Amanda

[Jason Kline]

Ok, here's the deal. Me and my Girlfriend Amanda have been dating for a year and a half now. But about a week ago she told me that she had to break up with me. Of couse I was courious why. But she wouldn't tell me. She did tell me however that she wanted to be with me really bad. So I said why not. She had no answer. She had recently told me on several occasions that we would probably be back together very soon, but that changes every time I talk to her. The most recent was last night. She told me that if I wanted to wait for her I could and hopefully someday soon she would decide to take me back. I still don't know why she broke up with me. She told me last night she needs some time to herself to think. She says she loves me to death as a person but she doesn't know if shes in love with me anymore. What should I do and what do you think the problem is?

[Jessie]

Jason,

 

I was reading your message and it felt like I was looking in the mirror. My ex-boyfriend has been doing the same thing with the excuse that he doesn't know what love is and if, after a year and a half, he loves me or not. I think the only difference would be that we lived together. He kept giving me these rays of hope that maybe in time we would get back together. I lived for those hopes but it just kept shaddering my heart and my life. If it is meant to be it will. My advise to you is that you stop all contact and give yourself time to heal from the pain of break up and take back the control. She has you at her beck and call.Don't give her that satisfaction that you are there waiting for her. She needs time to figure out herself and you not being ther is for the best(in my opinion.) Also, are you going to stop your life for her? She may not be your destiny and if all you do is consentrate on her,miss right may have been and gone out of your life without you even knowing it. My ex and I broke up just over a month ago and cutting him from my life has given me the strength to get out there and make new friends. It's too early for relationship searching but friends always make the best lovers. Besides let her see what see is missing cause Maybe she doesn't realize what a catch she has.

Ok, here's the deal. Me and my Girlfriend Amanda have been dating for a year and a half now. But about a week ago she told me that she had to break up with me. Of couse I was courious why. But she wouldn't tell me. She did tell me however that she wanted to be with me really bad. So I said why not. She had no answer. She had recently told me on several occasions that we would probably be back together very soon, but that changes every time I talk to her. The most recent was last night. She told me that if I wanted to wait for her I could and hopefully someday soon she would decide to take me back. I still don't know why she broke up with me. She told me last night she needs some time to herself to think. She says she loves me to death as a person but she doesn't know if shes in love with me anymore. What should I do and what do you think the problem is?

[Totally Confused]

You're on wait and see status. The hardest thing in the world is to tell somebody who you loved at one time, who is still in love with you, that you don't want to be with them anymore. She doesn't want to be the cause of your pain. It’s either one of two things.

 

1. She doesn’t know how to break up with you, so she keeps putting off the getting back together, in hopes that you’ll get sick of waiting and move on. This way, she won’t have to be the bad guy and everyone will be ok.

 

2. She doesn’t want to be alone, because she’s used to being in a relationship, and since she does care for you, though she’s not in love with you, she’ll keep you around by giving you false hope, until she can find someone new who she’ll be in love with and she won’t have to go through any being alone stages. When you’re used to being in a relationship, being alone is sometimes worse than staying with someone you don’t love. Why do you think people stay in horrible passionless relationships for so long? It’s fear of being alone and never finding that special someone.

 

3. It could also be that she's interested in someone else, and she'll go back to you, if this other guy doesn't work out. I don't think she's actually seeing the guy, cause if she were, you'd be gone. I think she likes this guy from afar and she's waiting to see if he wants her. If it turns out that nothing ever materializes with the other guy, she'll come back to you. This goes back to my 2nd point - fear of being alone.

 

So pick one of the three. Either way, she’s being selfish and stringing you along. This girl should be mature and just break up with you and not give you any false hope. You should be smarter and tell her (whether you mean it or not) that you don’t want to get back together. That will throw her for a loop. Whether she’s in love with you or not, she’ll at least definitely take you seriously. She’ll probably fall in love with you after that comment. People can be so dumb. They make so many excuses for a person who they’re in love with. For example. Bill is in love with Amy. Amy is confused how she feels. She breaks up with Bill. Bill is sad and misses her. Bill feels that he has to start working extra hard to win back Amy’s love. Bill does everything right, but Amy is still distancing herself. Bill blames himself, thinking he didn’t try hard enough. He cooks her dinner, tries romantic things, but Amy is just not interested. What can Bill do? I’ll tell you what Bill can do, which is where a lot of people make the mistake "if I’m mean to her, I’ll lose her." No, if you’re nice to her and act all romantic when she’s pulling away, you’ll lose her. Tell her you don’t want her back, and that you think she made the right decision. Act like you’re in total control and if she came or went in your life, it wouldn’t effect you either way. You’ll become more attractive to her. You’ve got to stop chasing her like a puppy and act indifferent. Women hate tears. There’s nothing worse than a wimpy needy man. It’s so much more of a challenge and attractive if you act like you don’t care. Just try it. I promise you’ll see a difference. If you don’t like the way something is going, you have to change the pattern and do the opposite, that’s the only thing that will bring change and break the monotony. Good Luck.