Going through hell....

[Dad_of_3]

God, I've read so much on these forums and tried to find some focus in what is happening. To be honest I dont even know where to begin.

 

My wife and I have seperated since Feburary.

Problems have always existed in our relationship but none more so than this stupid bastard that threw it all away. We have been together since she was 14 and I was 17. I'm now 30 and she is 27. We have 3 beautiful and gorgeous kids.

 

I screwed things up by having an affair and another situation which was just as bad. I had the affair almost 18 months ago and the recent event was just in Feburary. You'd think after the affair and going to counselling that things would be back on track but in Feb, I started emailing and behaving stupidly with this office worker. They both worked in the same office with me. They have since both left now.

 

I woke up to myself in August and started making things right. I have always been a procrastinator. One who made alot of promises in my life but never following through with them. A real original "gunna" man. I put myself to work, every time I was down there I would be cleaning the house, fixing stuff up, helping the kids in anyway possible.

But it all came to a head when on September 15th I found out that she is now seeing another man. I lost it that night, I just wanted to put my car through a brick wall. I couldnt bring myself to do it, I could only think of my kids.

Its been tough ... its been a month on now, and I even know more than I did before. They are officially dating now and its driving me insane.

When I woke up to myself finally rather than running which is what I have always done my whole life, I know how much she means to me, how much my family means to me. How much I would want her back in my life.

 

I started writing an original post but that took up almost 4 pages, there is sooo much history between us, it goes sooo deep.

 

I've been seeing a counsellor for over the 18 month period since the affair. We stopped couples counselling but I still maintain individual counselling.

 

God I would do anything to have her back in my life. I told her I would always wait for her, I will always love her. I dont think that will change inside me. I miss her soooo much

 

I mean tonight was hard, everytime I drop off my kids to her, every time I see her, a part of me dies inside.

 

I know people will say put it in perspective, hell I messed around with 2 other women, what she is doing is well nothing that bad right ?

 

Have I lost her ? I mean all she says now is things are over between us, she is moving on with her life, its not her perfect life but hey it aint so bad. I just see this new person she is seeing as her not resolving issues within our relationship.

 

Its been 8 weeks now, I have changed somewhat in body and in mind. I started working out, I started to learn the guitar which was something I have always wanted to do. But when everything seems to get to some point of ok, I come crashing down again.

 

Thanks for listening ...

[Sup]

I hate to say it, too little, too late. You may want to contact a lawyer, start filing for Divorce. Do what you can to minumize the damage to your finances. Your wife won't stop sleeping with OM, she may feel obligated to do so.

[dgiirl]

I have to question whether you really love your wife, or now that you have competition, now you have a sudden change in heart. And if I question that, I'm sure your wife is questioning it too. Instead of focusing on your wife, put the focus back on you. Why did you have two affairs? I assume the first one was physical, and the second one was emotional. There is something missing inside you that you are seeking in these affairs. What is it? Is it even possible for your wife to fulfill that need in you? First affair, you messed up and made a mistake. Second affair is no longer a mistake. You knew the affects of the first affair on your wife and made a conscious choice to repeat the same thing over again. Before your wife can ever trust you again, if it's even possible for her to do so, you really need to know why you did it. If your answer is because you're an idiot, then that's not the real answer. That's not the answer that is fixable to prevent you from doing it again.

[LakesideDream]

Well Bucko, you created what's happened to you. Not one, but two affairs. The strong girl you married became a strong woman and mother. While you were making excuses, and playing silly games.... she moved on.

 

Spouses, both men and women often say they would do "anything" to get their spouses back after they spent years hurting them. These are the same folks that wouldn't do anything to make them happy, secure, and loving when they were together.

 

It's time for you to start moving on. Put all your recent efforts to work improving yourself so this won't happen again. You are 30 years old, that's old enough to know better.

 

Try and stay in your childrens lives as much as possible. and ... don't forget your child support, it's easy to procrastinate agout that.

[jnel921]

I know everyone is coming down hard on you. First of all you need to move on. It's not easy when you've been with someone for so many years. I will never advise my kids to marry their chilhood sweethearts. It deprives you of life/love experience. Obviously it came to a point for both of you when you realized that the attention of another was very flattering. I myself dont think that innocent flirting is bad. But when you take it to the physical then thats when you are making some serious life choices that will break what you've already put together. If 18 months of therapy didnt stop you from giving other women attention then you weren't as committed to your marriage as you thought you were. Do not be upset at your wife. I'm sure she is discovering a whole new world of relationships now and before she had no one to compare you with. This guy may or my not be the one for her. Only time will tell. If you two were meant to be together then one day she may forgive you and your paths may meet again. This time with a little more life experience and the maturity to have a stronger relationship, marriage and deeper appreciation of one another.

[Dad_of_3]

I have to question whether you really love your wife, or now that you have competition, now you have a sudden change in heart. And if I question that, I'm sure your wife is questioning it too. Instead of focusing on your wife, put the focus back on you. Why did you have two affairs? I assume the first one was physical, and the second one was emotional. There is something missing inside you that you are seeking in these affairs. What is it? Is it even possible for your wife to fulfill that need in you? First affair, you messed up and made a mistake. Second affair is no longer a mistake. You knew the affects of the first affair on your wife and made a conscious choice to repeat the same thing over again. Before your wife can ever trust you again, if it's even possible for her to do so, you really need to know why you did it. If your answer is because you're an idiot, then that's not the real answer. That's not the answer that is fixable to prevent you from doing it again.

 

 

I love my wife with all of my heart, as silly as that sounds I know it to be true. When I woke up to myself i was unaware of anything going on. All I was driven by was the urge to make things right and to make my family whole again.

Counselling has helped alot. I know in myself some of the issues that made me screw things up. Are they excuses? no. I accept my responsibility for what I have done. As much as I want to, I guess I am trying to come to terms of the consequences as well.

I know in my life I have been a very selfish man. It was all about me. But on the flip side, the yearning to make everyone happy as well. I have lied, I have made promises to people I never meant to keep. Exaggerated the truth to make myself look better. Hell I never was happy with myself. I guess I have always felt deep down inside I was never good enough.

I know I've lived my whole life in fear, only doing what was enough to get by.

I know I have been in a state of delusion for the longest time. For the first time in my life its as if my eyes have been wiped clean and I am seeing everything for the first time.

 

Yes, the first one was physical. It lasted 4 weeks before she found out. But even then I lied to her about it even though the evidence was right in front of me.

