Being drunk

[Theessence13]

Just as general discussion and my own person interest, what are all of your views on having sex while you're drunk, and "accidentally" cheating on your partner.

 

Personally i think it is absolutely unacceptable under all circumstances. I've been as drunk as i think one can possibly get, i don't remember what happened but the next afternoon my friend made fun of me because i didn't want to hook up with some girl the night before. Even when i'm not drunk to the point of a blackout (i've only blacked out a couple of times) I totally have the same view on cheating on my partner. I believe that if you really don't want to do it when you're sober, then you won't when you're drunk.

 

This is only comming from my experience, what do you think?

[Kristybelle]

Just as general discussion and my own person interest, what are all of your views on having sex while you're drunk, and "accidentally" cheating on your partner.

 

Personally i think it is absolutely unacceptable under all circumstances. I've been as drunk as i think one can possibly get, i don't remember what happened but the next afternoon my friend made fun of me because i didn't want to hook up with some girl the night before. Even when i'm not drunk to the point of a blackout (i've only blacked out a couple of times) I totally have the same view on cheating on my partner. I believe that if you really don't want to do it when you're sober, then you won't when you're drunk.

 

This is only comming from my experience, what do you think?

 

Intoxication is not an excuse in my opinion. I agree with you that if you don't want to do it sober, you won't want to drunk. Your inhibitions may be lowered by the alcohol but I have never done anything I didn't want to do under the influence.

[alphamale]

there is no such thing as "accidental" cheating. whether you are drunk or not you must make numerous decisions before you hop in the sack with someone. so it is always a concious effort.

[lovestruck234]

I think "I was drunk/intoxicated/didn't know what I was doing" is the biggest load of BS and the lamest excuse anyone could come up with!!

 

Just because you are drunk, it doesn't mean your values and loyalty should be thrown out the window as well....

 

You still make decisions, you still DO know what you are doing. It is NO excuse AT ALL to use. That's like saying "Oh, but I was on my mobile phone when I ran up the a** of that car.....I didn't know what I was doing...." Yeah f*cking right.....

 

 

 

BEING DRUNK DOESN'T MAKE YOU SINGLE.

 

 

(Sorry, it's obvious that this topic hits close to home......)

[CrushedOrgans]

I think "I was drunk/intoxicated/didn't know what I was doing" is the biggest load of BS and the lamest excuse anyone could come up with!!

 

Just because you are drunk, it doesn't mean your values and loyalty should be thrown out the window as well....

 

You still make decisions, you still DO know what you are doing. It is NO excuse AT ALL to use. That's like saying "Oh, but I was on my mobile phone when I ran up the a** of that car.....I didn't know what I was doing...." Yeah f*cking right.....

 

 

 

BEING DRUNK DOESN'T MAKE YOU SINGLE.

 

 

(Sorry, it's obvious that this topic hits close to home......)

 

"the mobile phone is the reason the accident happened...which also means, if i wasn't on my mobile phone, i would not have had that accident. i made a bad decision."

 

the thing is, being drunk is an excuse, or maybe a reason, rather--not in that it makes it excusable, but in that it is a way of explaining why and how a certain behavior that normally does not occur did occur. just because it is an explanation does not mean it is accepted, and by most people, it's not.

 

i think it's just a little silly that it is understood that substances cause impairment, but when it comes to cheating, that person should have been able to act totally sober even when not. it doesn't make any sense. yeah, it does suck, but it doesn't make any sense to expect that.

 

it's okay to say "i put the lampshade on my head because i was drunk" or "i never dance on the top of the bar, but i was really drunk that night, and i hardly remember it!" or "i got really drunk and stole a street sign and dumped lawn furniture in people's swimming pools" but if there's sex involved, you're expected you should have known better anyway, even when blind drunk.

 

i do agree that people that act this way when drunk should make the conscious choice to not drink so much, and if they don't, then i think they are making the choice despite realizing that cheating is possible, and that they will have to accept the consequences.

 

if you're not going to accept it, fine, but don't pretend that alcohol had nothing to do with it and that they were making a clear and conscious, well-thought-out choice solely to be selfish and hurt you.

[lovestruck234]

"the mobile phone is the reason the accident happened...which also means, if i wasn't on my mobile phone, i would not have had that accident. i made a bad decision."

 

the thing is, being drunk is an excuse, or maybe a reason, rather--not in that it makes it excusable, but in that it is a way of explaining why and how a certain behavior that normally does not occur did occur. just because it is an explanation does not mean it is accepted, and by most people, it's not.

