Wait or Leave?

[Time & Space]

I have been in love with a woman for 4 years. I want to marry her and have a family. When we first met, she didn't want to get married and have a family until she is ready (no time frame then). OK with me.

 

A few months ago she hinted she is ready for a family. I was changing job and was pre-occupied. Didn't pay much attention (a big mistake). Last week she told me she has some interest in another man (don't know who he is), and wants to learn more about him.

 

She said she loved me until one year ago, and now has strong feeling for me only (didn't tell me this). She wants to make sure I am the right person for her by learning more about the new man. She explained that because I didn't respond to her family interest a few months back, she assumed that I don't want a family now. I told her I definitely do, and was shocked by her wanting to see this new man after 4 good years together (so I thought).

 

In short, she wants time and space to make up her mind about this new man or me. In the meantime casual relationship with me only. She does not know how much time, nor how much space.

 

Should I wait or leave (done & over with & gone)?

[arthropod98]

i think it's time to let her go.

 

you just can't even consider the possibility of waiting -- you have no idea what the results will be, and it's NOT FAIR to you!

 

if she began making assumptions about what you wanted or what your intentions are, and she didn't even ASK you, she may have been looking for an excuse to get out.

 

if, at some point in the future, she wants to get back with you, then that's your call. but, you simply CAN'T just wait around for her -- go out, meet some new people, enjoy yourself, and leave this in the past.

I have been in love with a woman for 4 years. I want to marry her and have a family. When we first met, she didn't want to get married and have a family until she is ready (no time frame then). OK with me. A few months ago she hinted she is ready for a family. I was changing job and was pre-occupied. Didn't pay much attention (a big mistake). Last week she told me she has some interest in another man (don't know who he is), and wants to learn more about him. She said she loved me until one year ago, and now has strong feeling for me only (didn't tell me this). She wants to make sure I am the right person for her by learning more about the new man. She explained that because I didn't respond to her family interest a few months back, she assumed that I don't want a family now. I told her I definitely do, and was shocked by her wanting to see this new man after 4 good years together (so I thought). In short, she wants time and space to make up her mind about this new man or me. In the meantime casual relationship with me only. She does not know how much time, nor how much space. Should I wait or leave (done & over with & gone)?

[roger]

I have read your post and one thing really sticks out to me.. you said "She wants to make sure I am the right person for her by learning more about the new man".

 

I would have thought that since she was in love with you she wouldn't need to know any other man on an intimate level.

 

Yeah, I smell a rat. Cut your contact and heal from the relationship. There's much better out there!

[Jenny]

Only you can decide how much you want to wait for her. It sounds like u r both young. If this is true then she may really need to date someone else to find out how much she loves you. It is better now than after you are married. Be supportive, romantic and SHOW her you love her. By not being responsive to her in the first place started where you are now. Things that you love are worth fighting 4. If however, you don't feel that strongly then move on and find someone you love. Only you know what your relationship means ot you & if worth saving.

I have been in love with a woman for 4 years. I want to marry her and have a family. When we first met, she didn't want to get married and have a family until she is ready (no time frame then). OK with me. A few months ago she hinted she is ready for a family. I was changing job and was pre-occupied. Didn't pay much attention (a big mistake). Last week she told me she has some interest in another man (don't know who he is), and wants to learn more about him. She said she loved me until one year ago, and now has strong feeling for me only (didn't tell me this). She wants to make sure I am the right person for her by learning more about the new man. She explained that because I didn't respond to her family interest a few months back, she assumed that I don't want a family now. I told her I definitely do, and was shocked by her wanting to see this new man after 4 good years together (so I thought). In short, she wants time and space to make up her mind about this new man or me. In the meantime casual relationship with me only. She does not know how much time, nor how much space. Should I wait or leave (done & over with & gone)?

[velvet]

I fought about two years for the person I feel in love with.

 

I figured out along the way, that its not worth waiting unless the other person is on the same level with you.

 

When you want a person bad enough you can wait it out like I did but end up with more anxiety, heartache, confussion.

 

Save your energy by letting her go, if she loves you, she will come back.

