Marriage

[wl]

I'm now at a stage where I feel I want to give to a man that has the ability to give to me in return. I want to move past the lust phase of relationships and develop a real relationship with a man. I do need him to provide for me although I will do my part. I also need him to understand and nurture what makes me me. I want to provide a home for him to come home to and add spice to his life after a long day. I want someone who will help me relax and shut out the world after a long day. I want to enjoy life with another human being. My problem is that I can't seem to develop a relationship with men who fit these qualities. I always attract and get the guys who want to be with me primarily for sex. I have been told that I am very attractive and have enjoyed sexual relationships in the past but I now want something more. Why don't guys look at me and say "She is going to be my wife." instead of "She is hot". I don't were revealing clothing or make-up. It seems like guys just see me as a body and have no interest in seeing me as a wife.

 

HELP

[Tony T]

Usually, other people see us as we see ourselves. When you stop thinking of your own self as a hot and sexy babe but rather a nice lady worthy of the love of a decent guy, it will happen for you instantly.

 

Your thoughts affect everything about your life and your world. Change the way you think and you'll change your life at the same time.

 

Stubbornly refuse to attract or have anything to do with men who simply want you for sex and you will start attracting men who will see you for your heart, your soul...as well as your body. The physical is very much a part of good relationships along with everything else.

 

Maybe you also ought to start hanging out in places where more classy, mature men can be found.

[ki-ki]

to the one who wrote the message.....

 

please never lose faith... I am a young woman also waiting for that right one and although there are so much more in life we have to take care of we are all human and we all want that love and commitment from someone...that's how God made us...with emotions....!!

 

There are some men out their that are going to want to persue perhaps casual relationships...but never lose track of what you want!!......deep down you will always know who is right for you!!

 

(I must repeat this to myself before I post my own thread....lol)

 

good luck on your search

[Anon]

Now this isn't a hard one---I have men wanting to marry me after 3 weeks (which is ridiculous). It is simple. When you are interested in a man, make sure he treats you like a lady and behave as such. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS OF CONTINUOUS DATING and only when you have a relationship of exclusivity established. The ones that want you for only sex will drop you like a hot potato. The ones that want a relationship will pursue you. It works like a charm---men want what they can't have. Try it. It works. And don't concentrate on your looks--work on your character. (I am not implying that you don't -- it's just good advice.)

 

Hang in there.

I'm now at a stage where I feel I want to give to a man that has the ability to give to me in return. I want to move past the lust phase of relationships and develop a real relationship with a man. I do need him to provide for me although I will do my part. I also need him to understand and nurture what makes me me. I want to provide a home for him to come home to and add spice to his life after a long day. I want someone who will help me relax and shut out the world after a long day. I want to enjoy life with another human being. My problem is that I can't seem to develop a relationship with men who fit these qualities. I always attract and get the guys who want to be with me primarily for sex. I have been told that I am very attractive and have enjoyed sexual relationships in the past but I now want something more. Why don't guys look at me and say "She is going to be my wife." instead of "She is hot". I don't were revealing clothing or make-up. It seems like guys just see me as a body and have no interest in seeing me as a wife. HELP

[yes]

what do u mean by "make sure he treats you like a lady and behave as such."

 

could u elaborate?

Now this isn't a hard one---I have men wanting to marry me after 3 weeks (which is ridiculous). It is simple. When you are interested in a man, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS OF CONTINUOUS DATING and only when you have a relationship of exclusivity established. The ones that want you for only sex will drop you like a hot potato. The ones that want a relationship will pursue you. It works like a charm---men want what they can't have. Try it. It works. And don't concentrate on your looks--work on your character. (I am not implying that you don't -- it's just good advice.) Hang in there.

[Tony T]

Please!!! Please tell me you do know what treating somebody like a lady means and what it means to be and act like a lady...PLEASE!!!

 

You're scaring me!!!

[velvet]

I lost my faith for long term. I dont believe they exist with someone you WANT to be with.

 

I went out on a date Friday and he told me that the person you want doesnt want you. Than he said but the person you dont want, than I said stalks you! He laughed he said yea, I replied with well so I suppose we dont like each other?

