ash519 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 My boyfriend on one and a half years is in a band. Music is like a passion of his and he would never give it up. Him and his new band are going to start getting gigs and I think it's great for him BUT ALL I CAN think is "what if he meets someone else when i'm not there???" I hate these thoughts with a passion but i think, what if he is playing and there is a cute girl who gets a crush on him and everytime they play somewhere she shows up and flirts with him and he falls for her or something. He has never cheated on me, tells me there is no one else etc etc etc but I am just getting this awful feeling about it all. Goodness it stinks to have these thoughts! I dont know what I am looking for as far as response but some other peoples thoughts would be great. Oh- and of course i will be going to about 75% of the shows but sometimes I work, have other plans, or the gig is too far. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 You want validation that nothing will happen and you are crazy for thinking that. I cannot predict nor can anyone what the chances are, but I has a BF in a band and had the same exact thoughts. We broke up for other reasons, but get this--these thoughts or fears on the what if never go away really. My new BF has a stodgy office job and I thought he was safe from temptation, but he has co-workers who are on his s**t and only recently have they backed down. My point-you can run but you can't hide. Someone is always going to be hanging around. You have to calm your nerves, believe , take a deep breath, and assume he would not want to mess things up with you because you are worth it. If he does, then he was not worth it. Personally, I am not scared of being cheated on, but lied to for a signifigant amount of time if the affair goes on. I am very afraid of that. Good luck, breathe, and believe until you are given reason not to. By the way, just depends on the guy. My ex was the type who would not have been interested in a random girl chatting him up. Everyone is different. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Depends on the guy. Just like EVERY other man who EVER meets other women, it depends on YOUR guys character !!! I was married to a musician/recording studio owner who used to be quite a hot sh*t with the gals, but he had sown his wold oats by the time we got together. In the studio there would be musicians who would hook up with anything, anywhere, and guys who were completely devoted to their wives or girlfriends. I would defintley go to some shows and make my presence known, but if he's gonna cheat, he will and it's better to know and dump him !!!! PS. Make friends with people in the "scene" so they will tell you if he's cheating ! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Hi it is me guest again, when i wrote you want to hear it will never happen and you are crazy for thinking that, I did not mean you-the writer- is crazy for thinking that. What I intended to write was was that perhaps you were looking for people to write "oh that's crazy don't worry you are being paranoid" and my point was that in itself will not help. Just knowing who you are dealing with and believing that he would not do that unless you are given reason or suspicions first...... good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hi- Thank you for your responses. It is nice to hear from people who have been in similar situations. I know my bf loves me very much, we live together and things are going great. I guess i just worry that I am not enough and maybe somebody else will catch his eye, although he says that would never happen. But then we both do know that it COULD happen but I cant spend all my time worrying about that. He isnt really the type to mess around so i guess i have to have some faith in that! STRESS!!! I dont know why this is affecting me so much right now. I know the places he will be playing has a very attractive crowd. Can't change it I guess. I love him too much for this to ruin us so I really need to work on letting this stuff go. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 He could meet someone else any time, any place. As other posters said, it's down to the guy as to whether he takes them up on the offer or not! You can stop it from happening if it's going to happen. But you can realise that there's nothing you can do about it, and just get on with life. The more jealous and paranoid you become, the more that in itself is likely to damage your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Road Rage Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 You could be shagging some dude while he is out on the road. Never give him the chance to feel too comfortable;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 That's true road rage! But I could never do that! I am in love. Damn!!! And it's not an on the road type of band, they play within a 30 mile radius i'd say at local bars and such. I do worry that my jealousy will become an issue which is why i am here venting instead of to him . I need to try and get past this! And although he can flirt a bit, he is not the type to do that to me. (at least i dont think he is.) I just hate the idea that someone else could see all the wonderful things i see in him and try and take him...and succeed. Men with girlfriends are far more attractive than a man without, ever notice that? I wish girls would stop that crap so we could all relax, but girls, especially in my area, SUCK!!! I am not saying it's only the girls fault, it's not, but there are many out there that like the hunt and getting a taken man is like winning. And as the years go by it gets worse and worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladywithafan Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 My Xhusband played in a Grateful Dead cover band. During the time of our marriage (12 years), I usually went with him...he's an attractive man & still is... There are always going to be girls at shows hitting on guys in bands...like others have said, it's all about your man's morals... Mine never cheated during the gigs but at work. There's no predictable factor and even with your presence known (i.e. my X's girlfriend & now wife, got started at the hospital where they worked together and knew he was married with two small babies prior to her)...some people don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 That just angers me, when i was 19 i was like that but now, well, i am only 24 but it makes me so angry that people dont mature out of that. I cant imagine doing that to someone. I am sorry that you went through that! You know what i think is the most worrysome about it. I know that my bf is a good guy. I know that he loves me sooo much and doesnt want to hurt me or be without me. So, if this makes sense...that is why a betrayal by him would be so damn hurtful. If he was to cheat or to be taken by another woman, girl whatever, or get feelings for someone else they would have to be someone very special and it would be so much worse. Does that make sense? That is why i think it's like that. And on top of that I have invested much of myself into this relationship. We live together, discuss getting married (lately we've discussed the ring factor!), and are just eachothers other half. We really put ourself out on a limb when it comes to love and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 I was reading another post and it was about a girl who's bf is like a chick magnet and was super charming etc etc adn how he always gets attention. Well, most responses say that men who are used to that sort of thing are probably more apt to turning it down and not paying at any mind. My bf is attractive and sweet and funny and lovable. BUT he rarely gets hit on. Now, say some cute girl starts showing him interest at his shows, is he more apt to going with it? Say she keeps at it, do you think he is more likely to give in? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 i would die before i cheated on someone i loved. even if i was not 'in love' i would not cheat. it is something i simply could not do. i have been 'offered' many, many times, but when i am in a relationship, doesn't matter if i have been seeing the woman for 2 days....i commit 100% isn't that what you are supposed to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ash519 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 It is absolutely what you are supposed to do. And when you say that, it sounds like something my bf would say although maybe a bit less dramatic with the death part haha! I jsut badger myself with these stupid "what if's???" I hate them! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Stop living your life in the 'what if's' and start living in what is actually happening! There are a million 'what if's' we could ask ourselves about a million things in life. What if I get hit by a bus today? What if a metor hits Earth and we all die tomorrow? What if my boyfriend cheats on me? Never spend too long wondering about the 'what if's' in life.... or life will pass you by while you're overthinking...! Link to post Share on other sites
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