Am i getting played or a possible second chance

[The write one]

Part 1 of a my ongoing saga to get her back:

 

I know i shouldn't have but i did. I slept with the ex. I call myself reestablishing contact after a month or so of doing NC to try and get back with my ex. Last weekend, I finally called and invited her out for coffee on Friday and she agreed. We talked, laughed, didn't bring up the relationship or dating. However, she told me that her life sucks in every aspect. I just stayed happy and told her my life was good. I also let her do most of the talking.

 

Throughout the date, she hinted at going out again and kept telling me how good i looked. I replied accordingly and kept the conversation light and funny. She tells me she has no money, no job, no friends, rarely goes out only chats on the computer, created a myspace page.

 

Sidenote--if your ex gives you their myspace address, do not go visit it. Infact if they say they have one try and change the subject. I went on my ex's page and it really messed me up because of all her strange new friends and she looked so damn good. That S#$& will make crazy and you will start to panic.

 

She aslo says she has really been lonely, therefore resorted to call my phone 20 time in a row and interigate me over the phone the week prior. "I was stalking you," she says with her head down toward the plate.

 

I decided early on to end the date earlier than we both wanted, keeping it only an hour long. When i said i have to go, she asked what i was doing that weekend. I said i had nothing planned, thinking she would invite me out with her. She didn't. She then asked what i was doing that night. I again said nothing, wanting for her to invite me out or over her house. Again, she just said nothing. However, she goes on to say "then why are you leaving early" I just added that I have to get to a store before it closes. She then starts to ask why i've been ignoring her call, texts and emails. Trying to aviod an argument or a bad experiance, I tell her haven't been, but i understand how she can see it that way. She continues by saying she's been lonely and having very bad days...carma is a bitch, BTW.

 

Right before the check comes, she even starts crying. I asked what was wrong, and she laughes and say allergies. I dropped it, figuring if she didn't want to discuss it, then i won't push her. So as we're walking out the coffee shop, she ask to walk me to my car. I say cool. We make small talk and then hug before I get into my car. I then think, hey, i should give her a ride to her car. so i did. Date ended and i believe i've made progress in my attempt to get her back.

 

Well that night around 2 am, she calls.

[The write one]

So she calls that same night (2am) and we make small talk at first and then she opens the flood gates on the tears. Everything in life sucks for her. She feels like she's slowly putting me out of her life by returning my mail, left over items at her house and documents on the computer i gave her. She also said she knows we're not together so we won't talk as often and eventually won't be best friends anymore, but she at least wants to hear from me, but it seems like i'm ignoring her. Keep in mind, she dumped me.

 

Anyway, she continues for hours into the morning about how life sucks for her. I just stay possitive, make her laugh and try to be understanding. She adds that she is sorry for accusing me of ignoring her and for her crazy phone calls. She also tells me thanks for listening to her problems and for being understanding.

 

Around 4 in the morn, i say I have to go and she should get some sleep. She comes back with why are you trying to rush me off the phone. I said i wasn't, it's just that i have to go. She goes back into how bad life is and why i don't call her. After i explained that i've been busy, she contiues to cry. I asks if there is anthing i can do for her and she says no. So I see i'm not getting anywhere with getting her back, at least not that night, so i felt i should get off the phone.

 

I have to go now...i say. She again says your rushing to get off the phone with me she says amongst her tears and sniffiling nose. I laugh and say If i was trying to rush, then i'm doing a bad job at it. We've been talking for hours." She laughs and says she's sorry for not getting off the phone it's just she doesn't know when the next times she'll talk to me because I don't call her. She also says "Our situation is just complicated. I guess our relationship was complicated. I mean toward the end"

 

She always refers to our break up as "our situation." It's like she's making light of what it really is. Anyway, i felt a little defensive when she said the relationship was complicated, but i held it all in and agreed that our current situation is complicated, but I tell her i l still love her and care for her and she can call me anytime.

 

She responds that she still loves and cares for me and that's why she at least wants to know where i am in life and not completely write me off. Not really what i was looking for, but i was tired of digging for things to read into in this aloof woman. So i said take care of yourself and goodnight. She finally responded accordingly early into Saturnday morning.

 

 

The following Sunday i made the dreaded mistake of looking at her myspace page...

[The write one]

I go on her page and see a bunch of strangers, both male and female. These are people who she is in contact with on a "friendly" basis who i've never met within our 8 year realtionship. You right, we're not together so it's none of my business. However, it still messes with your head when you see guys from all over with pics of them pumping iron or sexy bi-sexual women who are chatting with your ex lover.

