I want to be more then friends with benefits

[It's_Me_Again]

Little background information. I first met this guy online bout 2 years ago now. We first started off getting together just for sex. After awhile we started fighting alot because we never really communicated about what we were wanting. So we usually had alot of "break ups". Till we actually did start talking and admitted we had some feelings for each other. But he said he doesn't want to jump into a relationship because of all the fights we had.

 

But lately we've been getting along great and I asked him what he wants out of life or anything to do with me, and he keeps telling me he doesn't know. He shows alot of signs that he likes me but I don't understand why he won't want to have a relationship. I really hate pushing and always asking him where this is gonna go but I really really really do care for him and am willing to put myself on the line for this guy.

 

So I don't know what to do. I understand he wants to wait because of the fights we had the past 2 years. So should I just continue to let things flow and ride it out or continue to be patient? Is there any way to really speed up the process if anything?

 

I love this guy despite what we went through. It's even harder to deal with because both of us have a hard time opening up to anybody. I guess what I'm ultimately afraid of is we come all this way and he finds someone else to be his gf. But lately since we've been getting along again we've called off the sex for now but thinking of getting back into it. I'm honestly clueless bout what is a good idea and what is a bad idea. I just need all the advice I can get pleeeease.

[Cheshire Cat]

I think that calling of the sex was a great idea.

It would be wise to avoid to have sex or to get very intimate with him until he decides whether he wants to have a relationship with you.

If he does not want to get together with you, I strongly advise to either stop seeing him or treat him like a friend without benefits.

good luck!

[Guest]

I hate to tell you this but you slept with him too soon for it to be anything other than 'friends with benefits'. Guys like a chase and ususally fall in love with those girls they have to chase, capture and then she submits. They like to feel they captured a prize. You were no challenge for him and he's gotten everything already before he could long for it. The arguments you had are only an excuse he uses to not commit to you. Definitely stop sleeping with him now and see if he starts to chase you. If not, move on to someone else and next time don't sleep with them so soon.

[It's_Me_Again]

I hate to tell you this but you slept with him too soon for it to be anything other than 'friends with benefits'. Guys like a chase and ususally fall in love with those girls they have to chase, capture and then she submits. They like to feel they captured a prize. You were no challenge for him and he's gotten everything already before he could long for it. The arguments you had are only an excuse he uses to not commit to you. Definitely stop sleeping with him now and see if he starts to chase you. If not, move on to someone else and next time don't sleep with them so soon.

 

 

I can see where your coming from when you made the comment that I slept with him too soon. But we've gone through alot in the past 2 years together. I do genuinly believe he did develop feelings but we weren't communicating well enough for both of us to express how we felt. But last night we talked from bout 8pm till 1pm. Yea...very long time. We talked about everything and anything and he also admitted to me that its very hard for him to really open up to people, which I'm guessing was cause of his family life and also the fact that last time he really let a girl into his heart, she broke off the engagment and left him for his best friend. He told me he understood where I was coming from when I told him we should hold off on the sex, he said he'd still like to hang out and spend the weekend together. I guess I kind of know deep down that something could possibly come out of this, but maybe I'm not being patient enough but its kind of hard when I feel as if I have to read his mind about how he feels. He shows somesigns physically like inviting me over, and cuddling and talking with me but he never wants to talk about his feelings at all. When he did admit he liked me and had some feelings for me about a year into our "relationship" I felt like I had to pry that out of him. I just wish his actions and words would match up.