NOW I finally think maybe I cheated and I feel bad

[Fun2BMe]

hi fun. is this the same guy that was watching a stripper on myspace and corresponding with her a few months back?

Yes, it is the same guy. See, it is issues such as that which drove me to cheat. Now that I see he hasn't even been logging onto his myspace account for several weeks now and is being more attentive to me, the guilt is creeping in whereas before I was so mad at him that I was excusing away and justifying all of my actions.

 

i guess i'm not sure why you're still together at this point. it does seem like your relationship has never had much trust,

We care about each other and when things have been going well, it is trustful. Obviously if there wasn't much foundation to go on, we would definitely not be together, especially considering all the problems, so you can imagine there must be quite a lot of good for it to endure all the problems. I keep repeating that I am determined to work on it instead of walking away. I think all relationships have a lot of problems and the easy thing to do is to walk away, easy especially when not a lot of feelings are involved.

 

you've been insecure about this guy for a while, and so i guess you've been getting back at him in your own way. which, as you've begun to acknowledge is both immature and, yes, a kind of cheating.

True I've been insecure, but I don't know if what I did was exactly to get back at him, or a desperate measure to make myself feel better. If it was to get back at him, wouldn't I parade what I did to him to hurt him instead of desperately trying to figure out how to in the end spare him from getting hurt? I think I am taking the most mature steps I can think of to make things better.

 

i think a reasonable guideline is: if you don't feel like you can tell your partner about it, it's probably not okay within the bounds of an exclusive relationship. you've both strayed across that line multiple times.

 

i'm sure you already know this, but what you've described really sounds like an incredibly unhealthy situation. perhaps it's time to wipe this slate clean, for both your sakes?

So whenever there is something we can't tell our partner about, or are struggling to figure out how to resolve, the best solution is to dissolve the relationship, to walk away and that will create a clean slate?

 

He did call me a few minutes about seeing him this evening. I don't know if he sensed something in my voice, but he sounded serious within a few seconds and when I agreed to see him, he asked if I was going to allow things to remain how they have been going well, and I said yes. In the past every few months I'd 'break up' or need time away from him and so far this is the longest in a row things have been 'going so well.' You can imagine the amount of guilt that is welling inside about him being in the dark of the situation.

[SmoochieFace]

See, it is issues such as that which drove me to cheat.

 

Pure rubbish.

 

You CHOSE to cheat... he didn't 'drive' you to do it. You could have just left him. That would have been the wiser choice.

 

JHC... I am SO tired of people who cannot assume responsibility for their actions. Always gotta blame 'the other person'. Just like that dipshyt who killed his family in Amityville - "The voices MADE me do it."

[burning 4 revenge]

I suggest checking out the book "I hate you, Don't leave me"

I see you had the same feeling.....

[crazy_grl]

Why should he have the complete option on what to do like I'm chopped liver.

 

It's unfair for him to have a choice but it's fair for you to choose for him by hiding the truth?

 

If you're not seeing a counselor, please consider going to one. There are a lot of things in your posts that indicate at the very least possible issues with insecurity and self-esteem. You need to work on your issues before you'll be able to have a relationship where you won't feel your boyfriend is "leading you" to cheat.

[SmoochieFace]

So whenever there is something we can't tell our partner about, or are struggling to figure out how to resolve, the best solution is to dissolve the relationship, to walk away and that will create a clean slate?

 

May or may not be the 'best solution' but it is light-years ahead of CHEATING.

 

Perhaps you should consider working on your 'communication issues' instead of just running to the nearest 'john' who only wants to get his dick wet.

[lovelorcet]

Excuse me but I'm the one suffering from heartache and guilt. I am doing everything possible to make the relationship better so why should I do something to let him dump me? It is people like you who zoom through one relationship after another taking them lightly without working on them. You're probablyt he type that divorces a million times on a whim when things aren't working out so perfectly.

 

Everything single thing you say here could not be more incorrect.

 

"doing everything possible" does not include sleeping with another guy, thinking you are pregnant, planning on stiffing your bf with some other guy's kid and blaming the whole thing on the fact that Bush won the election and changed your healthcare plan...

 

That my dear is just plain F**king nuts...

 

And as far as I am concerned, I have put more into a relationship than you are capable of ever understanding, so just leave that one alone.

 

You need to get help because the way you see the world, like Art has said just leaves me baffeled...