The second one was definitely more emotional. We did have some physical contact but nothing that was where we where naked and well you know. We kissed once which I hate myself saying it but I initiated it.

She found out about this as she was still hurting and I was callous enough to use my work email which she had access to. Now mind you, I did try to hide it, emails within folders so she wouldnt find out. Had rules in place.

 

Thank you Dgiirl for your post. Its raised a question that I knew was there, thought I had worked out, but reading it and thinking about it now, I know I still dont have the answer to it.

Why did I do it, what was missing?

I have put it down sometimes to me being a idiot, but I know I am not satisfied with that answer.

One answer I know was I wasnt ready, I have been running my whole life, away from things to hard to deal with.

She cheated on me when we had our first child almost 10 years ago, I know I harbored anger and resentment for that for the longest time. I thought that was deal with when we got back together but it wasnt, and it wasnt till about 4 months ago. I forgave her for it. I had said it in the past but it was not something I was sooo sure to believe in myself.

I felt a weight lift when I told her this. I dont want anger, resentment and hate in my life. It turned me into a person I didnt know. I truly do forgive her, I know I will never forget, but its a scar I can live with and am a stronger person for it. The scar stings and I can see it sometimes but I wont let it get the best of me. I am ok with the scar.

Can she fulfil it? I wish it where so, more than anything in the world.

She has been my best friend for the longest time, some people and even she questions it , why would I treat her like this when I am suppossed to love her soo much.

[Dad_of_3]

Well Bucko, you created what's happened to you. Not one, but two affairs. The strong girl you married became a strong woman and mother. While you were making excuses, and playing silly games.... she moved on.

 

Spouses, both men and women often say they would do "anything" to get their spouses back after they spent years hurting them. These are the same folks that wouldn't do anything to make them happy, secure, and loving when they were together.

 

It's time for you to start moving on. Put all your recent efforts to work improving yourself so this won't happen again. You are 30 years old, that's old enough to know better.

 

Try and stay in your childrens lives as much as possible. and ... don't forget your child support, it's easy to procrastinate agout that.

 

I just dont know if I can. I still love her so much, I dont know how or even if I would want to break a connection like that with her.

As for self improvement. I have tried to focus on me and the welfare of my children. Its the right thing to do, that I am suppossed to do. I've been on such a good turn, but just the weekend past has brought everything back down to square one.

Its hard because I still have frequent contact with her. I look after the kids on a Monday night after I work so she can go to work. It kills me, cause here I am in my house that we built and I no lnger live here ... this is in my own misery when I put the kids to bed. My reasoning, I dont want them carted all over town cause I am helping out. I dont want them ripped out of there comfort zone. This is hard enough on them. I guess I am internalising all this, sometimes I cant.

Tuesdays I have my guitar lesson and usually drop by to see them and so she can go to the gym.

I pick the kids up on every Saturday so she can have a rest from them as she has them all week.

Contact is so constant, sometimes I dont know what to do.

My kids will always be my greatest priority, I have said it to them. I know how tough things are now. I've said she can stay in the house as long as she wants, I am paying the mortgage. Any expenses that come from the kids, I always contribute to.

 

God I miss my best friend, I miss my wife

[Dad_of_3]

I know everyone is coming down hard on you. First of all you need to move on. It's not easy when you've been with someone for so many years. I will never advise my kids to marry their chilhood sweethearts. It deprives you of life/love experience. Obviously it came to a point for both of you when you realized that the attention of another was very flattering. I myself dont think that innocent flirting is bad. But when you take it to the physical then thats when you are making some serious life choices that will break what you've already put together. If 18 months of therapy didnt stop you from giving other women attention then you weren't as committed to your marriage as you thought you were. Do not be upset at your wife. I'm sure she is discovering a whole new world of relationships now and before she had no one to compare you with. This guy may or my not be the one for her. Only time will tell. If you two were meant to be together then one day she may forgive you and your paths may meet again. This time with a little more life experience and the maturity to have a stronger relationship, marriage and deeper appreciation of one another.

 

Cmonign down hard, I dont mind, I guess I need it in some ways.

 

I am not upset at my wife. I have been at times. I think sometimes, how can she forget 15 years that we have known each other. I knew her since she was 12 and she when I was 15. I put it in perspective though. I was the first one to when I looked the other way.

I do so strongly believe we are meant to be together and I still stick to the promise I made that I will always wait for her. She means everything to me and I know in my heart that the life she is leading right now isnt meant to be.

If all I have to cling onto is that one small glimmer of hope that I know one day we will be together, is it stupid to want to cling onto it?

AS stupid as it sounds, I know what it is I want in my life now and would give up anything in the world to have it. Even if it is a matter of a little too late.

I dont know if I can give up ....

[LakesideDream]

And Bucko, rather Dad of 3, you still don't get it.

 

The decisions are no longer yours to make. You had your chances. Your faithfull wife is going about her life, trying to find ways to be happy. Currently you are not a part of that process.

 

You, like so many here, both men and women proclaim that you have "changed your ways", will "never do it again", are truely sorry for your previous actions. That's great. You have learned a valuable lesson.

 

It's doubtful that your gym excercising, and guitar lessons are having any effect on your soon to be ex. It's also doubtful that your proclaimations of enormous self discovery, and born again love will either.

 

You are young, be young. If by some miraculous quirk of fate your soon to be ex has second thoughts and decides to give you a "third chance", take it, and make it work. If she doesen't, have solice in the fact that you already had two chances and squandered them, leaving yourself living in the mess you created.

[Dad_of_3]

And Bucko, rather Dad of 3, you still don't get it.

 

The decisions are no longer yours to make. You had your chances. Your faithfull wife is going about her life, trying to find ways to be happy. Currently you are not a part of that process.

 

You, like so many here, both men and women proclaim that you have "changed your ways", will "never do it again", are truely sorry for your previous actions. That's great. You have learned a valuable lesson.

 

It's doubtful that your gym excercising, and guitar lessons are having any effect on your soon to be ex. It's also doubtful that your proclaimations of enormous self discovery, and born again love will either.

 

You are young, be young. If by some miraculous quirk of fate your soon to be ex has second thoughts and decides to give you a "third chance", take it, and make it work. If she doesen't, have solice in the fact that you already had two chances and squandered them, leaving yourself living in the mess you created.

