TaylorS Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year and a half and we both love each other and things are going great. Before we started going out, there was this guy (X) who she really liked, but things didn't work out and soon after we started dating. They would talk sometimes at school and once in a while he would call her on the phone. I tried to not let it bother me because I knew that they had been friends. It only started bothering me when I saw a note that her friend had written her, it said "...I know that you still have feelings for X but you don't want to hurt your boyfriend (me)." I asked her about it and she said that she had no feelings whatsoever for X and that she loved me. I trust her completely so I forgot about it. One day I received a call from X, he told me that he didn't appreciate me being a jerk to my girlfriend, I told him I had no idea what he was talking about and hung up on him. I asked my girlfriend if she had asked him to call me and she said no. I was really starting to dislike this guy. I expressed my dislike for him to my girlfriend and she assured me to forget about him.I soon found out that he liked her alot and that they had been talking on the phone together, I told her that I didn't like X at all and that I would appreciate it if she wouldnt talk to him. She seemed fine with that, and told me that she would avoid him from now on. One day at school I was going out to my car and I spotted my girlfriend and her best friend in her car with who else? That guy. She saw me and knew that I was upset about it, I told her that I just wanted her to be happy, so if she still liked him then go with him. But she told me that she wasn't attracted to him at all and she loved me.A year passed, I had pretty much forgotten about X, but one day I was on Myspace and saw that she had been writing to X, she had commented on some of his pictures saying that he was "hot, sexy, and yummy." He had also responded saying other suggestive things. I couldnt believe it, I thought that she told me she had no feelings for him. When I confronted her about this, she got very defensive about it and said it was her friend that probably wrote it, she promised me that she hadnt written it. But she soon confessed that she had written it while at a friends house after she had been drinking. I asked her why she had lied about it and she said she was afraid of me breaking up with her. I told her that relationships were built on trust and that if we were not truthful with each other then our relationship would not last. I forgave her and we made up. But I still have that pain inside that she isn't being completely honest about her feelings and that she is just telling me what I want to hear. What am I supposed to do? I feel like it is an endless cycle, I forgive her and she does it again. I just want her to be honest with me, but I don't know what to say to her or what to do. Im confused. I don't want to feel this pain anymore, what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 You answered you own question. You stated this is an endless cycle. She lies, flirts with this guy, writes to this guy etc. Clearly she is still very hot for this guy. My friend you judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. If the roles were reversed, do you think she would put up with such crap from you? It is a continuous cycle because she knows she can lie to you over and over again and you will continue to forgive her. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Why you continue to put up with this is beyond me. Her actions indicates that she does not respect you and your relationship. Open your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 B is right. i think the only thing confusing you is how the heck someone can do that because obviously you wouldn't be able to. my only answer is this, humans are capable of many, many things - good and bad. i think you are sticking around because you simply 'don't understand' how someone can be that way...and that's not about her, its about you. hey, people do whacked stuff everyday, watch the news...its a big nasty, happy dance world out there and not everyone 'fits' into what you might deem to be 'normal'. i would suggest that u just look at her actions, recognize that they are unacceptable, don't try and figure her out, and the three of you get together - and you take her hand and place it in this other guys hand...and say...by the power invested in the church of weirdness, i pronounce you a couple...and then get the hell outta there. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 why should she HAVE to stop doing anything with this guy? You have told her time and again that you don't want her to have anything to do with him, and yet each time she does, she lies, then cries and you take her back. This isn't going to end till you grow a backbone and tell her either "its me or him and if I catch it with him just once Im gone!" or just leave her. Right now she has a pretty sweet dela, she has you as the boyfriend and can play around with this other guy without losing you (thus far). SEriously though this girl is walking all over you and won't ever ever stop Link to post Share on other sites
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