honestly don't know what to think

[RANDY QUIET]

I've read some advice from this site and a few others and read some supposid "SYSTEM" that i don't think is all that it's cracked up to be, but anyway, my concern is, i'm more or less a reserved quiet person.

 

I will get into conversations with people, however, i'm not all that comfortable when i'm around more than one person.

 

I mean i will participate, but i'll be more or less the quiet one. I have no problem talking when its a one on one situation, but when there is like a few or a party type atmosophere, i usually remain quiet, talking to only those I know.

 

However it has gotten worse to the point where, even when i'm out with my friends, i remain quiet and i used to be good if i got a little drunk buzz going on I would talk and talk and have no problem, but that is not the case anymore either. I remain quiet more often than not.

 

I think my issue is, it has gotten me to the point where girls who were interested would no longer be interested anymore because i was rather laid back and quiet if we were hanging out with their friends or a party.

 

It wasn't a problem for a while, but now it has chartered over to everything, including work where, i'm not sure. Giving a speech in front of a thousand or more people, not really a problem, I can do it even without having a "cheat card" to read from. But when it comes to Smoozing or small talking in an environment with 3 people or 1000 people, i sort of don't know what to say and my mind goes blank and lately, i've just been angry with myself.

 

Because a girl i really did like, we hung out with a friend of hers and i spoke, but let them speak about 90 percent of the time.. Lol, let, more like, i didn't have anything to say.

 

Well this post probably has nothing to do with this site, but i had to write it...

[Tony T]

Social phobias are not all that unusual. Somewhere in your passed, you were probably very embarassed by something you said inadvertently and now you fear that happening again.

 

What you have to do is give yourself permission to be yourself, to risk saying something stupid, to ask questions when you don't know what others are talking about, and not to fear rejection because of something you say.

 

The rejection you may face by remaining quiet probably far outweighs the rejection you may risk by putting your foot in your mouth.

 

Your silence may also be due to some self esteem problems. Learn what those may be and where they originated and work on them.

 

At the end of the day, nobody really cares. So just open up, have fun, and stop caring so much. The world does not center around what you say. And if you don't want to participate in a discussion, just be quiet and gladly accept the consequences of your silence.

 

There are many books in bookstores about techniques for making conversation and public speaking. Go look through some of them for ideas.

 

This is not a major problem. You can easily handle it.

[yes]

I used to have a similar problem for one of the reasons tony listed: i had been quite embarassed before, and i was SCARED of embarassment... I was literally panicing that i'll say smth and EVERYONE will laugh at me ... yada yada.

 

One of the things that helped me get over it, aside from simply pullin myself together n talking to ppl, is realizing that everyone worries mostly about how THEY looked in the eyes of others. Nobody cares if you seemed funny or what not ... they care how THEY seemed...... so RELAX! - really - nobody cares. even after a date, most ppl will first worry about how they did, then about how the other person did ... so go all out n have fun ... if u blurt out smth dumb - just laugh it off n forget about it, as will everyone else!

Social phobias are not all that unusual. Somewhere in your passed, you were probably very embarassed by something you said inadvertently and now you fear that happening again. What you have to do is give yourself permission to be yourself, to risk saying something stupid, to ask questions when you don't know what others are talking about, and not to fear rejection because of something you say. The rejection you may face by remaining quiet probably far outweighs the rejection you may risk by putting your foot in your mouth. Your silence may also be due to some self esteem problems. Learn what those may be and where they originated and work on them. At the end of the day, nobody really cares. So just open up, have fun, and stop caring so much. The world does not center around what you say. And if you don't want to participate in a discussion, just be quiet and gladly accept the consequences of your silence. There are many books in bookstores about techniques for making conversation and public speaking. Go look through some of them for ideas.

 

This is not a major problem. You can easily handle it.

[velvet]

I was a quiet person from childhood on up to my early twentys. I have found with age, Ive loosend up a bit. I was constantly told that I was too uptight. I would always look at the person saying that as if they were crazy.

 

But I grew up an only child and didnt have anyone to look up to, to learn from, or have the self esteam that I needed.

 

I now feel better, I dont know what elese changed my ways other than just being tierd of the quietness and the fear to talk. I had felt like I was never included and was missing out.

I've read some advice from this site and a few others and read some supposid "SYSTEM" that i don't think is all that it's cracked up to be, but anyway, my concern is, i'm more or less a reserved quiet person. I will get into conversations with people, however, i'm not all that comfortable when i'm around more than one person. I mean i will participate, but i'll be more or less the quiet one. I have no problem talking when its a one on one situation, but when there is like a few or a party type atmosophere, i usually remain quiet, talking to only those I know. However it has gotten worse to the point where, even when i'm out with my friends, i remain quiet and i used to be good if i got a little drunk buzz going on I would talk and talk and have no problem, but that is not the case anymore either. I remain quiet more often than not. I think my issue is, it has gotten me to the point where girls who were interested would no longer be interested anymore because i was rather laid back and quiet if we were hanging out with their friends or a party. It wasn't a problem for a while, but now it has chartered over to everything, including work where, i'm not sure. Giving a speech in front of a thousand or more people, not really a problem, I can do it even without having a "cheat card" to read from. But when it comes to Smoozing or small talking in an environment with 3 people or 1000 people, i sort of don't know what to say and my mind goes blank and lately, i've just been angry with myself. Because a girl i really did like, we hung out with a friend of hers and i spoke, but let them speak about 90 percent of the time.. Lol, let, more like, i didn't have anything to say.

 

Well this post probably has nothing to do with this site, but i had to write it...