 

In addition, she looks so damn good on her page. Even her words are attractive. So after looking at this site and continuously reciting "don't sweat the competition, don't sweat the competition," I panic and go and buy and ebook of getting an ex back, i call a bunch of friends seeking advice and start to believe i have to act fast or i'm going to lose her to "Jizz" from brooklyn, who like walks in the park, poetry and devouring recently seperated women.

 

None of my guy friends seem to be soothing my panic and i can't get in touch with any girlfriends. So i pause, tag a long drag from my Newport and think. What i came up with was i was going to call my ex when i got home from work that night and tell her I love her, wanted her and understand she has to do what best for her. i'd leave it up to her on the future.

 

So around 7:30 pm (Sunday) I called her house. No answer, but left a message just saying hey just wanted to know if you are feeling better today. I already texted her the same message on Saturday, but she didn't respond. Her cell phone is shut off, but can still recieve incoming calls and messages.

 

Back to Sunday night. so i left the message and figured, if she doesn't return my call tonight, then i have lost her to all of her myspace suitors. I pace around my apartment reading my how to get your ex back material. Very sad, i know, but it calms me down on some nights. According to the book, i'm doing all the right things, but it's taking too long and our encounters have been unreadable. I keep reading and pacing.

 

Suddenly, i get a call from the guy who i'm subleasing my place from. He needs to pick up his remaining items at the house. Cool, i'll have someone to talk to and something to do to occupy my time. As i'm helping the guy put stuff in his car, I get the call from the ex around 9 pm.

 

I answer in spanish, i'm taking classes. She asked to speak to me by my fisrt name. She knows she called my cell, who else would answer the phone. Regardless, i happy she called and i say are you busy because I have to call you back. She says not really...probably chatting online...yeah call me back.

 

So around 10:30 pm, (BTW: the timeline is important to my story), I puor a drink, write down my phrase in case i stumble, turn off all the lights, sit in the window seal and dial her number. She picks up. I expect a happy to hear from you tone of vioce, but it was real distant. so i decided to break the ice and made a few jokes, spoke a little spanish and told her a little about what i've been up to.

 

She warmed up a bit and said that was the first time she has laughed all day. She loves to laugh and to go a whole day without it, must of been a sh>>ty day for her. So two piont for me and none for myspace men (and women). 30 min. into the conversatin, i fiigured it was time to drop my lines. I take a big swig from my drink and as i'm about to smoothly transition into my decleration, she blurts out "what are you doing tonight" At first, i assume she's just asking for no real reason, just like she did at the coffee shop.

 

I tell her i'm just chillin, noithing really and she asked if i wanted to out with her. Now, i thought, Hell Yeah, i said to myself. But i played it call and said do you have a specific spot. She suggest a popualr pool hall. I asked did she want to pick me up and she said she'd be at my house in 15 minutes...

 

I smoke another jack and call up a girlfriend, actually two. One tells me, that it sound like she wants to have sex, the other just said that its wierd she wants to get up with me kinda late on a Sunday night.

 

I didn't know what to think, all i knew was that i would give her my line in person, which could work in my favor. Time to go get freshened up before she arrives...

[The write one]

She picks me up and i'm looking good, she is too. When we get to the pool hall we get a few drinks while waiting on a table to open. We make small, friendly talk while we sip. As we talk i try and slip in a old term of endearment i used to call her. She makes note of it by saying, it's not like that anymore. That saddens me, but i don't show it.

 

I prepared myself for all of the hurt in the world, before i started my mission to get her back. so my heart is wearing a lot of armor right now, even though the myspace page was like a raod side bomb, I'm still protected.

 

So our table finally open and we played two games of pool and laughed and talked a lot, but not about the relationship, dating or anything negative. I figured it was the wrong time to tell her what was on my mind, so we kept playing and talking. I mentioned a new CD i had that i wanted her to hear. She comes back with "you can play it for me at your house. I think that was an unusual reply, and just ok. Little wierd hints like that kept flowing from her all night. Like after knocking one of her balls in the corner pocket she says "that makes me horny."

 

So i took off my shirt, exposing my tight t-shirt underneath. I've lost a lot of wieght and have been working out like a machine in the past month so i wanted to expose my guns, esecially since i saw he myspace buddies.

 

As the night and drinks progressed, she became more touchy feely and i became more bold with my body language. We close the place down and head back to my place. When we get there, i warmed her up a slice of left over pizza and she asked if i would eat with her. I wasn't hungry, but i could eat.