 

I hear what you are saying. I guess i heard it enough that i just didnt want to believe it. I gotta let go, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Hell I thought I already had, but I end up keeping coming back to this point.

 

The gym and guitar lessons are major in part for me. I’m not happy to to sit by and watch life go by anymore. The gym and working out is in part me reclaiming myself from the person I was. I do feel better after, feel alive when I work out. Part of it is more like I will look so good, she’d want me back. As vain as that sounds.

I know I’m not a bad person, I made some god awful choices that has cost me dearly and yes, part of me yearns for it back.

The guitar, that is in small part me telling myself I deserve to learn it. My father, actually what father never allowed me to learn. I hate saying it, but I grew up to be like him, even swearing that I never would. I hate the fact when I see open, I see how selfish, how much of a lier, how deceitful he was. I became that man.

I’m learning for my own sanity, it gives me a distraction but also I feel alive when I play those notes, like I am mastering something with purpose. I’ll admit, there is a edge to playing the guitar. I want to play and inspire her.

 

For me, its bettering myself till I meet her again on this hard azzed journey called life.

[CarolAnne]

"Part of it is more like I will look so good, she’d want me back. As vain as that sounds."

 

Its not vain - its obvious you are putting in 100% effort to get her back and seem frustrated that she doesn't even seem to notice/care all of these things you are doing to impress her.

 

My question is, you had two affairs and she must have tried similar things so you would pay more attention to her - did you notice when she cut her hair differently, or bought new clothes, or lost weight, or did new things to get your attention because she was trying to change herself so you would love her again?

 

BTW by change I mean serious change, not outside improvements like learning how to play an instrument or watching less TV or lifting weights. If both of you are cheating there are SERIOUS things inside that must change. Also note, what does this guy offer her that you don't? The same thing is true of the two affairs you had - they offered you something that you didn't get at home

 

A friend of mine was considering having an affair to 'teach her husband a lesson' and show him what he was taking for granted. If you are lucky, if you prove you have learned the lesson she might take you back. But you really better be sincere about changing and both of you addressing whatever underlying problems are existing, or else it will happen again

[everlong]

in my situation, i have done a lot of work, looked at the ex behaviour, what i know of her, what little pieces are handed me by actual decent people to help. i know exactly why we could never be together and it has nothing to do with me or what she might have done [still not a peek of honest communication after 550000 years] - it stems from her past, effects her present, and i just happened to be the lucky ducky that was gonna be the 'one' that would get this dumped on me. no point in details but i think that just because people think that they have walked over me that i am stupid and dumb - totally the opposite - if you read my posts you will see how freaking strong, caring and confident i am to have put up with all this and actually become a better person. i'm kewl man.

[Lor]

The guitar lessons and joining a gym are positive things to do, so is the help that you're giving her with the kids and the mortgage. Don't beat yourself up over the good things, and don't think there is anything wrong with them. Its not a bad thing to want to look good for her and try to catch her eye, or someone else's.

 

Now, the hard question.....her dating? To me its only a knee-jerk reaction to her moving on. Dgiirl is right (as usual ) in that something was definitely lacking in your M if you went looking for comfort from another woman, got caught, then went looking again. Maybe your W wasn't fulfilling some of what you were needing--not that that is a good excuse. Can you honestly look her in the eye and promise it would never happen again? I don't think you could, not for the long haul anyway. Do it once, shame on you, do it twice....take a hike.

 

imo, you want what you can't have. Time to let her go; the damage is done. You've got a lot of work to do on yourself and to try and see what you are searching for in a relationship, what you were lacking that make you stray. But you've hurt this poor woman enough and I give her credit for being able to move on. Thank you for trying to make the transition easier and to remain friendly in everything--that will help both your lives and your kids lives so much!

[Dad_of_3]

"Part of it is more like I will look so good, she’d want me back. As vain as that sounds."

 

Its not vain - its obvious you are putting in 100% effort to get her back and seem frustrated that she doesn't even seem to notice/care all of these things you are doing to impress her.

 

My question is, you had two affairs and she must have tried similar things so you would pay more attention to her - did you notice when she cut her hair differently, or bought new clothes, or lost weight, or did new things to get your attention because she was trying to change herself so you would love her again?

 

BTW by change I mean serious change, not outside improvements like learning how to play an instrument or watching less TV or lifting weights. If both of you are cheating there are SERIOUS things inside that must change. Also note, what does this guy offer her that you don't? The same thing is true of the two affairs you had - they offered you something that you didn't get at home

 

A friend of mine was considering having an affair to 'teach her husband a lesson' and show him what he was taking for granted. If you are lucky, if you prove you have learned the lesson she might take you back. But you really better be sincere about changing and both of you addressing whatever underlying problems are existing, or else it will happen again

 

 

Thak you for your post CarolAnne.

 

I hear you. As much as I am putting in the effort now, I do realise that there is still alot of changing and evolving as a person.

 

God I look over the previous posts that I have written and see how I've fallen this weekend just past.

I got stuck back into the old cycle of pining and missing her.

 

Right now and since today I have sort of gotten myself to a point of being ok. I'm surviving, just as she is at the moment.

 

We talked today, I mean we had a talk about things, now mind you I have been trying to use a technique that my counsellor has helped me with which was tell her what I think she needs to hear rather than what I want to say. It was a tough chat but one where I came out ok.

We sort of settled things in a way.

I know right now she is doing what she is doing to get by. To come to grips that it is over. She is still hurting and carrying a lot of pain. I told her right now, she needs to do what she needs to do.

It cuts me up inside to say that, to think I cant protect her, to make her safe, but truth be told, I sure dont give her enough credit for how strong she really is.

I told her she still is my best friend, she always has been and in whatever way she wants me in that capacity, remains up to her.

I guess I am at a piont where I know I cant control what she does anymore. Whether she chooses to keep seeing this man or have another relationship with any other man, its her choices now.

I told her, there is nothing more than I want than her to be happy. She deserves it, as a friend, god the crap and mess she went through in her youth, she down right deserves it.

I let her know, hey things may change in the future, in regards to other relationships playing a key role in running of households, but for now, I'm here if she wants me for anything, cause I certainly acknowledge that she no longer needs me. Just as I have got to realise that I dont need her. I want her, but certainly cutting that cord of need is a lot tougher than I thought.

 

I hear you CarolAnne about change, that I know I've sort of fell of track over the weekend. I know rather than focusing on what she is up to and how much life sucks right now. I should be embracing the fact that hey I get a chance to do a self assessment of my life. I look at my life, sure I'm not happy with it, now what the hell am I going to do about it.

