Am I wrong in talking to my Ex GF?

[orangele]

My current GF I believe to be very jealous. She has asked me not to go on a day trip with two married co-workers because they were women. She has asked me not to email or talk to other women. When she first asked me to do this I agreed since I really do not have any close female friends. I do have an Ex-GF who I have had a good relationship. She was calling and writing me frequently. I emailed my Ex-GF and explained to her that my current GF is jealous, and has asked me not to have contact with her.

 

Since that time, my Ex-GF has emailed and called me less frequently, but still does call and email. My current relationship is a LD one, so she is unaware that my EX still does this. I think I have returned a call once to my EX, but basically do not call or email her, only occassionally reply to her. Since my GF first requested that I not socialize with women, I told her that I have no problem in her socializing with men that she has known for a long time, and she knows have no romantic interests in her. I in turn believe that the similar rules should apply to me. I do understand why she would be threatened by my ex however.

 

My Ex still calls me "honey" and frequently tells me how much she misses me, and quite frankly I do not reply to this because I am comitted to my current GF. I feel like as long as I do not call my EX or email her, I am keeping my word to my current GF. I think that when the time comes that my current GF and I are going to be living in the same city, I will make it clear to my EX that even though I still like, her and consider her a friend, that she should respect my wishes, and no longer contact me. I guess I could block my EXs emails and phone calls, but this seems pretty extreme, and unnecessary.

 

How do others feel how I am handling this?

[alphamale]

tell your current GF that until the two of you are married you can do whatever the **** you want and if she does not like it she can get lost. she is testing you to see how weak or strong you are.

[lovelorcet]

I am with alpha here grow some balls and take charge. One can have contact with the other sex without disrespecting one's partner. If you let this go she will wrap you around her finger, get bored with you and then leave you...

[Spectre]

First of all, your gf has a right to be angry at some of this stuff. Going on a trip without her, with two women? Thats a no no buddy, who cares if they are married? go check the infidelity forum. Unless their husbands are going with on this trip, it just should not be happening.

With this ex business, the chick is an ex for a reason, you dont need to write or call her, why would you?

 

I mean, saying you can have no female contact is different but, this stuff is all pretty standard. Going on trips with women without your gf and without their husbands? a no no. talking/emailing with an ex gf? common sense say its a no no. If its making your gf uncomfortable, then why continue?

 

To sum up, if she says "oh dont talk to any girls ever!" yeah, thats a bit extreme. But her getting upset over you chatting with the ex and going on trips with other women? Perfectly normal. Its not about being wrapped around someones finger. How would you feel if she was going on trips with other guys? and then said to 'theyre married!' as if that magically places a spell on them to not stray?

 

the whole "dont email any women ever" is extreme, but come on, not talking to the ex, not going on trips where its just you and two members of the opposite sex? thats just standard stuff really, especially in a LDR the temptation to stray is even more intense.

 

my advice is to get the ex out of your life, and try not to go on any trips without your gf or if youre going with married women, invite their husbands along(why isnt your gf or their husbands going in the first place? thats pretty odd) but make it clear youre not gonna run and hide whenever a women is present. So lets review:

 

going out with drinks with friends, some of which are women? ok

 

going on drinks with two married women who magically didnt invite their husbands? a no no, not only for you, but for them.

[Guest]

[going out with drinks with friends, some of which are women? ok]

 

[going on drinks with two married women who magically didnt invite their husbands? a no no, not only for you, but for them.]

 

I agree with you Spectre, reading your post. But I assume when you wrote

 

going on drinks with married women you meant trip, right?

Or are you saying going out for drinks with married women is no good if hubbies not present, but going out for drinks with friends who some are female is okay?

 

I'm not being mean, I just was wondering....

[kismat]

First of all, your gf has a right to be angry at some of this stuff. Going on a trip without her, with two women? Thats a no no buddy, who cares if they are married? go check the infidelity forum. Unless their husbands are going with on this trip, it just should not be happening.

With this ex business, the chick is an ex for a reason, you dont need to write or call her, why would you?

 

I mean, saying you can have no female contact is different but, this stuff is all pretty standard. Going on trips with women without your gf and without their husbands? a no no. talking/emailing with an ex gf? common sense say its a no no. If its making your gf uncomfortable, then why continue?

 

To sum up, if she says "oh dont talk to any girls ever!" yeah, thats a bit extreme. But her getting upset over you chatting with the ex and going on trips with other women? Perfectly normal. Its not about being wrapped around someones finger. How would you feel if she was going on trips with other guys? and then said to 'theyre married!' as if that magically places a spell on them to not stray?

 

the whole "dont email any women ever" is extreme, but come on, not talking to the ex, not going on trips where its just you and two members of the opposite sex? thats just standard stuff really, especially in a LDR the temptation to stray is even more intense.

 

my advice is to get the ex out of your life, and try not to go on any trips without your gf or if youre going with married women, invite their husbands along(why isnt your gf or their husbands going in the first place? thats pretty odd) but make it clear youre not gonna run and hide whenever a women is present. So lets review:

 

 

I completely agree with Spectre on this one.. the ex gf, and the trip, complete no no's. And i don't think its unreasonable for her to tell you thats she's uncomfortable with that. why the need to be in contact with the ex? she has every right to be uncomfortable with it.. and to tell you so.

 

that being said... obviously, her saying not to have any female friends is definately an extreme though lol... so she'll definately have to realize that she's being completely unreasonable on this end...

