feelingbetter Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 aight.. its first time here, so this might be long... but please give it time to read... my situation is like this... i was with this ex for about a year...it was intense... we were so close, we both meet our families, talked about kids and stuff... it was a loving relationship altogether... the breakup was basically my fault... i was kinda like overanalyzing stuff that he does... accusing him of something he didnt do... something like dat... to make it short, i was carried away by these emotions and cut it off... few weeks passed by, i regret what i did... although most of the time he initiated contacts, i started to act desperate wanting him back...i cried, beg, beg, beg and beg but nothing happened... i pushed him too far... he found himself a new gf, but stil in contact with me but this time it was i initiating the contact... i decided to stay frends coz based on our conversations, i knew she was just a rebound and i still have a chance... and i was right... barely 3 months, he ended it with her... of course i was so happy to find that out... i went back to begging but stil he said no because unfortunately he got himself another gf... the last time we had a talk he said that i didnt give him time to miss me... up to that point i can stil feel he cares but because of what i have done, and him having a gf, i gave up on him... i knew im going nowhere... i decided to do a no contact thing... i changed my number and blocked him on myspace... i told him that i did everything already, and since he has a new gf il juz stay away from him like i didnt know him... i cried and i felt he was sad to end it like that... as i was crying he didnt say a word and was in a hurry to hang up on me... i knew its best for both of us specially me... i am juz wondering, if after everything that happened we still have a chance if i do NC and give him the opportunity to miss me as he said i didnt let him to??? is it too late to do NC...btw, these all happened in 6mos. tym...please share your thoughts... FOR GUYS: what could be the reason why you would not tell your current gf about this particular ex gf you had... it was a long story, but i found out that he told his new gf about his ex's but me... does it mean, i was a horrible ex that he dont want to remember, he cared so much for the new gf that he dont want her to get hurt, or he still has feelings for me? Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 well, maybe its just me..but am i the only one here that sees the major flaw in all this? its the 'giving people time to miss me' thing - that's just a game that really never works and just take a look see....you say this person has already had two new relationships since you ended! doesn't sound like doing that is missing to me? you say you made an honest mistake, broke things off, then figured things out, and decided to try again right? how did you tell him about this? did you state you wanted to be back together? did you both actually talk about what appears to be nothing more than a misunderstanding? can anyone please tell me a success story where someone plays the 'miss me' game and uses NC contact and actually got back with someone? it just sounds so counterproductive to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 well, maybe its just me..but am i the only one here that sees the major flaw in all this? its the 'giving people time to miss me' thing - that's just a game that really never works and just take a look see....you say this person has already had two new relationships since you ended! doesn't sound like doing that is missing to me? you say you made an honest mistake, broke things off, then figured things out, and decided to try again right? how did you tell him about this? did you state you wanted to be back together? did you both actually talk about what appears to be nothing more than a misunderstanding? can anyone please tell me a success story where someone plays the 'miss me' game and uses NC contact and actually got back with someone? it just sounds so counterproductive to me. Did it all the time. ALL THE TIME. Always got every single one back. By the way -- the poster says he told her she DIDN'T give him time to miss her. Which is the truth she stayed around being friends. How can you miss someone that is still there... I think he didn't tell her about you because you've been friends. No doubt the last relationship could have had some conflict with the recent ex still hanging around. If that is the case, he'll keep it a secret because he can just let her think you've always just been friends and reduce the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelingbetter Posted October 15, 2006 Author Share Posted October 15, 2006 we did talk about it but he said no... because i guess i pushed him too far during those months that he didnt have a gf... he was always the one initiating the contact but i always raised the topic bout gettin back together... i guess thats wat he was talkin about the "missin me thing"... the result of my neediness was him turning the other way around... what he was trying to say i guess was that if i didnt do all those begging ang everything, we're back together by now... coz i feel up to now, he cares, he just couldnt leave the other girl for someone needy and emotional like me... Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]well, it sounds like there is no confusion as to what is happening or, should i say, not happening between both of you. from what you say, you both have discussed this in a face to face manner and he told you straight up - not going there again. however you story has some really interesting and confusing elements - maybe you can clarify them for me. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]you say that you broke things off with him, because of reasons you later discovered to be untrue, and then you talked with him about this, many times - i really don't understand why, if you explained it as you have here, he would not see it as a simple misunderstanding between the two of you.