 

Your question about whether I noticed changes in her when I had the affairs, yeah I did notice, but as someone living in a delusion, thinking, yeah she's still mine, yeah things will work out n the end. I dont need to put to much effort into it. She did get her hair done, she changed her wardrobe, she did everything possible to get my attention, and I was still hazed over. She lost an incredible amount of weight due to the stress and worry. I know that, how ? cause I have gone through it the last 8 weeks. I have some sense of where she was at, at the time.

 

My changes that I am doing now need to be reflected within me. A hell of alot of self care and self awareness. Its all been said and done and I need to face facts. If there are anything to be shown from it, it has to be my actions. I need to take time to heal, I need to give her time to heal from it. She doesnt need that person which I guess in some parts is still there. He's a strong voice which I have to silence. As Robbie Williams said, I need and desire to be a better man. What is it that I percieve to that combination to be.

 

No one knows the future, its not written yet, and so I guess the possibility of anything happening is still a mystery, but I need to move forward in the world. I need to find my centre again as the person I know I want to be. To have pride in who I am no matter the choices I have made in my life.

[Dad_of_3]

The guitar lessons and joining a gym are positive things to do, so is the help that you're giving her with the kids and the mortgage. Don't beat yourself up over the good things, and don't think there is anything wrong with them. Its not a bad thing to want to look good for her and try to catch her eye, or someone else's.

 

Now, the hard question.....her dating? To me its only a knee-jerk reaction to her moving on. Dgiirl is right (as usual ) in that something was definitely lacking in your M if you went looking for comfort from another woman, got caught, then went looking again. Maybe your W wasn't fulfilling some of what you were needing--not that that is a good excuse. Can you honestly look her in the eye and promise it would never happen again? I don't think you could, not for the long haul anyway. Do it once, shame on you, do it twice....take a hike.

 

imo, you want what you can't have. Time to let her go; the damage is done. You've got a lot of work to do on yourself and to try and see what you are searching for in a relationship, what you were lacking that make you stray. But you've hurt this poor woman enough and I give her credit for being able to move on. Thank you for trying to make the transition easier and to remain friendly in everything--that will help both your lives and your kids lives so much!

 

Thanks for the kind words Lor.

 

I do take some comfort I guess in what you are saying about changes I am making. Significant changes within myself. Outside changes also need to be reflected inside as well. As CarolAnne wrote.

I do support her and especially my children in anyway I can. I love them and would do anything for them. I wont be that selfish bastard that I know who existed or the man I see in my father. I'm better than that. Its nto even something I want a thank you or appreciation for. It just is., you know what I mean? I dont want to hurt her or my children anymore. I know they have and are going through a rough time, I dont need to compound it anymore.

 

As for cheating, there is no excuse that will ever be good enough. AS for the reason behind it, thats something I need to find out. I hear you and dgiirl, if its not resolved and dealt with, I guess I am destined to fall again. No matter who I am with.

Can I look her in the eye and tell her no more hurt? No more pain? No, that comes part in parcel in a relationship. Can I look her in the eye and tell her it would never happen again? The answer to that would be Yes, there would be no way I could live with myself to tear apart my family like that again.

Why do I say that? cause of the changes I have made. Hard choices in my life. I have always been fascinated by computers and there technology. That all went. I guess you could say clearing out all the garbage so I am unhibited. I surrunded myself with so much crap in my life that I couldnt see. Is that an excuse no, its a statement of accepting my own responsibilty for making that choice. I threw out all my old crap, my magazines, gave away my hardware, so I can be more attentive and present not only for her but most defintely the children. I ran away for the last couple of years rather than dealing with issues in my life. I submerged myself in computer games and my love of computers for so long, as an escape, to what I am still trying to find out. Its all gone, my games, my hardware. As I see it, I need a computer for ADULT interaction, its time I grew up, sure you can play a game, but its the limit you put on it. Right now, I choose not to, am I denying myself, yes in a way but I need to so I can remain focused and clear.

 

I found new hobbies, new interests that involve interaction not only with my kids but also new people. Gardening for instance, that blew me away.

Our garden in our front yard, just one day I just got to work as I needed a distraction as she had gone away on work and I was looking after the children. As I sifted through this garden I had neglected for so long, I understood this garden was liek my life. As I pulled the weeds out and sifted through the soil removing the crap that has built up there, it was like I had an awakening that this is what I was doing with my life. This is what I need to do internally. I need to rip and pull out the total and utter crap that has been left to simmer and grow. To replace them, I choose what goes where and how I will take care of it. To nuture and take a little time to care for it and out will come a beautiful garden I would be proud of. Mind you due to the situation, I dont have time to tend to that garden at home anymore. I plan on starting a garden with the kids in my own garden.

 

I know I've hurt her and betrayed her like no one could.

In a way I guess I am letting her go, as painful as it is, I'll have to live with that. In my mind, as I spoke with my counsellor, I will always wait for her. My counsellor told me you wait if you choose, until you choose not to wait any longer. Thats what I have chosen, will I regret it? No I dont think so. I firmly believe in myself, this is what I need to do for myself. I will ahve to choose not to inflict this upon her. Does she need to know, no she doesnt.

I believe in fate, and I still at the moment, believe we are meant to be with each other, god really threw a curlie in there, for what reason I dont know.

I need to give her time to heal and to sort out issues she has within herself, long deep seeded issues that I can no longer help with. I can care but I cant help.

In the mean time, its back to me and my role as a father. Focus and attention need to be my main drives. I need to be the man I can be happy with, not only for myself, but for my children. I aspire that my sons and even my daughter will grow and love the character I have instilled in them. That they can sing a song like Shannon Noll ( Aussie Singer ) "Now I run" with pride and believe it to be true.

 

Lor and even anyone, the future isntset yet, it hasnt happened yet. You nevr know what around the corner, stranger things have happened, but if I can be that man I aspire and will be, then I can be content in that fact. I can dream, not fantasise that the man I will be will be worthy of her if she so chooses. Only time will tell.

 

Thank you again for writing and thank you for listening.

 

I know I may fall again but I will always come back to this page to grow.

[Lor]

Dad, you have a flair with words. Nice to hear a man who can write.

 

No, the future isn't set but you also can't change anything in it except yourself. You sound like you have a good grasp of what you are supposed to be doing; are you meeting words with actions?

