feeling troubled...

[anna13]

I do miss him alot, although i did take my conversation with my H as overall positive ( meaning he is concerned with what i think ) at the same time it makes me insecure and worried. he doesnt sound like himself at all. seems a bit like he is heading for a wreck . it is scary to me i guess. but he was never one to communicate his feelings so I guess I should be glad he is opening up.

[brokenhearted29]

yeah my husband is not one to communicate his feelings either. I would find out a week later when we get in a arguement and he brings it up. I thought it was only my husband. Ever since his mothers death he got worse. But you know I'm not very good with communicating with my husband either. If I have something on my mind I usually keep it inside becasue I am so afraid of starting a argument. And I know I shouldnt be that way. I do know that communication is the key to a solid marriage. So thats great that he is opening up to you. Dont get to worried yet, he is probably just finding new things out about himself.

[anna13]

thanks, I'll try not to worry too much for now .. I am the oposite of you when we were living together I was open and spoke freely about everything that was bothering me . and that was the problem ( at least one of them ) for him. I didnt have an off button. now when we see each other , I hold back alot , just trying to stop the pattern i have of complaining and worrying about everything. that has been hard for me but i see changes for the better in me. i guess it is a good thing that he is opening up to me , he is just changing and it is scaring me a little bit.

[anna13]

I dont know what is going on with me , I Love my H and I want us to be a family again but i am supposed to meet him today for lunch and things are going pretty welll but for some reason I am just not happy. i m not really exited about seeing him today , i am but at the same time I feel really aggrivated for some reason . just annoyed. I am putting so much work into making sure things go smoothly , maybe i am getting bitter about it . I dont know really . i am confused. i know i felt like this when i met him the last time and when i saw him i was happy , but now again i am feeling this way. I am happy that we are moving in a good direction but like i said I am confused. I want us to be together and when i see him i am happy ... so why the hec am i feeling this way ?

[anna13]

sorry about the two same posts , the first time it didnt show then the second i had to re type everything , then i tried to delete one or the other and it wouldnt so oh well ... anyway why the hec do i feel the way i do right now?

[brokenhearted29]

I know what you mean Anna. When my husband came home I was not as happy as I thought I would be. I think I got use to being by myself that I didnt care if he was here or not. I also got angry with him becasue we are going through this. So I think you may just be feeling angar towards him. It gets old after a while. You get tired of doing this, fighting for your marriage when the other half is not fighting. I dont know Anna, I wish i had the answer. But that is a little of what I discovered. Just try to make the best of your visits. keep your head up:rolleyes:

[anna13]

yup I i think that has something to do with it . of course if he doesnt want it to work it wont work . but he does say he will give it a try ~ honestly i am so sick of he will try ... I am more like JUST DO ~ but i dont say anything about it . sometimes i wonder if i really know my H anymore , sometimes I think i do and sometimes I feel like i am in the car with a stranger. yesterday i saw him and he was a little sick ( we all caught a cold bug or something) but he wanted to see us anyway . at first it was ok then when my toddler was crawling all over him and i was making conversation his demeaner changed he seemed tense and uncomfortable like he wanted to get out of there. soon after he said he wanted to be dropped off , i was really hurt. but i did drop him off , he didnt even say goodbye to us nicely more like he just wanted to get away from us . I felt like at that moment very pissed i felt like yelling profanity's at him and just saying GET LOST and dont call us ever again! but I knew that isnt what i want now so i held it together. just tears for me driving home. I asked him later ( to his annoyance) was he angry with us ? , he said he was sick just annoyed ... and that was his answer. these are the moments where I almost want to throw my arms up in the air and just say screw it , I am so unhappy sometimes , and I am trying so hard. living day to day to get some joy and relief by seeing him . most days recently have been good but it just takes a day like this to make me feel like crap. he did ask me earlier that day if he could come over to my house and visit thanksgiving day , I guess spend thanksgiving day with us before he goes to work. I tell you i am frustrated and confused right now.

