Fun2BMe Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 So for months I excused away being with another guy. I don't know why, maybe it has to do with some of the feedback here, but all of a sudden I am feeling rotten. I am feeling like what I did was wrong and it is difficult to admit to myself let alone to everyone else and lastly to my bf. Every time we are together it feels like we are falling more and more for each other, and at the same time I have an ache in my heart like if he only knew the things I've done behind his back, how hurt he would be and probably never talk to me again. I also wonder if he won't care and instead feel sorry for me that I am dealing with all these emotions and once I tell him, he will work to make ME feel better. It is getting harder and harder to hold things in without telling him. I am reacting by getting angry at him for little things and having small outburts which is not like me and he gets hurt from it. Like when we were invited for dinner Friday night I was wearing pants and he said it might be more appropriate for a skirt. I got so angry at him and for one of the first times yelled at him and turned it into an argument. Every little thing I take out on him because I feel like it's his fault I am feeling so guilty inside, that he is the one who drove me to be with another man and now that I can't tell him, I am suffering by myself. I don't know what to do. I have a lot of other secrets I don't think he would be too happy about. I think it would be foolish to tell him and throw the relationship away, but I am beginning to feel so guilty that it is hard to live with myself. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I am thinking it will be easier to break up with him with either no excuse or a made up one just so I can spare him the pain of knowing what I have done. I would feel so awful to know I have caused him pain. I am trying to understand at this point the benefit to tell him. Will it be wiser to just let him go? To ignore what happened like i had been doing? To tell him, which I honestly doubt I'll have the nerve to do? Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 the skeletons in one's closet tend to cause much internal strife... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 You should accidentally tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus as the Peanut Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 What exactley have you done behind his back??? Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I also wonder if he won't care and instead feel sorry for me that I am dealing with all these emotions and once I tell him, he will work to make ME feel better. What planet are you from? Tell this guy everything so he can just dump you and save himself a lot of heart ache. That a woman could do and think the things you do scares the sh*t out of me... Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 It truly amazes me how some people can hide their secrets and live with their guilt for such a long time. I'm starting to wonder if it's a genetic disposition. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Oh I forgot, you should tell him, OP. Unless, of course, you feel absolutely fine living with your guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 What's the point in telling him now? If you truly feel guilty it won't happen again. I think you're looking for an excuse to break up with him IMHO Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 F2BM you already know my opinion, I think you need to be honest with him and give him the chance to make up his own mind what to do. The positive in the action is that you would finally be admitting to your cheating and mistake, and that you would be doing the right thing. The guilt you feel will only grow and grow inside you, eating at you more and more. You will continue to take it out him, even though you don't want to. You know why? Because your guilt is subconciously pushing him away from, because you know you made a mistake that has hurt him. If you can't tell him and give him the option of deciding what to do, then you might as well save you both some heartache and just break up with him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 You should accidentally tell him. As if you're really an angel yourself:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 What exactley have you done behind his back??? I've been with many men without his knowledge. Whenever I get mad at him or jealous or suspicious or whatever, I end up getting together with another man to makek me feel better about it. I figure I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work with us and he leads me to other men for not making me feel secure all the time.The first time it wasn't my fault and I didn't consider it cheating but now I am beginning to feel guilty about the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 As if you're really an angel yourself:mad: I never said I was, but I don't cheat on people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 What planet are you from? Tell this guy everything so he can just dump you and save himself a lot of heart ache. That a woman could do and think the things you do scares the sh*t out of me... Excuse me but I'm the one suffering from heartache and guilt. I am doing everything possible to make the relationship better so why should I do something to let him dump me? It is people like you who zoom through one relationship after another taking them lightly without working on them. You're probablyt he type that divorces a million times on a whim when things aren't working out so perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 I never said I was, but I don't cheat on people. And I'm not so judgemental sitting on a pedestal with a halo on my head:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 If you can't tell him and give him the option of deciding what to do, then you might as well save you both some heartache and just break up with him now. Why should he have the complete option on what to do like I'm chopped liver. Anyhow, I think I will think about it some more before I decide on what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Google borderline personality disorder Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I've been with many men without his knowledge. Whenever I get mad at him or jealous or suspicious or whatever, I end up getting together with another man to makek me feel better about it. I figure I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work with us and he leads me to other men for not making me feel secure all the time.The first time it wasn't my fault and I didn't consider it cheating but now I am beginning to feel guilty about the whole thing. If you're going to be honest with yourself, you need to be fully honest and accept that HE is not LEADING you to