 

i think it's just a little silly that it is understood that substances cause impairment, but when it comes to cheating, that person should have been able to act totally sober even when not. it doesn't make any sense. yeah, it does suck, but it doesn't make any sense to expect that.

 

it's okay to say "i put the lampshade on my head because i was drunk" or "i never dance on the top of the bar, but i was really drunk that night, and i hardly remember it!" or "i got really drunk and stole a street sign and dumped lawn furniture in people's swimming pools" but if there's sex involved, you're expected you should have known better anyway, even when blind drunk.

 

i do agree that people that act this way when drunk should make the conscious choice to not drink so much, and if they don't, then i think they are making the choice despite realizing that cheating is possible, and that they will have to accept the consequences.

 

if you're not going to accept it, fine, but don't pretend that alcohol had nothing to do with it and that they were making a clear and conscious, well-thought-out choice solely to be selfish and hurt you.

 

Just that, I know that I have done very silly silly things while being intoxicated, but under NO circumstances have I EVER cheated on someone.

 

Yes, I have got with guys when I'm SINGLE and drunk, but if I have a boyfriend, doesn't matter HOW blind drunk I am, doesn't matter how many guys have thrown themselves at me, tried their hardest to get me into bed with them, I haven't....

 

I would have to be unconcious to have sex with someone and I was taken, and even then I wouldn't be having sex with them, they would be raping me....

 

I just find it inexcusable. Pardon me if some people disagree with me. but cheating is just....man, it's just THE lowest act I think anyone can perform.

 

It shows disrespect, dishonesty, and more importantly it shows you don't give a rat's a** about the girl/guy you are cheating on.

 

F*ck cheaters, they make me sick.

[SixthSt.Girl]

Not all people even get wild and crazy when they're drunk. I've never been drunk, and rarely drink or go to bars, but I've heard that people either a) get horny and think they're sex gods b) get tired or c) start fights when they're drunk. I'm b I think because after a couple glasses of wine I'm very tired. So, I don't think those who get drunk get bragging rights just because they don't hop into bed with someone. It's an irresponsible thing to do anyway, because you don't know exactly what effect it will have on you. It's true, I think the people that cheat when they're drunk have had thoughts about it when they're sober. Drinking just puts those thoughts into motion a little faster for some people.

 

I had a boss that joked about taking me out and getting me drunk because then I'd tell him I want to sleep with him. There was some attraction there (he was also married ). Little did he know that if I did get drunk, I'd probably just fall asleep at the bar.

[Green]

look what ever people do when they are drunk they are responsible for. You cant argue to a judge you were too drunk to realize driving was a bad idea. You cant stop the police from aresting you by saying I beat my wife to death because I was drunk so dont arest me. under the same logic its rediculouse to tell your partner I only cheated cause I was drunk. It might be true but it wont make it better.

[alphamale]

I had a boss that joked about taking me out and getting me drunk because then I'd tell him I want to sleep with him. There was some attraction there (he was also married ). Little did he know that if I did get drunk, I'd probably just fall asleep at the bar.

Well, 6SG...at least you'd be a cheap date

[Spectre]

if you're not going to accept it, fine, but don't pretend that alcohol had nothing to do with it and that they were making a clear and conscious, well-thought-out choice solely to be selfish and hurt you.

 

BS, this line of thinking maybe, maybe could fly 40 years ago, now its just retarded. Hell, even back then it was retarded.

 

 

why? because, in this day and age, every single person who drinks knows what can happen. Knows it can make them drunk, knows it can make them do stupid things. So, if someone is a party without their S/O, and is knowingly hanging around the opposite sex while drinking alcohol, they know damn well what might happen, thus, there is no excuse for any of their actions.

 

its like if someone drinks a bottle of bleach and dies. Technically, it was the bleach in their system that killed them. However, in a way its their own fault, cuz they knew exactly what would happen by putting bleach into their system.

 

So no, alcohol is not an excuse, and never will be. People can control whether they drink or not, and we arent an uneducated society. Just like people know cigarrettes can give them cancer, 60 years ago when that wasnt known, you could argue people who smoked didnt bring it on themselves, but now with all the warnings on the packs? if you get cancer from it, its your own fault, it is the same exact thing, bottom line.

 

And the people who try to use this as an excuse? they just make themselves look stupid, and they insult the intelligence of the person theyre giving the excuse too.

 

Alcohol is at the top of the list with dumb cheating excuses, right next to "i felt neglected"

[CrushedOrgans]

BS, this line of thinking maybe, maybe could fly 40 years ago, now its just retarded. Hell, even back then it was retarded.