[brokenhearted29]

He seems like he was really stressed out. And what does he have to be stressed about. He is not raising two kids by himself. You Are! You are the one that should be stressed and pissed at him. You did the right thing by not blowing up. That would of made things worse. I know your frustration but just hold in there. It will pay off sooner or later. Isnt this place wonderful? You know my husband caught me on the computer the other day and I was on here and he asked me what I was doing. I told him and he looked as if he was laughing. This message board helps me get by day by day and is making me a stronger person. He is going to laugh when his ass is alone.

[anna13]

lol BH29 !

[Gunny376]

I don't know what your husband's major malfucntion is? This single life isn't all that its cracked up to be. It has it pluses, but it also has it negatives. By the time you get into your 30's and 40's what's left are the "crazy" people.

 

I just read on another thread here at LS about people meeting over the internet and having sex the first time they actually come into actual physical contact. I'm a guy ~ and I wouldn't sleep with some woman I don't know the first time I actually laid eyes on here.

 

I check out the personals and I read about some woman with only a high school education working in a bank or administration and earning less than $25,000 a year but to get with her ~ you've (the man) have got to earn more than $75,000 a year! (In a rural Southern State where the mean family income is only $34,000 a year!) Hell the Governor only earns $80,000 a year. Thanks Sugar ~ you just told me all that I needed to know about you! Go dig for gold somewhere else.

 

Its hard finding someone that loves you! And if and when you do ~ don't screw it up. Relationships are easy to get into, but hard to maintain and hard to get out of. I just hope you DH wakes up and realizes it before its too late.

 

The fact of the matter is, relationships take a lot of work, a lot of compromise, a lot of giving and taking. What we need to make them work and to maintain them they don't teach in HS, nor college, nor the military. You get married and you're pretty much on your freaking own!

 

Your DH needs to wake the **** up! Before he losses a good woman!

[anna13]

I am just so frustrated and lonely right now . I am taking care of my kids and getting burnt out. toddler and teenager , two ends of the spectrum , I am just so tired right now. emotionally exaughsted and the weekend just seems way to long this time. I am alone doing this right now. when my H was here at least he would be a help with my toddler . I have no quiet , no time to think , just moving around like a robot, telling my teen not to do this not to do that , my toddler he is ok , but just seeing how my teen behaves affects him too . I know this isnt the parenting thread but i just needed to vent. constant and endless housechores,I am tired. have you seen the car commercial with the man carrying the adult size baby ? that is what i feel like with my teen right now. my H wants to come and spend the afternoon with us before he goes to work on thanksgiving day . I should be happy about it but I am stressed. my teen seems to want to be a trouble maker. he tells me time to time he likes it better without my H here because there is more room for the rest of us ( it is a very cozy 2 bedroom apt we live in ) . I have talked to my teen and he says he is alright with my H coming back eventually but I dont believe it. everything is overwhelming me right now . I want to talk to my H right now but I know it will do no good for either of us . I will still feel alone with this and it will add stress to him that will not help the situation. just so frustrated. Is it all me? is it all in my head? am i crazy to worry so much about everything. will it be ok if he moves back in eventually (IF IF IF ) , will there be consant conflict like before ? I dont know , teenagers are teenagers, i can discipline and talk to the teen alot and some things you just cant change about a teen's attitude and behavior. my H is my teen's step dad , if you didnt know already.so that makes things a bit harder. I guess I am just stressed and feel alone and really feel like there is 10 elephants on my shoulder. I have a few friends , not very close, but I dont want to burden them with all my family issues , sorry dont want to burden you either , just needed to get things off my chest right now.

[PWSX3]

Anna to start here is a BIG HUG for you and just let you know someone is reading your post and wishes he could help you out.

 

I don't know if this will help or not but I'll ask anyways.

Is there any way you can get your teen involved with what you are doing so he can feel like he is helping out????

I try and get my boy to help me when we cook meals. Sure he doesn't do much but each time we do something he seems to start doing more then he used to do. Sure it isn't much, he might watch one of the skillets so the food doesn't burn, he mixed the pancake mix while I get the skillet going, etc. It's not much but he is there helping and I think he is starting to enjoy it.