 

Only you can decide how much you want to wait for her. It sounds like u r both young. If this is true then she may really need to date someone else to find out how much she loves you. It is better now than after you are married. Be supportive, romantic and SHOW her you love her. By not being responsive to her in the first place started where you are now. Things that you love are worth fighting 4. If however, you don't feel that strongly then move on and find someone you love. Only you know what your relationship means ot you & if worth saving.

[Laurynn]

I say the whole thing is a crock. If she cared about you the way she SHOULD (after 4 yrs of being together), then she wouldn't feel the need to see if the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence." That's a total cop-out. And how hurtful to you. Who's to say that if you DID give her time to get to know this other guy that she'd even come back to you? Do you want to sit around, put your life on hold and wait for her? And what if she realizes he's not for her and comes back to you, will you trust that she won't do this AGAIN? What about if you married down the road? Would marriage be enough to keep her "with you"?

 

It seems from her perspective, there was some poor communication regarding you wanting a family. Or at least this is the EXCUSE she gives you for wanting to check out this other guy. Do you see how pathetic that is? She sounds very fickle. She's been with you for 4 yrs..... after that long, your communication should be better than it is......and if she feared you didn't want a family, she should have just come right out and ASKED YOU, instead of 'assuming', then using that as an excuse to play the field.

 

Personally, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but usually when people (who're in a relationship) say they need some "space" but can't tell you how long they'll need, they're taking the cowardly way out and ending things.

 

Give her her space. Have no further contact with her. Spend some time thinking if you really want to be with someone who's so damn anxious to check out other men. She doesn't sound like the kind of person who'd be in a relationship "for the long haul", if it doesn't take much for her to want to get to know someone else. It's a good thing you HAVEN'T started a family with her, if she's like this.

 

As hard as it's going to be, I say let her go and break off all contact. She can't have the luxury of still having you in her life while she's ALSO out playing the field/getting to know someone else.

 

L

I have been in love with a woman for 4 years. I want to marry her and have a family. When we first met, she didn't want to get married and have a family until she is ready (no time frame then). OK with me. A few months ago she hinted she is ready for a family. I was changing job and was pre-occupied. Didn't pay much attention (a big mistake). Last week she told me she has some interest in another man (don't know who he is), and wants to learn more about him. She said she loved me until one year ago, and now has strong feeling for me only (didn't tell me this). She wants to make sure I am the right person for her by learning more about the new man. She explained that because I didn't respond to her family interest a few months back, she assumed that I don't want a family now. I told her I definitely do, and was shocked by her wanting to see this new man after 4 good years together (so I thought). In short, she wants time and space to make up her mind about this new man or me. In the meantime casual relationship with me only. She does not know how much time, nor how much space. Should I wait or leave (done & over with & gone)?

[Time & Space]

Thanks everyone! I leave!

 

To end our relationship on a good note over dinner (talked about good times we had), I told her after dinner of the no-contact-clean-break. She broke down like I did and went home crying.

 

Within an hour, I called her and agreed to occasional phone calls. She said she stared at her phone wanting to call me, but I sounded so determined so she didn't. Now I think she doubts that I want to leave, and she's right.

 

During the day, I kept myself busy and my mind off her. Now in the evening, I feel I must call her. I know it's counter productive, but it's so hard not to call.

 

Also, deep down inside I don't want to leave. I want to wait, which I know is no good for me.

 

Help! Any more encouragement to do the right thing?

 

Time & Space

I have been in love with a woman for 4 years. I want to marry her and have a family. When we first met, she didn't want to get married and have a family until she is ready (no time frame then). OK with me. A few months ago she hinted she is ready for a family. I was changing job and was pre-occupied. Didn't pay much attention (a big mistake). Last week she told me she has some interest in another man (don't know who he is), and wants to learn more about him. She said she loved me until one year ago, and now has strong feeling for me only (didn't tell me this). She wants to make sure I am the right person for her by learning more about the new man. She explained that because I didn't respond to her family interest a few months back, she assumed that I don't want a family now. I told her I definitely do, and was shocked by her wanting to see this new man after 4 good years together (so I thought). In short, she wants time and space to make up her mind about this new man or me. In the meantime casual relationship with me only. She does not know how much time, nor how much space. Should I wait or leave (done & over with & gone)?