smarty pants girl can't find a smarty pants boy

[magichands]

Yes that's what I think. This guy I was talking about is a PhD student in one of the better universities in a pretty difficult area of research. Whenever he says what he does and where people are very impressed, yet I fail to detect any form of extreme intelligence in him.

PhDs are 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration...intelligence is optional - but nevertheless useful.

[BlueEyedGirl]

LOL magichands so true..

 

By the way love that pink elephant in your avatar.

[Mary3]

You're a sweetie There are just different types of intelligence, I think. Like most people I can be smart in some areas and very stupid in a lot of others.

 

I've generally found myself drawn to men who have a slightly sarcastic demeanour but a good heart. Mental stimulation can be drawn from books, friends, work etc - it's unfair to expect a partner to share every one of your interests and fulfil every need. For that reason, I tend to regard it as quite healthy for partners to have a few separate interests, so I don't place such a high value on intellectual compatibility - though there needs to be some common ground. For me, the emotional and physical connections are generally more important.

 

Wow ! I could have wrote yer response word per word I absolutley agree on the connection part. Its critical

[mine own self]

Question for you all:

 

If I met a guy who is a PhD student is it safe to assume that he is reasonably bright?

 

I can only remember ONE person I ever met who had a PhD yet seemed REALLY dumb -- like I kept asking myself how did he ever get a PhD.

[lindya]

Which is being disputed. So it wasn't me who posted the 'dribble' (sic) about 'permanently'.

 

What you are doing is taking my suggestion that a person's enthusiasm for learning could be dulled by a bad learning experience, and re-wording it in the far more extreme terms of a person switching off altogether from any kind of learning. Your reliance on such an extreme hypothetical smacks of argument for the sake of argument, rather than debate as a method of exploration.

 

I could have wrote yer response word per word I absolutley agree on the connection part. Its critical

 

How would you describe the feeling of making an emotional connection, Mary?

[BlueEyedGirl]

I can only remember ONE person I ever met who had a PhD yet seemed REALLY dumb -- like I kept asking myself how did he ever get a PhD.

 

 

There is probably a fairly strong correlation between having gotten a PhD and intelligence. There is however quite a large number of PhD students that never end up getting the degree.

[Guest]

What you are doing is taking my suggestion that a person's enthusiasm for learning could be dulled by a bad learning experience, and re-wording it in the far more extreme terms of a person switching off altogether from any kind of learning. Your reliance on such an extreme hypothetical smacks of argument for the sake of argument, rather than debate as a method of exploration.

 

ROTFLMAO!!! Well pardon me if I didn't include the turned-off-o-meter as part of my discussion. Please do elabourate on the level and degree of 'dulled' which you would consider useful for this discussion. LOL

 

Or we could quit picking leeetle teeeeny nits. I seriously doubt that people who like learning can have that interest shut down/slightly damaged/mildly affected/WHATEVER by bad teachers. I don't think it's critical to the fate of the world that you believe it is possible, however.

 

For me, the emotional and physical connections are generally more important.

 

What about intellectual and spiritual connections? Or will two do for you? Because I've had emotional and physical connections that were great but they didn't mean much, it turned out, without the others.

 

How would you describe the feeling of making an emotional connection, Mary?

 

I'd be interested in hearing your own descripton since you mentioned it first

[SmoochieFace]

ROTFLMAO!!! Well pardon me if I didn't include the turned-off-o-meter as part of my discussion. Please do elabourate on the level and degree of 'dulled' which you would consider useful for this discussion. LOL

 

Or we could quit picking leeetle teeeeny nits. I seriously doubt that people who like learning can have that interest shut down/slightly damaged/mildly affected/WHATEVER by bad teachers. I don't think it's critical to the fate of the world that you believe it is possible, however.

 

 

 

What about intellectual and spiritual connections? Or will two do for you? Because I've had emotional and physical connections that were great but they didn't mean much, it turned out, without the others.

 

 

 

I'd be interested in hearing your own descripton since you mentioned it first

 

Based on my experiences, I must say I agree strongly with the bolded text.

[lindya]

I'd be interested in hearing your own descripton since you mentioned it first

 

I think it would be best to simply end this dialogue.