[FELIZE]

I second this, 3rd, 4th & 5th too!

[Rooster_DAR]

I second this, 3rd, 4th & 5th too!

 

If your in a commited relationship which is what I presume, then Ditto here as well.

[megnog]

I, too, am a jealous jealous girl. Contact with the ex and why its disturbing -

I don't know how long you and the ex dated, but if it was for more than a few months, its significant enough to be worried about. haven't you ever heard of "i cheated on her/him with my ex"? its understandable that you want to remain friends with her, but not at the expense of your new girlfriend that should (and i'm not saying that you dont feel this way) be more important. an ex is someone you had a past with in a more than a friends way. an ex may have some old feelings, and lets face it - you've probably seen her naked. if you're still confused, then i guess just learn that its not good. i don't really want my bf to talk to any of his ex's.

spectre had it right on, like everyone said.

talking to girls in general that you don't have feelings for is perfectly fine. while she may feel intimidated, reassure her that you are with her and theres a reason for that. let her know that you don't have interest in these female friends.

 

hope that helped some..

[Island Girl]

First of all, your gf has a right to be angry at some of this stuff. Going on a trip without her, with two women? Thats a no no buddy, who cares if they are married? go check the infidelity forum. Unless their husbands are going with on this trip, it just should not be happening.

With this ex business, the chick is an ex for a reason, you dont need to write or call her, why would you?

 

I mean, saying you can have no female contact is different but, this stuff is all pretty standard. Going on trips with women without your gf and without their husbands? a no no. talking/emailing with an ex gf? common sense say its a no no. If its making your gf uncomfortable, then why continue?

 

To sum up, if she says "oh dont talk to any girls ever!" yeah, thats a bit extreme. But her getting upset over you chatting with the ex and going on trips with other women? Perfectly normal. Its not about being wrapped around someones finger. How would you feel if she was going on trips with other guys? and then said to 'theyre married!' as if that magically places a spell on them to not stray?

 

the whole "dont email any women ever" is extreme, but come on, not talking to the ex, not going on trips where its just you and two members of the opposite sex? thats just standard stuff really, especially in a LDR the temptation to stray is even more intense.

 

my advice is to get the ex out of your life, and try not to go on any trips without your gf or if youre going with married women, invite their husbands along(why isnt your gf or their husbands going in the first place? thats pretty odd) but make it clear youre not gonna run and hide whenever a women is present. So lets review:

 

going out with drinks with friends, some of which are women? ok

 

going on drinks with two married women who magically didnt invite their husbands? a no no, not only for you, but for them.

 

 

Absolutely correct.

 

Couple of other things --

 

1. You are in a LDR which is hard enough without adding doubt. When you SO is miles away and hanging out with other women it is really easy for that doubt monster to come creeping in.

 

LDRs take more care if you want then to succeed. They aren't like the usual relationships because there is a lot of time AWAY from eachother. Trust is a HUGE factor and my LDR is successful only because we both know this and we both take steps to make the other person MORE secure, not less.

 

2. You haven't told your ex not to call you "honey" or tell you that she misses you, etc.? You aren't giving the ex any indication that the new GF deserves any respect or that you care at all about her.

 

 

Also, what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that, in considering marriage or a serious commitment to someone, you consider who they are at that time. Who they are in front of you.

 

That is why there are complaints here on LS about women/men changing after the marriage.

 

My husband and I were very clear with expectations, etc. And I wanted to see him as my husband BEFORE he was my husband. He was settled down, not going out to bars, etc. Not having ridiculous conversations with other women, not sharing any other intimacies with other women, etc.

 

He knew who he was marrying too. I don't want to go out bar-hopping. I don't need men's attention. I need HIS attention, etc.

 

There are comments about "you aren't married to her", etc. But the changes like spending time with other men/women or acting single shouldn't happen on and after the wedding day but long before the wedding day -- at least if you're serious.

[mental_traveller]

You asked your ex not to get in touch, yet she still does and calls you honey, says she still has feelings. What's your problem man? Tell her to get lost & not contact you again, if you get one more contact from her then just block her.

[SueBee3490]

Your ex call you honey and then the big one, which if I was a gf, I would be worried about is that she tells you she "misses you". In other words, she wants you back as a bf. If this ex just wanted you for a platonic friend now, then she wouldn't be missing you, as she emails you, calls you, etc. Don't take any more calls, emails from the ex - that's bad news.

[sillyyou]

let's see...

 

with the two coworkers, i wouldn't worry too much about it. as long as you're not flirting with them or what not. just have to let your current gf understand that, there really isn't' anything to be jealous of.

 

with the ex-gf.. i would cut the communication with her period. if you two were to run into each other, then fine, "hi." other than that, i wouldn't bother to go any further.

[Flyin in Clouds]

tell your current GF that until the two of you are married you can do whatever the **** you want and if she does not like it she can get lost. she is testing you to see how weak or strong you are.

 

 

Yeah, go tell your GF you can f*ck your exGF if you want to... or any other woman when ever the mood and opporutinty strike you. That will end her jealousy for sure.

 

sarcasm off

 

IF you want your current GF then don't do things that make her uncomfortable because doing that shows you don't care about her feelings. Do you mind if your GF talks to her ex if the guy was calling her "honey and I miss you babe?" If you email other women cc your gf. For that matter cc her all your email. Why not? Got something to hide from her? If she sees your communciation isn't for romantic purposes... she'll trust you more and feel better about you. She may even get bored with reading the stuff.