 

 

why? because, in this day and age, every single person who drinks knows what can happen. Knows it can make them drunk, knows it can make them do stupid things. So, if someone is a party without their S/O, and is knowingly hanging around the opposite sex while drinking alcohol, they know damn well what might happen, thus, there is no excuse for any of their actions.

 

"retarded" is a little harsh and unnecessary. i just see it differently than you do.

 

i never once said cheating while drinking had to be excusable by everyone. i am saying it is unwise to not take into consideration that person's drunkeness because we all know, and knew 40 years ago as well, that drinking can cause people to behave differently. that's why it's called "under the influence" or "mood-altering-substance". they change things.

 

and yes, people do know what drinking can do. but to say every person knows what is going to happen every time is ridiculous. i don't know about you, but i'm not the same every single time i drink. i am different when drinking beer and when drinking liquor. i am different based on the amount i drink. i am different depending on the mood i am in when drinking. i have had 15 heavy drinks and been fine, i have had 5 not-so-heavy drinks and blacked out and didn't remember a thing the next day.

 

i know my opinion is not a popular one, and that's fine. and i am certainly not saying "i will forgive my fiance/husband if he cheats on me when drunk." i would not, i would leave him if he cheated under any circumstance because i know i couldn't get over it and live with it like it never happened. but i would still believe him that alcohol played a part, especially if there were no prior incidences of cheating. i just try to reason a bit, and not see it as black and white, like you do.

 

an just so you know, "bad things" don't only happen with the opposite sex around. which is another example of things people do when drunk that they would never consider sober.

 

and some people will still say "you do drunk what you want to do sober." sometimes i agree with that. but i wish people would keep in mind that a drunk decision should not be expected to made with the same clarity as a sober one.

 

anyway, there is always going to be a debate about this and there are always going to be two sides, one saying "being drunk has nothing to do with it, you hurt me and i don't forgive you" and the other side saying "I didn't mean to hurt you, i screwed up, i didn't know what i was doing." and they will never agree.

 

anyone who thinks that everyone always makes clear, conscious, well-informed, well-thought choices under the influence of alcohol or another substance either is so hurt that they are in denial or they need a little more education. it's not insulting anyone's intelligence to explain that you had something in your system that isn't normally there...most people do know what substances do. it amazes me the number of people who conveniently forget that.

 

i think you think i am justifying cheating. no, i'm not. if you think that's what i am doing, you've missed the point.

 

maybe it is best to just accept that people who are perfect should not date people who make mistakes.

[Spectre]

"retarded" is a little harsh and unnecessary. i just see it differently than you do.

 

i wasnt calling you retarded, but people who feed that excuse and believe it. it might be harsh, sometimes people *need* harsh, or their behavior will never stop

 

and yes, people do know what drinking can do. but to say every person knows what is going to happen every time is ridiculous. i don't know about you, but i'm not the same every single time i drink. i am different when drinking beer and when drinking liquor. i am different based on the amount i drink. i am different depending on the mood i am in when drinking. i have had 15 heavy drinks and been fine, i have had 5 not-so-heavy drinks and blacked out and didn't remember a thing the next day.

 

Its not about knowing what will happen, its knowing what could happen. If you are at a party, your bf/gf is not there, and you begin to hang around a group of people in which you find attractive, you should know better than to get completely smashed.

 

Similarly, if youre having an argument with a signinfact other, its downright stupid to go get wasted at some party, cuz then the chances of it happening increase.

 

i know my opinion is not a popular one, and that's fine. and i am certainly not saying "i will forgive my fiance/husband if he cheats on me when drunk." i would not, i would leave him if he cheated under any circumstance because i know i couldn't get over it and live with it like it never happened. but i would still believe him that alcohol played a part, especially if there were no prior incidences of cheating. i just try to reason a bit, and not see it as black and white, like you do.

 

its not about black and white, its about common sense. We arent in an uneducated society anymore. People should *know* how they handle liquor. they should know how beer effects them, and how hard liquor effects them. It might take different amounts of different drinks to get you drunk, but ive found once most people reach they "drunk" stage, it doesnt matter if it was from beer, vodka, etc. they usually act the same. The only thing ive known to effect the way you act is your state of mind, which brings me back to my other point: if you are sad or mad at your s/o(or even depressed in general and your s/o isnt there), dont go get wasted at some party.

 

If youre the type of person who gets smashed and has trouble remembering what you did, or you do(atleast in that persons opinion) things that are a complete 360 on the type of person you are, you should know better than to go get smashed without your bf/gf around, or atleast another good friend who will watch out for you

 

 

anyway, there is always going to be a debate about this and there are always going to be two sides, one saying "being drunk has nothing to do with it, you hurt me and i don't forgive you" and the other side saying "I didn't mean to hurt you, i screwed up, i didn't know what i was doing." and they will never agree.