 

We sit down, turn on my stereo and listen to my new CD. She like it and she takes off her shoes as we sit on the floor. We talk and laugh about our old habits and how we've changed. She keep complimenting how i look and my tight looking body. I just lay back and say thanks. My dumb ass still didn't even think about sex. I just thought she wanted to catch up.

 

Still we talked more i joke her a little for acting crazy and stalking me the last few weeks. She even admitted that she was holding some of mail my using it as a nexcuse to come see me or make contact. That tidbit is for all who have been following my threats in the breakup section.

 

Afre eating, she tells me she cold, so i say, come a little closer, i don't have mono now or something. She comes close and then wraps her self around me. I start to think...Maybe i could sleep with her tonight, let me delve a little deeper. She then say's my feet are cold. I say you want to get in the bed and get under the covers.

 

She agreed. I turn off all the lights, put on some slow music and we crawl into the bed. As she is wrapped around me like a glove. I suddely start kissing her. Fast forward to the weeeee morning. (the sex was amazing BTW) I get out of the bed to clean up and take off and she just can't stop compliment my body and my performance. She asked to stay over, so i let her. The whole night she held me tight and snored in my face. so i didn't get any sleep.

 

The next morning, i got up and told her it was time to go. We got up and she kept complimenting me on my looks, my cut up body, my manhood was "looked super long" blah blah blah. I on the other hand compliment her on her new brazilian bikini wax (wierd because she never did that before). So before we leave my house to go move our cars (parked in a no parking zone the night before) I asked her if she wanted to come back up after finding another parking space. She did.

 

As soon as we get back up to my apt. She peals off her clothes and go for round two. a few hours later we just lay there in my bed, half sleep and out of energy. I kind of mess with my power a little bit and asked her if she liked me as she layed their worn out. She said "of course." I went there again as she fell in and out of sleep. "Are you dreaming about me, i asked. She says yeas and i asked what is it about. She says she can't tell me.

 

After somewhat waking up, she asks "Do you think you will feel wierd about this becasue of "our situation?" I asked what she meant, knowing exactly, but i still asked. I say do you mean that i will feel used or will get false hope. Well, i cool with it right now, but i'm new to this, so i don't know how i'll feel later on. I then asked her is she feels wierd. She responds "i'm ok with it right now." That's when it hit me. This is the perfect time to say my line. So i look at her and say noncalalntly (ms) "You know i still love right, she says yes. I then say in a confident vioce, you probably don't know that i still want you, but i do but i also understand that you have to do what is best for you. I just brace for a responce, hoping for the best, but expecting the worse. She however, didn't say a word. I guess that was enough said.

 

We parted shortly after, she kissed me on the lips, I remided her that i'd like to take her to a haunted house in two weeks and she said she'd think about it. I asked earleir at the pool hall and she said she's have to get back to me, but she is leaning toward a yes. What the hell is that all about. Anyway, we part and i feel elated. But later that day, while at work, i start to feel played. I feel like i lost all my power and that i was just used for sex. I don't believe my ex is like that, but all is fair in love and war right?

 

I didn't get a call or anything from her that night and that made me feel even more like a piece of meat. (Ladies i now know how you feel.) So i figured i'd text her that night just to say thanks for a good night in spanish, just to see if i could envoke any remaining emotions she had from our sexual encounter. I didn't get a responce that night, but i saw that she emailed me to say thank you and that she had a good night too.

 

Sorry for the long post but finally my questions: Was i used for just for sex? Am i on the right track to getting her back?

 

Regardless, i think i'm going to go NC for another 2 weeks. I think i made myself too available, which may look like desperation. Plus she is supposed to get back at me in two weeks about going out again. What do any of you guys think of "our situation," as she would say.

[The write one]

She picks me up and i'm looking good, she is too. When we get to the pool hall we get a few drinks while waiting on a table to open. We make small, friendly talk while we sip. As we talk i try and slip in a old term of endearment i used to call her. She makes note of it by saying, it's not like that anymore. That saddens me, but i don't show it.

 

I prepared myself for all of the hurt in the world, before i started my mission to get her back. so my heart is wearing a lot of armor right now, even though the myspace page was like a raod side bomb, I'm still protected.