[Guest]

I think it would be best to simply end this dialogue.

 

Au contraire - I think it would be great to discuss the concept of 'connection' and what it means to people. But perhaps best started in another thread.

[funkify]

I know a man who would complain the same as you. He wanted a woman who would stimulate him intellectually but could never find one. He ended up getting into a prestigious university overseas and meeting a woman doing the same course. From what I know, he's now very happy.

[Mary3]

The thread does not appear to be locked yet so let me give it my best try answering your question Lynda. :

 

A * connection * to me means so many things.

 

First there must be an attraction of some sort .

 

There is something about him that attracts you ( and believe or not he might not be handsome by most peoples standards but he's got * something* about him that attracts you to him.)

 

Whether its his sarcasm , his lock of hair that continually falls into his eyes, his great love for writing , the list goes on and on.

 

But just connecting takes much more than saying " Wow he is handsome and smart but my God he just ran over that dog in the road and never stopped "

 

So just being attracted on a visual sense or humor sense just gets him a ticket into further observation.

 

Once you are * interested * in him then comes so much more.

 

How does he kiss you ? How does he smell to you ? Does he know how to touch you ? Can he hold a decent conversation ? Is his Mommy calling him every 3 hours ? Why is he still talking about his ex ?

 

Why are there overdue notices all over his kitchen table ? As you learn about him you either say " What a lazy bum this guy is....or maybe you discover he floats your boat in 20 different ways.

 

There must be a combined total combination for me to stay interested. Over the long term as you learn about him then you come to the realization that he is a great gift or he is sour apples....

[magichands]

What about intellectual and spiritual connections? Or will two do for you? Because I've had emotional and physical connections that were great but they didn't mean much, it turned out, without the others.

Boy...you sure are hung-up on semantics.

 

Spiritual connections? Only if you believe in spirits, haha. So this one doesn't apply for me.

 

Intellectual connections? What in the world is this...can't think of an example - perhaps because I'm too dumb to work out how to "interface" my brain with another human being. Maybe co-authoring a paper is an example of an intellectual connection?? If it's something that I'm passionate about, then it will fall into the emotional category - otherwise it's pretty much irrelevant.

 

So I'm happy to hear that you're making all these meaningless connections that have meaning to you.

[magichands]

Over the long term as you learn about him then you come to the realization that he is a great gift or he is sour apples....

I think I could be a banana. I'm kind of ergonomic and pleasant to pick up, but eventually I go all soft and mushy. I suppose that could apply to anything that's perishable, though.

[Mary3]

I think I could be a banana. I'm kind of ergonomic and pleasant to pick up, but eventually I go all soft and mushy. I suppose that could apply to anything that's perishable, though.

 

You being a banana can be quite visual stimulating...

[magichands]

You being a banana can be quite visual stimulating...

Everyone knows that looks can be deceiving. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Some people like plain bananas, some prefer their bananas split, and yet others seek the sophistication of banoffee pie.

 

Or maybe you don't like bananas. Fair enough.

 

Connections can be like bananas. A bit of a mystery, but once you've decided to peel there is no turning back. And you could be left with a bad taste in your mouth.

[Mary3]

Everyone knows that looks can be deceiving. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Some people like plain bananas, some prefer their bananas split, and yet others seek the sophistication of banoffee pie.

 

Or maybe you don't like bananas. Fair enough.

 

Connections can be like bananas. A bit of a mystery, but once you've decided to peel there is no turning back. And you could be left with a bad taste in your mouth.

 

I never had a * banana * that I regreted tasting lol

[Guest]

The thread does not appear to be locked yet

Why should the thread be locked? There have been no personal attacks and we're still on the topic of what intellectual compatibility means. So maybe we disagree - it's not the end of the world!

 

Can he hold a decent conversation ?

 

Bingo! And there's where I'd be looking at what I'd call an 'intellectual connection'. Can you have an enjoyable discussion? And maybe some folks like to have enjoyable discussions on wider varieties of topics - is that a sin? Can you exchange viewpoints, maybe even poke a little at each others' ideas to explore them further - and come out at the end having enjoyed the result?

 

Boy...you sure are hung-up on semantics.