 

Its so easy to say you'd never stray again, but she can't be blamed for not trusting you--that would require a tremedous amount of love from a person. There's not many who would be willing to go down that road again after being hit twice. EA are just as damaging as PA, even if its only a little petting and a kiss. To a woman, an A is an A, no matter what the package.

 

An A will make a woman feel completely worthless, unattractive, unworthy, unloved, confused, angry, scared, lost.....jeez, I could go on and on. It makes her question everything she's known in her M, and look at you like she has no idea who you are anymore. and when she's looking at you thru those new eyes, the rose colored glasses of love are gone and she sees the real person, the selfish one who only cared about himself and not his family.

 

I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, only to give you some insight into what she's gone thru, what she's had to overcome. She does have a tremendous amount of strength to overcome such feelings, still hold her head up and continue on with her life.

 

If you want her back, then you'd better get to work.

[Dad_of_3]

Dad, you have a flair with words. Nice to hear a man who can write.

 

No, the future isn't set but you also can't change anything in it except yourself. You sound like you have a good grasp of what you are supposed to be doing; are you meeting words with actions?

 

Its so easy to say you'd never stray again, but she can't be blamed for not trusting you--that would require a tremedous amount of love from a person. There's not many who would be willing to go down that road again after being hit twice. EA are just as damaging as PA, even if its only a little petting and a kiss. To a woman, an A is an A, no matter what the package.

 

An A will make a woman feel completely worthless, unattractive, unworthy, unloved, confused, angry, scared, lost.....jeez, I could go on and on. It makes her question everything she's known in her M, and look at you like she has no idea who you are anymore. and when she's looking at you thru those new eyes, the rose colored glasses of love are gone and she sees the real person, the selfish one who only cared about himself and not his family.

 

I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, only to give you some insight into what she's gone thru, what she's had to overcome. She does have a tremendous amount of strength to overcome such feelings, still hold her head up and continue on with her life.

 

If you want her back, then you'd better get to work.

 

Lor, you've hit the nail square on the head. I've always been the type of person who knew exactle what to say, when to say it, how to say it to make things better for myself. Like I was saying, I've lied all my life, I've exaggerated the truth, I've made millions of promises I never meant to keep.

I own up to that, I take ownership of that, no more excuses, there wasnt enough time, I didnt know, I wasnt aware.

Thats just me passing the buck rather than face the cold hard truth about who I was. Yep I hate who I was, but also in turn I am learning that the old me who is still a part of me somewhat needs to be tamed.

I'm done running, I'm done shirking it.

I have thought to myself sometimes, i wish that I could go back to some place of delirium so I can escape this. but to be honest, I kow I cant.

That defeatest talk, thats that voice talking again and wanting to win.

Well he aint anymore, I need to work on that still, I know it.

Am I backing it up with actions, I guess in a way I am.

I've owned up to a fair few people who I thought deserved to know what was going on in my life. Key family members, my closet friends. They all didnt have a clue as to what was going on. I covered it up that well, made it out that life was rosey. Hell I bought into that whole line of crap.

To have come clean to a few of them, to apologise to them about how I've treated them, lied to them, hurt them.

I cant change what has happened now in the past, I know I'll never forget it, but I know maybe, just maybe I can continue on living with it as a aspect of it. Not who I am, but part of where I had been.

 

Its tough to see that perspective, especially when I dleuded myself that yes I had the affairs and while they where totally out of line, that the effects on her and her life was devastating. I've hurt and betrayed her, god I know how that feels, it aint nice, even with that knowledge it should have been a no-brainer.

I dont blame her for not trusting me, hell I have even had a hard enough time trusting myself. Its the hardest thing to hear from her is that she doesnt trust me, that she is scared of me, that she doesnt believe that it will last.

Its all too clear, I agree, An A is still an A no matter what form it comes in. The effects of that, still coming to terms with, the consequeces, wanting to face them.

 

As for wanting her back, yeah long hard road for myself. I know I am not a patient man in the best of times, when there is something that I want. I got to learn that while life is short, I need to make the right choices.

Right here and I've said it before in regards to my life, what you see is what you get. Time to put up or shut up. I know for myself which I want for myself. I can and will be worthy of myself and her love. As much as she deserves my time, love and devotion.

 

Time ticks on ...

[Lor]

Okay, Dad, like you said, time to put up or shut up. Yes, you will be worthy of yourself and her love, whether you have the latter or not. In your situation it's kind of hard to show actions vs words, since so much of what you've done in the past is emotional vs ignoring, abusing, etc. You removing the computer stuff is a good indication of where you want to be and who you want to be, so is the fessing up to the family and friends about your so-called perfect life.

 

Now you need to come to terms yourself with your own failings and your own mis-deeds. And you'll need to do with whether with her or without because you can't have much of a life if you don't. You can't prove with words that you'll be faithful to someone. It's either there or it isn't. You can promise till the stars fall and yet you still may stray again. Only you inside your heart will be able to stop yourself if it happens again.

 

what was your M missing that you found so alluring with these other women? Did they flatter you? Were they prettier than your W? Were they funnier? Why did you end the A's? Did you realize they weren't all they were cracked up to be or was it the guilty conscious coming out? Everyone new is always more interesting and fun than our SO, especially when they are showing us attention, lacking or not. Its flattering to be considered attractive, mainly when you don't feel very attractive yourself. It gives you a sense of self-confidence, makes the day look brighter...and then you go home to the wife and kids, with all the mess, clutter and chaos, with the kiss on the cheek as they run out the door to sports, boy scouts, pta, etc, etc. and in your head your thinking OW doesn't live life like this. She's probably at her sparkling clean home, getting ready for a night on the town, make-up on, hair perfect, body ready for action....

 

The reality is that OW is probably sitting at home, tv dinner tray in the garbage, can of pop next her on the coffee table, watching a lifetime movie, goop on her face, comfy in her ratty ol' sweats, thinking OM is probably at home with his pretty wife and wonderfully well-behaved children, sitting around the supper table, sharing the days stories, then off to play a board game with lots of laughter, and bedtime stories before the sweet kisses off to bed.....

 

What I'm trying to get across is that you need to figure out what you were lacking, not so much what your M was lacking that caused you to stray. And you need to learn how to control your sexual impulses.