 

So our table finally open and we played two games of pool and laughed and talked a lot, but not about the relationship, dating or anything negative. I figured it was the wrong time to tell her what was on my mind, so we kept playing and talking. I mentioned a new CD i had that i wanted her to hear. She comes back with "you can play it for me at your house. I thought that was an unusual reply, and just said ok. Little wierd hints like that kept flowing from her all night. Like after knocking one of her balls in the corner pocket she says "that makes me horny." She never talked liked that.

 

So i took off my shirt, exposing my tight t-shirt underneath. I've lost a lot of wieght and have been working out like a machine in the past month so i wanted to expose my guns, esecially since i saw he myspace buddies.

 

As the night and drinks progressed, she became more touchy feely and i became more bold with my body language. We closed the place down and headed back to my place. When we get there, i warmed her up a slice of left over pizza i had in the fridge and she asked if i would eat with her. I wasn't hungry, but i could eat.

 

We sat down, turn on my stereo and listened to my new CD. She like it and she takes off her shoes as we sit on the floor. We talk and laugh about our old habits and how we've changed. She keeps complimenting how i look and my tight looking body. I just lay back and say thanks. My dumb ass still didn't even think about any type of sex. I just thought she wanted to catch up.

 

Still we talked more i joked her a little for acting crazy and stalking me the last few weeks. She even admitted that she was holding some of my mail and using it as an excuse to come see me or make contact with me. That tidbit is for all who have been following my threats in the breakup section.

 

After eating, she tells me she's cold, so i say, come a little closer, i haven't contracted mono or something since we were together. She comes close and then wraps herself around me. I start to think..."Maybe i could sleep with her tonight, let me delve a little deeper." She then say's her feet are cold. I say you want to get in the bed and get under the covers.

 

She agreed. I turn off all the lights, put on some slow music and we crawl into the bed. As she is wrapped around me like a glove. I suddely start kissing her. Fast forward to the weeeee morning. (the sex was amazing BTW, beeter than she has had with me in several months) I get out of the bed to clean up and take off and she just can't stop compliment my body and my performance. She asked to stay over, so i let her. The whole night she held me tight and snored in my face. so i didn't get any sleep.

 

The next morning, i got up and told her it was time to go. We got up and she kept complimenting me on my looks, my cut up body, my manhood (it "looked super long") blah blah blah. I on the other hand compliment her on her new brazilian bikini wax job(wierd because she never did that before either). So before we leave my house to go move our cars (parked in a no parking zone the night before) I asked her if she wanted to come back up after finding another parking space. She did.

 

As soon as we get back up to my apt. She peals off her clothes and we go for round two. a few hours later we just lay there in my bed, half sleep and out of energy. I kind of mess with my power a little bit and asked her if she liked me as she layed their worn out. She said "of course." I went there again as she fell in and out of sleep. "Are you dreaming about me, i asked. She says yes and i asked what is it about. She says she can't tell me.

 

After somewhat waking up, she asks "Do you think you will feel wierd about this becasue of "our situation?" I asked what she meant, knowing exactly, but i still asked. I say "do you mean that i will feel used or get false hope. Well, i'm cool with it right now, but i'm new to this, so i don't know how i'll feel later on."

 

I then asked her is she feels wierd. She responds "i'm ok with it right now." That's when it hit me. This is the perfect time to say my line. So i look at her and say noncalalntly (ms) "You know i still love right, she says "yes." I then say in a confident vioce, "you probably don't know that i still want you, but i do, however, i understand that you have to do what is best for you." I just brace for a responce, hoping for the best, but expecting the worse. She however, didn't say a word. I guess that was enough said.

 

We parted shortly after, she kissed me on the lips,which she had not done in out last few encounters. I then remind her that i'd like to take her to a haunted house in two weeks and she said she'd think about it. (I asked earleir at the pool hall and she said she's have to get back to me, but she is leaning toward a yes.) What the hell is that all about. Anyway, we part and i feel great. But it was a short lived celebration. Later that day, while at work, i start to feel like i got played. I feel like i lost all my power and that i was just used just for sex. I don't believe my ex is like that, but all is fair in love and war right?

 

I didn't get a call or anything from her that night and that made me feel even more like a piece of meat. (Ladies i now know how you feel.) So i figured i'd text her that night just to say thanks for a good night in spanish. I did it just to see if i could envoke any remaining emotions she had from our night/morning. I didn't get a responce that night, but i saw that she emailed me to say thank you for the message and that she had a good night too. (keep in mind she can only recieve calls on her cell, but she does have a home phone, but it can't call my number for free because it's long distance)

 

Sorry for the long post you guys but finally my questions: Was i used for just for sex? Am i on the right track to getting her back?