 

Me? Pthblttttttt. Not hardly. But you gotta know you're both talking apples if you set out to have a fruit discussion.

 

Spiritual connections? Only if you believe in spirits, haha. So this one doesn't apply for me.

 

Guess you're out of the running, then

 

Intellectual connections? What in the world is this...can't think of an example - perhaps because I'm too dumb to work out how to "interface" my brain with another human being. Maybe co-authoring a paper is an example of an intellectual connection?? If it's something that I'm passionate about, then it will fall into the emotional category - otherwise it's pretty much irrelevant.

 

To you. But would it be, really? Would you prefer a lindya over someone who'd look at you blankly when you used your grownup words? People appreciate lindya, quite rightly, because she expresses herself very well - I'd say that people who enjoy that about her are drawn to her intellectually. Indeed, there's nothing else to know her by - she posts no avatar, you can't hear her voice or laugh. So what about her can you possibly like except what she writes and how she writes it?

 

I remember seeing a poster on LS that a LOT of LS women were very interested in. Again, no avatar. Just what he wrote - and he writes exceedingly well. They found out he was all of 14 years old - a very bright young man - it was the ideas he expressed and how he used language that attracted them.

 

Did you ever see Il Postino? A beautiful movie about how a man won a woman's heart with poetry.

 

So I'm happy to hear that you're making all these meaningless connections that have meaning to you.

 

You're welcome to mock me all you like, but I think if you look a little more closely, you may find that you, too, are interested in 'intellectual connections'.

 

So maybe, OP, you could try to find boards where people write very well - perhaps there might be someone there with whom you'd be compatible.

[burning 4 revenge]

I think it would be best to simply end this dialogue.

somebody has a crush on you :love:

[burning 4 revenge]

And guys preffers looks over personality.

On the whole I think women may be superficial, but I'm not sure....anyway for most people it's more about sexual chemistry no matter what gender they are

 

All the beautiful eunuchs live alone

[lindya]

But just connecting takes much more than saying " Wow he is handsome and smart but my God he just ran over that dog in the road and never stopped "

 

I hope that isn't taken from a real life example of someone you knew. Funny you mentioned animals; I think a lot of women (me included) have a weakness for men who love them). That's maybe partly to do with coming from an animal-loving family. I went out for a while with a guy who didn't like animals at all (except cats), and whenever he made any reference to that, I felt quite unconnected from him.

 

I suppose emotional connections often relate to the familiar. People who make us feel like we're home when we're with them....and on that basis, maybe sometimes people resist emotional connections because they don't want to go home yet.

[burning 4 revenge]

I really don't understand why girls have this thing for animals

 

Even monkeys have brains that weigh 1/15th that of a human brain. I mean they're boring

[lindya]

I really don't understand why girls have this thing for animals

 

Plenty of men also love animals. If you feel that way about animals, then it's relaxing and fun to spend time with a friendly dog, horse, cat or whatever animal you prefer.

 

Some people might just view other animals purely as predators or prey, and therefore not see the purpose in developing any kind of bond with them. It's probably got a lot to do with upbringing and individual experiences at the paws (or hooves, or teeth) of animals.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I really don't understand why girls have this thing for animals

 

If you are interested in animals you give an impression of being a kind person who will in turn treat her well. Same goes for little kids.

 

Despite popular beleif that girls want players that will treat them like crap, it isn't the case at all. We all want someone nice and who will treat us with respect. But we also don't want someone with no backbone, no opinons of his own and who is so clingy that will need to call us 10 times a day, will come on too way strong and will have hidden hostility towards women bubbling behind the surface (and yes we can sense that). Sadly, most self proclaimed nice guys fit onto the second category.

[Mary3]

If you are interested in animals you give an impression of being a kind person who will in turn treat her well. Same goes for little kids.

 

Despite popular beleif that girls want players that will treat them like crap, it isn't the case at all. We all want someone nice and who will treat us with respect. But we also don't want someone with no backbone, no opinons of his own and who is so clingy that will need to call us 10 times a day, will come on too way strong and will have hidden hostility towards women bubbling behind the surface (and yes we can sense that). Sadly, most self proclaimed nice guys fit onto the second category.

 

Amen to that !