[Dad_of_3]

Okay, Dad, like you said, time to put up or shut up. Yes, you will be worthy of yourself and her love, whether you have the latter or not. In your situation it's kind of hard to show actions vs words, since so much of what you've done in the past is emotional vs ignoring, abusing, etc. You removing the computer stuff is a good indication of where you want to be and who you want to be, so is the fessing up to the family and friends about your so-called perfect life.

 

Now you need to come to terms yourself with your own failings and your own mis-deeds. And you'll need to do with whether with her or without because you can't have much of a life if you don't. You can't prove with words that you'll be faithful to someone. It's either there or it isn't. You can promise till the stars fall and yet you still may stray again. Only you inside your heart will be able to stop yourself if it happens again.

 

what was your M missing that you found so alluring with these other women? Did they flatter you? Were they prettier than your W? Were they funnier? Why did you end the A's? Did you realize they weren't all they were cracked up to be or was it the guilty conscious coming out? Everyone new is always more interesting and fun than our SO, especially when they are showing us attention, lacking or not. Its flattering to be considered attractive, mainly when you don't feel very attractive yourself. It gives you a sense of self-confidence, makes the day look brighter...and then you go home to the wife and kids, with all the mess, clutter and chaos, with the kiss on the cheek as they run out the door to sports, boy scouts, pta, etc, etc. and in your head your thinking OW doesn't live life like this. She's probably at her sparkling clean home, getting ready for a night on the town, make-up on, hair perfect, body ready for action....

 

The reality is that OW is probably sitting at home, tv dinner tray in the garbage, can of pop next her on the coffee table, watching a lifetime movie, goop on her face, comfy in her ratty ol' sweats, thinking OM is probably at home with his pretty wife and wonderfully well-behaved children, sitting around the supper table, sharing the days stories, then off to play a board game with lots of laughter, and bedtime stories before the sweet kisses off to bed.....

 

What I'm trying to get across is that you need to figure out what you were lacking, not so much what your M was lacking that caused you to stray. And you need to learn how to control your sexual impulses.

 

Lor, honestly the only thing I can say to your post is that it has put me in a spin all day. I read it before I headed into work, hell I even printed it off at work and kept reading it over again. It was a good thing, it put a lot of things in perspective for me.

 

I just got home from visiting the kids and seeing her tonight. The thing is, as soon as I finished my lesson, I gave her a call to let her know I was on my way. She was getting ready to go to the gym, which to be honest, I didnt mind I am there to see my gorgeous kids. She asks me to pick up some take away as she has had a rough day and hasnt finished it off. I take it in stride and pick it up and take it over for the kids. She doesnt eat, she gives me that sad forlorn look and leaves to go. Now would the time I would just give in, whack on some love sick sad songs and wallow. Kids or not, I would shoo them to bed and give in to my misery. I chose not to tonight, I was pleasent to my kids, we laughed, we played and I tucked them into bed. Gave them 20 mins reading time before I came back in for lights out. I put my baby boy to bed and kissed him on his forehead and said a pray for him.

I went out and rather than stare at a wall and let misery be my friend. I chose not to. I jumped on the puter there and visited this forum :-P

I would not have had time to reply to this thread but wanted to read up on more threads similar to what I am going through.

I've read through quite a bit since I discovered this awhile back, and only read and it has helped alot.

Once I was in my ok place, I picked up my guitar and started playing while the kids where reading. God they love it, I'm even glad to say I may have inspired him to want to play the guitar. Shows what influence a ok or good or great dad can have on his children.

She eventually made it home and I quietly packed away my guitar, packed my things up, advised her how the kids where. Advised her on things that needed attention. ie the car requiring new lights, I offered to help and left it there.

I went in to the kids, kissed them on the forehead, hugged them for dear life and let them know I loved the very much. I walked out, smiling and got my things and proceeded to walk out the front door.

I turned around, said my usual speel, " Have a good night, Take care of yourself. If you want me for anything, you know where I am " Now she said " Thanks " and gave that sad doe eyed look. I smiled a warm smile at her and closed the door behind me. I look through the glass and she is sniffles a bit but then focuses on the TV. Instantly that sadness is gone. 1. I take that as she distracting herself from her pain or 2. She's over me. Both I can live and deal with.

I got to my car and drive off. Silly me forgot my parking card, and had to go back to get it. I knock on the door and asked her to get it for me, which she does. I say Good night for the second time and smile at her. She again gives the sad forlorn look, which I have come to kow over the years.

I give a glance as I head off and she still has that look on her face. I drive off. In my car, I let it out. All the pain, all the hurt, all the emotion built up from today by sucking it up, from being there tonight. I let it flow, hell I wanted it to. I thanked god for the strength of not losing it there.

I get home and I start reading off Gunny and ilmw advice and posts that I have printed off. You guys got me to a point of ok, even if a little. I'm so far from being happy but today has been an indication that its going to be ok. I can survive through this, but I need to be strong.

I need to be like the Himilaya's. People look in awe, its daunting, its immovable from where it is. When I get there, thats how I envision myself.

 

LOng road to self discovery and aheck of alot Self care on the tables. Some really hard questions you've asked Lor, and I do look forward to working and resolving these issues in. I already have goals I want to achieve. some I already have in the short term, now looking to the longer term changes I would like to see and experience by December.

 

She did ask me if I picked up as I was at a boys poker night on the Friday

I thought to myself, what the hell is she thinking ?? But I could see from her side of things. Whether it was for a niggle or not, I calmy stated I am not at that stage. I have nothing to offer anyone at this point.

I know for myself regardless of what she does. I really do have nothing to offer anyone at this moment as I am in recovery. I dont think it will be for awhile before I even consider things of that nature,

I'm swearing off the whole dating and definitely any physical contact with anyone. This I need to do till I am comfortable about it if ever.

So as for the control sexual impulses, I have and will stick to my decision of removing myself from that mindset.

 

I'm back in the drivers seat ... thank god.

[FlyingHigh]

And Bucko, rather Dad of 3, you still don't get it.

 

The decisions are no longer yours to make. You had your chances. Your faithfull wife is going about her life, trying to find ways to be happy. Currently you are not a part of that process.

 

You, like so many here, both men and women proclaim that you have "changed your ways", will "never do it again", are truely sorry for your previous actions. That's great. You have learned a valuable lesson.

 

It's doubtful that your gym excercising, and guitar lessons are having any effect on your soon to be ex. It's also doubtful that your proclaimations of enormous self discovery, and born again love will either.

