my husband is emotionally unavailable

[Guest]

I am at a loss. Why did I pick a man who is both emotionally unavailable and self centered? We have been together forever and just when I think he is coming around with being sensitive, he keeps swiping the rug out from underneath me.

 

I would have left him a while ago, but we have 2 wonderful children together who need his presence desperately. So, divorce is out of the question.

 

I do really care about him. I know somewhere under all of my frustration, I do still really love him, but I am just sacrificing my emotional self.

 

I figured out that if I could just have a friend that was male, maybe that would take some of the emotional pressure off of him. I am not talking about an affair, just a companion. One who loves to hang out with and talk and share things with women.

 

I am so frustrated and because he is just not there for me and my needs, I am trying really hard to convince myself that I AM NOT worthless. I know for a fact that I am very valuable and loving woman. I am even attractive. I am just emotionally starved. The most affection I get is a peck kiss twice a day. I really think he thinks that's all I need. Sex only comes when he wants it and it's over before I can even blink.

 

I deserve more in a relationship, but I don't want my kids to come from a broken home like I did.

 

Does anyone have any helpful advice or maybe even suggest a book for me to read?

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

That must be really tough on you. Is he the same way (emotionally unavailable) to your children? How old are they?

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, but sometimes divorce is the better option. Children are more adaptible than adults in a way, and I'm sure you've heard of children with divorced parents being happier than children whose parents are in an unhealthy / cold relationship.

 

If your husband cares about them, he will take the time to be there for them and see them.

 

About getting a male "friend" - I can understand what you're saying, but unfortunately it's not easy, and may even make things worse.

 

I'd say it's better to sort out this situation first, before getting yourself a more caring confidante.

[JAZZY]

Why are you sulking in yourself?

Stop allowing it. Why be unhappy when you have the power to change it. You have to do what's right for you! And STOP using the kids, (dont know the ages), but if he loves his children (and I assume he does) and wants to be in their life, Honey there's nothing you can do to stop that. Even Divorcing him (if you so chose) will not (should not) stop him from being in their life. Afterall, what good are YOU to your children if you're emotionally unstable?? Obviously, he is not considerate enough to give you some much needed affection, so instead of Telling him you deserve better.............SHOW him you deserve better.......HAVE YOU TRIED (MARRIGE) COUNSELING YET?

Good Luck 2 U

[dgiirl]

From personal hard learned experience, things will not get better on their own. You _must_ take action.

 

First, do not pursue a male confident as a friend. If you need a friend, then seek a female friend. No matter what your intentions are right now, if you get involved with a male, you're asking for trouble.

 

Second, seek individual counselling and marriage counselling right now! If divorce is not an option, than seek help. You and your husband are not meeting one another's emotional needs, and the longer you do this, the more resentment builds up, and the love starts to die, until the day there is no more love, and then you ARE ready for a divorce. You need to get counselling. If not for yourself and for your marriage, than for your kids sake. You are showing them by example what a marriage is, and they will repeat your patterns because they do not know any better. Show them by example that it's ok to get help, it's ok to work on a marriage, it's ok to take control of your life. And you need to do this now, while there's still just a smidget of interest in staying married, because once you reach the point where it's over, it's over.