NOW I finally think maybe I cheated and I feel bad

[stillafool]

You sound really selfish. You get angry with him because of the dirt you've done behind his back and you can't tell him about it???????? Grow up and be a woman!!! Why don't you do this guy a favor and dump him because you can be sure of one thing - your dirt will come to light!

[Walk]

He kept saying it was ok I was late, that when he works I am patient waiting for him. This irritated me because he brought it up about 3 times giving the impression it really bothered him.

 

Does sound as if he was bothered by this. But if he is suspicious that you were/are cheating, then he may have been attempting to reassure himself that you REALLY were at work and came back happy. NOT happy because you with another guy. Since he can't outright accuse you of cheating, he may have subtly been trying to hint that he wasn't so sure you were working? Maybe? Or he could just be an ass who felt he shouldn't be left waiting.. But I kind of think he suspects you've been inappropriate with other men.

 

He also said that he thought it was lack of having a lot of work and keeping busy that was the cause of my unhappiness, that this was proof I didn't need any therapy. I thought it undermined everything I mean to him, that he is that clueless about my real feelings.

I think he's trying to delude himself that everythign is peachy keen. That it's simple to solve. I don't really think this had anything to do with you, as much as he didn't want there to be big problems. If he can shove them under the rug by deceiving himself that there isn't a problem, then he won't have to worry about it.

 

YOU Take care of yourself. Whatever denial he's in shouldn't affect your decision to help yourself.

 

He couldn't even wait to eat and had already had his dinner and told me I could help myself to whatever I wanted. I ate alone in the kitchen while he was in his office doing his work. I thought that was selfish. I would've waited if the rolls were reversed.

 

UGH! I've had this done. Really makes you feel like crap. I end up not even eating...

 

In the past 4 months we've had intercourse 4 times.

....... was to the point where I was doing everything and he hinted at wanting to get oral

So he's either very suspicious that you've been cheating, in which case he probably doesn't want to risk intercourse. Or he's a selfish bastard who wants to get off but doesn't care how you feel.

 

The once a month of having sex seems like a big red flag to me. Potentially it could be any one of a number of things. His suspicion that you cheated. Lack of communication that causes him to withdraw sexually from you. Maybe he doesn't feel you want more out of sex, so he's attempting to find an alternative that will let you "finish" him off quickly?

 

I don't know what to tell you Fun. I think the therapist might help sort out why things are occuring, and how to resolve some of these problems in the relationship. But there are so many things going on that any one of those could lead to him withdrawing, or miscommunications and hurt feelings.

 

But I don't feel your crazy for being hurt from what you said in your last post. I'd be upset too. I think you really needed to talk to him though, and explain that you are having problems with his behavior.

 

I really hope you do go talk to the therapist. He might be able to shed more light on the situation. Give you some tools that will help you get what you need from a relationship, instead of always feeling hurt and left out.

[HanginLow]

Fun, you poor thing, you're username is a complete oximoron, how much fun are you having! I really see a need for a some initial therapy with a progressive unearthing of some of your past or early childhood mishaps! These sort of things have a unsettling way of manifesting deep within ones heart and in one's soul. You need to give your BF a break, set him free to find a woman to love and become one with. If you continue to drive on the same road with him you're both headed for a head on collision.

 

F2BM, please do yourself a huge favor, bow out, take you're great education and job skills and move on, this poor guy is trying and you put up a fight, sounds like daily or so. Don't ruin the rest of your most productive years fighting and living this awful life. Go to church, talk to a Rabbi, do something spiritual, that may be your only escape. But don't continue to hang onto this poor BF any longer. Please examine your lives together and write down the pros and the cons. If the cons exceed your wildest expectations, haul ass. If you never speak to you BF again, he will be most happy, as when you dump the garbage can on him, he may go ballistic and who knows. Spare him the suffering that is within you daily, my dear go and find happiness elsewhere, but spare this guy.

 

For him viewing a stripper on-line, BFD - is you're head in the sand, all men like to look at women, and being as insecure as you sound, this sort of behaviour will desimate any relationship you will ever have. Time heals, and events are forgiven but rarely forgotten. So be smart - go find your pot of gold on some other rainbow. Sorry to say this, but I see your relationship on a collision course. Good luck and be very careful!