[littlekitty]

Why should he have the complete option on what to do like I'm chopped liver. Anyhow, I think I will think about it some more before I decide on what to do.

 

WHY? Because he's not running into the arms of someone else every time he isn't happy with you.

 

WHY? Because he didn't cheat on you by sleeping with someone else.

 

WHY? Because you are the guilty party here not him.

 

And besides, you do have an option. You can choose to tell him and end it, or tell him and ask him to forgive you and hope he does. You have choices. But you have to tell him. If you don't, you're going to mess it up and lose him anyway!!

[littlekitty]

This:

 

I've been with many men without his knowledge. Whenever I get mad at him or jealous or suspicious or whatever, I end up getting together with another man to makek me feel better about it. I figure I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work with us and he leads me to other men for not making me feel secure all the time.The first time it wasn't my fault and I didn't consider it cheating but now I am beginning to feel guilty about the whole thing.

 

Means that this (below) is complete bullsh*t at the highest level.

 

Excuse me but I'm the one suffering from heartache and guilt. I am doing everything possible to make the relationship better so why should I do something to let him dump me?

 

If you're doing everything possible to make the relationship work, why you keep running to other men and cheating on him? Is that what normal, sane adults do to make a relationship work? HELL NO!!

 

You're delusional if you think you're doing everything right here. You should be suffering from guilt. I thought it was just once, but according to the above you run to another man everything he does something to upset, or you don't feel happy.

[Walk]

• it is issues such as that which drove me to cheat.
  
• I was so mad at him that I was excusing away and justifying all of my actions.
  
• when things have been going well, it is trustful. [only because he doesn't know your ****ing other men behind his back.]
  
• he drove me to be in the presence of other men for comfort whenever he gets me upset or neglects me or my needs.
  

 

Keep lying to yourself fun. It's everyone else's fault. You are the perfect innocent one. You're the victim. Everyone, and everything else made you do it. You did nothing wrong. Keep deluding yourself. Those rare moments of lucidity where you feel guilty for your actions.. just dive back into that fantasy world you've created.

 

Or.. Open your eyes and realize you have a problem, and go to counseling.

 

So whenever there is something we can't tell our partner about, or are struggling to figure out how to resolve, the best solution is to dissolve the relationship, to walk away and that will create a clean slate?

 

What I interpreted her words to mean, was that you shouldn't do things that you couldn't tell your partner about. Like screwing other men. Texting old flames while your bf is away. If you can't tell him about it when he gets home, then don't do it. Take two seconds prior to acting and think about someone other than yourself for a moment. And if for some reason you don't do this... then be an adult and take responsibility for your decisions. Because ultimately, those were your decisions. No one forced you to do anything. No gun was held to your head. No one tied you down. YOU choose your own path.

 

I don't think your bf is an innocent either. But he sure as hell isn't forcing you to do anything you don't want to. You choose to cheat, you choose to see other men behind his back. You're still denying your part in this.

 

Why won't you go see a counselor? If you were physically injured, wouldn't you seek medical attention? Why is that different from getting help from a counselor? Why won't you do the very basics to help yourself? You have insurance, right? It's completely confidential. No one even needs to know you went. By law they can't disclose that you've even gone there. Ever.

 

Why won't you go?

[Fun2BMe]

Here is an update. So last night I went to see him. Things were ok, I thought about our post here and that maybe I would tell him I needed some time away but wasn't sure how to go about saying it and all that. Then he drops a bombshell that tore me up.

 

He had been saying that on his next trip he was going to have me fly out to visit him for a few days. So that was something I was looking forward to, that he was going to include me on his trips instead of a block of being away and making me feel miserable. Then last night he says that he has had an all expense paid invitation to go to China to present an award or something at some ceremony in 2 weeks!! So he is going to fly to NY for 2 weeks, then China for a couple of weeks. He didn't even bring up anything about my visit, as if he hadn't even given it a second thought, whereas I was feeling better about him just looking forward to it. I pretended to be happy for him as I could see he was happy. I did say wasn't that short notice? I mean wouldn't they have notified him months if not a year in advance? All of a sudden that afternoon he got a call from China with that invitation? I want to find out if he had booked his NY flight roundtrip or else one way and had therefore known about this trip. I was so hurt inside I wanted to hide in a corner.

