Believe Husband?

[confused in PA]

I'm in my late 40's, married 16 yrs, 2 children (9 & 11). Two years ago I found out husband had an affair because I treated him so badly (which I did at the time). I ran the gambit of emotions. I checked into divorce but decided to stay because of the kids. I met his demands and he agreed to mine. I thought things were fine until this last week.

 

After agreeing to not see her or have any communication with her, he apparently has still been seeing her (non-sexually, so he says) because she was a friend. He said he still continued to see her for lunch, etc. because he thought there was no harm in it. I found out that he gave her a ring this past Valentine's Day. He said he borrowed the ring from a friend (that it was fake) because he wanted to break off the relationship. I'm not that stupid.

 

I don't know whether to belive him or not. This is the second lie he's been caught in and I just don't know what to do. He's giving me all the typical "don't leave me, you are the one I want". I told him that I didn't know if our marriage would survive this. I told him I have to decide what I want to do now and that I have the say in that regard.

 

Please help me.

[Tony T]

You're in a very delicate situation, unfortunately. The two children make it so.

 

You can't trust this guy. He's full of crap. He doesn't keep his word. He's indiscrete as well, to your advantage though.

 

You're going to have to decide what to do here. It's a very difficult situation.

 

If he can pay you a good sum to raise the kids and keep up your standard of living, I'd say boot him out the door. He has shown you clearly he can't be trusted.

 

You've tried to save this once and he went back on his word. You can try once more but teaching this guy new tricks may be difficult. Anything's possible.

 

I wouldn't take it myself...but that's me.

[fluffyjune]

You're in a very delicate situation, unfortunately. The two children make it so. You can't trust this guy. He's full of crap. He doesn't keep his word. He's indiscrete as well, to your advantage though. You're going to have to decide what to do here. It's a very difficult situation. If he can pay you a good sum to raise the kids and keep up your standard of living, I'd say boot him out the door. He has shown you clearly he can't be trusted. You've tried to save this once and he went back on his word. You can try once more but teaching this guy new tricks may be difficult. Anything's possible. I wouldn't take it myself...but that's me.

 

I have been in this situation, because of someone who was supposed to be my friend. We stayed together for one year after his indiscretion, then he said he wanted to separate and continued seeing her. He didn't know I was aware of his actions, but i thought if I just hung in there, it would work out. It got worse after that. He changed shifts at work so that we worked totally different hours and could no longer eat any meals together on weekdays. We hardly saw each other. Then he filed for divorce.

[Rachel]

Here's what I would do;

 

1. Hire a private investigator.... it's expensive, but you know he's full of BS, and it will give you proof in court.

 

2. Hire the best attorney you can afford... make sure you are taken care of. And the kids. And don't skimp. This guy has probably cheated on you your whole marriage. Just because the marriage hit a rocky time in the past is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for an affair. None at all.

 

You ar lucky you didn't catch any diseases from him.

 

Good luck

 

 

 

 

 

You're in a very delicate situation, unfortunately. The two children make it so. You can't trust this guy. He's full of crap. He doesn't keep his word. He's indiscrete as well, to your advantage though. You're going to have to decide what to do here. It's a very difficult situation. If he can pay you a good sum to raise the kids and keep up your standard of living, I'd say boot him out the door. He has shown you clearly he can't be trusted. You've tried to save this once and he went back on his word. You can try once more but teaching this guy new tricks may be difficult. Anything's possible. I wouldn't take it myself...but that's me.

 

[JustaGuy]

I don't know what's more annoying about this, the fact that he's a lying jerk or that he thinks you're stupid enough to fall for his b.s. Not to mention that he continues repeating himself.

 

The best judge of someone's character is not how they react when they've been caught, but how they really feel about what they did. It sounds like he just regrets being caught.

 

Valentine's gifts constitute ROMANTIC GESTURES. That pretty much sums it all up right there.

 

I'm not big on taking people to the cleaners, but you should take him there and have him pressed, starched, and folded.

 

Get your evidence together (as has been suggested) and get out of there.

 

You're still young enough to find someone else and have a real, lasting relationship.