HOW DO I TELL MY BEST FRIEND

[ED]

My best friend is engaged to her abusive boyfriend. She turns to me when that have problems. I have been though 2

 

suicide attempts with her. I was able to get her to rehab

 

for drinking. He keeps bringing her down. She is also

 

Bipolar and has some problems of her own. But my problem

 

is that we are real close. She tells me we are more then just friends, I feel it too. Some times she tells me maybe

 

someday we will be together. Other times she tells me how

 

much she loves me and even starts kissing me. Sometimes

 

she moves out and moves in with me. Sometimes when he is

 

away she has me over and spend tha night. We have not had

 

sex. We do hold hands and kiss and hug. It is begining to

 

hurt me I never wanted to fall in love with her. But I did

 

How can stop the hurt. It would hurt me to loose this friendship and it will hurt me to stay just friends. Its

 

much more then sex.. I love her children and they wwant me

 

to marry thier mom. I wish I knew someway to tell her How

 

much it is hurting me, without hurting her or our friendship. I am so mixed up.......

[Cici]

This woman is very conflicted. It is impossible to have both things in her life...the abusive fiance and the supportive best friend/occassional lover.

 

Women in abusive relationships often feel trapped. They are encouraged by the abuser to feel negative feelings about themselves, often they have low selt esteem. Unfortunately, the only way an abusee can break free from an abuser is from her own conscious, personal decision.

 

You should not continue to be someone's doormat. She needs to find her own personal strength. You need to be straight-forward with her. Explain to her that although you enjoy her company, her behavior towards you is confusing: are you a lover, someone she's being unfaithful in her relatinoship with? are you simply a good friend? She is crossing boundaries that shouldn't be crossed unless you are in an intimate relationship with her. It is completely inappropriate for a best friend to "spend the night," (even if you don't have sex), "kiss" and "hold hands"!

 

You are in an emotionally unstable place right now. Consider your own mental health and your own needs. She needs to make a choice. Good luck.

My best friend is engaged to her abusive boyfriend. She turns to me when that have problems. I have been though 2 suicide attempts with her. I was able to get her to rehab for drinking. He keeps bringing her down. She is also Bipolar and has some problems of her own. But my problem is that we are real close. She tells me we are more then just friends, I feel it too. Some times she tells me maybe someday we will be together. Other times she tells me how much she loves me and even starts kissing me. Sometimes she moves out and moves in with me. Sometimes when he is away she has me over and spend tha night. We have not had sex. We do hold hands and kiss and hug. It is begining to hurt me I never wanted to fall in love with her. But I did How can stop the hurt. It would hurt me to loose this friendship and it will hurt me to stay just friends. Its much more then sex.. I love her children and they wwant me to marry thier mom. I wish I knew someway to tell her How much it is hurting me, without hurting her or our friendship. I am so mixed up.......