He also helps fold cloths and I just started him with helping out on his socks because that is easy, then we moved to pants and shirts and now he helps on every load of cloths.

Maybe reward your son with something if he helps around the house, take him to a movie or for an ice cream when he helps, it's worth a try.

My W called the other day and was wanting to make sure we were on the same page of what we were doing with our 16yr old (will be 17 in January) and I feel she was just seeing if he does things for me because he isn't doing them for her.

She asked if he eats breakfast and I said yes, she asked if he takes showers every day and I said yes. I guess she is having trouble getting him to do them for her. Now I have noticed that she has always had trouble getting him to do things such as going to bed. When she wasn't around I would just tell him it's time for bed and he would go to bed so teens might treat there mothers different then there fathers because they know what will happen if they don't do what there dad says.

 

I just think maybe instead of always getting after him try and get him more involved. Like I said this might not work but it might be worth a try.

 

GOOD LUCK I know teens can be tuff.....

[brokenhearted29]

Hey Anna, I wish I lived near you and I would come and get your kids for a day so that you can enjoy some alone time. How old is your teenager? You are right when you say teenagers will be teenagers. My daughter is 11 years old and I have to deal with alot of attitude. Men do have more power with their children. My kids will listen to their dad instinctly, but when it comes down to me I will have to tell them more than once before they do it. You just have to put your foot down. I know it hard. Sometimes I will have homework to do and I just let them get away with things becasue I do not have time to deal with it. I constantley have to get my son involved because he has way too much energy. It seems to slow him down alttile when I do get him involved. But its so hard because I dont have time to do that. Its sad becasue I do not have time for my kids. Why not give your teenager some chores to do. You can reward him with cash and it will take some stress off your back. My parents use to do that with me and it works.

[anna13]

Yup , i have trried chores , my son is too hard headed and lazy to do them , and you think i could make him but trust me not posible . he is 16 and bigger than I am . all I ask him to do is take the trash out and to clean his room every so often . I guess I am just trying to avoid conflict because the conflict is usually so huge for the problem and isnt worth it to me . My teen did cause alot of stress for me and in turn i nagged my H about how much my teen stresses me out . and then he disciplines by telling my teen and then i hear it from my teen the rest of the week ...complain complain complain about my H telling him what to do . My H was so stressed out by me and my teen and my constant nagging and he had to get out of here. I just worry if he comes back here it will be the same stressfull situation. My H says he misses conversations with my teen and spending quality time with our toddler but i dont think my teen feels the same . it makes me sad and stressed out . I told my husband recently that i dont want him to discipline my teen anymore because it just makes things worse for me , I should just take care of the discipline with him and my H should just help with the toddler. that would be the best for me.. and all of us i think . I am scared. I want things to be better. It seems like my H and I have a chance. He called me last night really late, he was drunk saying that he felt like he was going crazy , he was feeling really down and he misses our company ,, all of us . it made me uncomfortable again , because he is opening up his feelings which i am again not used to . I just hope everything goes well on thanksgiving . short term goals right now .

[anna13]

my teen son has been acting strange since yesterday , really not talking much like he has got something in his mind but wont say , when i ask what it is that is bothreing him he says nothing , just me ( that is bothering him) I asked him if it has anything to do with my H coming for thatnkgiving or anything like that , he said no . but yet he has been acting annoyed and quiet. I dont know what is worse , him being so in my face all the time or this silence. he is starting a new job today ( his first) I hope he sticks with it , knowing how he is i wonder if he will. I dont know what it is but it is bothering me alot, i feel like he is up to something just have know idea what. he isnt even talking to his little brother rightnow which is very strange. thanksgiving is a few days away , I just dont want any wierd aqwardness.. maybe I am just putting too much into it , maye i am thinking too much , sometimes i feel like my teen is running the show here and it makes me so angry. My H wants to come back , my toddler and i want him here, my teen says he doesnt really care if he does or doesnt but I just dont know . even if my teen doesnt want my H back here, it shouldnt be the deciding factor on wether or not my H comes back here . i feel really stressed. by the way my H visited my place today , he even took a nap in our bedroom before going to work . he looked happy that he might be moving back here in a few months ( might) but my teen is really causing me stress . I really hate this.

