College- How do i deal?

[Irishguy3137]

All right so heres the story. I had an old post regarding something similar, but since that time me and my fiance have worked through alot together and have grown very much as a couple. I've grown to trust her alot more, and just give her space when she needs it, which from before i felt hesitant, overprotective mistake. But anyways...on topic

 

When she is at school, she is pre med, so she has a lot to take care of. When i visit her during the week, she can be really stressed out, chain reaction, she treats me differently, i feel attacked/offended, makes for a bad time. Sometimes i act poorly and get on her case for being unaffectionate or distant without realizing that she is stressed out, which is wrong on my part. I just want to know, with still being there, how can i handle the situation better, in which i can be there and comfort her through the stress, when really no words can make her grades perk up? School is really having a toll on her and while it doesn't effect the relationship in terms of me and her being together, it causes tension...and id like to resolve that. Thanks

 

-Sean

[stillafool]

I think you should bring her food when you come. Sit quietly and hold her hand. Too much talking and especially complaining will cause her more stress. I'm sure her brain is already on overload. I think you should get use to this behavior as she has a long way to go and even after she becomes a doctor she will be very busy. If you complain too much and she has to make a choice I think you know what that choice will be.

[Irishguy3137]

Yeah...i figure just try and be there, dont say too much, but at the same i wish there were some things i could say to make her realize she has plenty of time and she is intelligent and doesn't give herself enough credit. Another issue entirely is she wants to be a nurse, but she is beginning to wonder if she can handle this because she is struggling badly, and i encourage her and tell her she can make anything happen if she wants it enough.

 

What this generally leads to is her talking about what other possible majors there are for her and she doesn't think any fit to what she wants. So i dont know whether i should try to suggest alternatives or simply push her to stick with pre med and watch her struggle.

 

I dont complain about her lack of time, i actually work with it. Keep her company while she studies and work on some of my own school work. It's the time around each other that matters, not neccessarily what you are doing. Thats something i've learned.

[stillafool]

yes you are right - it is the time you spend together. I wouldn't suggest another major or career but let her do that. Just be there for her and be good to yourself.

[perspektiv]

I'm in a very simliar situation right now. I've been with my GF for about 6 months. We started dating in the spring and spent every weekend together and more. It was almost too perfect. When she went back to school, everything changed. I'm still adjusting now. She has less time for me and is very stressed. When I go up to see her she seems very pre-occupied at times and it pisses me off. I took it offensively for awhile, but then I learned to back off a bit. I was only making it worse. Its far from perfect now, and honestly quite a bit shaky at times, but were holding on. She spreads herself way too thin. You just have to realize that right now you aren't her first priority. It sucks and I'm having trouble dealing too. I just try to comfort her and help her relax as much as possible. Honestly, the best thing I did recently was to buy some message oil and give her backrubs etc... You may or may not be into it, but she wants one all the time now. It usually ends up with me getting one too A few more months and she graduates (spring). I hope we can hold on that long.