 

I could have a r/s with an older man. Thats my way of looking at it. But I was engaged with some sixteen years older than me at one time. After it ended Ive been dating people in their mid to late twenties. No man is mature at that age. Their all dogs.

 

But Im going to just enjoy being alone if thats the way Im going to live now. Im going to date and not look into it as any kind of investment. Im going to be strong, and not let my guard down even if I crave intiamcy. Im not going to look for it. I think thats the first step, is to forget about looking for someone to love you back. Love yourself, concentrate on you and hold high respect for yourslef. Than if its ment to be your love will come along.

 

I'm now at a stage where I feel I want to give to a man that has the ability to give to me in return. I want to move past the lust phase of relationships and develop a real relationship with a man. I do need him to provide for me although I will do my part. I also need him to understand and nurture what makes me me. I want to provide a home for him to come home to and add spice to his life after a long day. I want someone who will help me relax and shut out the world after a long day. I want to enjoy life with another human being. My problem is that I can't seem to develop a relationship with men who fit these qualities. I always attract and get the guys who want to be with me primarily for sex. I have been told that I am very attractive and have enjoyed sexual relationships in the past but I now want something more. Why don't guys look at me and say "She is going to be my wife." instead of "She is hot". I don't were revealing clothing or make-up. It seems like guys just see me as a body and have no interest in seeing me as a wife. HELP

[yes]

I have my own idea of it ... I dunna if it's same as hers!

Please!!! Please tell me you do know what treating somebody like a lady means and what it means to be and act like a lady...PLEASE!!! You're scaring me!!!

[wl]

Thanks for the input. I do agree that a sexual relationship should come after long discussion and time. However, I don't want to feel as if I am tricking a man into marriage or playing a game. Marriage, I think, is for people who are ready to give to each other. By giving I mean to give of their time, effort, and share a life. I think that marriage should have little to do with if and when a woman decides to have sex with a man. If that were the case, the chase would be over after the honeymoon and where does that leave them. I guess then it would be time for kids. It sounds so typical.

 

Being strong and holding back even if you crave intimacy sounds very heroic. It also sounds like you are on a diet. But forget about the sex issue for a sec. What if you have concentrated on you and hold yourself in the highest regard. What's wrong with wanting to share your life with someone? I do think that I am going to abstain from sex. Not because I want a man to marry me but because it should be reserved for married people. This is based on a religious influence in my life. It may not be right for everyone but it feels right for me to abstain. Hopefully this will weed out all undesirables as a bonus.

I lost my faith for long term. I dont believe they exist with someone you WANT to be with. I went out on a date Friday and he told me that the person you want doesnt want you. Than he said but the person you dont want, than I said stalks you! He laughed he said yea, I replied with well so I suppose we dont like each other?

 

I could have a r/s with an older man. Thats my way of looking at it. But I was engaged with some sixteen years older than me at one time. After it ended Ive been dating people in their mid to late twenties. No man is mature at that age. Their all dogs. But Im going to just enjoy being alone if thats the way Im going to live now. Im going to date and not look into it as any kind of investment. Im going to be strong, and not let my guard down even if I crave intiamcy. Im not going to look for it. I think thats the first step, is to forget about looking for someone to love you back. Love yourself, concentrate on you and hold high respect for yourslef. Than if its ment to be your love will come along.

[JustaGuy]

It's been said here and it's good advice...if you want a guy to want you for more than sex...hold off on the sex. For MONTHS. If they walk, so be it (you'll be luckier than the next girl they jump on and leave in the dust).

 

It really is as simple as that.

 

Holding off on sex will go a long way toward eliminating the bad apples.

 

Also consider the environment in which you meet men. You're more likely to meet someone that has similar interests by participating in clubs, groups, etc., that match your own interests. Way better than meat markets or blind dates. At least you get to "warm up" to someone and scope them out for awhile to see how they are in the real world. (And you know you at least have SOMETHING more in common than body parts that fit together.)

 

And remember, guys in their early 20's are often not sure WHAT they want in the first place. Lots of maturing to do. Don't let someone "practice" on you.