 

but you DO know what youre doing, that is the thing. You knew damn well what you were doing when you attended a party without your s/o(which shouldnt happen anyways) you knew what you were doing when you decided to get smashed, and you sure as hell knew what you were doing when you were taking your clothes off.

 

Sex isnt as simple as putting a lampshade on your head, and most of the time people dont just strip down and do it, first theres making out, then the removing of clothing, THEN sex. The SECOND you begin touching someone else, something should click in your head. Doesnt mean they meant to hurt the person, but they werent completely helpless by any means.

 

theres also people who play off being drunk. they use being drunk as an excuse to do stupid sh*t.

 

so you see, i have no problems with the "i didnt mean to hurt you" lines, but what gets me is the "i didnt know what i was doing" unless your beer had mind control serum in it, you knew damn well what was going on

 

anyone who thinks that everyone always makes clear, conscious, well-informed, well-thought choices3 under the influence of alcohol or another substance either is so hurt they are in denial or needs a little more education.

 

maybe it is best to just accept that people who are perfect should not date people who make mistakes.

 

first of all, sex isnt a mistake. leaving the oven on too long and burning dinner is a mistake, you dont just forget you have a bf and stick someones d*ck inside you, its a conscious thing

 

and again, it isnt about people thinking alcohol doesnt effect people, it does. when im drunk im less coordinated, so im more likely to knock a drink over or slur words. Still, it takes much more brain power to begin to make out with a girl, remove all my clothes, and proceed to have sex with her, those are much more complicated actions than "err look at me i have a lampshade on my head!". I can see a kiss, i can see someone slipping up with a short drunken kiss, cuz those are quck and impulsive, but sex? sex just takes too much effort

 

quit playing off the notion that booze makes you act different, it does, but sex isnt something you can just trip into , its a conscious decision. you wanna blame knockin down a lamp, or acting like an a-hole on booze? sure. but from the point where the foreplay beings until the time the deed is done, a person has plenty of time to realize what they're doing and stop it, there is no way around that. Plus it doesnt help that most people know how much alcohol they can handle and how it effects them.

 

Im not saying being drunk cant make you act silly or do odd things, but complicated actions that take a lot of thought like sex can certainly be avoided or stopped, and when they arent? it isnt cuz of the booze, its the person

[SixthSt.Girl]

Well, 6SG...at least you'd be a cheap date

 

It probably wouldn't take much booze to get me drunk/asleep, either. I take sleep meds, which alcohol reinforces. I'd hope he'd do the right thing and drive me home, but he'd probably be po'ed and just leave me lying there.

[CrushedOrgans]

 

first of all, sex isnt a mistake. leaving the oven on too long and burning dinner is a mistake, you dont just forget you have a bf and stick someones d*ck inside you, its a conscious thing

 

and again, it isnt about people thinking alcohol doesnt effect people, it does. when im drunk im less coordinated, so im more likely to knock a drink over or slur words. Still, it takes much more brain power to begin to make out with a girl, remove all my clothes, and proceed to have sex with her, those are much more complicated actions than "err look at me i have a lampshade on my head!". I can see a kiss, i can see someone slipping up with a short drunken kiss, cuz those are quck and impulsive, but sex? sex just takes too much effort

 

quit playing off the notion that booze makes you act different, it does, but sex isnt something you can just trip into , its a conscious decision. you wanna blame knockin down a lamp, or acting like an a-hole on booze? sure. but from the point where the foreplay beings until the time the deed is done, a person has plenty of time to realize what they're doing and stop it, there is no way around that. Plus it doesnt help that most people know how much alcohol they can handle and how it effects them.

 

Im not saying being drunk cant make you act silly or do odd things, but complicated actions that take a lot of thought like sex can certainly be avoided or stopped, and when they arent? it isnt cuz of the booze, its the person

 

i'm not playing off the notion of anything. it's just my opinion. i am not cheating, drunk or otherwise, on anyone, so this is not me defending my actions...just my opinion.

 

and i still disaree with you, as i expected. and you with me, as i expected. and that's fine, i enjoy this kind of banter, so i hope you don't think i'm here with my claws out.

 

once again, i will clarify that i am in no way justifying cheating, i am just trying to be realistic in terms of unders

tanding why or how some things happen.

 

but just for the record, for argument's sake...just because people seem to know what they are doing doesn't mean they do. i know this is terrible, but i drove home smashed one night a few years ago. my roommate let me have the keys because i seemed totally fine (and i believe her, because one thing i don't do is drink and drive, ever--thank you to my parents) and i told her i was better than she was and i would rather drive. she gave me the keys, i drove us home.