 

You are young, be young. If by some miraculous quirk of fate your soon to be ex has second thoughts and decides to give you a "third chance", take it, and make it work. If she doesen't, have solice in the fact that you already had two chances and squandered them, leaving yourself living in the mess you created.

 

Hey Lakeside,

 

Always like your blunt replies. You're describing my soon to be XH to a T. He squandered every chances he was given. He is now living in the mess he created. He went from living in a beautiful home we just bought last year to sharing his late mother's townhouse with his unemployed sister. Meanwhile, his OW is still waiting. No doubt, he is getting his weasel shined by her, but like Dad of 3's wife, I've moved on.

 

The option of turning back to men (women included) like you who carelessly squander rare opporutinites as "second chances" is killed.

[behonest63]

Look at my post of yesterday here, your situation is not as uncommon as you think. As a matter of fact I can speak clearly cause mine is exactly the same as yours. In fact if you need someone to talk to use Yahoo IM and my IM is "behonest63" we can talk and help each other understand and heal.

 

The difference between me and you are very few, i was married 24 years which will be 25 years in 7 days.

 

Here is what i think you are doing since if I am honest with myself I am doing the same thing.

 

She rejected you and that hurts, your truely not going to change that much your just trying to prove to yourself that you can get her back for your own selfish reasons.

 

The reason why i strayed was her lack of support and lack of passion and sex in our marriage, i didnt feel wanted. I truely could not get past her first adventures and neither can you no matter how much you say it or want to believe it.

 

As people have told me you BOTH wrong. You wouldnt do this to someone you truely loved and wanted to love no matter what they did first. You would want to understand to help to improve and find out what caused it. You were too busy feeling sorry for yourself. Now again go look at my post of yesterday the one that says its long but please read.

 

I am not here to judge you because I am feeling the same exact way you are since I have only been separated 6 weeks. I never treated her right and always threatened to leave etc., finally she had enough of my bs.

 

Like others say we only have ourselves to blame. If you had tried before the affairs and breakups and really tried hard and made these changes now would it have worked or helped who knows probably not. First impression are a mother to break. You guys had impressions of things and thoughts you did not communicate for many years what did you except.

 

But as others have said dont beat yourself up over this, you were young and loved her first its hard but you must be strong and stay in their lives and let what will be will be.

 

You cant tell her and pressure her with all these statements of waiting for her etc., she doesnt want to hear that. What she wants is for you to be strong and act right and if time she decides you have changed and tells you that she will give you a chance then so be it. But, its no longer your decision.

 

You had many chance as I did and you took her for granted. You messed up bad just like I did. Now all of a sudden I have this revelation as others have said and all of a sudden I am a changed man BS!

 

I tell myself that but its easy to tell others what I really know myself. I had many chances and once she built up the strength to move on she will not go back even if she has a slight want or need to do it.

 

Women are different than men, as my wife told me last night, try kissing me and caressing me alittle and the rest would have come...stop trying to just pull off my panties....this can be applied to everything in ours and your realtionship mostlikely. The anaology is a good one. Think about this and apply it to all facets of your marriage. How did you treat her was it with love, repsect, kindness and ease or was it demanding noncaring and rushed....

 

Well I could go on but please IM me and we can help each other thru this we both know what we have done and its our fault and probably hers as well.

[ilmw]

She rejected you and that hurts, your truely not going to change that much your just trying to prove to yourself that you can get her back for your own selfish reasons.

 

Did you mean this or are you making a point?

 

If you meant it.. then my friend you won't make any changes.

 

To make changes in your self... you have to do it for yourself... because if you do it with a motive to get your W back.... she will see right through it.. unless your a realy good actor.... and most of us aren't...

 

We can all make positive changes.. we all can do something to improve ourselves.... It is something I now truly believe in.. that we can always find ways to improve ourselves.... like get in better shape.. eat better.. read a book and learn something new all the time....Not stuff just to get your wife back.

 

If you do it for yourself... and you never reconcile with your wife... atleast you have a new.. better you to hang out with:D

 

Trust me... it can be done... I am living proof that someone can change their outlook... and attitude... I too want to be back with my W... but it may never happen.... comes to terms with it.... but... I like me now... and who I am becoming... Geeez if I can do it anyone can:laugh:

 

Like Yoda said... "Do or Do not... there is no try":lmao:

 

ilmw

[Dad_of_3]

Hey Lakeside,

 

Always like your blunt replies. You're describing my soon to be XH to a T. He squandered every chances he was given. He is now living in the mess he created. He went from living in a beautiful home we just bought last year to sharing his late mother's townhouse with his unemployed sister. Meanwhile, his OW is still waiting. No doubt, he is getting his weasel shined by her, but like Dad of 3's wife, I've moved on.

 

The option of turning back to men (women included) like you who carelessly squander rare opporutinites as "second chances" is killed.

 

 

Thank you for your post FlyingHigh.

Well, what can I say to a post like that.

To be honest, I hear your point, the point coming from another female in the same situation. Hard thing about it, is that no 2 situations are alike. They never will be, As close as they can come, but never.

It maybe true that she is or has moved on. Its too late for me. Its over, I got to accept it. Funny thing is, today, its ok that it is.

 

I have thought and even asked her, would it have been easier that I was a bastard to her now? That I just moved on with my life and said “yeah, Oh well. Life’s a bitch, now move onto the next best thing?” Or if I was resentful, hating her makig the decision? I’m not in that frame of mind.

Because I feel differently about the whole situation, it makes the process for both her and I that much harder. I do love her, I am still in love with her and yes it can get frustrating at times because of this. I don’t need to inflict this on her anymore, which truth be told I haven’t. I’ve stated my feelings and where it is I am at. I don’t need to say it to her anymore to justify it or to make it more believable if I say it more. I know in myself and that’s enough.

 

Time can only tell. Again I say it, the future isn’t written, it hasn’t happened. I aint waiting by being sooky and a cry-baby anymore. If she’s gone and no longer wants what I have to offer when I get there. Then “such is life”

 

I don’t need the bitterness, the anger, the rage, all the negative emotions in my life. They weigh too much, they take too much energy to feel them. I’d prefer to waste that dead energy giving my kids a big hug and a kiss.

 

For now, I need to reclaim me. I need to find who I am, who I want to be and who I will be. If its not good enough for anyone, well take a ticket, I’m sure there’s enough people that think that. I’ll get to you about that when I am good and ready. [FONT=Wingdings][/FONT]

[Dad_of_3]

Behonest63. Thank you for your post.