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]and then it gets confusing - you say you are the one that broke off with him, you tell him this reason, and for some reason he doesn't accept that [makes no sense], and he tells you NO [claiming you pushed him away - exactly how did you do that?] and yet while claiming you 'pushed him away' - you say he was the one contacting you. that makes no sense. so, if you were telling him to get back together - what was he contacting you for? confused. and if you broke up with him why would he be the one doing this 'missing me' thing? would the person that broke up do that? and if he was doing all the contacting, why are you saying you were needy? and what the heck does needy mean? and why if you broke up with him, then wanted back, but he contacted you all the time would your 'wanting back' be seen as begging? i guess the main thing i see in all of this is that the way 'he' describes you wanting to 'get together' as begging is really demeaning and actually a sign that maybe he really has a larger problem than you or he might know. think about how belittling it is to think that someone 'begs' for you. what a horrible thing to say about someone. its like he doesn't understand real emotions at all. he doesn't sound all that stable actually - nor does he sound like someone that perhaps is capable of deep emotions because his reactions are so weird. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]if it is any comfort, you were only together for one year...that's not at alot of time really - just keep in mind how successful his 'miss me test' was and never use that on anyone your date in the future.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]i wish i had that much communication or knowlegde at my disposal. it would be an easy decsion. gawd, if my ex from a long time ago and sent me or told me face to face these things - i would have save myself a lot of grief. i would rather someone say stuff like that, show me reality, then be left with nothing to go on [which in a way really is something to go on]. i wish i was actually in yer shoes because it would really be a blessing in disguise. that being said, just tonite i posted a deadline to my silent ex in many places - requesting, not demanding [because i don't put people down like that man you talk about did] simply to come out from hiding and face a yah or nah vote. and, if i still get zero response - that will tell me all i need to know about this person. i would have way no respect for her if she did what yer ex did because at least he showed who he is - so YOU can make your own decision.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]hope everything works out for you.[/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I really have to comment on this Island Gurl because i think its kinda silly to play what is basically already known. It is funny how 5 little sentences from an ex can sum up everything one needs to know about a mystery. 1. First sentence - I stated that NC is not the way to win someone back [it is obvious from that statement that is a 'clue' for someone that says they 'wants' someone back] IG Response - "Did it all the time. ALL THE TIME. Always got every single one back. Well, that statement basically says, you have done this many times, I guess that first time NC flopping in the wind must have really made you giggle then. Its true what they say, practice makes perfect. So you do it ALL THE TIME - would you care to give a number as to how many men you have done this too? Sounds like a game you enjoy. 2. Sentence: "By the way -- the poster says he told her she DIDN'T give him time to miss her." The arrogance and lack of respect that is in here is amazing. Do you see people as objects? Playthings for your entertainment? See, it sounds like you are mad, because this guy [duh] didn't play by your rules, hence you haven't gotten every single one back. Why in the world would you cut someone lose when you have every intension of wanting them back? Is that part of a game? Oh no, wait, the next sentence is the reason why you are upset... 3. "Which is the truth she stayed around being friends. How can you miss someone that is still there..." See, this is where the lie gets seen quite clearly and you should be embarrassed. There is no INTENSION of you 'missing someone' , you just don't want them around....because [drum roll please] 4. "I think he didn't tell her about you because you've been friends. No doubt the last relationship could have had some conflict with the recent ex still hanging around. If that is the case, he'll keep it a secret because he can just let her think you've always just been friends and reduce the drama." And here is the real reason. See, NC is simply so you can go and date somone - and do so knowing that the other person will stick around and work his ass off while you have a fling or two, then when you get bored - YOU WIN THEM ALL BACK. I have no idea what mental illness is associated with this but it must be the one you talk about. Don't you see what you are doing? Well, I truly hate to blemish your perfect winning back record but I am afraid you lost one. How in the world did you cover things up [this behaviour] for so long. I think that would be the only question someone would be asking? See, this person has only wanted to help you see this destructive behaviour. I really hope everything turns out ok for you. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Everlong - You are mixing up the people the person doing NC and the person getting NC. You can look up my other posts to get an explanation of MY situation. #2, #3, #4, had to do with feelingbetter's situation. Not Mine. In this situation, when this couple broke up. There should have been a NC period so she could have avoided crying and begging to try to get him back. Instead she stayed around as a friend although she wanted more. He got to see her be around her, enjoy her company, without dating her. When she wanted him back, he was saying no - He told her the truth - which is rare - that she was around all the time so he hadn't missed her. He didn't have any longing to be back with her because he was with her all the time as friends. To clarify once again - feelingbetter asked what reason could her ex have for not telling his NEW girlfriend that they used to date? So I said, he probably didn't want drama with his new girlfriend. Having an ex around as a friend can cause conflict in any relationship. And feelingbetter, I hope you ARE feeling better. I hope you realize he is not the only guy out there. It sounds like you have realized that overanalyzing and accusing people of doing things was a mistake and you have learned from that. The next relationship you have will be better for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 hold up!! wat was goin on between u too.. hehe.. thanks to u both for replying... anyway, i guess its too late... but even if its not... i dont care anymore... ive loved him and i learned from him... im still waitin for da day that u know someday, he'l come back and say everthing that i wanna hear from him... but not him coming back into my life though... thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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