 

i woke up in my bed the next morning wondering how i got there and if my roommate was awake so she could take me to get my car. of course, it was parked outside. scary. never before, and never again. i have also had sex and forgotten all about it. also very scary. and i know i am not the only one. it certainly does seem that "complicated actions with a lot of thought" would be completely conscious, but you can black out and seem totally fine.

 

just some food for thought.

 

cheating, cheating while drunk etc; are just like everything else in the world. you should have done right, and you didn't. you should have done this, you shouldn't have done that. but you didn't and you did.

 

the only reason this subject comes up so often is because how much it angers people that someone would try to get away with cheating. but even if it's not drinking, a cheater is going to say something in their defense not matter what.

 

everyone who is cheated on wants an explanation, but is not going to accept any. if you don't accept any explanation, than just don't beat it to death, say there "are no excuses and move on. what's the point in asking "why, why" when no answer is going to satisfy you?

 

oh and also, i have drastically changed my drinking habits since then. but i had many years of drinking under my belt before it ever gave me a problem and i started doing things i normally wouldn't. i thought i knew myself and had myself under control, but the body doesn't always work that way.

[Green]

I agree people lose control when they drink but they are still acountable for anything that happened you cant just go I was drunk and make anything you did go away.

[TaylorS]

I couldn't agree more with LoveStruck, cheater's make me freaking sick. When you enter a relationship, you are making a promise to them and to yourself that you with remain true and faithful.

[CrushedOrgans]

I agree people lose control when they drink but they are still acountable for anything that happened you cant just go I was drunk and make anything you did go away.

 

 

i agree. like another thread on here in which the poster claims it isn't really cheating because she did not mean for it to happen. first of all, she knew what she was doing and admitted it. second of all, just because it wasn't a pre-meditated act doesn't mean it didn't happen. an accidental fire still burns a house down, you know? you didn't want to hit the baseball through the neighbour's window...but the window is still broken. it cannot be erased because you feel guilty.

 

i fail, though, to see any other excuse that will make someone who was cheated on go "oh, well okay, then i forgive you." so the drunk thing doesn't really even matter so much, it's really simply the fact that they cheated at all.

 

and taylors, yes you're right, that is how it is said it is supposed to be--but unfortunately we don't live in a fairy-tale world and so it is best to be prepared with reality, i think. maybe that's just me.

[blind_otter]

This is only comming from my experience, what do you think?

 

My experience is that I had a very bad alcohol problem for about 8 years. And I drank beyond the level of intoxication that people who don't have an alcohol problem usually do.

 

I would go on 2-3 day binges where I wouldn't sleep, just drink, and snort bumps of cocaine so I could drink even more. By the time 36 hours had elapsed I would be completely obliterated. Not able to even stand up. I would black out for hours at a time by this point but I would keep drinking.

 

It is perfectly possible to drink to the point of not being aware. But the person is still accountable for making major **** ups with intoxicated. It's just that -- at that point it's more an alcohol problem, than a cheating problem.

 

I'm just saying.

[IpAncA]

i agree. like another thread on here in which the poster claims it isn't really cheating because she did not mean for it to happen. first of all, she knew what she was doing and admitted it. second of all, just because it wasn't a pre-meditated act doesn't mean it didn't happen. an accidental fire still burns a house down, you know? you didn't want to hit the baseball through the neighbour's window...but the window is still broken. it cannot be erased because you feel guilty.

 

i fail, though, to see any other excuse that will make someone who was cheated on go "oh, well okay, then i forgive you." so the drunk thing doesn't really even matter so much, it's really simply the fact that they cheated at all.

 

and taylors, yes you're right, that is how it is said it is supposed to be--but unfortunately we don't live in a fairy-tale world and so it is best to be prepared with reality, i think. maybe that's just me.

 

Couldn't agree with you more. I've been drunk before and I know that I shouldn't cheat and for someone to play the "I was drunk" card is completely stupid. Sure you don't think clearly and it's easier for people to take advantage of some people, but it's clearly not an excuse. And just like someone else said, being drunk doesn't make you single.

[alphamale]

I would black out for hours at a time by this point but I would keep drinking.

B_o...how exactly does one keep drinking when blacked out?

 

man, thats when you know you really have a major drinking problem!

[CrushedOrgans]

B_o...how exactly does one keep drinking when blacked out?

 

man, thats when you know you really have a major drinking problem!

 

you can be totally blacked out and act totally normal and no one is the wiser...including yourself. totally.