 

On our way out in the car he asked that we see each other Thursday night, then Fri night for me to stay over until Mon. and Sat night - the night he never sees me and which I had finally told him something about that last week, he asked to take me to an engagement party of a friend. At first I said no, then I said that my schedule was busy so that would be too much time to spend together. He is very busy too and said he is trying to fit time in for me before he goes away the following week. I finally said ok to at least Friday and said I needed to think about the other days. The rest of the night I was very quiet and he got very impatient with me. What was I supposed to say, that I'm pissed off he's going on this wonderful trip that he is happy about? There was a lot of tension. He asked for me to stay the night and I thought I didn't want to create more drama by turning him down, so I said ok but insisted to sleep in the guest bedroom. I needed time to myself to think. I felt like I wanted to break up with him that moment.

 

I am so torn.On the one hand I feel like I never want to see him again, on the other I can't wait to see him again. One minute I feel guilty for the things I've done, the next I blame it on him and tell myself if he didn't keep upsetting me I wouldn't do anything bad that at the end makes me feel awful about it so I get mad at him even more. When I was leaving this morning he said he hates it when I am so quiet and not sharing what is troubling me, that he knows me long enough to know when something is not ok. I said he's not a shrink so he doesn't deserve for me to dump all my baggage in my head on him. He got very frustrated, said he's so busy right now in his life and is making a big effort to include me in it, yet I am causing him more stress sometimes. This made me feel awful so things are kind of strained right now. I don't know what to do, other than to tell him I need some time to myself, which by the way I'm going to get once he goes away on his trip. I don't know if I should take his calls. But if he doesn't call all the time I already am fearing all the hurt and anger that lies ahead, what I might do and all that.

 

 

Why won't you go see a counselor? If you were physically injured, wouldn't you seek medical attention? Why is that different from getting help from a counselor? Why won't you do the very basics to help yourself? You have insurance, right? It's completely confidential. No one even needs to know you went. By law they can't disclose that you've even gone there. Ever.

 

Why won't you go?

 

Whenever I've gone in the past they've wanted me to take antidepressents. I have told my bf that I should get back on them, but he keeps telling me that he thinks I don't have to, that the side effects aren't worth it, that he knows my problems are only things that I have control over to let myself feel better. Then he keeps referring me to a couple of therapists he knows. I don't want to see anyone he knows because I'm scared if they share the information I tell them with him. I also feel like I have so many issues that I am a classic case of someone you hear who needs therapy for years so I feel like there's too much to work on and I need things fixed now.

 

I think the best thing will be to have time to myself once he's gone, but like I said at the same time it is going to be torture for him to be away for so long and the whole time my mind will be wondering, thinking of who he might be with, angry that he won't have me with him, that I will be alone and I am already getting mad thinking about it. I already reactivated a personals ad I had deactivated after we got back together. I am thinking I will meet someone who will want to travel with me, so I can tell him I'm going to Europe or such and such place, just like he does on a whim to me. I hate to travel alone which is why I will seek someone else to go with, but not sure if that part to tell him, even though it will be a platonic thing. I am so much hurting right now.

[burning 4 revenge]

You think you'll meet a guy in a personals add who will want to take you to Europe on a platonic visit? :lmao: :lmao:

[SmoochieFace]

You think you'll meet a guy in a personals add who will want to take you to Europe on a platonic visit? :lmao: :lmao:

 

LOL...

 

This is beginning to sound like a soap plot. Maybe she's trying to pitch?

[nicki]

Okay, you are unhappy with him again....and you are going to try to go off with ANOTHER guy AGAIN?

 

Fun, why are you doing this to yourself? You are repeating the same pattern over and over. Try doing something different this time. When he goes away, don't see, talk to or text another guy.

 

Personally, I agree with what every poster has said about you taking responsibility for your own actions. He has done a lot of crap that has made you feel badly.....and you should have walked away, not cheated, etc...

 

You have very fuzzy boundaries and an unhealthy belief that you must stay to "work on things." That's true if you have a good relationship with a few bumps in the road. Not true if the relationship sucks and the guy doesn't respect you.

 

People with abandonment issues act like this. They will stay with someone who is a bad match, but they will cheat on the side and lie to get what the really need.

 

When I was a kid, my brother would bother me with his plastic sword. Once, I got so fed up that I punched him.

 

I'll never forget what my mom said. She told me that no matter what someone else does, I am responsible for my part. In this case, I had other, less violent choices available to me. Like telling him I didn't like it, and then if he didn't stop, walking away....good advice for you, too.