 

Regardless, i think i'm going to go back to NC for another 2 weeks. I think i made myself too available, which may look like desperation. Plus she is supposed to get back at me about going out again in two weeks.

 

So what do any of you guys think of "our situation," as she would say?

[Yamaha]

You need to go NC and stay away from her. She is just feeling bad and lonely but she has no intention of getting back with you. She is weening herself from you, slowly. Tell her you are busy and end your relationship in your mind. If you continue this way you will just be more heartbroken and in the end you will not be together.

 

If you think it has a chance then come out and ask her if she thinks you 2 might get together again. Tell her you need an answer and you are not going to wait. You will then understand all that I have told you ( by her response or lack thereof ).

[The write one]

Weening off of me huh? So you don't think any of this leads to a scond chance or change of heart? Well I appreciate your honesty. I was thinking along the same lines and that's why i think it's best to go back into hiding (NC). I hate to think that i was just used as an emotional crutch or used for sex. I didn't think she was like that. My plan was to wait and see if she wants to go out with me again on the 27th. She said she'd think about it and she's leaning toward a "yes." What the hell is leaning toward yes all about anyway? Anyway, depending on her answer, i am going to cut the cord and let her initiate another date with me, while i go one living.

 

My hope of course is that she come back, but i can't read the situation right now. i'm clouded by my wants and she is too aloof to pick up on anything. I emailed her today just to say stay focused and keep looking for another job, but i don't think i should have done that. From here, i'm going back to NC. If this leads to more choice encounters, i will eventually asks her her intentions of reconcilation. Anymore advice would be much appreciated. Thanx.

[The write one]

I don't know what to do or think of this, i'm on LS and she's on myspace. What to do what to do??????

[Yamaha]

My plan was to wait and see if she wants to go out with me again on the 27th. She said she'd think about it and she's leaning toward a "yes." What the hell is leaning toward yes all about anyway?

 

Read this again. Do you want someone who has to think about a yes? She either wants to go out or she might if nothing else better comes her way. I would lean to the ladder in her lack of enthusiasm. E-mailing her was a bad move. If she really wants to get back together you make it her decision. Go back to NC and see if it makes her miss you enough to want to spend time and go out with you ( as in dating. not just hanging out ). I bet she will wine and call but will not want to go out. She just wants you as a friend. Is this what you want? That is your decision to make if you can stand hearing about the other guys she is seeing and what not. The myspace thing should tell you she is actively seeking your replacement.

 

It's time to end your pursuit and admit it's over. She already has but doesn't want to be blunt and tell you. Don't be a stalker or a doormat. Just move on to someone who will say "yes" with no hesitation.

[The write one]

I've never heard it said any better my man. I'm going back into the shadows. I was actually doing quite well before she contacted me. The whole damn mess started when she fussed me out through an email...check it out!

 

"knowing that this situation is tough for you, but hopefully u also realizing that its tough for me. When you needed me to respond to your quest about the computer i did so. However, you don't seem to show me the same consideration. If you care about someone you respect them and help them if you can. Even if that person isn't your lover. If you had a connection with someone who is it auto broken and you put to the status of a vanished ghost. I'm not a ghost. You'll say that you didn't get my texts or messages b/c your phone was messed up. okay. I'm still available via email. Again, if you care or ever cared about someone you'd show them in small ways, like answering your phone or replying to their messages, not ignoring them. which seems to be a re-occurring issue.

 

bye

 

ps your mail keeps coming to teh apt. with no indication that it will be forwarded to your new address. i texted you days ago asking you to please come pick it up. i am poor and do not have money to mail your important bills to you every week."

 

 

That was the 10th of this month, everything else happened the following weekend. I responded to her crazy email by telling her to call me. That night, we talked for about two hours and she laid the sad stuff on pretty thick. That's when i asked her out for coffee. Poor me, i should have just kept up no contact. You know, it's much easier to see a situation for all it's worth when your not in the middle of it. Damn, i really thought different from her. We were highschool sweet hearts, lovers, best friends and about to be married. Eight freaking years and this chic is using me like an old dish rag, There's new ones in the drawer, but since this one's already out i'll keep dragging it through the grime.

 

Carma will be harsh and swift on the wicked...Me

[The write one]

I knew i shouldn't have emailed her and i knew i shouldn't have broken no contact. Now that she has gotten into my pants, she's acting like a cocky ass lesbian toward me. Sorry lesbians of the world, but the ones she's been hanging around literally tore our realtionship apart.

