gf advice. help Needed

[BlackDragon]

I need a little bit of help and/or advice. Ok, let me start off by saying that my gf. and I started dating (when I visited her) (she was i dunno (maying/kinda seeing this guy(who was away in Korea in the Army))). Anyways nothing was meant to happen...but after seeing each other here and there I asked what the deal was with him and we started to date.

 

Now, here is the issue...she quit talking to him(she said their relationship had been fading...and she broke it off with him...plus he was so far away...etc.). Anyways, he used to call early in the morning when I was visiting her at her apartment and usually she just didn't answer it and she never waited for a call from him. Well, what's up now is that he is calling a few times a day. Whereas before he called at most once or twice a week. Well, this morning he called twice between 7 and 9 while we were sleeping and she had told me he probably would call the night before.

 

Anyways, he is still in Korea but my issue is that she has talked with him for like 1hr+ when I've been there with her(now, I was doing some work...but..). Anyways, she always kinda acted like she never wanted to talk to him. Well, now they are talking a lot. Plus what concerns me is he said in each message that he really misses her and that he loves her so much. What should I think of this? What would you do. Just so you know her and I have been seeing each other for about 1.5 yrs.(almost) as of now.

 

Plus, today she told me that she might make a trip(byherself) to meetup with a guy for NJ that she hasn't seen for awhile. I'm just wondering if something is up or what. Well, I gotta run...so I'm gonna post this. Please give me some serious advice. I need it. Thanks.

 

here is some more info:

 

Yeah, she knew I was upset about something today (or at least that something was on my mind). But, you'd think that she would get the clue from some of my body tones/vibes. I mean, I did almost ask her what the hell was up like a week or so ago when she talked with him for so long while I was sitting in the damn room. Then, she goes on to tell me more stuff about him and what's going on in his life and stuff. I just don't know if her saying she doesn't really care about him and stuff is BS or what. ...she's giving me mixed signals...and I know you guys don't know her or I, but I just wanted your thoughts/feelings/opinions.

 

Usually her and I are very open. But, I just don't get it. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell this guy when he called that first of all she Has a bf. and that I love her and let her alone(cause she has said a number of times that she doen't like to tlak with him and/or makes faces). and she had moved and "somehow" he got her number there....supposedly it was through one of my gf's other friends that is still in contact with this dude. It's just that this whole thing bugs me and it is kind of eating away at my trust in her a little (as much as I hate to say that). I'm just not really sure where things stand now. But, she stlil acts like I'm so great and so important to her.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE:

 

1. " What should I think of this?"

 

DUH!!! She still has an interest in her ex. A lady who is just a buddy with her ex doesn't talk to him for an hour at a time and numerous times a day, even while you're around.

 

You might be helped a little by the post below. Read it.

 

2. "What would you do. Just so you know her and I have been seeing each other for about 1.5 yrs.(almost) as of now."

 

What would I do? I would tell her if these calls continue more than once every three months for ten minutes, she will be history. There is simply no way I would allow her to carry on a phone relationship with an ex when she's supposed to be having a relationship with me.

 

And it is extremely rude for her to be doing this right under your nose, when you are there with her.

 

3. "Plus, today she told me that she might make a trip(byherself) to meetup with a guy for NJ that she hasn't seen for awhile. I'm just wondering if something is up or what."

 

Well, isn't that special? Does she think you're some kind of dumb or what? Do you want a lady who thinks you are that stupid???

 

Let her go. And while she's gone, get all youRthings and get out of her life. You can't control what she does nor should you have a desire. You tell her she's welcome to go through with this trip without you and if she does, things are over.

 

Let her know clearly you are fed up with these numerous calls from her ex and you're not going to put up with some mysterious trip of hers alone to go see some mystery friend. No way, no how!!!

 

Now, under ordinary circumstances a trip like that would be just fine. But we know what she's up to here. Not only is she a sneak but she's stupid and thinks you're as dumb as she is?!?!?!?!?!

 

4. "Well, I gotta run...so I'm gonna post this."

 

I gotta run too. Between your post and the one below, I have to throw up.

 

5. "Yeah, she knew I was upset about something today (or at least that something was on my mind)."

 

Yeah, and she didn't care either. She doesn't care about your feelings or about you or she wouldn't be doing what she's doing and she would show you a lot more respect regarding these frequent calls to and from her ex.

 

6. "Then, she goes on to tell me more stuff about him and what's going on in his life and stuff."

 

This is a ploy to make you feel more comfortable with what she's doing and to get you confused...to give you the illusion she is being open with you when in fact she's a plotting sneak.

 

7. "...she's giving me mixed signals."

 

No, I think she's giving you CLEAR signals. They're clear as hell to me. Take a cold shower. This gal is NOT treating you decently and is not the kind of partner most guys look for.

 

8. "It's just that this whole thing bugs me and it is kind of eating away at my trust in her a little (as much as I hate to say that)."

 

Well it should bug you because it pisses the hell out of ME!!!

 

9. "I'm just not really sure where things stand now. But, she stlil acts like I'm so great and so important to her."

 

Yes, she's a fair actress. I watched the Academy Awards last night. But those who won were really good. Your "lady" is very poor in a lot of ways...but she's trying.

 

Sure, she's nice to you. You are letting her carry on with her ex and not putting your foot down. You are taking the crap she dishes out and being nice about it. You are letting her talk to her ex often and for long periods and not forbidding it. And you shouldn't. You can't control her but you CAN control yourself by moving on.

 

You should tell her this is not the kind of relationship you want. You don't want a lady who carries on so often with her ex and you need to leave. And pack up and leave.

 

Sorry I lied to you in number 4. I didn't have to throw up so bad then, but I really have to now....bye!

[BlackDragon]

Thanks for all of your advice. This is the first time I've been back here in awhile (I lost the bookmark(new computer and formatting)). But, I found my way back and I want to thank you Tony. You have given a lot of Great advice to many people on here.

 

Thanks.

[BlackDragon]

Another bit that I have to add is that...she asked me to marry her over the summer this year about um..maybe 2 weeks ago. Well, I've told her before...bare minimum, Not untill I'm out of school and have at least some time to save some money and such.

 

I was just wondering on your take on where this play into the whole senario? Just wondering...oh and now that I think about it....at least when I've been there and known about it; it has been over the last like week or so that she's been talking to this other "guy" more. I dunno if they are linked at all...but.