[The slayer]

 

 

 

I am so torn.On the one hand I feel like I never want to see him again, on the other I can't wait to see him again. One minute I feel guilty for the things I've done, the next I blame it on him and tell myself if he didn't keep upsetting me I wouldn't do anything bad that at the end makes me feel awful about it so I get mad at him even more. When I was leaving this morning he said he hates it when I am so quiet and not sharing what is troubling me, that he knows me long enough to know when something is not ok. I said he's not a shrink so he doesn't deserve for me to dump all my baggage in my head on him. He got very frustrated, said he's so busy right now in his life and is making a big effort to include me in it, yet I am causing him more stress sometimes. This made me feel awful so things are kind of strained right now. I don't know what to do, other than to tell him I need some time to myself, which by the way I'm going to get once he goes away on his trip. I don't know if I should take his calls. But if he doesn't call all the time I already am fearing all the hurt and anger that lies ahead, what I might do and all that.

 

 

 

 

quote]

 

In my experience I've only ever felt like this when I know that what I should be doing is leaving, but I don't want to.

 

I call this refusing to listen to the warning bell.

 

I think deep down inside you know that this guy isn't really making you happy, isn't giving you what you need, or even what you want..... but you wish that he did.

 

I think you in love with the idea of your boyfriend rather than your boyfriend.

 

I think that rather than have to face up to this truth, you would rather avoid the issue,plan to go travelling etc....

 

Be true to yourself

[norajane]

Fun, time on your own to think isn't what you need.

 

What you need to do is TALK to him when things come up and TELL him how you're feeling. So, he's going to NY and China. You got upset and quiet and didn't say a word about why. Why couldn't you just say "I'm going to miss you being away for so long. I'd still like to come visit you while you're in NY - will that still work?" And if he said it wouldn't, then you could discuss it like grown-ups rather than you just pouting without telling him why. Or maybe he is still thinking you would come to NY to visit - you don't even know!!! - because you didn't say anything.

 

Therapy: therapists are legally bound to keep all patient information confidential. They would never, ever, ever share any information with your bf!!!

 

Yes, therapy will take a while for you to talk through your issues, understand them, face them, face up to your fears, and learn to deal with them better. No, it's not an instant fix. But if you don't start NOW, aren't you going to be in the exact same position next year, or with your next boyfriend? You'll always be unable to speak up for yourself, you'll always stew in your own misery, and you'll continue to do nothing about your problems.

[Art_Critic]

I am so torn.On the one hand I feel like I never want to see him again, on the other I can't wait to see him again. One minute I feel guilty for the things I've done, the next I blame it on him and tell myself if he didn't keep upsetting me I wouldn't do anything bad that at the end makes me feel awful about it so I get mad at him even more.

 

If he knew the truth about the things you have done with other guys then your decision would be made by him.

 

by not telling him how you feel and the things that are pulling you both apart you are doing damage to the relationship and most importantly you are hurting him..

 

Talk to him.... Talk to him.. Talk to him...

[Fun2BMe]

Fun, time on your own to think isn't what you need.

 

What you need to do is TALK to him when things come up and TELL him how you're feeling.

 

I'll try but I always think he should know these things that are troubling me without having to be told. I was thinking of going away while he is gone, but I am going to schedule it for the week following when he returns so he can see what it feels like to be left behind. He can torture himself wondering what I am up to. I'll go even if it is by myself. I am thinking along the lines of a tropical location such as Hawaii where it is all about having fun. Everything is slowly seeping in still. I still can't believe he's going away to China on such short notice. He had a voicemail from a girl on his answering machine when we got back to his house and he dialed it in to listen. I heard it was a girl's voice. Ordinarily he listens to all his messages out in the open in front of me.

 

After listening to it he was in this extra good mood so I am wondering if he is taking her with him? How can I talk to him without coming across as this jealous and insecure person? Am I supposed to ignore these things and deal with them? I am getting more and more upset by the minute today, especially that he has always been what I thought was honest. I mean is it possible to get invited to such a prestigious event such last minute, where he has to hurty to get his visa before leaving to NY? Why wouldn't he have just told me about it before? Was he not planning on going before, but now has maybe an Asian gf he wants to take to impress?