 

I hear the pain in your words. It isn’t a nice place we are in, but darn it, even the days past when I first posted to now, it’s a different perspective.

 

You say you’ve been separated for 6 weeks.

For me I was separated since February. I moved out then but I had been in a state of denial and delusion.

For me, its been a right b*tch cause I woke up to myself only 8 and a half weeks ago now. How’s that for messed up.

She believes I moved on in May, when she finally gave up waiting and trying. Does that hurt to hear, yes. Does that make me think why didn’t you just wait a little longer. Well she shouldn’t have to. I firmly believe that.

 

As for changes within myself, as for not changing that much. I’d have to disagree with you there. Why?

When I first met our counsellor who has now become my own counsellor, she absolutely shook up my world with a few words.

I used to compare my life to my wife’s and say, “ Hey, I lived ok compared to my wife. She went through hell, I got nothing to complain or feel anything bad about my life” this I said to the counsellor.

2 sessions in, I realised How wrong I was. I was one messed up individual. I have had a lot of underlying hard issues and problems in my life that unfortunately have helped shape who I became. Is that a cop out for what has happened? Hell no !

I take full responsibility for what happened. Who messed up the marriage and family unit …. Me.

With the help of my counsellor which I have not been able to see now as she is on holidays and myself, I get this opportunity to deconstruct my life and who I am and build it back up to who I want to be.

Hell I may even look back one day and thank god this happened to get me to where I am. Am I saying that “Life dealt me this and now I got to live with it” No either. What I am saying is, I created this mess in my life for myself, I accept it but now I need to know how to get on from that.

I can pine, I can cry, I can beg but in the end all that sorrow and sadness only hurts me and maybe even a little bit her. She isnt my concern anymore, what she does is what she does. She feels some comfort with this other guy she is seeing, then so be it. I cant control that. Yeah I have thought of letting in to my rage and anger and using violence to vent it. Whether with fists or firearms. Now to be honest I never would. First of all, this is sydney Australia, we have laws against firearms … lol

Second, once I go through with that, what happens? All I can think of is the kids loose a father who will be in jail wondering and hurting even more.

That negative voice, who always said I wasn’t good enough for anything, who always said I was worthless, wasn’t attractive enough, that cried no one would like me. Even back to my teenage years before I met my wife. That voice screamed no one wants to go out with you, you are so unattractive, you arent worth spit. You don’t deserve to be happy. Well, guess what? I proved him right. That doesn’t make me sad, at times it does, but the majority of it, it just makes me mad.

No way in hell is is getting that satisfaction anymore. Am I sounding like a weirdo yet?

That voice, I asked to leave, he comes back sometimes but I’ll continue to ask him to leave. One day I know he will get the message, until then, I gotta stay strong.

 

As for your questions, in regards to how I treated her? The only way I could describe it is, very push/pull. 1 hand, I wanted her so much, loved her, with the other I pushed her away.

You ask, how can I forgive her about cheating on me? I actually do.

Its like this episode of “My Name is Earl” I saw.

If you love someone and they say sorry and mean it. You forgive them.

Does that mean I will forget? No I don’t think so, but the weight I felt by truly believing it when I said it.

She paid her dues, plus there is nothing I could put her through that she didn’t already throughout the years.

I do feel like I can now put that part of me to rest, thank god for that

 

Woah .. I better stop.

In any case, thank you for the offer of support. Where I am at right now, I like to think I can offer something back to the people on here as well.

I don’t have Yahoo but will get it as soon as possible.

I’m sure on this rollercoaster I will fall and hell even struggle to get back up but as I have said, here is where it begins …

 

Look forward to hearing from you again.

[Dad_of_3]

Did you mean this or are you making a point?

 

If you meant it.. then my friend you won't make any changes.

 

To make changes in your self... you have to do it for yourself... because if you do it with a motive to get your W back.... she will see right through it.. unless your a realy good actor.... and most of us aren't...

 

We can all make positive changes.. we all can do something to improve ourselves.... It is something I now truly believe in.. that we can always find ways to improve ourselves.... like get in better shape.. eat better.. read a book and learn something new all the time....Not stuff just to get your wife back.

 

If you do it for yourself... and you never reconcile with your wife... atleast you have a new.. better you to hang out with:D

 

Trust me... it can be done... I am living proof that someone can change their outlook... and attitude... I too want to be back with my W... but it may never happen.... comes to terms with it.... but... I like me now... and who I am becoming... Geeez if I can do it anyone can:laugh:

 

Like Yoda said... "Do or Do not... there is no try":lmao:

 

ilmw

 

Ilmw, I’ve read over your thread.

You’ve done well, I’ve read up lot on here.

All the posts from gunny, lor, dgiirl, yourself plus a myriad of others have really offered something to me. Whether comfort, direction or insight.

I think in regards to change, its an individual thing. You got to be ready for it, cause the thing is, its going to come front on whether you are ready for it or not.

Yup, you can sit on the wayside and watch the lives of your significant other and everyone past you by, or you can actually do something about it.

Everyone who has a heart will offer some support, whether it’s a kind word or if its just plain confronting in your face, but at the end of the day, only you can really end that misery. Its only early days for me, but I already know how much I want to change for myself. To deconstruct, analyse and piece back together who it is I am. I cant wait to be able to look in the mirror and be at peace, hell I think about it everyday.

 

I’ve been a little weak of late, very in fact, even just the weekend just passed I fell, 2 days I have been ok and a part of me is dreading the weekend already. Picking up the kids, seeing her again. The thoughts of the other guy.

Well to be honest as much as I dread it, I’m going through with it. Why cause its coming front on.

I get to have my kids and spend time with them, in the mean time, if it permits, I’ll go exercise and aim for my 8-pack lol, play my guitar, read up on a few books I picked up.

Nothing I can fix anymore except myself. Change. Either go with it, or stay stuck where you are. It aint stopping for you.

As much as I want to stop her seeing this guy, and waking her up. I know I cant anymore. Its her decision, its her life. If it’s a mistake she is going to make, she has to. I can no longer protect her or look out for her.

That breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes, but I need to focus. It is hard but I do it. but its got to be done.

Whether for myself or my children.

 

Your thread has been an eye opener for me, some of your posts have really hit it home that time really waits for no man.

Anyway enough for now. Time to go practice my guitar before work

 

Its not so bad today ! :-D