Guest Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Now he has backed tracked to "lets be friends", give it time, see where it goes. Hello. I am 25 from NYC. My bf "J" is 26. We are over 1,000 miles apart. he is in the airforce 7 has a stressful job & doesn't have a lot of money. We began talking over the internet in late August, 2006. Last week he flew out here & we met for the first time- we hugged, kissed, held hands- he met my mom & coworkers- things were going wonderful. The first part of this relationship was strictly over phone & computer, ut we invested hours a day & night- sometimes losing sleep just to share our deepest feelis, thoughts, dreams & up until we met & yes, we slept together even though he waited over 2 years to have a relationship b/c either they never reached the physical point, but also b/c he didn't want meaningless sex. He never told me he lost interest. In fact we still talk & consider ourselves in a relationship albeit, a thousand degrees cooler. he said that he feels terrible & cares deeply about me. he was freaking out about promises he made then realized- I assume after sex- that we jumped the gun. I want to be patient & give it time like he says. the thing is not only distance but time & communication- he is going to be gone a lot- he has ssen many military marriages fail- & in nearly 3 months we only had 2 full days together. The telephone gets frustrating, like when calls drop or I am on the train going underground or we both just work so hard...I know this sounds like excuses & when he left i was more sad than happy like something has been lost never to return. My speculation is pas hurts are lurking up on us- I understand baggage b/c I just release a load, but there is more now that he has his own luggage, its massive. I truly feel love for him, but we are also so involved in our futures. I just lost my job & need a new one fast plus I am in school- possible heading for med. school & its going to take so much sacrifice on both are parts- i think his reason for pulling away is fear which comes from doubt...we don't wantto lose one another, but he has mentioned that there are little things about me that he can't seem to get over- of course I had to drag all this out. he also told me that some of the greatest friendships b/t men & women he knew started out after having sex then realizing that it was nothing more than friendship- I asked him what that meant- he says that he is not giving hints, but he hasn't been communicating with me half as much as before- am I just wrrying over nothing- maybe I need a guys opinion about this. he knows I am smart- no bimbo although i have more sexual experiemce than him, it was totally satisfying & the best time we had together was cuddling afterwards- he is warm, ambitious, spiritual, everything I ever wanted. But his doubt scares me. His past waas filled with girls who lied, cheated, and lied some more- now he meets an attractive, intelligent, faithful girl who cares about him & he doesn't want to grab this opportunity. Does he think something better is out there? Shouldn't we have gotten closer after his visit or was it that all we built up over the telephone turned out to be a huge dissapointment to him & he wants to just let go of me slowly as not to hurt me b/c he knows I am not the one...I am sure, why isn't he? Thanks for any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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