velvet Posted March 27, 2002 Share Posted March 27, 2002 Hes 27,popular among the club scene and among the ladies. We had meet at a club and had our first faboulus date last Friday. He called me yesterday and asked me out for another date for this coming Friday. Well when he did call last night I was just lounging around the house. He said he wanted to get up with me this week. I told him Im available come Thursday and on. Have night school, the next couple of days. Well he called me tonight asking what time I have to be at work tomorrow because he wants to come over to bring over a bottle of wine, watch a movie and cuddle.I declined. WHAT? Hes talking to someone who hasnt cuddled in two years! What does cuddling mean. My translation....lets get drunk and screw! Am I right? He flirts hard too, I have found him rubbing off on me, Ill flirt back but not hard core like him. I like him, hes interesting and fun to be around, but Im not looking for anything intiamte unless its with a boyfriend. What supposed to happen on a second date? What should we know about each other by than? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 27, 2002 Share Posted March 27, 2002 Sounds to me like he's coming on way too strong. He won't get far that way unless you are just easy, which is doesn't sound like you are. What happens on a second date. It's different for everybody. Whatever you want to happen. You are the boss. Hopefully, you'll have fun doing whatever. I don't think cuddling necessarily means getting drunk and screwing but it's not really something you ought to do with somebody you've just started dating. That's sort of saved for later in a relationship. This guy is just way too fast for his own good. You ought to tell him so before he asks you to have his children. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted March 27, 2002 Share Posted March 27, 2002 You said: Well he called me tonight asking what time I have to be at work tomorrow because he wants to come over to bring over a bottle of wine, watch a movie and cuddle.I declined. What does cuddling mean. My translation....lets get drunk and screw! Am I right? To me, this means, "I am too cheap to take you out, so I will bring over a $10 bottle of wine to impress you, get you a little tipsy, rent a $4 movie from Blockbuster, and get some action. Total cost of night: $14. Then, you will never see me again." Ditto goes for guys who offer to cook you dinner right away. That means "I don't want to run the risk of not getting any action, so I will cook you dinner here where the bed is right in the next room so we can wander easily into there later on and I don't have to jump the hurdle of getting you up to my apartment or getting into yours." IMO, you should not do the cuddling at home and watching TV bit until you are exclusively dating (or at least have been dating awhile.) At age 27, he knows this. Let him suggest it all he wants, but he needs to take you out again on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th dates. (This is the guy who spent a lot of money on you the first date, isn't he? So what? Let him spend more if he wants the privilege of spending time with you!) This is also a safety issue. You just met this guy, didn't you? For all you know, he's Ted Bundy. I don't invite guys to my place or go to their place until I have dated them awhile and am feeling very good about their character. He flirts hard too, I have found him rubbing off on me, Ill flirt back but not hard core like him. I like him, hes interesting and fun to be around, but Im not looking for anything intiamte unless its with a boyfriend. Then very nicely pull away when he does that. He'll get the idea. You are in charge of what happens physically. He will take all that you let him take. There's nothing wrong with flirting, but don't take it any further than you want to. If he is giving you sexual innuendos, etc., at this point, that is a huge red flag. After one date he should not feel that comfortable with you. (And that tells you what is first and foremost on his mind.) And frankly, I think doing that is very ungentlemanly. What supposed to happen on a second date? What should we know about each other by than? By the second date, you should still know very little about each other. (This is just my opinion, obviously! Everyone is different.) You should know where he grew up, where he went to college, what he does for a living, how many brothers and sisters he has, basic surface level stuff. But in general, until date 3 or 4, it should be surface level. You don't dump your whole life history on him and he doesn't either. You talk about movies, books, politics, the NCAA tournament, etc. Nothing too deep. The words "marriage" or "children" should not come up. (Red flags!) Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Snicker23 Posted March 27, 2002 Share Posted March 27, 2002 As a guy cuddling is under one blanket close together and hold each other in a caring manner with no intention of anything other than just caring for the person who you are with and I will say I want to have NO screwing on that level. I would say to him explain what he wants to do an see what he says than if he pushed the line than tell him NO and say that he said ..... and that will be that Link to post Share on other sites
Blazey Posted March 28, 2002 Share Posted March 28, 2002 Hes 27,popular among the club scene and among the ladies. We had meet at a club and had our first faboulus date last Friday. He called me yesterday and asked me out for another date for this coming Friday. Well when he did call last night I was just lounging around the house. He said he wanted to get up with me this week. I told him Im available come Thursday and on. Have night school, the next couple of days. Well he called me tonight asking what time I have to be at work tomorrow because he wants to come over to bring over a bottle of wine, watch a movie and cuddle.I declined. WHAT? Hes talking to someone who hasnt cuddled in two years! What does cuddling mean. My translation....lets get drunk and screw! Am I right? He flirts hard too, I have found him rubbing off on me, Ill flirt back but not hard core like him. I like him, hes interesting and fun to be around, but Im not looking for anything intiamte unless its with a boyfriend. What supposed to happen on a second date? What should we know about each other by than? Well I will tell you this ,if you feel the need to back off i would go with your instincts,don't go through with anything if you don't feel comfortable yet!! I dated a very georgeos man and very kind,but when he got close to me i got very uncomfortable,then on our last date he said he was not going to drive me home unless i kissed him! all i wanted was to get to know this guy ! ya that was the last time i dated him!I think he was thinkin with his @#$! and not his head,and spending quite evenings at home alone is like playing house so Watch Out!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JustaGuy Posted March 31, 2002 Share Posted March 31, 2002 Very good advice. My compliments. I know I shouldn't ask, but what's your age? You have a good head on your shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
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