[brokenhearted29]

Hey Anna, well maybe since your teenager is getting a job that will help the situation. Its so hard figuring out teenages becasue they are so silent. I can almost remember how I was. I would never talk to my parents becasue I thought they wouldnt understand. It is not easy being a teenager so just give him time. He does not have a choice if your H moves back in or not. He will just have to deal with it. Everything will be okay just take one day at a time.

[anna13]

My teen is usually not silent so that is why i am so concerned now , he is so need of attention that he usually is talking to me whenever he can . now it is like a hard left. right when i think my husband and i are going to make it my teen who is technically the "X" factor , is really throwing me out of sync and I am so very upset. he is at orientation right now ( my teen) and he is just acting like a turd with us , hopefully he doesnt show this attitude at the orientation for his new job. ... sorry but he is acting that way . I dont know what to do about it really . i cant keep talking to a wall . at the same time I dont want him to be this way on thanksgiving . I have always been there for my teen , I don't think he is trying to make things difficult for me but he is . I am just so frustrated. even today when I got home i opened the door with my keys and my teen had the chain on , so my teen was on the couch looking at me and didnt move till i said ... open the door! then he took his time and opened the door. i was furious. why did he do that? i asked him , he said i should know to knock . WHAT? I just can't stand him when he does this , also , i asked him nicely what is the matter? he said nothing , i said what's bothering you? he said just you , then when i was drving him to the orientation i said what are you thinking about he said " my own business" ... I have to stay strong. I am going to talk to him about thanksgiving , make sure he is really ok with my H coming over. I dont want to leave it up to him but at the same time i dont want tension that day . I just dont know what to do at this point.

[brokenhearted29]

Wow I guess he does have attitude. Is his father involved at all? Maybe thats what you need. Maybe you should just try to sit his butt down and dont let him up until he talks to you about whatever is bothering him. Like I said its so hard at that age. Hopefully he will snap out of it.

[anna13]

well, i have told my H not to be involved with the dicipline at all because it doesnt help , it just makes my teen more angry and i get more stressed out which is what led to alot of me nagging my H about how worried i was about my teens attitude and on and on . I keep trying to tell myself it is teen behavior but what is teen behavior really . when i was a teen i was very reasonable , yes i wasnt perfect either but when my mom sat me down and explained what she needed from me i followed through. but my teen son he is the oposite. he is at work right now and I feel so relieved that I have time away but like i said he will be back and there it starts again. People shouldnt have to live like this , totally stressed out all day and night but that is how i feel with my teen around. i saw my husband today , i talked to him about the problme i am dealing with at home . he tells me i should just leave my teen alone and stop interigating him and maybe after a few days he will open up to me . my H was all calm about it but i felt better ( you know when you feel like someone is supporting you ) . I just told my H i hope that he can follow his own advice because he used to lose his temper with my teen ( anyone would the way my teen is sometimes) and my teen used to lash out on me and then it would be a big circle . round and round. that is why i told my H just stay out of it and help me mostly with our toddler. but gee ,,, i dont know how much more i can handle from my teen. this is mental torture i tell you . it is abuse of my brain . I am just so sick of it.

[anna13]

also my H is his stepfather . my H and I have the toddler together.

[anna13]

oh and I forgot to mention since i have been so thrown off balance lately by my teen , when my husband said goodbye to me today when i dropped him off , he sqeezed me and kissed my head and said I love you. that made me cry as I drove off. I didnt let him see that though. He sounded like he meant it . It meant alot to me . hopefully it was true.

[brokenhearted29]

Anna, things are looking good for you. I'm so happy for you:D Just stay positive during thanksgiving. Things will work out. Take your husbands advice and see what happens. Have a great Thanksgiving!!!!

