i'm so messed up in the head

[theadventure50120]

I been posting none stop , but my head is getting more messed up everyday.

 

First off i was with my gf for 5month , she was happy then started yelling at me near the end and realized she just isnt ready to be in another relationship. Now i hear she is happy because she can do what she wants when she likes without anyones permission.

 

We argued the first week when i wanted her back , so i deleted her from everything. I went into NC for 6days until i heard from her. About wanting her things back , she found out i had been talking and meeting up with another girl at this time , i said i been busy , you can have your things back yeah , she said "yeah busy with another girl , glad i was so important to you , you replaced me quick"

 

Later i get told she was kissing another guy on saturday night off my sister , she was asking all sorts of questions about me she said , like "how is he , why did he delete me , it wasn't his fault we broke up etc"

 

Let me tell you she did this before she knew about the girl so that's no excuse , then after she did find out she said she met an old mate and realizes it's not a bf she wants it's a close friend , after that she said she slept with him that night.

 

So why accuse me of something (which i didn't do) and she is off having fun with other people? It was an old school friend she said who slept over , one thing she had to sneak me into her house when we were together because her dad didn't like guys sleeping , so i imagine an old friend is going to walk into her room =/

 

Why would anyone do this? To get over there ex's quicker? She was drunk as hell i heard , which again is no excuse.

 

Do girls like you sit waiting for them? Because my sister said i was great and she didn't respond , for someone who doesn't care she asked alot of questions about me , my sister even said my ex tried to get that guy with my sister but my sister refused so my ex went with him....

 

I'm just so messed up it's not even funny anymore.

 

One day i hate her , the next i want her back. I don't want someone back who is like this but i can't stop thinking about her , even after 2weeks of the break up. I got strange phone calls off someone on the house phone for 4days running where they didn't say anything , one day when it didn't happen she was out drinking , funny....and then one night someone signed into my msn twice when only she knew my password.

 

What is she trying to do to me? She thinks it's best we cut all ties now as it will mess things up....what will it mess up? For someone who knows ALOT about her and her past why would she shut her out my life?

 

Would it mess her up knowing i'm with other people , or mess me up knowing she is with other people , but after we broke up i said sleeping around isn't the way , she said she wouldn't do it , she destroyed my trust , OR she is lying to act like she has because of what i'm doing.

 

I have no idea what is going on , i'm just rambling on about things now...

 

She still hasn't been for her things yet , but for someone who hasn't once tret her bad she doesn't want any contact with me...she said she would delete me from msn , which she never....

 

I know alot of things about her past which i won't say on here , i have no idea what is lies or not at the minute.

 

But when i met her she liked to be cuddled and cared for , always wanted to see me , then something happened , she either doesn't like being attached to someone , and likes to have fun...i don't know why people can't have fun i na relationship to be honest , but i know when your not you don't have to tell anyone where you are , and do anything you want with people.

 

Help me please , i have no idea what to think , should i attempt to be her friend? Or just enjoy my life? Or is she right it would only mess us up? I am planning on joining the navy to get away in a couple of weeks also.

 

Again sorry i posted this before but this is the whole picture i see and need help, thanks.

[theadventure50120]

You might ask why i'm so bothered , well after so much advice i have received from people it has messed me up.

 

I did love her and care , i wanted to help her which i know i can't do and only she can. She has no respect for herself if she starts doing that and yet again why would it bother me? I have no idea. It just does.

 

Another thing why it kills me so much is i lost my virginity to this girl , i trusted her , i went so long to not lose it to any old girl. Might sound stupid but that's what it was , i felt so comfortable with her , now she is off with other people.

 

The night before she finished me we slept together and she said she loved me (after some drinks) but still she did it. That morning i said oh i wanted to spend the whole day with you , and she said you spend everyday with me , i said yeah true ok, and she left in a mood. Texted me later saying it wasn't my fault it's her ,she goes into moods as i know.

 

That night i get a text saying "can i see you for a bit" and i knew from them words something was going to happen. Took her a while to say it and started crying before it and said she couldn't please don't hate me. She didn't want to hurt me any longer , and she wasn't ready for another relationship.

 

So yeah i didn't do anything wrong , i tret her good , we had our arguments , i know it's her that's the problem but why i'm i like this.

 

Btw i don't know if she knows she slept with that guy , she posted it on a forum we both go to , a topic called "3 things" she posted it in there , yeah who would post in there , but i'm guessing she knew i would see it , i don't know, and it was after she knew i was talking to another girl , so i don't know if it's all mind games. But for someone who doesn't care what i do , she checks up on me.... =/

[everlong]

When a relationship ends there are many ways both men and women can handle the breakup. It would be great if everyone was in agreement about the benefits of the breakup and went on their merry way much better for the experience.

 

The sad truth is that, while one person usually feels good about the breakup and is glad they had the courage to move on with their life, the other person is usually devastated by the event.

Just as there are many ways to initiate a breakup, there are many ways to handle a breakup once it has happened. One of the worst ways men (and sometimes women) handle a breakup is to start revenge dating.

 

In talking about revenge dating from the male point of view, I am not saying that there are not women who engage in revenge dating. The reason that this is presented from the male direction is that men versus women tend to have a much greater ability to engage in one-dimensional relationships.

 

Women, even though they have been hurt in a relationship, will interact with men, but be very distant and emotionally unavailable. Women tend to be more honest about the depth of their broken heart, while men tend to play tough and act as though no woman could get the best of them.