 

Anyway, i call myself sending her some encouraging words and flirting with her a little bit yesterday through emails.

 

On Tuesday, she emails me and tells me she's still tired from our sunday and monday morning sexapades. So i emailed her back and say the wooziness she is feeling is from the chemistry between us being held back for so long (corny, i know, but give me a break). I also give her some ecouraging words and advice about her job (or lack of a job situation.) Well today i get this funky ass reply...

 

The subject line read "Break out the test tubes"

 

"Apparently, i didn't know you had a side hussle of being a psychic consultant?!?

So far this week I've been there (work) everyday, a miricle.

Chemistry is one thing. Manstration cycles are another. i am a woman. rem, i flow with the earth and my body follows the moon and ocean.

ps have a safe trip this weekend"

 

What the hell is she talking about. I didn't ask about her GD PERIOD. I was just responding according to her words of how i wore her out. I don't need a lesson in how women bleed on a monthly basis. Oh and i must have forgotten about her being a chic too right? You see, that's her lesbian men hating friends talking through her. I know it. I've know this woman for eight years and she never sounded like that. But now since she got her rocks off and used me for a jizz mop, She become Superwomam who flows with the wind and the rain. GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE. She was'nt so earthly connected when she was crying her face off about how miserable she is, She wasn't "I am woman hear me roar" when she begged me to answer her calls and to spend the night. She wasn't none of that sh** when she was screaming to the top of her lungs when i was was blowin her back out the other night either.

 

I'm done man. She dumped me and i'm going to give her what she wants for the last time. I'm tired out fighting for this relationship (both in and out of it). I'll just sit back and wait for the day when all her new found friends dissapear again and she comes crawling back like she did the last time. I won't be there this time though. She starting to make me hate her and she doesn't even know it.

[Yamaha]

Manstration cycles are another.

 

I'm not exactly sure what she means but the manstration thing is referring to you as being a bitch during your monthly man cycles, just like what a women goes through. She sounds like she has some pent up emotions about you.

If you knew what they were it would probably tell you why she broke up with you.

[The write one]

I didn't even pick up on that sh**, i just thought she mispelled the correct word. i'm going to have to get back to you on that because i now don't know what her GD email was about

[The write one]

She said she just mispelled the word, like i suspected. Man you had me ready to go over there and choke a hoe, just kidding. However, i think my question of if she was calling me a bitch or not, was a wrong move. I've made a lot of wrong moves the last few days. i'm going back into NC from here on out.

[monkey00]

played like a fiddle. you are in the friends zone. you made yourself too available and you became her therapist.

 

It occurs to me that most women especially the ex that did the breaking up feels guilty. somewhere down the line they miraculously wind up making contact after months/weeks of NC. It's odd that some women want to maintain being friends with the ex to boost their own ego.

 

Yamaha is right, she used sex as a form of guilt reliever, which you allowed to happen.

 

The worst thing to do is get with a women whose life is in a rut. They can go hot/cold on you easily.

[The write one]

That is so mean of a woman to act out that way. It doesn't even make sense to use sex as a way to relieve guilt, but then again if a person allows someone who did them wrong to become intimate with them then....boom, Guilt relieved. She's a theripist or should i say studying theripists, ( she's about to be 27 and she'll never graduate) I'm sure, however, she is using her knowledge of the craft and her support network of a million lesbians to play this game. Me, well, i just read and talk to you guys alot.

 

Like i said, i'm going back into hiding (NC). The hurtful thing is i believe she does want me as only a friend, but just so she won't feel guilty about ruining my life. That's not true friendship, that's a salve to your own GD wounds. Plus, as you said, she is losing in the game of life right now, which means she unstable and really unworthy of me.

 

We're both pushing 30 and this chick has never had a fulltime job, can't see her future past lunch time and is needy as hell. Why again do i want to be with her???? This woman literally riuned my life. I gave away everything i owned for free. Left friends and family, spent thousands of dollars, quit a very good and lucrative job, moved to a city i just can't adjust to, made no friends, took a job beneath me etc. etc.

 

She should feel guilty. My strategy is to completely release her. By that i mean release her from controling MY emotions. That is the only way i can truly get over her and past this glitch in the matrix of my life. As long as these people have control over your emotions, then they control you, whether they know it or not and thats when they can just fancy their stank asses back into you lives or in my case, my bed. And they're not doing this for no GD second chance or to make YOU feel better. They're only doing it for their own personal gain.