 

It was a few nights ago he was editing one of his films with an Asian co-star he used to date and he knew I was upset about it from a few years back so I thought maybe he was testing to see if I was over it, so I played it cool. Then a few days later he says he's going for that film cermony thing. Does he think I'm an idiot or am I reading into it? How am I supposed to handle this situation? Say nothing and let it continue to eat away inside? Say something and sound like some psycopath jealous gf who is questioning his truthfulness? I really need some help.

 

The only comfort I have that he is not cheating is that he is willing to see me every night I am available until he goes away. That leads me to believe he is either meeting with the girl at the destinations he is traveling to, or else seeing her in the day or on the nights I am unable to see him. None of this was in my mind until last night he mentioned this unexpected last minute trip and now I am going crazy with all sorts of thoughts.

[Fun2BMe]

If he knew the truth about the things you have done with other guys then your decision would be made by him.

 

by not telling him how you feel and the things that are pulling you both apart you are doing damage to the relationship and most importantly you are hurting him..

 

Talk to him.... Talk to him.. Talk to him...

 

I don't know how to talk to him. As of last night, the guilt I was beginning to experience about being with others has been overshadowed by his revelation that he will be traveling to other locations and I can therefore read into it that I will not be meeting up with him on his trip. I will be occupied wondering who he is with and what he is doing. How am I supposed to talk about this? My other issue has taken the backseat for now.

[norajane]

Does he think I'm an idiot or am I reading into it? How am I supposed to handle this situation? Say nothing and let it continue to eat away inside? Say something and sound like some psycopath jealous gf who is questioning his truthfulness? I really need some help.

 

You ARE reading EVERYTHING into everthing he does - you are not asking him ANYTHING, so you know aboslutley nothing about anything.

 

Your relationship is already in deep trouble because of all your unspoken questions and unanswered doubts. Do you really believe things would be worse if you just asked him what was on your mind at the time?

 

Maybe if you asked some questions, you wouldn't HAVE so many doubts and further questions. Maybe if you gave him an opportunity to address some of your doubts and fears, you'd be more certain of him and you would have fewer doubts in the first place. Maybe if you expressed your thoughts, they wouldn't eat away at you inside.

 

Phone message: Hey, that message must have been good news - you're in such an extra-good mood...what was that about?

 

China: Wow, what an incredible opportunity and experience! Will anyone you know be there to take pictures of you giving the award?

 

Asian ex-girlfriend: That must be hard for you to have to work so closely with an ex. How are things going between you?

 

And whatever he says, you have an opening to express your concerns.

[Fun2BMe]

Thanks norajane. Very helpful advice. I am going to write a list of questions and that might make it easier for me to ask them the next time I see him. At this point, what is there to lose except cause myself to get more upset by not saying anything.

 

The extent to which I am reading into things is that once he told me he was going on that trip last night, I became incensed. When we went to the movies, he told me to go ahead and get our seats while he got the popcorn. I thought he took too long and was imagining he was making a phone call. Why would he not want me with him, why would he take so long.

 

I was so upset I didn't eat any popcorn which made him frustrated. He said he wouldn't have gotten a large size had I told him I didn't want any, but at the time I did until he took so long. That's how the whole night was going and he was getting very fed up, but so was I.

 

When I was leaving this morning he said that when we got back together a few months ago he was impressed at how I was better able to communicate, but that last night it scared him because I was acting like before. This got me upset and I said I was the same person. Then he said he's afraid to tell me anything critical because I get upset. So basically I think I have to work on expressing my concerns instead of bottling them up expecting him to read my mind, which I keep thinking he should be able to do. He should be sensitive enough to know what upsets me. After all I am towards him.

[whichwayisup]

I will be occupied wondering who he is with and what he is doing. How am I supposed to talk about this

 

This sounds like projection guilt. You can't really trust him fully, because of your own actions...You don't trust yourself, so how can you trust him?

 

NOONE can read someone else's mind, so don't put that expectation on him. Just because you pay attention to what upsets him, he cannot know all that upsets you...I'm sure he knows some things, but not all...

 

He's scared to open up to you because you're not acting stable! He doesn't want that hanging over him, or him having to worry about you harming yourself.

 

Honestly, Fun - I think if you told him the truth he wouldn't be surprised.

[Walk]

So basically I think I have to work on expressing my concerns instead of bottling them up expecting him to read my mind, which I keep thinking he should be able to do. He should be sensitive enough to know what upsets me. After all I am towards him.