Because of this difference, healthy women know that they cannot become involved in a meaningless relationship as a way of getting back at the man who dumped them.

 

For men, the base issue of revenge dating is to find a woman, and for the most part any woman, who will be much more interested in them than they are in the woman. She needs to be someone who wants to be in a good relationship and is willing to put the work in to have one.

 

It is not beneficial to the man to find someone who is still interested in an old boyfriend or an ex husband. A woman on the rebound will not be as good a revenge date as someone who does not have an old relationship that will may in the way.

 

The main behavior of a man who is focused on revenge dating is to become involved physically with a woman, while knowing the least about her as a person. He does not want her likes or dislikes getting in the way of using her.

 

The less he knows about her, the more of an object she is to him, and the more revenge he can squeeze out of the moment. If his former girlfriend (or wife) talked about women with short dresses and bleached hair, then a man will get more revenge energy from going out with a woman like that than with any other women. Sometimes it does not matter what the woman looks like, acts like, or talks like, as long as she is available to be used.

 

It is important to mention that men get extra revenge bonus points for dating a specific woman that his old flame knows and has expressed a particular dislike for.

 

While a man is deep in the middle of revenge dating, part of the ritual is to become involved physically with as many women as possible. To make the revenge date complete, many men do not take the time or even care about protecting themselves or the women they are with against sexually transmitted diseases.

 

It is only after the man has gotten his revenge dating out of his system that he becomes painfully aware of the possible consequences of his actions. There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of men today who have a dark fear come over them every time they come down with a cold. Do these men who fear the consequences of their actions seek medical help to clear up their concerns? Usually not! They just sit back and hold their collective breaths hoping that they have not contracted a deadly disease.

 

Equally as devastating are the broken hearts and dreams of the women who were used in the name of revenge. Men seldom take the time to examine the fall-out from their revenge dating. They say to themselves that the relationships were made up of two adults who had the choice to be in the relationship or not.

 

Self-esteem and self-worth sometimes are damaged for years, but a man cannot be bothered by these issues when he is getting back at a woman. The fact that it will be harder for these women to trust another man or even trust their own judgment is something men would rather not think about.

 

If you happen to be a man who is presently in a revenge mode, or a man who might have a history of revenge dating, here are some pointers on how to be a better date, a better man, and a better person.

• Whenever you have been hurt or dumped in a relationship, take time to sit down with a group of men who genuinely care about you and talk about how you feel about the breakup. Women do this much better than men, but that is no reason a man cannot benefit from their successful way of handling disappointment.
  
• It is important for a man to take time to be alone after having been in a relationship. Once a man has given himself some time to get focused, he will be able to make better judgments about himself and the women he is interested in.
  
• When a man is ready to get back into dating, he should first start by going out with a group of people, instead of just one person. It is harder to fall into revenge dating with a group of people, instead of one person.
  
• When a man takes the time to get to know a woman intellectually and emotionally, instead of just physically, he is much less likely to use or abuse her.

[theadventure50120]

For one i am not using anyone , i am simply talking to another girl and she took a mood and thinking she wasn't important , while she was out having fun. It may be the way to get over me but whatever.

 

Secondly , she has been in an abusive relationship which lasted 4 and a half years , it ended a year ago and she claims it wasn't enough (took her 5month to realize that) why would anyone finish a guy who gives her the time of the day and cared for her , to go out and have fun with anybody is beyond me. She would always cry about things that happened in the past and claiming she is messed up in the head.

 

I don't want to ask her back no more because i was playing into her hands last time , now she seen i was moving on she was straight in there and now saying we should not talk no more. Doesn't make sense.

 

I do want to help her , and make her respect herself more instead of throwing herself at anyone but i don't think she will listen because she is set on what she wants i feel now.

 

You seemed to miss out most of my situation though , you told me about revenge dating which "i am" not doing , she might be though.

 

and on the other hand , i could have been used to make herself feel better? But i would rather not think that , she wanted to be cared for and cuddled alot , and that just gone for some reason.

 

Another thing just before we finished we looked after her grans house , she doesn't like staying in that house alone so i stayed with her , she said she liked spending time with me , few days later she finished me , that's why i'm so confused , none of it makes sense.

 

We spoke to one of her friends who was in a care home she works for and he was in a relationship where he didn't want to be in , and she says thats what got her thinking also. As he told us how he felt and we helped him , the night he said he felt bad and that he finished it , she did the next day , probably thinking if he can do it so can i.

 

He still talks to me , but i just want to punch him because if that didn't happen to him she would not have been thinking things like that is what i feel.

[Confuggled_one]

wow...........................

 

dude i was readin your thread earlier. i hope you feel better.... wtf is wrong with our exes dude... totally weird. im sorry that happened.

[theadventure50120]

wow...........................

 

dude i was readin your thread earlier. i hope you feel better.... wtf is wrong with our exes dude... totally weird. im sorry that happened.

 

lol , well will even being a friend make anything better in my situation?

 

Everytime i make a new pic on my profile she has a new one , hers are more revealing then mine , like she is trying to piss me off...

[Confuggled_one]

being friends wont help... if you wanna be friends i suggest some time apart for both of you to heal.. i think she is just tryin to keep you around.. that's it

[theadventure50120]

Nah i know friends isn't the way.

 

One thing i just found out , a blog of hers saying how she has no-one to listen to her problems and she is so angry....well that's her fault.

 

I also thought she had a good talk with a friend the night before? Either this girl is completey lying to make me think she is having a good time or she is completey insane in the head.