 

We all need to get that type of attitude, at least for the moment, until that special someone who can easily walk away from everthing just to be with you comes along. Not saying that they should have to walk away, but at least have the mindset to do so if needed. Sacrifice is not completely love, but i believe putting ones self on the line for your lover plays a heavy part into love. But don't make the mistake of sacrficing just because you are insecure or you think the relationship is on the rocks.

 

For the past three or so years, i became insecure because I believed the relationship was failing. That's what ultimatley led me to walk away from my own life. Revelation hurts but is needed to become a better person.

[The write one]

I'm kind of feeling better today because i'm coming to the reality of it's really over between me and my ex. I don't want to chase anymore. I no longer feel a sharp pain in my gut when i think of her with someone else. i'm sleeping and eating again. I'm also remaining in my angry phase. Before, I was jumping back and forth between anger, self blame and refusal to accept the break up.

 

But now, i'm just angry and last week's episode fueled that. It showed me a side of her that really depleted her cool pionts or at least the respect i had for her. I put this woman on several pedistals, but now i'm starting to see she is just a human, just like you and me. We will dissapiont most of the time.

 

As far as this second date i requested from her on the 27th...Well, F*** that. The responce i got "i'm leaning toward yes" is not good enough. I went out with her on the drop of a dime and didn't even have to think about it, but she has to think about. Think about what? I asked her two weeks in advance. and here it is less than four days from the 27th and i still haven't heard from the ex on my request. So bump that. I made plans with another woman for that date last night. We'll be sippin on some drinx, while watching a bunch of scary movies at my place.

 

In the meantime, i'll let time and carma do its thing on the ex. She came running back once, even though it was just to f*** with me, She'll do it again. For now, i'm focusing on myself and trying to find another job out of the god-forsaken city i moved to for that bitch. Harsh words i know, but that's where i am right now, so let me have it, ok!

[The write one]

So she calls me last night @ 1:30 am. Why does she always call around that time? I'm going to call it the witching hour. Anyway, what does she want this time from me? She already got her ego stroked enough for a month, so why won't she leave me alone. I told her and she said she understood that i could not be her friend. I also told her i still wanted to be with her. So she has to know any further contact from her hurts me because i'm getting false hopes.

 

I guess she's not concerned about my wants and needs at this piont. Last night i didn't answer the phone, but she did leave a voice message--finally after 8 years. She says she just wanted to say hi, and see how my trip was (weekend in NYC) and her cellphone is still off, but i can call her house anytime because she will always be home every evening.

 

What the hell was that? Wait, I'll tell you. She is throwing the "my life sucks" on me again so i'll-a-come running. Well not this time. Plus she didn't even mention a thing about my proposal to go out this Friday. So bunk her. I already made plans with someone else. Anyone got any tips on how to handle this second wave of attacks from her? I figured i'd ignore her call this time.

[Guest]

At the risk of sounding stupid, I keep seeing doing or going NC. Does it mean just avoiding someone?

 

Jeff

[The write one]

I won't get mad that you're changing the subject of my thread because i've been there. NC is just that No Contact on the dumpees' behalf. Leave the person who initiated the break up alone, give them what they want or should i say show them what they really asked for. Depending on what you want out of the relationship (wanting it back or wanting to get over it and move on) you apply a different form to it.

 

If you think you can get it back, then let the dumper do the reaching out, you answer the phone, or text, or IM or email, but not all the time and never do the reaching out. When you do speak or see them, you keep it short, polite and don't seem unhappy--rebuilds attraction--is what i've heard.

 

Now if you want the dumper to go f*** themselves for leaving you (be sure of this) then never pick up a phone call, never call and never nothing with them again, F*** them, right?

 

The piont to all of this is sometimes misunderstood, but it really varies depending on your purpose and your old relationship.

 

I think NC, depending on the time you take with it, is for the purposes of healing and regianing your confidence. Period. It also helps to have that healing process before you make a go at your ex again. You want to seem like you're not phased by the break up and you accept their decision when you see them again. You don't want to seem like an emotional wreck. Your refound confident self is going to make your ex's head spin. They'll be asking themselves "how did he/she get over me that fast?" Some even say it will make them want to get back with you. It's all a power play man--you know. The dumper usually has it all in the begining because--yep you guessed it--they dumped you. By being cool, calm and collected you enevitably (msp) re-dump their ass.

