Hello need your advise

[Bluepetals]

Hello All I am a Newbie hoping to get some opinions on something.

 

Husband and I have been married for 6 years. Both of us are in our early 50's and both formerly married and have children with our former spouses.

 

We have been looking for a home to purchase and had looked at houses with a real estate agent, a beautiful woman about our age, and husband had dropped off some papers at her office on the way to his work a few days later. Well a few days after that we had made an appointment to look at more homes and we both go into her office about 15 minutes early and she is in the back of the office and yells out, " Hello who is that?" well I say our names and husband says "your knight in shining armour" and when I realized what he said I whispered to him, " what is that about?" to which he threw his hands in the air like something was wrong with me. She came on in to us and we went on like nothing had happened and view a few homes. Later I asked husband what he meant by that. It just seemed very inappropriate for him to say that to her but maybe they were just finishing or completing a conversation he had with her the day he took the papers into her. Still inappropriate but I wanted to know. He went on like something was wrong with me for thinking that was not normal for him to say to her. Then accuses me of jealousy, not so, maybe so but not typical of me and my feelings about things in general.

So later we are both talking and I just nicely stated how the whole thing made me feel and hoped he understood. He told me it was a joke and my answer was "excuse me but you are supposed to be my whatever you are and no one elses and it is not funny to me to hear you tell another woman you are her anything."

He went on like nothing had happened and it was all my doing to be upset by this. So he calls her and tells her we need to end this relationship with her because of how I am feeling about what he said to her and then proceeds to tell her it is because of my upbringing and how I supposedly had no family to base my ideas of how a family or marriage should work with. He told this to her right in front of me on the phone. I almost stopped breathing I was so hurt.

Okay so it was just words, but words are hurtful and my feelings and thoughts are that he was obviously feeling like he wanted to be hers whatever he wanted, and he obviously stated this without thinking about my presence there with him at the time. It just bothers me to no end that I am with a man, caring for him, giving him 999% and he is maybe feeling like he has settled for me and should have more. Am I being super sensitive and way over analyzing this ? What would you do if your SO did this?

We do have a great marriage otherwise it seems so anyway. We are close always together if we arent working and have good relationships with our children. Nothing seems amiss well except that he does like to spend money carelessly in my opinion but we do not argue about this we just agree to disagree and its not so bad that I cant live with this.

[Jazzy]

Well, your feelings are your feelings, no matter how painful or painless. He probably didnt mean anything by it. However, you did let him know how you felt and he should understand your feelings enough to respect them. But one thing I would have to address with him, is "the upbringing & family" thing

and just what is that suppose to mean???

Good Luck in your search for a home!

[Romeo Must Die]

Am I being super sensitive and way over analyzing this?

 

No you're not, it was offensive. Your knight in shining armor is not funny, not even a little funny. What is so funny about being the realtors knight in shining armor. I dont get the joke either.

 

To add insult to injury, your concerns were oddly dismissed as some dysfunctional child syndrome, and even if that were true, why would he want to lead this woman to believe that about you. He's setting the stage so it is you who appears to be irrational and why would he do that to you.

 

He has no respect. He has no boundaries. He has to put you down in front of others to feel better about himself. Because he feels inferior in present company and if that is a result of a perfect upbringing, then obviously somebody, somwhere went very wrong.

 

This is also a problem with sharing very private things with people who would otherwise rub it in your face later to their advantage, as your husband has.

 

What would you do if your SO did this?

 

Last night my husband and I were coming back from dinner and he saw an old friend in the gas station and wanted to suprise him. He asked me to go in and tell him that somebody just hit his truck. I didnt do it. I didnt even know him, or if this even were some kind of inside joke. I told my husband, "Thats not even funny. You're an idiot!"

 

You might want to tell your comedian-husband is that some jokes hurt people. Especially those kind of jokes that are made at the others expense. I'd like to know how funny it would be if the cops were called and we had to tell them, "sorry, we were only joking!" or "we didnt do anything wrong!"

 

[Adunaphel]

Some people have a weird sense of humour and the "your knight in shining armor" comment is probably nothing you should worry about - but *everything else* is unacceptable!

 

He went on like nothing had happened and it was all my doing to be upset by this. So he calls her and tells her we need to end this relationship with her because of how I am feeling about what he said to her and then proceeds to tell her it is because of my upbringing and how I supposedly had no family to base my ideas of how a family or marriage should work with. He told this to her right in front of me on the phone. I almost stopped breathing I was so hurt.

 

This screams "abusive and controlling" to me.

Is it the very first time something like this happens?

 

What would you do if your SO did this?

 

Well, I am quite touchy when it comes to this kind of things, so I'd tell my SO exactly what I think about his behaviour in front of the very same person(s) in front of whom he has been belittling me.

 

I've also been the third party (like the real estate agent in your case) in this kind of situations - I wouldn't allow anyone to belittle their partner in fron of me, let alone use me to hurt them with ridiculous jokes.

 

I am actually surprised that the woman did not tell him he was being an *******, but I guess she was taken aback.

 

 

You might want to tell your comedian-husband is that some jokes hurt people. Especially those kind of jokes that are made at the others expense.

 

I second this.

[Romeo Must Die]

Some people have a weird sense of humour and the "your knight in shining armor" comment is probably nothing you should worry about - but *everything else* is unacceptable!

 

It's still so horribly awkward. I can only say I would have reacted the same way as she did. The thing that I noticed immediately was that her husband barely knows this person, and yet he arrogantly announces himself as her knight in shining armor. Nobody was laughing.

 

*crickets chirping* lol

 

It leaves the fair princess to assume his (new) role as the beautiful realtors shining knight, and you know how the rest of the fairytale goes, he intends to ride off into the sunset with this beautiful damsel.

 

I'd have said, "Not on my white horse, Prince Charming. You and the beautiful damsel can walk home."

 

[Adunaphel]

It's still so horribly awkward. I can only say I would have reacted the same way as she did. The thing that I noticed immediately was that her husband barely knows this person, and yet he arrogantly announces himself as her knight in shining armor. Nobody was laughing.

 

I admit I have a weird sense of humour and I would sometimes say that kind of things myself, but since I usually do not upset anyone I guess the context and tone of voice mean a lot.

 

I would be curious to know *how* he said it... I guess you can say it in a flirtatious way (which would be so very inappropriate!), in an aggressive way ("who do you think it is? your knight in shiny armour? get back from fairyland, you have customers waiting here, you are paid to be working, not daydreaming!) or in a more... well, innocuos way. In the last case, though, if *anyone* is hurt or offended, you should explain and apologize!!!

 

*crickets chirping* lol

 

Yes, sometimes you can really hear them after some bad faux pas.

 

I just hope that the estate agent was embarassed... and expecially was not supportive of his rudeness!

 

 

I'd have said, "Not on my white horse, Prince Charming. You and the beautiful damsel can walk home."

 

 

Good one!

[Flyin in Clouds]

Walk in some place and say to some guy "hi stud, how's it going. " Of something more clever. And if your husband reacts negatively just make some dereogatory comment about his upbringing. .. like maybe he's a momma's boy..