hope you can all help, or try to, we all make mistakes, but surely its what you learn from them and what you take from them that makes a person what they are