 

Of course if you want them back you're going to have to reestablish contact someday. What i did was let my ex girl go crazy because i wasn't contacting her for a month after she dumped me, She called like 20 times back to back in one setting, stalked me, and is still holding my mail as a way to come see me. Anyway, during one of her crazy contacting me episodes, i just stayed cool and said Hey, you wanna grab some coffee this Friday.

 

If they agree, show them a fun time during the visit and remain cool, like you don't give a f*** if she or he stays or goes. Now i must warn you, i have not gotten my ex back as of yet. It could take some time. But it sure is fun watching her squirm for attention. My NCing has just given me my power back and that's all. I did mess up recently though, read the entire thread to see how.

 

However, i am happy to report, I got an email from my ex today. I'll let you guys read it....i have to take out some things to maintain a secret identity.

 

"I got a message on the house phone from (....) b/c I'm a reference for you. They are trying to contact you. They left a #. Are you still going to (......) this friday?" she wrote.

 

You see i asked her out two weeks ago after she hussled me into going out with her. This chic said "I have to think about it, but i'm leaning toward yes."

 

 

Well i replied to her email today.....

 

"Thanx for the heads up. As far as (....), I didn't think you wanted to go so I made other plans."

 

YeeeeHaaaaaaa, two pionts for me....I hope. Tell me what you guys think?

[SurvivingHB]

I am glad to see that you are getting better and stronger, but I can still feel your strong desire/feelings for her. You still have her on your mind all the time (sensed that from your post). It takes time to get someone off your mind, especially for the dumpees. Try to do something fun to get her off your mind as much as you can. Reduce from 99% -> 90% -> 85%... It will only help you to focus on yourself, find true happiness in yourself and seek out what you really want. Then you can get over this anger phase!!! Keep doing the good work.

[The write one]

Of course she's still on my mind, in fact she's still in my mind. However, I am feeling stronger without her everyday. When it get's really bad i come here or call a friend. So yeah, you pegged it. But i'm not trying to front like i'm over it. The funny thing is that when i come to a piont of letting go--she contacts me. It's like she can sense that ****. She is Haitian (voodoo).

 

That's so wierd. Evertime, i'm with another woman, on the phone with another girl or out having a good time with friends, she calls. Everytime i'm at the piont of letting go, she calls. Even last night, when i was sleeping good, she called and i couldn't fall asleep for the rest of the night. Maybe she's watching me, but that wouldn't explain the calling when i''m ready to give up the ghost on getting back with her.

 

Yeah, the anger phase, i know is just another piece of the recovery pie, but i like being here because i don't feel so pitiful and like a GD lonely piece of **** without her in my life. Still, thank you so much for your well wishes. Any other tidbit you could give would be great. Thanx

[crazy_grl]

Just read your whole thread, and I'm glad you're feeling better and going out with other people. I think you did exactly the right thing for yourself by making plans with someone else.

 

In case you start missing her again, you may want to re-read this paragraph:

 

We're both pushing 30 and this chick has never had a fulltime job, can't see her future past lunch time and is needy as hell. Why again do i want to be with her???? This woman literally riuned my life. I gave away everything i owned for free. Left friends and family, spent thousands of dollars, quit a very good and lucrative job, moved to a city i just can't adjust to, made no friends, took a job beneath me etc. etc.

[SurvivingHB]

There will still be lots of ups and downs on your way to recovery and her being around is definitely going to drag this further. If you can afford it, change your phone number, so she cannot reach you. I can understand how frustrating it must have been when she called while you were trying to have a good time. Try to leave your cell phone in the car or in the house when you go out next time, unless you are expecting someone (other than her) calling you.

[The write one]

I don't want to be rude to her so i keep responding, even after i say i'm going to go NC. What does she want--really, nothing. She's just lonely or curious as to what i'm up to. After i dissed her ass by telling her i made other plans instead of going out together this friday. She shoots back, "oh, ok?"

 

Just those two words messed me up the whole night, so i replied the next day "Don't sweat it though. we'll hang another day, just let me know whwn you want to come out and play."

 

She responds "How was NY, That sounds really good." So i continue to play myself and give her a few snipits of my NY trip and then ask her why she only emails me one or two words and i told her to stop acting like she's scared of me. I also tell her to call me. Man i should have read you guys posts before doing this. I'm a fool. I need a drink or two or three or four. Today's a payday, so I'm going to get lit tonight by my damn self.

 

I wanted to add, thanx to all who read this entire thread. It is a beast, but i think it's an entertaining story. Please keep the advice rolling. Perhaps i posted in the wrong department (second chances).