 

You know he can't read your mind and you can't read his. Hell girl, your mind is off and running, placing him with 3 different gfs. You know better than to think he should be able to read your mind. Don't let yourself even think he should be able to for a minute.

 

I worked for a department in a major university for 3 years, and yes, last minute requests for quest speakers do occur. Usually because the first choice cancelled last minute, so they then ask the second choice, and on down the line, til someone agree's to do it. But the person usually has to scramble to get everything together in time. So chances are, you're guy was not first choice, and first choice ended up bailing late in the game.

 

Why you would automatically assume it was a intricate scheme to conceal affairs... I'm baffled.

 

Talk to him. Words come out of your mouth when you talk. Not just send vibes, or try to project mental thoughts. Actually words must come out in order to communicate effectively with someone else. That's why language was invented... because we never could get that mental thought transfer stuff to work.

[Fun2BMe]

This sounds like projection guilt. You can't really trust him fully, because of your own actions...You don't trust yourself, so how can you trust him?

That's interesting.

 

NOONE can read someone else's mind, so don't put that expectation on him. Just because you pay attention to what upsets him, he cannot know all that upsets you...I'm sure he knows some things, but not all...

That's interesting too.

 

He's scared to open up to you because you're not acting stable! He doesn't want that hanging over him, or him having to worry about you harming yourself.

Very interesting. I wonder if that's why he is not sharing as much lately. Maybe he senses I am getting worried and insecure? I have been playing it cool but a couple of weeks ago when I didn't return his calll within a day whereas ordinarly I do so right away, he came by unannounced to see if I was ok which is something he never does.

 

Honestly, Fun - I think if you told him the truth he wouldn't be surprised.

What makes you think that? A strange thing is that last week after getting intimate, he asked if I had a yeast infection because he felt a burning sensation inside of me. He quickly followed it up by saying that I am the only person he is having sex with, to which I thought to myself "ok, why is he volunteering that info and what does that have to do with this and where is he going with this." I told him I wasn't experiencing any symptoms which I wasn't, but that in the past I have had it. He quickly said it was probably nothing and only him, that he might go to his doctor to make sure he is ok. I keep wondering if that was a sign that he would want me to telll him if I wasn't being faithful, without him accusing me of anything. Or he wanted to find a way to tell him he is being exclusive as we haven't blatantly had that conversation, only assumed it. But what makes you say he wouldn't be surprised? BTW if any men are reading this I am curious to know if you feel a burning sensation if you are inside a woman who has a yeast infection or ever for that matter. I've never heard of this before.

[lovelorcet]

"BTW if any men are reading this I am curious to know if you feel a burning sensation if you are inside a woman who has a yeast infection or ever for that matter. I've never heard of this before."

 

 

It could be he just does not trust you at all, and rightfully so, and thinks you may have given him an STD. Could also explain why he would rather have a bj then take the risk of coming inside you.

[JamesM]

Fun, it is good to hear an update about your life. There are many things I could ask and comment about, but many have already done so.

 

The one thing that stuck out to me is also something that I (and probably many other people) are guilty of...lack of communication or should I say fear of the results of communication.

 

What was I supposed to say, that I'm pissed off he's going on this wonderful trip that he is happy about?

 

Yes.

 

And when he received the message on his machine, ask who it was. And when he isn't "fulfilling my needs," tell him. Nobody that I know of has been trained in mindreading.

 

And it seems that this relationship is all about how he fulfills your needs. Assuming you aren't mentioning it, do you feel you are meeting his needs?

 

As for going to counseling, I am not sure what side effects he is concerned about from antidepressants, but I am guessing it is low libido. There are some that do not supposedly lower your libido. But even still, why would he want you NOT to feel better? Antidepressants do help. And a counselor will be helpful in your relationship.

 

It sounds like you bottle all of your fears and insecurities inside. You could tell him each time when you are unsure of something or may simply have heard something wrong...instead of letting it build and then breaking it off every few months or running to the arms of another man.

 

And since you cheat, you assume he is. That call may have been a business colleague who is going along or it could be the escort he arranged to travel with him. Unfortunately, you don't know, so since you assume the worst...because you probably feel that you deserve the worst...you build up more resentment to him.

 

Should you be honest? Yes. Should you tell him everyhing? Yes. Should you ask him every time you have a question? Yes. That is what being in a relationship is all about.