other men...YOU are choosing other men as a way to deal with your discomfort and unhappiness in the relationship. You do have a choice - you don't have to go to other men. If you addressed your issues with your bf as they come up instead of internalizing them and looking for other outlets for your emotions, you might have a stronger relationship with your bf. He's not a child. If you're unhappy about the way he's treating you, you can and should tell him what's on your mind. If you're jealous, you can tell him that you need him to help you not be jealous by calling you frequently when he's away or whatever it is that would make you feel better. If he's not pleasing you in bed, you can tell him that you'd like more out of your sex life and tell him what would please you. If he's belittling you or making you feel stupid by telling you what to wear, you should tell him how that makes you feel and why and ask him not to tell you what to wear. If you have insecurity issues in general, see a therapist to help you learn how to feel better about yourself and stronger, strong enough to honestly and openly express your needs to your bf. You don't have to turn to other men. That's no kind of solution. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I've been with many men without his knowledge. Whenever I get mad at him or jealous or suspicious or whatever, I end up getting together with another man to makek me feel better about it. I figure I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work with us and he leads me to other men for not making me feel secure all the time.The first time it wasn't my fault and I didn't consider it cheating but now I am beginning to feel guilty about the whole thing. All things aside, you know in your heart what you've been doing is wrong. You're feeling guilty and your conscious is speaking to you... You owe to yourself, not only to him, to tell him. If he breaks up with you, so be it - But he may not! He deserves to the choice to stay or go, you can't control that. He also has things he's done, talking to girls online, naked photos etc...Who knows, maybe he's cheated on you as well... Plus, it may be a good opportunity to fix things, get help, either as a couple or alone (therapy) because my dear, you have alot going on inside your head...Alot of issues, alot of pain and the way you handle stresses in your relationships aren't normal. I am not sure if you two are meant to be together, but right now it seems you're in alot of pain, you're not happy at all and maybe it's time to be alone and not get involved with ANY man until you sort things out, get some therapy to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 that he is the one who drove me to be with another man and now that I can't tell him, I am suffering by myself. I'm at a loss for words ........... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t99815/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 I'm at a loss for words ........... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t99815/ Maybe you can be more specific, what you are at a loss for words about? The texting is a different issue, done while he was away and harmless, it was only texting. The cheating, he drove me to be in the presence of other men for comfort whenever he gets me upset or neglects me or my needs. I can maybe say the same about the texting too. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I got so angry at him and for one of the first times yelled at him and turned it into an argument. Every little thing I take out on him because I feel like it's his fault I am feeling so guilty inside, that he is the one who drove me to be with another man and now that I can't tell him, I am suffering by myself. I suggest checking out the book "I hate you, Don't leave me" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 Google borderline personality disorder I have to admit I checked it out and am afraid I fit the description exactly:o Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 I suggest checking out the book "I hate you, Don't leave me" I will check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I've been with many men without his knowledge. Whenever I get mad at him or jealous or suspicious or whatever, I end up getting together with another man to makek me feel better about it. I figure I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work with us and he leads me to other men for not making me feel secure all the time.The first time it wasn't my fault and I didn't consider it cheating but now I am beginning to feel guilty about the whole thing. Excuse me but I'm the one suffering from heartache and guilt. I am doing everything possible to make the relationship better so why should I do something to let him dump me? It is people like you who zoom through one relationship after another taking them lightly without working on them. You're probablyt he type that divorces a million times on a whim when things aren't working out so perfectly. Maybe you can be more specific, what you are at a loss for words about? The texting is a different issue, done while he was away and harmless, it was only texting. go back and re-read your texting thread.. Your total lack of self responsibility is what has me baffled.. and has me at a loss for words.. You have cheated on him many many times and it is all his fault.. You don't tell him because you are trying to spare his feelings and yet you think you have done no wrong.. I think you need to come clean with him and seek therapy for whatever is going on inside you because whatever it is is going to hurt alot of people unless you fix it. you certainly are not sparing his feelings by continuing to cheat on him and not tell him.. You are hurting him even without his knowledge of the cheating.. give him the ability to make his own decision about this relationship.. Be fair to him and to yourself Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 hi fun. is this the same guy that was watching a stripper on myspace and corresponding with her a few months back? i guess i'm not sure why you're still together at this point. it does seem like your relationship has never had much trust, on either end...you've been insecure about this guy for a while, and so i guess you've been getting back at him in your own way. which, as you've begun to acknowledge is both immature and, yes, a kind of cheating. i think a reasonable guideline is: if you don't feel like you can tell your partner about it, it's probably not okay within the bounds of an exclusive relationship. you've both strayed across that line multiple times. i'm sure you already know this, but what you've described really sounds like an incredibly unhealthy situation. perhaps it's time to wipe this slate clean, for both your sakes? Link to post Share on other sites
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