[anna13]

Anna, things are looking good for you. I'm so happy for you:D Just stay positive during thanksgiving. Things will work out. Take your husbands advice and see what happens. Have a great Thanksgiving!!!!

Thank You BH29 .. hopefully the feeling will last . tomoro is T-day ... and I should be happy , isnt everyone supposed to be happy the night before ? but my stomach is all tied up in knots . i feel like throwing up . Just worried how my teen will act or act out tomoro . I have no idea. maybe it is just me thinking the worst. I hope that is all there is to it. my H is coming over tomoro for a few hours for Thanksgiving . he says he is looking forward to it. my T says he is ok with my H coming over but i dont believe it really . I have to stop feeling like this , I swear this is going to shorten my life span, the stress is really big. as you have read my teen has been unbelievably moody and has had a pretty bad attitude for a few days now and i hope he doesnt do this tomoro, because tomoro is so important to me and my teen knows it. I hate this . I hope it turns out ok . I'll let all of you know after tomoro .

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!!! everyone !! have a great day:) .

[anna13]

ok thanksgiving was at first very awkward. the nightbefore my H called and asked if he could sleep over so that it would be easier in the morning . so i said ok . when i told my Teen that he was going to spend the night my teen's face was all twisted and he got angry saying that he wated to relax that night and so on , after a few minutes he was different . said he was ok with it. i picked up my husband , and it was fine i was chatting away and my H looked like he was burning out , I asked him what was the matter ? he said don't make him think twice about spending the night, ouch right , i asked him if he was kidding he said no . I said that really isnt nice to say , and he said he was just tired. anyway the next morning Thanksgiving day , it was awkward , my teen stayed in his room and my H went to the store to get something for himself. it was very awkward until they started to chit chat. then it was better.It was a good day and then I dropped ny H off at work. so it was like a thanksgiving lunch really and hanging out for a few hours. anyway late last night I noticed I missed like 4 calls from him . thinking he was going to tell me what a great time he had, or he misses me already , he says he wants to do his own thing tomoro (today). now that is fine but why tell me when i didnt say i was going over there and everything? it kinda hurt my feelings. but then again i have poped by unannonced this past week so i think he was worried about me doing that so he wanted to save me the trouble. I was like oh........ ok ..... but i had the wrong reaction i think . I should have just said ok see you later but i was hanging on . this is the wrong thing to do ,I aasked him if he had a good time and he said yes . and I asked him ifhe Loved me , he said of course I do ... see there I go again . I need to stop that. after all I told him that i wouldnt grumble if he wanted to do his own thing . and I kinda did that yesterday (grumble) even though i really had no intentions of seeing him today anyway . He really seems to be wanting to move back in later . He is just concerned on how my teen is feeling . he is off today and he is going to the gym , and a bookstore, and to go check out some things for himself ( sporting equiptment) . I guess he wants to just do that on his own . understandable right? so why do i feel like crap. I miss him . when he spent the night I felt so peacefull . my toddler slept with us and i felt as snug as a bug in the rig ( as they say) . he has the next 2 days off as well. I am just not going to call him at all. maybe see him next week sometimes when he calls. I have been seeing him pretty frequently this past week . i just need to get a grip right? I feel really lonely again . I almost feel like calling him now jsut to let him know that i am really ok with him doing his own thing , but that would be wrong too . because I would be trying to get reasurance from him and that tells him that I don't trust that he loves me , that I can't spend a day without him and I am going back to my old ways. I guess i feel wierd because when he first was telling me about all the errands he needed to do i thought he was asking me to take him somewhere, so i asked him you need me to take you somewhere? then i think he misunderstood me and thought that i asumed that i was going with him , but atually i thought that was the reason he was calling was that he might need a ride . anyway why does this have to be so stupid like this. my happy feelings about yesterday just evaporated after we talked last night. I mean I should really get a grip and trust him . again , after all , he just wants to do his own thing out there today .

[anna13]

also , It isnt an affair i am worried about , it is just the fact that that i worry that he doesnt Love me as he says he does or maybe he is thinking wrong of me. as in thinking that i may be going back to the way i was.